


Silvered Gold of Dying Days

by 64907



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Daddy Kink, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Masturbation, Pec Fucking, Semi-Public Sex, Sugar Daddy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-10-26 22:50:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 89,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10796373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/64907/pseuds/64907
Summary: He was recommended to Jun, and Jun knows that it also meant that Aiba recommended Jun to him.These kinds of things go both ways.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [inaudible_d](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inaudible_d/gifts).



> When I was reposting Hard Candy here, typing the letter D in the tags box to find the Dom/sub tag yielded daddy-related tags (namely daddy kink and sugar daddy) and I said to myself, “one day, bitch, we might.” Today is that one day. This is a sugar daddy Sho AU inspired by the I'll be there PV. This story is finished but considering the tentative word count that I have, I decided to post this in chunks. Tags will be updated along with the story, but that rating isn't going anywhere.
> 
> To Di, belated H!B!D! :)
> 
> My thanks to Angel who is the best person for looking over and not judging me so hard LMAO.
> 
> ETA (07/15/2018): This fic is currently being translated to Korean, and you can find the link [here](https://the-deep-end.postype.com/post/2153886). My many thanks to spicajun25!

I.

 

The office summon should have tipped him off, but the past week seemed intent on sucking the life out of Jun, and it just didn’t click until he’s there on the top floor of the company building and hearing it himself.  
  
“I’m sorry, what?” he says, blinking in confusion. “I mean, I beg your pardon, sir?” he amends belatedly.  
  
Higashiyama-san is uncharacteristically patient, merely shuffling papers on his desk. “Congratulations, Matsumoto-kun. You’re getting promoted. You’re now this company’s new technical affairs department chief.”  
  
Jun’s thankful he outgrew the habit of having his jaw drop open whenever he’s surprised. But still. He’d known he could be a potential candidate, but there are people who are years older than him and he believed they’d be the ones who’d get Takayasu-san’s former position.  
  
Takayasu-san, Jun’s former boss, had a job offering in Prague and decided to move there with his family. His resignation had been the talk in Jun’s department for the past two weeks since Jun’s colleagues wanted to give their two cents on who’d be likely to replace him.  
  
Jun offered his thoughts too, naming his senpais, some of them his former mentors.  
  
He hadn’t thought it would be him.  
  
“I—” he tries, then he clears his throat, recovering. “I’m honored, Higashiyama-san.” His mouth seems to have a mind of its own. “Takayasu-san left some really big shoes to fill, but I’ll do my best.”  
  
Higashiyama stands and claps him on the back. “You were Takayasu’s recommendation, Matsumoto-kun. I’m sure he knew what he was doing when he put your name on the top of the list.”  
  
Jun wasn’t accustomed to having people put a lot of faith in his skills. He was a team leader before he’d been summoned here, managing seven other people and coordinating their output before they turnover their task to the department head.  
  
And now he’s going to spearhead an entire department as soon as he steps out of this office.  
  
It’s a bit too much to process at present.  
  
Still he holds his composure. “I’m very honored to have been given this opportunity.” He bows. “We’d do our best,” he says, speaking for everyone in his department. It’s his department now.  
  
Higashiyama nods. “One more thing. HR would like to see you, so drop them a visit before you head back.”  
  
Jun bows once more, this time in both reverence and farewell. “Understood. Have a good day, sir.”  
  
\--  
  
If the executive department had good news for Jun, the HR department didn’t.  
  
“What is this?” Jun demands at the folder he’s clutching. He already had a look at it, and he didn’t like what he saw.  
  
The HR secretary scratches her cheek. “Takayasu-san had been putting that off for weeks since he had to leave. We can’t wait any longer. I’m sorry, Matsumoto-san. I know you’ve just been promoted, but technically, that also becomes your job now.”  
  
“I know these people,” Jun says, pointing to the closed folder for emphasis. “I’m responsible for them now, and you’re saying I have to look over their profiles to see who doesn’t make the cut?”  
  
Jun’s barely keeping it together. He knows the economy isn’t faring as it used to thanks to the Westerners recent political decisions, but until now, it hadn’t been his concern. He was aware of the chopping block being a threat that silently loomed over their heads, but he didn’t imagine it’d be him who’d direct it where to go.  
  
“Put it this way, Matsumoto-san. You can pick someone who can survive without this company,” the secretary tells him. “Someone who’s well-off enough that you know it wouldn’t cripple him or her. And update us on your decision.”  
  
“You’re giving me until the end of the week,” Jun says, moving to leave.  
  
She frowns at him. “They said to only give you until Wednesday.”  
  
“Friday,” Jun says with conviction. “If you want me to fire someone from my department, at least let me do it on my own terms.”  
  
A moment of terse silence passes, and she finally relents with a stiff nod. “HR will see you on Friday, then. Good day.”  
  
Jun doesn’t say it back, but he inclines his head out of formality.  
  
\--  
  
Upon Jun’s return to the seventeenth floor of the building, cheers and whistles have erupted. Some of his colleagues are clapping their hands, others are inclining their heads in acknowledgement when Jun meets their line of sight.  
  
“Congratulations on the promotion,” Nino says, wrapping an arm around his shoulders despite Jun being of a bulkier build than him. “Now, can I get rid of your Michael Jackson stuff in our shared cubicle? You’re moving to the chief’s office!”  
  
“That eager to get rid of me?” Jun asks, giving Nino a look. He likes Nino; Nino is the only person in his department that can play an online game during a meeting and still be able to offer his input. No one can multitask like him.  
  
“Nonsense, you’re my boss now,” Nino says with a wink. “Speech?”  
  
Nino says that last bit with a loud voice, and soon, there’s a chorus of “Speech! Speech!” around Jun. Jun only shakes his head good-naturedly, then lifts his hands to make a fist in an attempt to silence everyone.  
  
“Takayasu-san left some big shoes to fill—he was exacting but fair, and he knew what he wanted from every team in this department. My former team will now be headed by Ninomiya-san, and in ten minutes, I’m expecting all team leaders in my office for an emergency meeting.” Jun exchanges a look with Nino who just shakes his head while smiling. “That would be all in terms of work-related stuff,” Jun says, breaking formality, “and thank you. I’ll do my best.” He bows.  
  
Everyone laughs and another round of applause rings around him.  
  
Jun manages to excuse himself after accepting a few claps on the back and some handshakes, and when he enters the office that Takayasu-san once occupied, it only sinks in then.  
  
He’s now in charge. To his knowledge, he has more than thirty people in his department, not including the interns. He’s responsible for them now, and the reality of that only makes him unable to look at the folder he’s been clutching since he left HR.  
  
He can’t fire anyone. He doesn’t have it in him. He can reprimand people when necessary, but firing them is another matter. He knows most of the people in his department; he has collaborated with almost everyone more than once in his stay in the company. Jun won’t lie, he has a few names in mind the moment he knew what he had to do.  
  
But to have a one-on-one talk with that person and tell them the truth while he just got promoted—that doesn’t feel right.  
  
And yet, he knows it has to be done.  
  
He looks at the barren walls and imagines a few framed certificates hanging (he does have some), using it to distract himself.  
  
Until he’s interrupted by a knock on the door.  
  
“Jun-kun?” Nino asks, and Jun grants him entry. “Should I call you sir or Matsumoto-san?”  
  
Jun snorts. Nino has been sharing his cubicle for five years; he can drop the formality in front of the guy. “The usual’s fine; I’d feel weird if you suddenly changed it. But not in front of everyone and not when the executive staff is here.”  
  
“Of course not,” Nino says, a hand over his heart. “I’m just here to ask if you’re getting a secretary. Every single woman in the department’s been asking me since they saw I had the cubicle to myself. Simple joys, really, and apparently something I can’t bask in for too long.” Nino gives him a questioning look. “So, are you?”  
  
“No,” Jun says flatly. Takayasu-san had a secretary, but she got transferred to the information desk to fill up the spot left by one resignation. Jun isn’t sure how he’ll manage without one, but better not to appear that he’s playing favorites. He knows he’s been the talk of the department for a while—at his age and with still no known girlfriend—and the recent promotion is certainly going to make some of the women watch him closely.  
  
He had to tread carefully. “Not yet, I think.” Jun runs a hand through his hair. “I haven’t decided yet. I’ve only been chief for forty-five minutes.”  
  
Nino laughs. With him, Jun doesn’t have to hide that he’s stressed or feeling overwhelmed. Nino has seen through all of it. “True. Well, nobody wanted to come waltzing in here to ask you, so I took the liberty of doing so.”  
  
“You mean you just couldn’t deal with them repeatedly telling you to ask me about a secretary,” Jun corrects. He knows how some of the ladies in his department are.  
  
“I think they’ve read too many novels,” Nino says, not bothering to hide his shudder. “No offense to the wonders of modern literature, but seriously.”  
  
Jun manages a chuckle, somehow grateful that Nino came in here to distract him. “I need a box,” he says, changing the topic.  
  
Nino straightens at that. “Finally. A cubicle to myself, thank the heavens.” He gives Jun his trademark salute. “I’ll have your box ready. Or as many boxes as you need.”  
  
“Did you not-so-secretly hate me in the last five years?” Jun asks before Nino is able to open the door.  
  
“Oh no, that’s not it, Jun-kun,” Nino says, and he’s obviously smiling with that tone, “I’m just sick of seeing Michael Jackson and The Beatles when I look to my left. Now I can fill your area with my stuff.”  
  
“Until I find someone to chuck in your cubicle with you!” Jun says, just as Nino shuts the door.  
  
Alone, Jun finally sits on the swivel chair behind the polished desk. There’s a leftover calendar to his right, and he flips it to the correct month.  
  
In four days, he’s certain Nino’s cubicle isn’t the only one that’ll be devoid of one person.  
  
\--  
  
On Friday, Jun settles with Nakayama-san, a father of two but someone who already has both children as members of the work force. The man is nearing retirement, having married early, and while it breaks Jun to fire someone twice his age, he wills himself to maintain composure throughout the whole thing.  
  
Nakayama-san merely looks at him, and once Jun manages to relay that HR has finalized the selection, he bows in front of the man, his forehead nearly touching the table. They’re the only ones in the conference room, and Jun is thankful for the privacy because he can break character and express how he truly feels.  
  
“I’ve watched over you, Jun-kun, from the time you entered this company,” Nakayama says, and it doesn’t help ease the ugly feeling in Jun’s chest. When Jun looks up, there’s a soft look in the man’s eyes. “I understand. I can’t say I know how hard it is for you, but I can see how it’s affecting you, and I appreciate that. I appreciate your honesty.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Jun says again, lowering his head once more. “I wish we didn’t have to.”  
  
“I’m almost in the retirement age, anyway,” Nakayama says, offering him a tiny smile. “You’re a good man, Jun-kun. I trained you for a while so I know that.”  
  
“I’m very sorry,” Jun says, hating how he feels. “HR has promised they’ll cover your transition should you wish to apply to any of our sister companies. I’ll see that they do so myself as soon as you reach a decision.”  
  
“I’ll inform you,” Nakayama assures him, standing up and offering his hand. “Thank you for everything until now.”  
  
Jun gives the man a firm handshake. “No, thank _you_ for everything, Nakayama-san. You taught me to the best of your ability, and I owed you since then.”  
  
Word travels fast in the department, and Jun only gets thirty minutes of silence before his desktop pinges with a work email.  
  
_Drinks tonight?_ is all what Nino’s message contains. Nino has probably heard of what happened, and since he knows Jun, he has very likely deduced how Jun is feeling at present.  
  
It’s Friday, and Jun grants himself a moment of respite. This week has been tough for him with all the adjustments—both with the workload and in the environment. While the new office has a view to behold, for someone who’s accustomed to working in a cubicle for years, Jun had no idea what to do with all the space.  
  
For now, he’s surrounded by unsorted files in different folders and chucked in various racks and cases. The shelf to his left is only partially filled with books and portfolios, and his wall remains devoid of any framed diploma or certificates.  
  
He straightens in his chair, letting out a sigh of relief when his knee joints popped. _The usual?_ he types as a reply and sends to Nino.  
  
Nino’s reply is only a thumbs up emoji.  
  
That settles it, then.  
  
\--  
  
Nino, who has a lot of connections outside the corporate world, once took Jun to this bar ran by his childhood friend (or “Soubusen buddy” as Nino put it then) back when Jun was still the newest addition to the technical affairs department. Since then, Jun has befriended Nino’s friend, Aiba, who’s a great bartender and a good listener.  
  
“Nino told me you got promoted,” is how Aiba welcomes Jun as soon as Jun slides into the seat and leans on the counter. “First shot’s on the house as congratulations.”  
  
“Thank you,” Jun says, pointing to the shelf behind Aiba. “I’ll have a glass of whiskey.”  
  
“I’m good with beer, Aiba-shi,” Nino says, sitting beside Jun, one hand already loosening his tie.  
  
Aiba gets to work, and Nino turns his head in Jun’s direction. “The talk in the department is that you got the order from HR as soon as you got the promotion.”  
  
“That talk is true,” Jun admits. “You wouldn’t tell anyone, would you?”  
  
“No,” Nino says with a shake of his head. “It’s tough being boss, huh?”  
  
“I always thought I wanted Takayasu-san’s job in ten years,” Jun recalls, inclining his head in thanks as soon as Aiba pushes a drink in front of him. In his periphery, he sees Nino lifting a glass of beer to his mouth. “I entered the company five years ago. I thought I’d be like him in a decade.”  
  
“And five years later, you have his job,” Nino says, smiling. Jun can’t detect envy in Nino, and he’s certain there wouldn’t be any place for it. Nino functions best as a team player; it’s why he’s so addicted to all these games Jun catches him playing in stolen moments at work.  
  
“As well as the power to fire people once the higher-ups request for it,” Jun says, wincing slightly as the burn of the whiskey runs down his throat. “Nakayama-san was one of my mentors.”  
  
“He was one of mine, too,” Nino tells him. “The others are thinking we could at least have a farewell party for him. Since he had worked and taught nearly half of the department.”  
  
“Tell me how much it costs,” Jun says immediately. “I’ll pay for it. All of it.”  
  
“Jun-kun, I’m sure if you ask everyone to pitch in, they would,” Nino reminds him.  
  
“I know. But I don’t want them to,” Jun says, shaking his head a bit. “If I didn’t fire him, there would have been no farewell party to go to. But I had to. I had to fire him.”  
  
Jun catches Nino exchanging a look with Aiba, and he turns just in time to find Aiba looking at him.  
  
“You’re too nice,” Aiba says, and Jun hears Nino snort. “Shut up, Ninomiya. I know that’s rich coming from me.”  
  
“Yeah, you adopt stray cats and dogs when you see them,” Nino says, making this wavy hand gesture. “To my knowledge, Jun-kun hasn’t adopted any animal yet.”  
  
“Because animals hate him,” Aiba says knowingly, and him and Nino share a laugh.  
  
Jun glares at them both.  
  
“Kidding aside, you’re too nice. Now I have no idea about the corporate life since I’m happy with my bar, but you’re probably the kind of boss I’d love to have,” Aiba tells him with one of his stellar smiles.  
  
Nino makes a disapproving noise beside Jun. “Take that back, Aiba-shi. Just this Wednesday he made an intern cry.”  
  
Jun frowns at Nino. “I did not.”  
  
Nino has an eyebrow quirked at him. At work, Nino would never dare, but Aiba’s bar seems like a home court for Nino that he completely drops the boss-employee relationship once they’re here. “I work outside your office, Jun-kun. I hear _everything_. You asked the intern to make fifteen copies of the proposal in ten minutes.”  
  
“And?” Jun raises an eyebrow of his own. “It was a manageable task. Had he delegated the task to some of his co-interns, he would have gotten it done.”  
  
“Interns like to impress,” Nino reminds him. “Of course he wanted to impress you, the new boss and all.”  
  
“And look at where it had gotten him,” Jun says with a click of his tongue.  
  
Nino faces Aiba. “See, this is why he wouldn’t be such a great boss. He’s hard to impress and incredibly nitpicky with the details. Very hard to satisfy, Aiba-shi.”  
  
Aiba laughs, and without prompting, pours Jun another round. “I think he wouldn’t be promoted if he wasn’t so particular.”  
  
“Thanks, Aiba-san,” Jun says, both for the drinks and the compliment.  
  
“But that’s because you don’t want a repeat of Nakayama-san again, right?” Aiba asks, raising his hands in defense as soon as Jun looks at him. “I don’t know the guy, but if you and Nino respect him then he must’ve been an important figure in your careers. I think that’s why it’s affecting you to the point Nino had to take you here.”  
  
Nino reaches over the counter to swat at Aiba’s forearm. “Stop revealing the fact that I sometimes have a heart.”  
  
Jun knew. Aiba’s bar is Nino’s way of staging an intervention—Nino knows him too well. Nino may not know the extent of Jun’s feelings towards today’s incident, but he’s observant enough to know that sometimes, all Jun needs is the liquor from Aiba’s stack and he’ll feel a bit better.  
  
He’s grateful, but he’s not drunk enough to be expressive about it. “If Nino has a heart, he’d be paying,” he says to lighten the mood.  
  
“That’s not kindness anymore, that’s plain extortion,” Nino says with a finger pointed at Jun. “You’re the boss now, and what kind of boss you’d be if you don’t treat your kouhai once in a while?”  
  
“Kouhai my ass,” Jun says, earning Aiba’s laugh. “You’re older than I am, both in age and length of stay in the company.”  
  
“But my salary doesn’t have that additional zero,” Nino says, winking at Aiba. “It’s on Jun-kun, Aiba-shi. Can I get another beer?”  
  
“Naturally,” Aiba says, leaving them.  
  
Jun remains silent, and after a few moments, he feels Nino deliver a light punch to his arm.  
  
“Seriously though, you okay?” Nino asks.  
  
“I’ll be better,” Jun says instead. “Don’t look out for me too much; I’m your boss now.”  
  
“Can’t help it,” Nino tells him with a soft smile. “You’ve been my cubicle-mate for five years, Jun-kun.”  
  
Jun’s not certain if ‘cubicle-mate’ passes for a real word in the dictionary, but he supposes its origins can be attributed to Nino’s long association with Aiba. Aiba is a factory of invented and over-simplified words. “I’ll be better,” he repeats, his voice firmer this time. “I’ll be fine.”  
  
Aiba returns with Nino’s beer, and Nino sips it without another word. Jun pretends not to see them exchange more meaningful glances and orders another round after his second, intending to be sufficiently tipsy so as to find sleep easily.  
  
Nino can tolerate less alcohol than Jun can, and it might be an hour or two before Jun’s head begins to feel lighter. A glance to Nino’s direction reveals that Aiba already cleared Nino’s glass and coaster—proof that Nino hadn’t been partaking in anything for a while now and merely watching him.  
  
“Creep,” Jun says, only belatedly becoming aware that he has voiced that thought out loud.  
  
“I’m the one who always gets you a taxi when you don’t want to go home,” Nino says. “But you’re not yet drunk. If you’re drunk, you don’t want to go home and you’re going to start talking about sappy stuff.”  
  
“Fuck off,” Jun says without bite. He can hear Aiba laughing as Aiba prepares a cocktail for another bar patron.  
  
“You’re lonely,” Nino says flatly, not budging even if Jun gives him a what he thinks is a menacing glare. “I had that figured out for a while given the stressful work life that we have, but it’s only clearer to me now that you had to do what HR told you to.”  
  
“I’m not lonely,” Jun denies, but he knows Nino wouldn’t buy it. “You’re mistaking stress for loneliness,” he tries anyway.  
  
“Come on, don’t tell me you’ve got time to date,” Nino says disbelievingly. “I know Toma and the others keep inviting you to group dates, but they always complain you never show up. Now that you’re chief and all, I don’t think you’ll be showing up at all should they invite you again.”  
  
Toma only makes him tag along to increase their group’s popularity, and Jun’s tired of being bait. “Got no time,” Jun says, deciding to be vague and as noncommittal as possible.  
  
But this is Nino, and Jun knows that once Nino’s onto something, he’d try to find a way to confirm his suspicions. “No time, no interest?”  
  
Jun sips whatever remains of his drink as an answer.  
  
“I’m going to the restroom,” Nino suddenly declares, loud enough that Jun’s sure even Aiba has heard it. “Don’t you dare run off without paying the bill, Jun-kun. Aiba-shi, don’t let him out of your sight.”  
  
“Got it,” Aiba says with a tilt of his chin.  
  
Aiba stands directly within Jun’s view, and Jun gives him this impatient look to indicate that whatever Aiba has to say, he should just be out with it.  
  
Instead of Aiba opening his mouth however, he stretches out his hand first.  
  
Jun blinks at it in question.  
  
“May I borrow your phone?” Aiba asks with a friendly smile.  
  
Suspicious, Jun frowns. “What are you guys planning?” Nino’s obviously in this, given his pitiful excuse to leave Jun in Aiba’s hands.  
  
“Nothing big, nothing incriminating. I’d never, you know that,” Aiba says, and Jun can’t find it in him to doubt Aiba’s sincerity—he’d doubt Nino at times, but never Aiba.  
  
Jun hands over his phone but doesn’t take his eyes off the device. Aiba pulls out his own phone from his pocket, scrolls for a few moments, then he begins typing using the emergency call option since Jun wasn’t so drunk he’d handed over his passcode too.  
  
When Aiba returns Jun’s phone, there’s a number keyed in.  
  
“A therapist?” Jun asks.  
  
Aiba shakes his head, laughing a bit. It makes his eyes crinkle at the sides. “No, of course not. I’m sure your company covers that anyway. That’s...a possible remedy, if you’re cool with that explanation.”  
  
“Remedy?” Jun repeats, eyebrow raising at the word. “Is this the number of a specialist in herbal medicine?”  
  
Aiba’s waving a hand in dismissal now. “No. It’s just a number. Text him when you feel like it. Tell him you got it from me; he knows me.”  
  
“And what exactly is this person you’re asking me to contact, Aiba-san? If I wanted a random hook-up, I’d have checked my Tinder.” Jun’s tempted to delete the number, but that probably wouldn’t deter Aiba and the guy would likely just forward the number to him again hours later.  
  
“Something better than Tinder, maybe,” Aiba says, then he leans forward, his voice dropping to a whisper. “You don’t need someone, Matsujun. You’re not looking for a relationship. But you need support, something better than all the cocktails I can make for you.”  
  
Jun resists the urge to click his tongue in impatience. “You haven’t answered my question, Aiba-san. What does this person do? If I wanted a drug fix, you’re really the last person I would’ve considered for contacts.”  
  
“That’s not a drug deal,” Aiba whispers with an amused chuckle. “You’re panicking already.”  
  
“Because I don’t know who this person is and what he does for a living,” Jun points out.  
  
“You do know.” Aiba gives him a look that mirrors Nino’s in all the times Nino felt like calling out Jun on his bullshit. “You just want me to spell it out for you because you can’t believe it. Fine. I know a guy. He’s not looking for a relationship either. But he can give you something, the kind of comfort my alcohol can’t and Nino’s snark can’t.”  
  
Jun straightens, meeting Aiba’s line of sight directly. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”  
  
“You give that guy a bit of time, he’ll give you what you want,” Aiba says. “I’m sure he would. He’s a nice guy. But you probably shouldn’t call him; he only entertains calls when they’re urgent. He prefers to text.”  
  
Jun shakes his head. “I don’t need this.”  
  
“Of course you don’t. You don’t really need his money,” Aiba says. “I get that. Nino gets that, too. But that’s not the only thing you’re getting if you go for it and he likes you.”  
  
“Why do you know so much about this?” Jun demands, shooting Aiba a skeptical look. “Why does Nino?”  
  
“I tell Nino everything, Matsujun, you know that,” Aiba explains with a shrug. “As for this guy, he may have told me these things himself. Give it a shot if you feel like it. If you don’t, that’s fine. Keep the number anyway.”  
  
Jun sighs, then before he can decide against it, he saves the number to his contacts. “I suppose I don’t get his name?”  
  
“Oh you do. It’s not my habit to recommend total strangers to my friends,” Aiba says with a laughable attempt at winking. He only manages to scrunch the side of his face. “I call him ‘Sho-chan’. Nino hasn’t met him, so no worries. I suppose you can call him ‘Sho-san’ or whatever formal way you can come up with.”  
  
“I’m going to regret this,” Jun says, but he’s halfway into typing a text already.  
  
“Just give it a shot. If it doesn’t work out, my bar’s always open to welcome you with or without Nino in tow,” Aiba says, and Jun looks down just in time for Aiba to push another glass to his hand.  
  
Jun downs the drink in one go, feeling the pleasant buzz of alcohol rushing to his head. He shows Aiba his typed text before he can decide against it.  
  
Aiba smiles. “Send it. I think he’ll like it because it’s straight to the point.”  
  
“I will regret this,” Jun says, but he taps the Send anyway, watching the blue line at the top reach the end with a familiar swooshing sound, indicating that his message was just delivered.  
  
“If it’s indeed regrettable, you’re getting a free drink the next time you come here,” Aiba assures him.  
  
Jun feels someone occupy the space beside him again, and turning his head has him greeted by Nino’s face having this knowing look.  
  
“Don’t say it,” Jun warns.  
  
Nino makes a zipping motion over his mouth. “Your secret’s safe with me, Jun-kun, as always.”  
  
Then Nino leans into his space, an innocent smile on his youthful face. “But do update me on how things will go with Mr. Sugar.”  
  
“Oh fuck you,” Jun says without meaning it, and he’s only mildly annoyed at Nino and Aiba’s answering laughter.  
  
\--  
  
The following morning is a weekend, and while Jun is thankful that he has the day off, the slight throb in his temple is something he didn’t want to experience first thing in the morning.  
  
After popping an aspirin and waiting for it to take effect, Jun sits on the edge of his bed while cradling his skull as he sifts through whatever messages he missed.  
  
He opens with phone to find his last conversation with Nino, a simple of text _I’m home, thanks_ , punctuated with an emoji of a sleeping face.  
  
Nino’s reply is the usual thumbs up.  
  
Jun exits his conversation thread with Nino and frowns at the unknown ‘Sho’ at the top of his messages. The message preview doesn’t give him an idea and he taps on it to read the entire thing.  
  
_Apologies for the delayed response,_ it says in full keigo, and Jun frowns, _I had to wait for Aiba-chan’s reply to make sure that you really got my number from him._  
  
Jun curses inwardly, rereading the message he sent the night before.  
  
_Sho-san,_ it says, and Jun wants to kick his tipsy self for being so easily persuaded, _your number was given to me by Aiba-san, and I’m contacting you because I believe you’re looking for someone. If you’re interested, you can reach me through this number.  
  
Regards, Jun_  
  
Resisting the urge to hit his face with his phone, Jun reads the rest of Sho’s message to him.  
  
_I am indeed looking for someone in the most discreet ways possible. I won’t be asking for too many details, but so as not to waste time: may I see a photo?_  
  
“Hell no,” Jun says out loud. He wants to back out, tell Aiba it didn’t work out and say to Nino on Monday that Mr. Sugar has not materialized, but he didn’t want to look like someone who wasted this guy’s time. Aiba is Aiba, but Aiba would never ask him to text someone sketchy.  
  
Deciding to phrase his words in a better way, Jun keys in _I’m uncomfortable with showing you my face because I have no plans to ask the same from you. But just to prove I’m human (which, I’m assuming, is what you want here), here’s a photo._  
  
Jun makes a peace sign with his left hand and takes a photo of it, sending it after his text.  
  
The ellipsis pops up almost immediately, and Jun’s entire attention is now on his phone.  
  
_No photos of the face, got it. You seem very pale._  
  
Jun lies back down on the bed; it’s really too early for him to be moving around. _Did that satisfy your curiosity?_ he asks, instead of acknowledging Sho’s comment.  
  
_Yes. Do you know how this works?_ is the reply.  
  
Jun won’t deny that he has an idea or two. _I give you a little time, whatever time I’ve got to give, and I get something in return._ He doesn’t phrase it as a question since he’s almost ninety-nine percent certain of what this conversation might bring into his life should he go for it.  
  
_Exactly. I won’t ask for much. Just benign stuff. In return, you get something. Or some things, depending on the situation._  
  
“I don’t really need your money,” Jun says to no one in particular. With his new salary, he doesn’t really need the money or the gifts.  
  
But Aiba of last night spoke of something else that Jun could get, like he knew something Jun didn’t.  
  
Jun never liked not knowing.  
  
_I’m curious though,_ Jun sends, not waiting for a reply before typing another message. _Have you been doing this for people for a long time?_  
  
The ellipsis appear and disappear, hinting that this Sho guy is thinking about what to say. At least Jun knows he’s talking to someone who chooses his words carefully.  
  
_I have, yes._  
  
Someone with experience. Jun shakes his head, annoyed at himself because of course Aiba knows someone with experience when it comes to these things. Aiba would never recommend someone incompetent and untrustworthy, and that goes for both parties. If this Sho was recommended to Jun, Jun knows that it also meant that Aiba recommended Jun to Sho.  
  
These kinds of things go both ways.  
  
_Why?_ Jun asks.  
  
_I like being depended on, taking care of people,_ is the response for him.  
  
_Did you enter into a relationship with some of these people?_  
  
_Some, yes. There’s no one at present, though, in case that was what you wanted to know. Why the sudden curiosity?_  
  
Jun decides to be truthful about it. _I wanted to know what’s expected of me._  
  
_I don’t have a list of expectations or qualifications for you to meet. This isn’t a job interview so let’s just go with whatever you’re comfortable with. No faces, as you said earlier. Anything else?_  
  
Jun is surprised at the willingness he can sense from the other party. If his refusal to show his face didn’t send this guy running, Jun wonders what will. _I don’t want to meet you. Ever._  
  
_All right._  
  
That makes Jun frown, feeling totally confused. _You still want to do it? Even if I said I’d never meet you?_  
  
_Yes._  
  
_Why?_  
  
_Because it makes me happy. You’re an inquisitive type, Jun-san._  
  
_Because I can’t understand your reasons. What, buying me things will make you happy?_  
  
The ellipsis takes a while to disappear, and when they do, the crease between Jun’s brows lessens fractionally. _No. You being happy because I bought you things that you wanted would make me happy. Is that easier to understand? I told you I like being depended on._  
  
For a moment, Jun stares at his phone, a bit undecided on what to do. He won’t deny that whoever this Sho is, he’s got Jun’s attention and has already piqued Jun’s curiosity. But Jun can’t figure him out, and he doesn’t like the feeling of it.  
  
_How do I know you’re a real person who does these things?_ Jun sends.  
  
He receives a photo of a half-eaten breakfast, of sausages and scrambled eggs. On the right side of the shot is a hand holding a fork.  
  
Then his phone beeps with another message. _I’d like to ask for an Amazon wishlist._  
  
Jun almost snorts, except he can’t quite believe what he’s reading. _I can put anything in there?_  
  
_Naturally. That’s what wishlists are for. Please forward the link to this email whenever you’re finished with it._  
  
Attached is the default email address of a mobile phone, and Jun’s really doubting things now.  
  
But he supposes it won’t hurt to try, and he does have some paperback novels that he wants.  
  
_If I do this,_ Jun types with steady fingers, _you’re going to start asking me for things? I’m not masturbating on camera for you._  
  
To his surprise, he receives a series of laughing emojis. _Actually, I planned to just ask about your day as soon as you have that list forwarded to me. Benign stuff, I told you._  
  
Surely this Sho must want some form of compensation? Nino did call him as Mr. Sugar, albeit jokingly. What does this make this Sho person if there’s no...sugar involved?  
  
_I still have doubts about this_ , Jun sends.  
  
_Understandable. I have the same concerns too._  
  
_You’re really not going to demand that we engage in anything sexual?_ Jun asks, deciding to be direct about it.  
  
_No,_ is the immediate response. _I said before that we’ll go with whatever you’re comfortable with. As long as I get to do what I want out of this and you’re getting whatever it is you wanted out of this, it’s good._  
  
For a few minutes, Jun replays the conversation in his head, trying to weigh pros and cons. He’s sure that if Nino was here Nino would tell him to stop worrying and just go and see where the tide will take him, and with that, he sighs in acceptance.  
  
_Fine, let’s see where this takes us_ , he sends.  
  
_I’ll be awaiting your email. Good day._  
  
Jun didn’t see fit to reply to that, so instead he switches apps and logs on to Amazon.  
  
He hopes the titles he wants are still on stock.  
  
\--  
  
Work took up most of Jun’s time, emailing assignments to his team leaders and scheduling a meeting with them on Monday afternoon. Without a secretary, Jun is left to handle everything on his own, but he likes having that much control over his department since it means he knows everything.  
  
It’s Sunday evening by the time he manages to close all work emails, idly scrolling through his Instagram feed on his phone when he remembers the wishlist.  
  
It’s far from complete, but it already has ten items on it. Not wanting to delay things further, he forwards the link to Sho’s designated email address before he can forget it.  
  
His phone beeps with a reply, something that surprises him since he didn’t expect Sho to answer this quickly.  
  
_Thank you for the list._  
  
_That’s not all of it, though_ , Jun texts back.  
  
Another laughing emoji. _Totally fine. You may add things to it should you feel like it. Do you have time to text now?_  
  
Jun did complete his work to be prepared for tomorrow’s workday, so he keys in _Yes. I assume you want to negotiate some more?_  
  
_I do. No meetups, no selfies, no sex, you said. Anything else?_  
  
Jun thinks about it. He doesn’t want to meet this guy because he’s a department head and he can’t be seen with someone who sends him gifts whenever he pleases. Mr. Sugar or not, Jun absolutely cannot be seen with him.  
  
No selfies either because Jun doesn’t want Sho to know how he looks like. A part of him is curious to know how Sho does, but it’s not a strong urge so he can ignore it. Since they’re not hooking up or anything, Jun’s not really eager to see Sho’s face.  
  
No sex because that would require meeting up and seeing each other’s faces. Jun already expressed his refusal to do anything on camera.  
  
What else can he ask for?  
  
_I won’t call you. Just text you whenever I have the time._  
  
Sho’s response is quick, as always. _That’s preferable since I only reserve calls for emergency situations._  
  
Exactly what Aiba told him in the bar. Some of Jun’s doubts begin to disappear since some of the pieces are starting to fall into place. _I can’t promise I can contact you all the time, not when I have work._  
  
_That’s convenient for me since I also have work._  
  
Jun’s frowning at his phone like it’s the source of all his problems. Something doesn’t add up. _You said you’d ask for benign stuff._  
  
_That’s the plan, yes. I want to know about your day. Anything you feel like telling me. I’d also like photos, so if you can share with me anything you feel like sharing, I’d appreciate that._  
  
Jun doesn’t really see what could be so interesting about his day, but Sho doesn’t know he’s a technical affairs department chief and he has zero intentions of revealing that detail. _I have a full-time job so I can make no promises._  
  
_No matter, but tell me if you’re willing to proceed. Are you?_  
  
Jun gives himself time to think, for as long as he can afford and hopefully without making Sho impatient. _Yes,_ he types before he can talk himself out of it, _I do want to know where this will take us._  
  
_I’m glad to know you mirror my sentiments. If there’s anything you want to change, tell me so we can discuss it again. At the very least, Jun-san, I want to know if you’re having fun and if you’re not as we go with this._  
  
Jun certainly did not expect that amount of sincerity in one text. Granted, it was a block of text, but something tells him that this Sho—Aiba’s recommended Sho at that—is someone who takes these things seriously.  
  
Before he can reply, however, there’s another message from Sho.  
  
_Did that scare you off?_  
  
Jun snorts, a part of him wishing Sho can see it. _No. Why would it?_  
  
_I’ve had experience in which the other party has found that to be too much that they backed off after five minutes of silence. I was trying to make things easier for you in case that’s what’s currently going on in your mind._  
  
_I’m not scared_ , Jun denies, hoping he can show a bit of his irritation through a text message. _Just thinking._  
  
_Oh. Take your time then._  
  
Jun takes a deep breath and begins typing.  
  
_I sent work emails today and drafted proposals. As boring as you can imagine, I guess._  
  
He doesn’t know where he got the bump of courage to tell Sho about his day—it could be curiosity on how Sho would respond or just plain boredom, but Jun feels wide awake and there’s this nagging feeling in him that he simply has to know.  
  
Know what, he can’t quite tell for sure.  
  
_The entire afternoon?_ is Sho’s reply. _Sounds pretty boring indeed. Aren’t you exhausted?_  
  
_I’m fine. I wish I had a proofreader, though. Would make things easier._  
  
He receives a smiling emoji for that, followed by a _But it’s better if you’ve seen the work materialize from beginning to end with your own eyes, isn’t it?_  
  
Jun blinks at that, wondering how Sho appears to genuinely understand. That amount of control is what makes doing the job worthwhile to Jun. He has to know every aspect of it, and he’s not the type to rest until he does so. _Yes, since it’s easier to spot errors that way_ , he sends as a reply, which sounds so mundane to him that he’s honestly surprised it still gets a response, like Sho’s so interested in what he has to say.  
  
They keep exchanges messages that way, talking about harmless things and being technical about it at times (Jun can sense that Sho is in perhaps the same line of work as him, but he doesn’t bother to confirm anything), and when the hours grow late and Jun’s beginning to yawn, he somehow feels lighter, like it’d be easier to sleep tonight.  
  
He sets up his Sleep Cycle app and shoots Sho another message.  
  
_Good night._  
  
\--  
  
Sleep Cycle rates Jun’s sleep quality of the night before at 84%, something he hasn’t managed unless he’s on vacation. He takes a good look at it, compares it with his sleep qualities of 45% and 53% for the two days prior, and frowns.  
  
It’s six in the morning. Jun is not a morning person.  
  
And yet he feels as if he has rested well in such a long time, especially since he got the promotion.  
  
Checking his messages revealed that Sho replied to his text with a _Good night, Jun-san_ , and Jun discovers another one sent at 4 AM this morning.  
  
_Good morning_ , is all it says.  
  
Before he begins his day, he decides to reply. _Good morning. I surprisingly slept well._  
  
He goes about his day, not expecting a reply because he figures Sho is also a busy man (though Jun finds it unlikely that any company operates as early as five in the morning). He only picks up his phone when it’s time for him to go, and the message waiting for him makes him smile a bit.  
  
_That’s good to know. Heading to work now?_  
  
Jun types a hasty text before he puts his phone in his jacket pocket. _Yes. I take the train, just like everybody else._  
  
That one obviously garners no response when Jun checks his phone on the train, and he focuses on his pending work emails. Meeting confirmations, deadline reschedules, proposals for the farewell party they plan to have by the end of the week. Jun approves and rejects ideas, preoccupied with his phone even as he reaches the company building and gets inside the elevator.  
  
Today is what Nino likes to call the “intern shuffle” day, and while Jun’s aware he’s not expected to train anyone, they’d still be introduced to him since he’s the department chief.  
  
Jun didn’t particularly dislike interns. He’d been in their position once. He just finds it counterproductive that they shuffle in the different departments every three weeks since it requires him more forms to sign and approve. He designates which team gets who for an intern, and it’s also his job to stay updated on their progress.  
  
“You totally could use a secretary,” Toma says, and it’s only then that Jun notices Toma’s in the same elevator. “It’s only Monday, and yet you already have the Friday look.”  
  
“I don’t,” Jun says, checking his reflection on the elevator walls. “Because of that comment, you’re getting an intern.”  
  
Toma groans. “Come on, Jun. The last one had problems with the photocopying machine!”  
  
Jun just smiles, making changes to his earlier designations. Toma is a team leader like Nino, and is also one of Jun’s close friends since they shared the same hobbies and preferred the same brands. It annoys Jun that Toma wears the same cologne as him, but no matter how hard he prodded Toma, the guy wouldn’t change his mind.  
  
“Up to you to train that person,” Jun says unhelpfully, enjoying Toma’s resigned expression. “Don’t destroy any of the printers or the photocopying machines. Not even the fax machine.”  
  
“That wasn’t my intern who destroyed the fax machine that time,” Toma says with a shake of his head. “That was one of your interns before you became chief and all.”  
  
Jun honestly can’t remember. “If one of the necessary machines gets carelessly handled, I’m having the team leaders answer for it.”  
  
“Heartless,” Toma says without emotion, but soon he’s smiling and Jun knows he doesn’t mean it.  
  
They reach their floor and Jun exchanges a few greetings of a good morning with some of his staff, some nodding in acknowledgement in his direction. A quick scan of the floor revealed that Nino’s already in his cubicle, nursing a mug of coffee from the coffee machine.  
  
Jun enters his office and suppresses the compulsion to sigh at the new forms on his desk. Some from the executive department, others from marketing and finance. Jun’s a bit grateful the accounting forms don’t get printed until Wednesday.  
  
The rest of his morning proceeds as all work days do. By the time it’s lunch and he’s browsing his phone for sports news and celebrity gossip, he’s only managed to complete 30% of his work pile for the day.  
  
Then he remembers.  
  
He looks at his half-eaten Caesar salad and decides to take a photo of it, his fingers wrapped around a fork at the bottom of the shot.  
  
He sends it to Sho with a leaf emoji.  
  
Jun’s not really expecting a reply, but he appreciates it when his phone beeps in less than a minute.  
  
_That’s a lot of cabbage for a salad._  
  
Jun smiles. _Because I’m saving the cabbage for last._  
  
_Herbivore?_ is Sho’s next message. _I’m kidding. Are you a vegan, Jun-san?_  
  
_I just eat healthy. I do eat meat sometimes, you know. I don’t have the dedication to be a vegan._  
  
_I see. How’s today so far?_  
  
And so Jun unloads half of the day’s work stresses. He doesn’t think Sho will care about the boring life of a salaryman, but if Jun’s correct with his suspicions that Sho is in the same line of work, then he’d at least understand.  
  
By the time he’s done complaining and telling Sho stuff (he even told Sho about their department running out of packed creamers which annoyed most of the ladies), he wonders if he’s scared Sho off. A part of him wants to because that would mean there’d be nothing to report to Nino about Mr. Sugar, but there’s another part that really wants to see how things will unfold between him and Sho.  
  
Whether or not Sho can be the Mr. Sugar that Nino and Aiba seemed to be betting on for reasons unknown.  
  
_You’d think these women are so conscious of their figures that they’d get their coffee black, but their preferences are still...a mystery to me despite the years. Nonetheless, you have my condolences for the loss of creamers in your office. I hope you didn’t have to reprimand an intern for that._  
  
That part of Sho’s reply is enough to make Jun let out a tiny chuckle. He reads the next bit, amused at how Sho reacted so quickly to what he perceived as a boring message on his part.  
  
_You must have quite a view from your office, if your only rest was looking at Sky Tree. I’ve been there once, took a photo with the icon for it only to be told that I took a selfie with the wrong icon, that I ended up covering the real one in my photo. They say I take “old man selfies”, whatever that means._  
  
That last bit definitely had Jun’s attention. _They?_  
  
The response is immediate like always. _You’re not the only one with friends who love to tease, Jun-san._ It’s punctuated with a winking emoji.  
  
Jun scrolls up and reads that bit that had him complaining about Toma’s teasing comment. He’s honestly amazed Sho can deduce so much from his texts and can react appropriately and immediately. Jun’s not a very entertaining person; he’s aware he can be too aloof and he only has a lot of things to say when he’s in his field of expertise.  
  
But that doesn’t seem to matter with Sho, who seems to know just what to say to lift Jun’s spirits a little.  
  
_Old man selfies? Are you an old man, Sho-san?_ he texts back, somehow anticipating Sho’s response this time.  
  
_How dare you, I’m only in the ripe age of thirty-five._  
  
_Five more makes it forty._  
  
_I appreciate the reminder, but I’ll have you know I’m aging well, Jun-san. Thank you for your concern._  
  
Jun laughs at that, wondering how Sho looks like at present. Is he annoyed? Partly amused? Does he have an eyebrow quirked or is his nose scrunched? _Counting your wrinkles everyday, huh?_  
  
_You’re the teasing type. I should have known. If I get any more wrinkles this week, I’ll update you._  
  
Jun checks his watch and there’s the unmistakable trace of disappointment in him when he realizes he has to go back. _My lunch break is over._  
  
_As is mine. Will you update me should anything happen?_  
  
_If we miraculously get some creamers for the coffee machine, I’ll keep you posted._  
  
_Good. Have a nice afternoon, Jun-san._  
  
Jun types a quick _You too_ before pocketing his phone, somehow feeling like he’s ready to take on the rest of the work week even though it’s only Monday.  
  
\--  
  
The week passes with him exchanging messages with Sho every day—telling him about how his day went, what he planned to have for dinner, if he was picking up his groceries or his laundry. Every response Jun receives makes him feel like he’s sharing something worth knowing despite his initial reservations towards it. He’s slept better than he has in months, and he finds himself looking forward to any work events—good or bad, it didn’t matter—just so he’d have something to tell Sho about.  
  
The package takes him by surprise on Friday, chucked inside his mailbox along with his bills when he gets home.  
  
It was signed off by his landlady, a small box from an obvious fake name (Roger Federer, Jun can’t believe it), but undoubtedly from Sho, because he’d been the last person Jun talked to extensively about tennis.  
  
He waits until he’s inside his apartment before he opens the package, and he’s shocked to find his latest addition to his Amazon wishlist sitting inside the box.  
  
A thick silver cuff bracelet, not that expensive but obviously not cheap either. He added it to the list after liking the design despite how flashy it appears to be. He didn’t think he’d have it unless he purchased it for himself.  
  
But here it is.  
  
For a moment, Jun simply stares at the thing. It shines under the light of his living room, as if beckoning him to try it on.  
  
He lifts it and takes a photo of it being held in his hand.  
  
He sends it to Sho without a caption.  
  
_I was hoping you’d wear it, but I’m glad it got there_ , is the reply, five minutes after Jun sent the picture.  
  
Jun puts it on, finding the fit to be just right. Not so snug that the metal grazes his wrist bone, but not too loose that it’d fall off. It’s perfect, and Jun can’t describe what he’s feeling at present.  
  
He takes a photo of his wrist with the cuff on and sends it along with the text: _There, Federer._  
  
He receives a laughing emoji. _Do you like it?_  
  
Jun does. He really does—he always liked the tacky ones. _Yes. I wouldn’t have added it to the list if I didn’t._  
  
_So you’re happy with it?_  
  
_Yes. But why?_  
  
_Because I asked you for updates on your life and you played along. Because I wanted you to have it. Because you wanted it as well._  
  
Jun doesn’t know what to say. He’s still trying to wrap his mind around finally receiving something from Sho, an actual material that he can have on his person should he wish.  
  
_Thank you_ , he sends, unsure of what else he can say.  
  
_You’re welcome. Thank you for wearing it and showing me. It looks good on you._  
  
Jun allows that message to gel before he sends his dinner plans by typing a pasta emoji and sending it after a couple of minutes.  
  
_Chef Jun for tonight, I see. Take care with the slices._  
  
Jun only sends an _I will_ for a reply, but at the back of his head is this annoying thought that his message lacks one word.  
  
He swears he’d never type it, even if he already received his first gift from Sho, making Sho his official Mr. Sugar.  
  
Jun sighs. He really hates that nickname.  
  
\--  
  
“So,” Nino says, when he has somehow managed to corner Jun as Jun went for a smoke break.  
  
“If this is about that intern Kawai who’s doing these impersonations of me, this is the fourth time this week that I’ve heard of it from you,” Jun says, offering Nino his pack.  
  
Nino declines, instead fishing out his own and lighting one from it. “No offense, Jun-kun, but I really hate those menthol ones you smoke. And no, this isn’t about Kawai, but earlier he did this head tilt that you often do and everybody laughed because it was so on point.”  
  
Jun is barely able to suppress an eye roll. “Why are you bothering me? Did the accounting office have more papers for me to sift through?”  
  
“No, I haven’t been near their floor since the server maintenance. I’m pestering you because Aiba-shi gave me an assignment,” Nino says, smiling meaningfully at him. “How are things with Mr. Sugar?”  
  
“Shut up,” Jun almost hisses, looking around cautiously. No one is around, of course; Nino would never do anything that would compromise Jun’s position in the department. Jun is just admittedly paranoid once more. “And stop calling him that.”  
  
“But he is _that_ , isn’t he?” Nino laughs, the kind that’s mostly obscured by the smoke he emits. “Aiba-shi’s not asking for the details. He just wants to know if things are going smoothly or not.”  
  
“They’re fine,” Jun says, not wanting to be specific. “And you? What do you want to know?”  
  
“How much that bracelet costs,” Nino says, and Jun immediately pulls the sleeve of his jacket to hide it. Nino laughs again. “Ah, so it really is from Mr. Sugar.”  
  
Jun has been wearing the cuff since he received it, hiding it under his dress shirt and suit jacket so as not to attract attention. Jewelry isn’t against the company dress code, but he’s aware people would begin speculating if he brandishes it for them to see.  
  
Still, he wanted the feeling of having it close by. If he has it on him, it’s his proof that someone out there cares about what he has to say, someone out there values him even if Jun has absolutely no idea who he is.  
  
“I like it,” Jun says defensively. “This bracelet, I mean.”  
  
“It suits you,” Nino assures him. “Don’t worry. I think it’s only me and Toma who noticed. Now Toma would never ask, but consider this as your warning since he might get the same for himself. You know how he is.”  
  
“Yeah, a real pain in the ass,” Jun says, earning another one of Nino’s chuckles. “He keeps overlapping with me, it’s annoying.”  
  
“But really, Jun-kun, it’s from him? Mr. Sugar?” Nino’s wiggling his eyebrows now.  
  
Jun gives him a disapproving look, but since it’s Nino, Nino doesn’t appear intimidated. “Stop calling him that.”  
  
Nino waves him off. “Aiba-shi will love this. More than anything, I think that guy just wants to know if he did recommend you someone nice.”  
  
“I wouldn’t know about nice,” Jun says, and at Nino’s frown, he shrugs. “We never met.”  
  
“It’s the age of the millennials, Jun-kun. You’ve heard of selfies, haven’t you?”  
  
“Yeah, but I said no to selfies. Or meetups. We just text.”  
  
Nino’s eyeing whatever’s exposed of the cuff bracelet on Jun’s wrist. “Just texting and he already sent you that?”  
  
“It’s not as expensive as you think it is,” Jun says in dismissal. “I can buy it myself.”  
  
“Of course you can. But that’s not what I’m asking.”  
  
When Jun doesn’t respond, he sees Nino shaking his head.  
  
“What do you talk about that he sent you that?” Nino asks curiously. There’s still that disbelief in his tone, and Jun wonders if that’ll be more palpable once he tells the truth.  
  
“I tell him about my day,” Jun admits. Nino’s eyes grow wide. “Yeah. Just how the day goes. Sometimes he doesn’t reply until hours later. But when he does, it’s like I said something interesting. He’s actually a very talented conversant.”  
  
“You just text,” Nino repeats.  
  
Jun almost sighs. “Yes, Nino. What’s so unbelievable about that?”  
  
Nino has this contemplative look on his face. “That explains it.”  
  
It’s Jun’s turn to frown. “Explains what?”  
  
“You remember that form I entrusted to that intern, Kento? The one from the other day.”  
  
Jun does. “The one that got left behind so we had to forward it separately to have it signed. Yes.”  
  
Nino’s eyes are narrowed now. “I was expecting you to scold me and Kento simultaneously, but all you told me was to fix it and for Kento not to do it again. You were...milder.”  
  
Was he? Jun had no idea. “I don’t know what you’re getting at.”  
  
Nino shrugs and waves his hands. “Forget it. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe you’re just coping better and are now more adjusted to your new position.”  
  
Nino moves to leave, leaving his cigarette inside the ashtray. He’s a few steps away when he looks over his shoulder. “Or maybe it’s all the texting that’s helping you loosen up. Whatever it is, you’re looking better.”  
  
Jun is left alone after that, his cigarette lifted halfway to his lips. His phone vibrates in his pocket, and while it is a work email, unlocking his phone revealed his conversation thread with Sho since he didn’t get to exit the messages app before tucking his phone away earlier.  
  
Nino’s words ring inside his head, and Jun can’t deny the truth in it. He is coping better. He’s found a way to unload the day’s stresses despite still not having a secretary and doing all the work himself.  
  
Deciding not to add to whatever stress the rest of the day is bound to bring him, he takes a photo of the afternoon sun from the company veranda and sends it to Sho.  
  
_I wish it’d rain_ , he texts before switching apps and attending to work matters that demand his attention.  
  
He pushes all of Nino’s observations to the back of his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you catches the references in this one, tell me so I won't feel like I'm the only one entertained by fandom references.

Jun only recalls the text he sent when he gets a reply for it, hours later when he’s on the train ride back home.  
  
_Why do you wish for rain?_  
  
_Because I work better when it rains_ , Jun sends. _Or so I think._  
  
_Don’t you find it inconvenient? I’d be annoyed if I have to carry an umbrella._  
  
Somehow, Jun can imagine a guy in his thirties being irritated at having to open his umbrella and the thought makes him smile. _So you prefer sunny days?_  
  
_Not exactly. But I prefer for my plans not to be disrupted._  
  
Jun did gather that whoever Sho is, he seemed to like having a schedule to adhere to. _Speaking of plans, it’s been a month since I got your number from Aiba-san._  
  
A beat, then a new message pops up in the thread. _What are you getting at?_  
  
_Any plans on how to proceed from here?_ Jun asks, choosing to be straightforward.  
  
_I thought you just wanted to text. Do you have a new thing you want to negotiate?_  
  
Jun thinks about it. He looks at the bracelet around his wrist and finds that he can’t quell the curiosity. He knows Sho is real, but aside from that photo of a scrambled egg breakfast, there’s really been no other proof if Jun’s going to exclude the man’s daily texts.  
  
Besides, the bracelet was from someone who signed it off as Roger Federer.  
  
_Yes, I do,_ Jun types before he can change his mind, _I want to hear your voice._  
  
He waits, and the reply doesn’t take too long.  
  
_What._  
  
_What?_  
  
_Are you sure?_  
  
Considering Jun’s aversion to selfies and his initial mindset on having a phone call, he can understand where Sho’s coming from. _I know what I said. That’s why I’m renegotiating._  
  
_Why this? Why now? And are you absolutely sure, Jun-san?_  
  
_Because I’m curious and I don’t know if you’re real. And yes, I’m sure._  
  
For five minutes or so, there’s nothing. Not even ellipsis that would at least indicate that Sho’s still on the conversation. It makes Jun impatient and anxious, keeping his phone in his hand as he departs the station and heads to his apartment complex.  
  
He’s checking his mailbox when his phone vibrates, and Jun halts when he sees that Sho is calling him.  
  
He looks around and finds himself alone in the building lobby, save for the security guard outside. No one would hear him.  
  
He swipes his finger to answer before he can chicken out, putting the phone against his ear and holding his breath.  
  
On the other line, Jun can hear silence, save for someone breathing.  
  
Then he hears a laugh, rich and amused.  
  
“Usually,” he hears—a deep baritone that surprises Jun, “this is where you say hello followed by your name. But given the circumstances, I’d settle for a simple hello.”  
  
Jun looks over his shoulder once more, and seeing that the coast is clear, half-whispers into the device, “Hello.”  
  
“Hello. I didn’t peg you for a soft-spoken type, Jun-san,” Sho says on the other line, and Jun finds Sho’s voice to be so far from his expectations. Sho certainly doesn’t sound old; he’s close to Jun’s age, definitely. There’s this depth to the pitch of his voice that makes him sound very manly, but not in the brusque way that Jun often associates with pro-wrestlers or bodybuilders.  
  
“I’m not,” Jun says, hating how it comes out as a croak. He clears his throat and puts the phone between his ear and shoulder as he pulls out his newspaper and credit card billing statements from his mailbox. “I’m just a little tired, is all.”  
  
“Maybe I shouldn’t have called?” Sho asks.  
  
“No,” Jun says quickly. “I wanted to hear your voice. I asked for it.”  
  
He can hear a smile at the other line and he wonders how it looks like. “You did. Do I sound human enough now?”  
  
Jun snorts in laughter at that. “Yeah, you sound real, all right. I just didn’t—” he stops, finding another box in his mail, larger and longer than its predecessor. He hurriedly pulls it out and finds Roger Federer as the sender.  
  
He hears Sho hum from the other line. “Is it to your liking?”  
  
“I—” Jun tries, then he slams the door of his mailbox shut and heads for the elevators, body moving on muscle memory. “I haven’t opened it yet.” Carrying it gives away what’s inside—it’s a bottle, and Jun believes it’s wine.  
  
“Oh. I thought you’ve already seen it.”  
  
“I saw the box,” Jun says, opening his apartment door with somehow shaky fingers. From excitement at finally hearing Sho’s voice or from receiving another present from the man he’s currently talking to, he doesn’t know yet. But he moves in quick strides, barely remembering to toe off his shoes at the genkan before he leans against his kitchen counter and attempts to open the package.  
  
“I had accumulated some points thanks to my recent Amazon purchases. I figured I might as well get you something lest those points expire,” Sho explains, and he’s speaking so casually that Jun wonders if that’s how he sounds like whenever he crafts his replies to Jun.  
  
Jun manages to get the box opened, and he was correct with his suspicions earlier: it’s wine, red, and when Jun checks the year, he’s shocked to find it thirty-four years old.  
  
“You sent me a bottle of red wine from 1983,” Jun says disbelievingly, pressing the phone against his ear once more.  
  
Sho hums in thought. “I believe you once mentioned that you’re close to thirty-four years old. Did I remember it wrong?”  
  
“No,” Jun says, shaking his head as if Sho can see it. “This wasn’t on my wishlist.” Jun would never ask for such an expensive wine. The cuff bracelet was one thing and was easy to excuse since it had been the first, but this one, this recent gift he has received from Sho…  
  
“It’s been a month,” Sho says, oblivious to Jun’s present worries. “Now I know you said no meetups, but I still wanted to make it special. I wasn’t expecting you’d be open to a phone call for tonight. Anyhow, I remembered that you once told me that you like wine. I haven’t tried that one, but I hope you’ll like it.”  
  
“I’ll have some of it tonight,” Jun promises, checking the bottle’s label and sealing. It has to be imported, perhaps from Spain.  
  
“That would be appreciated,” Sho says, and Jun can’t mistake his smile from the other line. “Feel free to tell me if it’s awful. I’m no wine expert.”  
  
Jun allows a few seconds of silence to pass before he says, “Thank you. Seriously.” He didn’t expect to find such a thing waiting for him, another addition to his wine rack but this is clearly extra special since it was made on his birth year.  
  
“You’re welcome. My apologies if that surprised you; I’ll try to keep to the list next time,” Sho tells him.  
  
“I’m just not very good with surprises,” Jun admits. Perhaps Sho had heard how shocked he was earlier. “With the wishlist, I at least have an idea or two on what I’ll get. But that doesn’t mean I hated finding this in my mailbox. Because I didn’t.”  
  
Sho laughs on the other line, a hearty chuckle of amusement. “Tell me if it’s good or not.”  
  
“I will,” Jun says.  
  
“Until then, Jun-san. I won’t keep you from your evening.”  
  
“Until then,” Jun returns, biting back the urge to call Sho by his name. He ends the call and resolves not to touch his phone for a while, just to give himself enough time to let it all sink in.  
  
After a prolonged bath, Jun really can’t delay his dinner anymore so he reheats some leftover pasta and puts the wine in an ice bucket. It takes some time, but soon he’s able to pour himself a glass as he enjoys a late dinner.  
  
Jun takes a cautious sniff before lifting the glass to his lips, and he can’t help smiling at the wine’s rich taste. For someone who’s a self-proclaimed no wine expert, it tastes as if Sho knew exactly what he liked.  
  
Jun picks up his phone to take a photo, holding the wine glass in his hand that has the cuff bracelet on. He sends it to Sho’s number, and he only has to wait for a few seconds before he receives a reply.  
  
_Is it good? Or bad?_  
  
_Insanely good. You got this from Amazon?_  
  
_Oh, that’s a relief. I was going with my intuition since I can’t really pronounce Spanish. And no, that’s not from Amazon. I looked up an online wine shop._  
  
_You told me you used your Amazon points for this._  
  
_So I can spare that shop’s reputation in case their product is not to your liking. I was simply looking out for all parties involved. Forgive me._  
  
_This tastes expensive._  
  
_I was hoping it would. Good to know I haven’t been scammed._  
  
Jun is touched. He didn’t think Sho would go through such lengths. They are just textmates. One call isn’t enough to change their status, anyway. _Why?_ he finds himself asking.  
  
_Why what?_  
  
_Why send me this? You don’t really know me._  
  
_I do know you like Roger Federer. And that three-fourths of your Amazon wishlist is all books and manga titles. I know that you prefer rainy days since you believe it contributes to your efficiency, and I know you’re happy enough with the wine that you didn’t mind showing me that you’re wearing the bracelet too._  
  
That jars Jun for a bit, and he waits.  
  
_I do know some things_ , is Sho’s subsequent message. _I wouldn’t send such a gift to a mere stranger._  
  
_Still_ , Jun sends, not knowing what else to say.  
  
_Do you like it, Jun-san? Yes or no._  
  
Jun doesn’t have to fake anything. The wine compliments his dinner, and he already made a mental note to look up the brand so he can purchase more for himself. _Yes._  
  
_Did it make you happy?_  
  
_Yes. Very._  
  
_I’m glad. Please enjoy the rest of your dinner._  
  
That gets Jun to laugh. _You sound like a restaurant manager._  
  
_Do I, really?_  
  
Jun pauses at that, rereading it once, twice. Then it hits him that Sho’s referring to how Jun perceived his voice judging from the phone call earlier.  
  
_No. You sound like someone I’d love to watch on the news_ , Jun types. _Or on an insurance commercial._  
  
He receives a series of laughing emojis. _Unfortunately, I’m not related to any form of media, much less on the news. Are you serious with that reply?_  
  
_I am. You have a well-modulated voice._ The kind that would get Jun to listen, but of course he doesn’t admit that. At least not to Sho.  
  
_Does that mean you’re more open to phone calls now?_  
  
Jun decides to throw back another question of his own. _Are you?_  
  
_I maintain that we only call each other during emergencies. Or if there’s something you’d like to negotiate and you think it’d be time-consuming for you to text, you’re more than welcome to call me or leave a voicemail._  
  
Jun gives that a bit of thought. Sho would never ask for them to meet, so Jun has no worries about that. There are nearly fourteen million people in Tokyo, and anyone could be Sho for all Jun knew. Sho might not even be his real name (but Jun finds that very unlikely).  
  
The chances of them running into each other while having a phone call is very slim.  
  
But still, better to be cautious. Jun has an image he has to maintain, after all.  
  
_So tonight counts as an emergency?_ Jun texts back.  
  
_You did say you were absolutely sure you wanted to hear my voice._  
  
_That is an emergency for you?_ Jun can’t believe it.  
  
_You would find, Jun-san, that if you ask me for things, I would, to the best of my ability, consider them seriously before I text you regarding my decision. Tonight, I called you because you wanted to hear my voice. It’s that simple._  
  
Is it? Jun wishes he can do away with the overthinking. Is Sho really that generous? That trusting? Jun’s not aware he’s able to gain the man’s trust within a month of constant communication.  
  
Deciding to push his luck, Jun begins typing. _And if I wanted to hear your voice again, would you?_ He leaves the last bit unspecified and taps Send.  
  
_If I’m able to, then yes._  
  
_Why?_  
  
_Because you asked._  
  
Fuck. Jun puts his phone down for a moment and hides half of his face behind his hand, hating how he feels himself react. He’s not a teenager. But he may be into this (whatever this is) more than he accounted for, and he’s embarrassed that there’s a possibility that Nino and Aiba were able to gauge how much before he himself has realized it.  
  
Sho once said he liked being depended on, that he liked taking care of someone. Jun isn’t really looking to depend on someone, but in the past month, he’s been doing better and feeling less stressed and anxious. He’s felt more confident in his performance evaluations and staff meetings, like it’s easier for him to say what’s on his mind and make his demands.  
  
It’s...beneficial to him, whatever this is he has with Sho. It’s not something he wants to let go for now.  
  
But to read that Sho would do things just because he asked, that’s...that’s a bit too much. Jun doesn’t know him. Sho doesn’t know _him_.  
  
_You don’t have to do it just because I asked_ , Jun sends after a brief moment of silence.  
  
_I won’t just give you things, Jun-san. I give them to you when you’ve made me happy, because I want you to be happy, too. That’s how this works or did you understand it differently?_  
  
Jun’s prepared for that question since day one. _No. I understood that bit perfectly. And yet._  
  
_And yet you’re not used to anyone looking out for you?_  
  
That’s it, that’s exactly it. Jun is the most independent person Jun knows. He’s used to being looked upon for stability and perseverance. Even before he got promoted, he’s known for being efficient.  
  
_No_ , Jun admits. _I haven’t had someone like that._  
  
_No one’s rushing you. We’ll take it slow. If you don’t want to proceed anymore, just tell me. You may keep the gifts should you change your mind. They’re gifts so I’d really not want them back._  
  
_I’m not calling it off_ , Jun clarifies. _I’m just overwhelmed._  
  
_Understandable. Maybe we shouldn’t have rushed tonight?_  
  
Rushed? That makes Jun frown. Before he can type a question, there’s another text from Sho. _I wasn’t really planning on calling you. But you did ask._  
  
_I’m not taking that back_ , Jun texts, _I did want to hear your voice._  
  
_And? Anything else you want for tonight?_  
  
Jun knows that the ‘anything’ in the message really means anything—he understands that now. Sho isn’t just doing this to toy with him. It means something for him too, but what, Jun can’t tell for now.  
  
He looks at the wine glass to his left and throws all caution to the wind. _I wish I could pour you a glass._ He means it; the wine is good that he wishes he has someone to share it with.  
  
_Then pour me one._ It’s punctuated with the wine glass emoji.  
  
Jun plays along, grabbing another glass from his shelf and pouring wine. He takes a photo of his dining table with two wine glasses on the focus and sends it to Sho.  
  
_Pretend I’m there_ , is Sho’s next message for him.  
  
Jun laughs. _I don’t know how you look like, and I’m not really good at imagining people._  
  
_But you know how I sound like. That should be enough, no?_  
  
_Tell me what you’d do if you were here_ , Jun sends before he can reconsider and back out.  
  
_I gathered you’re likely a good cook, so whatever you made, I’d probably love it. I’d ask about your day and if that intern you keep talking about has new impersonations of you that annoys you but you secretly adore. Then I’d lift that glass you poured for me in a toast and say, “Renaissance!”_  
  
That gets Jun to laugh, head thrown back. _That’s such an old gag. You’re an old man, Sho-san. An old man with old gags._  
  
The reply he gets is a wine glass emoji with a _?_  
  
Jun shakes his head and gives in. Old man or not, this is one of the most enjoyable dinners he’s had in a long time.  
  
And he’s just alone with his phone.  
  
_Renaissance_ , he sends with the wine glass emoji.  
  
\--  
  
They make it to three months with hardly any changes to their arrangement. Jun is more open to sending photos, but none of them have his face or anything that would give him away. He shows Sho what he’d be having for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, tells Sho about work and the daily challenges it brings.  
  
If anyone in his department notices the changes in him, they don’t voice it out except for Nino. Toma did hint that Jun’s looking better as of late, that he seems less uptight and unforgiving, but since it’s Toma, Jun doesn’t trust his feedback to be reliable.  
  
Nino only gives Jun meaningful looks, and any recent trips to Aiba’s bar has Aiba doing the same. They don’t ask much, and when they do, Jun simply tells them the unchanging truth: he hasn’t met Sho, and no, he still has no plans of doing so.  
  
Both Nino and Aiba back down pretty quickly after that, choosing instead to talk about other things like the Giants’ upcoming game or any rumored celebrity divorce.  
  
Jun learns to adapt—to what’s expected of him, to his responsibilities. If his department performs according to standards, HR won’t be looking at them in cases of future reshuffles. Jun wants to keep his entire team intact for as long as he can, and he brings it upon himself to make sure they complete their job on time.  
  
That adds to his stress, though, as expected. But what nobody knows (save for Aiba and Nino) is that Jun has a personal destressor, someone he only reaches via text and the occasional phone calls. In three months, Sho has given him more than ten items from his wishlist, and a remote-controlled helicopter is the latest addition to the collection.  
  
The moment Jun unwrapped the package of the helicopter, he didn’t bother to wait for Sho’s text and sent a photo of the box with his hand in a peace sign.  
  
_I love it. Thank you_ , was his accompanying message for that one.  
  
_You’re welcome. Have fun_ , was the response he’d received back then.  
  
It became easier for Jun to adjust to the demands of his new position, as well as to thanking Sho should it be necessary. He gradually got more comfortable with adding things to his wishlist, and while receiving packages in the mail still surprised him, he no longer sent Sho any doubtful messages and instead thanked Sho for his gifts.  
  
He became less reserved about making demands, too, both with Sho and at work. He’s always been exacting and precise with what he expects from his department, but it took him a while to be able to channel the same determination when it came to asking Sho for things.  
  
_I want something_ , Jun sends, one night when spring is almost over and the trees are beginning to change colors.  
  
Sho’s response is there in moments. _Anything._  
  
_Do you know someone in Hakone?_  
  
_Hakone? Yes, I think I have a few contacts there, why?_  
  
Jun’s aware that what he’d text next would reveal more about him, but Hakone is not Tokyo and it really wouldn’t give away who he is if he’s just merely asking. _There’s a work-related event I have to attend there. I checked all online bookings for any nearby hotels but I can’t find any. It’s rather troublesome._  
  
He receives a laughing emoji, along with a _If you just wanted me to book a hotel room for you, you should have simply said so._  
  
_It’s not just a hotel room. It’s for work_ , Jun reiterates. _I tried the company HR but they were unsuccessful, and you’re my last chance before I decide to either back out or just drive back and forth._  
  
_When do you need it?_  
  
_Next Saturday. Is that possible? Or is it too late?_  
  
_Give me a moment._  
  
Jun doesn’t reply after that, picking up the remote control and playing a bit with the helicopter Sho got for him. It’s a weeknight and he somehow managed to finish his work earlier than expected, so he uses the bit of the time he has left to unwind a bit.  
  
His phone vibrates, and he carefully lowers the helicopter on the living room floor before checking it.  
  
_Where in Hakone and for how long?_  
  
So Jun replies with the details, choosing an area that’s quite far from where the convention will be held, perhaps one taxi ride away. He rereads his message before sending it, intending to be careful so as not to give anything away.  
  
Sho doesn’t reply, and Jun resumes with entertaining himself. He is yet to master how to properly control the toy—it’s flying a little shakily since Jun is yet to accurately approximate its weight when it’s suspended on midair.  
  
He’s starting to get used to flying the thing when his phone vibrates once more, and Jun takes care not to hit his ceiling fan as he lowers the toy back to the floor.  
  
_Got you one. Tell me if it’s unsatisfactory so I can try to book another._ There’s a link attached to his message, and when Jun taps on it, he stops and blinks, then he rereads the invoice.  
  
Sho booked a room for him in Kinnotake. Not just a room, but a deluxe one with an open-air veranda and a king size bed. Jun can’t believe it. There’s a link that gives him an overview of the facilities, and in Jun’s assessment, if he stays there, then he gets a better hotel than more than half of his superiors also invited in the convention.  
  
_This is too much_ , he sends.  
  
_Unsatisfactory?_  
  
_No_ , Jun replies immediately. _But I wasn’t looking for something this luxurious. I’ll only be there for two nights._  
  
_Two nights in a place rated 9.2 out of 10. I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable when you’re so far from Tokyo. You once said you don’t sleep well in a bed that isn’t your own._  
  
Jun can’t believe Sho remembers that. _I have no idea how you managed to book me in such a place in so little time._  
  
There’s a winking emoji from Sho, followed by _I know someone. Told them a friend is staying over in my stead._  
  
Jun reviews the invoice and finds all the information he needs: the hotel address, his room number, the inclusive breakfast should he wish to avail it. All booked under Roger Federer, which makes him snort.  
  
_I suppose you’re really good friends with this person that they allowed you to reserve for such a thing under Roger Federer?_ he sends.  
  
_For all you know, Jun-san, I could be Federer. Conquering Wimbledon might be my next goal._ There’s a series of tennis emojis following that one.  
  
_Seriously though, I can’t stay there._  
  
_Why not?_  
  
_I intend to pay you back. I wasn’t expecting a luxury hotel._  
  
_It’s a gift. You did say you wanted something._  
  
Jun scrolls back up and rereads his initial message, cursing at his carelessness. _You can’t be serious._  
  
_I am. Have fun in Hakone._  
  
Checking the fees Jun would have paid had Sho decided to charge him made Jun feel guiltier, as if he’s taking advantage of the situation.  
  
_I want to hear your voice_ , is what Jun sends next.  
  
_Demanding tonight?_  
  
Jun clicks his tongue despite Sho not hearing it. _I want to know if you’re really serious about this._  
  
_It’s just a hotel room. Relax._  
  
Jun really can’t. _Tell me that yourself._  
  
He only has to wait for a minute or two before his phone rings with Sho’s name as the caller ID. He picks up and chooses to say nothing.  
  
“Again, it’s just a hotel room. Don’t overthink it,” Sho tells him, his voice deep and tone patient.  
  
“I’ll pay you back for it,” Jun insists.  
  
“And I already told you it’s a gift. Don’t make this difficult.”  
  
Jun waits for a moment. “Are you angry now?”  
  
He hears Sho snort for the first time. “Nonsense. I was just telling you myself because you asked me to.”  
  
“Do you want any souvenirs?” Jun finds himself asking before he can think on it. He doesn’t have Sho’s address and he knows nothing about Sho aside from Sho’s number, but it’s out before he can help it.  
  
“Photos,” Sho says, and Jun thinks he might be smiling. “Whatever you feel like sharing.”  
  
“I don’t know how to thank you,” Jun admits, hating that his voice sounds smaller.  
  
“Say ‘thank you’. It’s that simple.”  
  
Jun wishes he can glare at Sho right now. “It’s a luxury hotel room.”  
  
He hears Sho hum. “I know what I booked.”  
  
“You said I can’t pay you,” Jun starts.  
  
“It’s a gift. I don’t accept payments for gifts,” Sho says.  
  
“Okay,” Jun says. “Then I’ll make you a deal.”  
  
From the other line, he hears nothing but Sho’s breathing for a few moments. “If you wanted to negotiate, you should have just said so.”  
  
“Hear me out. Since I can’t pay you, I want to request that you don’t send me stuff for a while,” Jun tells him.  
  
Even without seeing Sho’s face, Jun can somehow tell that the man is frowning and feeling confused. “Why not?”  
  
“At least until you get back the money you used for tonight,” Jun explains. “That, or you let me pay for the room.”  
  
“You know,” Sho says with a slight laugh, “you are the most difficult one I’ve had.”  
  
“What, because the ones before me just accepted your gifts without any complaints?” Jun clarifies.  
  
“Exactly,” Sho says. “But perhaps that’s also why my arrangements with the others came to an end.” A pause, and Jun just waits. “All right. I won’t send you stuff until I get back my money. Are you happy now?”  
  
“Yes,” Jun mutters, amazed at how he was able to persuade Sho so quickly. “Thank you.”  
  
This time, when Sho smiles on the other line, Jun’s certain of it.  
  
“You’re welcome. Have fun next week.”  
  
\--  
  
The convention held at Hakone is exclusive for the chain of companies Jun’s part of. Their guest speaker is a renowned COO of an international company with a branch in Japan, and while Jun isn’t looking forward to hours of lecture about leadership and corporate synergy, a change of scenery is appreciated.  
  
Jun was allowed to put forth two other names to accompany him to Hakone, and of course he picked Nino and Toma to come with him, the two of them rooming together somewhere close to the venue.  
  
“How come you’re staying somewhere else?” Nino demands when they’re seated beside each other in the event hall and waiting for the program to start. “Perks of being the boss? Toma talks in his sleep. Swap rooms with me, Jun-kun.”  
  
“You wish,” Jun says, waving Nino off. “Besides, I have to take a taxi to get here. You guys just have to walk. If I switch with you, you’re never attending because you would never fork that money for a taxi fare.”  
  
Nino puts a hand over his heart. “This is a company-paid convention, Jun-kun. Of course I’d still try to show up so as not to give our department a bad image.” Nino pats his thigh. “Wouldn’t want to bother my boss.”  
  
“I should have picked Muro-san instead of you,” Jun says.  
  
“That would be a bad idea,” Toma says, finally returning from his restroom break. “That guy snores. It’d be hell for me.”  
  
“And now it’s hell for me,” Nino says, shaking his head. “I should have been at home. Persona 5 was just recently released, and I am yet to dedicate to it the time it so greatly deserves.”  
  
Jun pinches his nasal bridge. “If you have any complaints, I’m sure HR has some forms you can fill out.”  
  
“I’m not complaining,” Toma says defensively. “Nino’s just being mean, as always. Thank goodness it’s a twin bed.”  
  
“Small mercies,” Nino says in agreement, checking his watch. “How long do I intend to have us waiting in here?”  
  
“I think it’s starting,” Jun tells them, glancing at his watch as well. The pamphlet said the talk will begin at ten in the morning.  
  
Someone taps on the microphone, and Jun focuses his attention on the stage. There has to be more than a hundred people in this hall, and if there are those who ditched the program and decided to go sightseeing in Hakone instead, Jun thinks their presence would hardly be accounted for.  
  
“Apologies for the wait,” Higashiyama-san says, and to his right, Jun hears Nino snort.  
  
“When Higashi tells you to be patient, it’s like you have no choice,” Nino comments.  
  
“You call him that?” Jun asks, half-laughing. “That’s how you refer to him behind his back?”  
  
“Come on, I call Takahashi from accounting ‘baldy’,” Nino says with a smirk. “Higashi here shouldn’t surprise you.”  
  
“He has worse nicknames for the interns,” Toma informs him. “Honestly, you don’t want to know.”  
  
“I have to be creative in order to keep my job,” Nino reasons.  
  
Jun focuses back on the stage, half-listening to the speaker introduction. The projectors on either side of the stage show whatever credentials the guest speaker has, and Jun has to admit, they’re ones he could probably attain for himself had he been given twenty-five years.  
  
Which makes the guy Higashiyama-san is introducing rather impressive. Jun’s expecting someone close to Higashiyama’s age, perhaps only a few years younger.  
  
“What do we get for lunch?” Toma suddenly asks, just when Higashiyama gives the floor to their distinguished speaker for today and the next day. “This is inclusive of lunch, yeah?”  
  
Jun rolls his eyes. “You should really read the pamphlet next time.”  
  
“I forgot where I put it,” Toma says. “Don’t be so hard on me.”  
  
Another mic tap, and Jun has to squint behind his glasses to see clearly.  
  
“Higashiyama-san here made it sound like I’m really this cool person, but I’m not,” the speaker says with a shy laugh. Beside Jun, he thinks Nino and Toma may be laughing in acknowledgement, but he can’t hear much from what’s happening on his sides.  
  
He knows that voice.  
  
It can’t be.  
  
“Once again, a good day to you all. My personal apologies for the delayed start; there was a technical problem that we had to address.” The man waves his hand, and Jun whips his head towards the screens.  
  
It’s him. It couldn’t be anyone else. Sho, his textmate and occasional caller Sho, the one who signs off stuff as Roger Federer is none other than Sakurai Sho, COO and guest speaker for the two-day convention.  
  
Jun can’t believe it.  
  
“Jun-kun?” Nino asks beside him. “You all right?”  
  
Jun can’t take his eyes off Sho’s face. He’s smiling, showing off perfectly white teeth as he begins what seems to be an impromptu talk while only carrying a Bluetooth controller to navigate through his presentation. Jun can make out formal words like ‘strategy’ and ‘decision-making’, but the words blur over each other, his surprise clouding his understanding.  
  
The bracelet on his wrist feels like it’s burning the longer he stares at Sho’s face. There’s no way he can forget it now, not when he finally has a face to associate with the voice and the gifts.  
  
Jun won’t deny it and it’s mostly because he can’t: Sakurai Sho is a charming intellectual and an attractive one too. His cheeks are a bit chubby, but he has these lines surrounding his eyes when he smiles. He’s of a smaller built than Jun, the stage looking like it’s too big for him, but it’s as if he can make it his own with just a few slides into his presentation.  
  
Sho’s not even looking at them. He’s just pressing that Bluetooth device without glancing behind him, as if he knows the exact arrangement of his slides and what to say for each before moving on. He’s an adept speaker, brimming with confidence and intellect, and Jun has to let out a breath to anchor himself.  
  
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Toma asks, and Jun straightens in his seat, reaching up to loosen his tie. It’s suddenly too hot. “You need some fresh air?”  
  
“I’m fine,” Jun says dismissively. He pulls at the sleeve of his suit jacket to hide the cuff bracelet. “Just a little tired from the trip, I guess.”  
  
On his other side, Nino says nothing.  
  
Jun turns back to Sho’s face, hating that indescribable plunge in his gut whenever he catches a glimpse of Sho’s smile. Jun wonders if he’s managed to make Sho smile like that in any of their conversations. Did his mundane day-to-day woes bring a bit of joy to Sho’s life, considering he had bigger problems than any technical affairs chief would have?  
  
The more he studies Sho’s face—the creases, the shape of his nose, his cheeks—, the more he believes that this is the same man who’d sent him all those things. The bracelet that he now wishes he didn’t wear. That 1983 wine that he only partakes in when something really good happened for the day. That set of novels that he is yet to finish reading. The helicopter that he wants to master to fly.  
  
The hotel room Sho booked for him. A part of Jun wonders if Sho knew, if he had any inkling that he’d find Jun (or vice versa) since they’d be in the same place at the same time.  
  
And yet, the longer he looks at Sho’s face, the more he becomes convinced that Sho honestly had no idea. They never crossed paths in Tokyo. Hakone was a coincidence, and there was no way Sho could have orchestrated this. Jun never told Sho what company he works for, and looking him up would yield hundreds of results—there are thousands of Matsumoto Juns living in Tokyo.  
  
So while Sho had his name and address thanks to Amazon, it was impossible that Sho knew they’d be in the same event hall at the same time. A quick scan of his surroundings revealed more than a hundred people.  
  
Sho couldn’t have known.  
  
But what were the chances?  
  
Jun’s not listening to Sho talk anymore, and not because what Sho’s saying doesn’t make sense, but because each deep intonation he hears out of Sho’s mouth reminds him of those few times they shared a phone call.  
  
It’s him, all right. That part, Jun can somehow accept after recovering from his initial shock.  
  
The part he’s having trouble wrapping his head around is that this is not how he expected Sho to look like. He looks like a man in his thirties, yes, but Jun somehow imagined Sho would be older in appearance because of the way he spoke. Sho used keigo in all of his texts and his calls. He would crack jokes in keigo, and while that kills a bit of the humor, Jun found it strangely charming.  
  
And now he’s watching Sho put that charm to use with each word he utters in front of his audience. Jun looks around and finds majority of the people around him to be listening, with the younger ones even taking notes.  
  
The man who has listened to his every complaint is the same man who’s currently telling them all how to delegate better, how to maximize a team’s potential in order to cover the tasks at hand.  
  
Jun lets out a tiny laugh when realization hits him, not caring if he seems weird to Nino and Toma.  
  
Sho is basically teaching them all how to take care of people, in the same way he knows how to take care of Jun and the ones before Jun.  
  
Jun was not expecting this to be the outcome of this Hakone convention.  
  
“You’re being creepy right now,” Nino tells him, frank as ever.  
  
Jun is itching to tell someone, but he knows he can’t. It’s highly possible that Sho hasn’t talked about him to anyone. Jun doesn’t want to break his trust.  
  
“Then stop looking at me,” Jun says out of the corner of his mouth.  
  
“I’m trying, but you keep fidgeting,” Nino complains. “Can you chill for once?”  
  
No, I really can’t, Jun wants to say, but he manages to put his foot stomping to a halt. He wasn’t even aware that he was doing it.  
  
“What’s up?” Nino asks, leaning closer.  
  
Jun knows he can tell Nino anything, but he can’t just blurt out “Mr. Sugar is right there, Nino” and expect Nino to be quiet about it.  
  
Not when he’s so affected himself.  
  
So Jun just shakes his head and gives Nino this look which he hopes is reassuring. “I’m fine. Just remembered something.”  
  
Toma leans into Jun’s space. “You move one muscle again, Matsumoto, and I’m changing seats. I’m trying to listen to this guy. He sounds like he knows what he’s talking about.”  
  
Jun resolves to be as still as possible, keeping his posture stiff and unyielding. He watches Sho move and talk, crack a few jokes that has the audience chuckling, and when Sho finally cuts his lecture halfway to announce the late but free lunch, he exhales half out of relief.  
  
“Lunch time, at last,” Toma says, stretching.  
  
“Go save a spot for the three of us,” Nino says, shooing Toma away. As soon as Toma departs, he turns to Jun. “Seriously, are you okay? You’ve been acting funny since that guy started talking.”  
  
Jun doesn’t say anything, only dismisses Nino’s concerns with a shake of his head. He stands and gestures towards the exits. “Let’s go get lunch.” Maybe he’d deal with this better if he had something in his stomach.  
  
“Matsumoto-kun,” he hears Higashiyama call from behind him, and Jun bows the moment he turns to face the man. How Higashiyama found them so easily in a crowded hall, Jun has no idea. “Come. I’ll introduce all of our company’s department heads to our guest speaker. It won’t take too much of your time.”  
  
Fuck. Jun wants to run, to follow Toma to the buffet table so he can pretend he hallucinated the last three hours, but there’s no way he can decline a direct order from his superior.  
  
Nino squeezes his shoulder. “Find us later. We’ll have food for you.”  
  
Then Nino leaves and Jun has no choice but to follow Higashiyama towards the stage. Nino was right: whatever Higashiyama says, there’s no other option.  
  
He becomes self-conscious the closer he gets to the stage. He can see Sho exchanging handshakes and a few words with the people from their sister companies, and Jun can see his colleagues waiting for him and Higashiyama.  
  
There seems to be queue, and Jun stays beside Nino’s beloved baldy, Takahashi-san, as Higashiyama does the introduction for them.  
  
“He seems like a nice guy, doesn’t he?” Takahashi says, and Jun wishes everyone would stop rubbing on his face how amazing Sho seems to be.  
  
“I guess,” Jun says noncommittally, devoid of emotion.  
  
“But he’s so young. He’s just like you, Matsumoto-kun. So young and with a bright career ahead of them,” Takahashi says with a smile.  
  
Jun doesn’t get to respond to that, because the next thing he sees is that Takahashi is shaking hands with Sho rather enthusiastically.  
  
Hearing Sho’s laugh this close is something Jun can never prepare himself for.  
  
“This is Matsumoto Jun,” Higashiyama says, and Jun makes sure to lower his head in a polite bow, “head of our technical affairs department.”  
  
When Jun straightens, something’s changed in Sho’s face. He’s still smiling, but it’s not as bright and as cheerful as the one he sported earlier, his eyes narrowed. When he offers his hand, Jun takes it cautiously, trying not to get too accustomed to the warmth emitted by Sho’s touch.  
  
They’re so close, and fuck it, just fuck it. Sho smells really good, to the point Jun wants to hold his breath just so he’d remember less.  
  
He readjusts his tie and he sees Sho’s eyes snap to his wrist, where the edges of the cuff bracelet can be seen underneath the sleeve of his suit jacket.  
  
Sho loses his smile then, his eyes widening when Jun meets his gaze once more.  
  
Did he notice? Does he know it’s Jun?  
  
“Sakurai-san?” Higashiyama asks, and Jun sees Sho smile once more, but it looks forced to him somehow.  
  
“Forgive me, Higashiyama-san,” Sho says, not taking his eyes off Jun’s. “I was surprised you have a department head who’s close to my age.”  
  
The phone calls were nothing compared to the real deal, getting to hear Sho speak in this distance.  
  
“Ah yes. Matsumoto-kun’s been recently promoted. He’s the youngest of them, but he can be put against them and not get left behind,” Higashiyama boasts, making Jun redden a bit in embarrassment.  
  
“You exaggerate, Higashiyama-san,” Jun says. To Sho, he manages a slight bow. “Lovely to meet you, Sakurai-san.”  
  
He looks up just as Sho responds with “Likewise.”  
  
Higashiyama steps to the side, gesturing to Jun’s colleague, but before Sho allows himself to be led to the next person, Jun catches him mouthing the words “I’m sorry” to him.  
  
Yes, Jun wants to say, I’m sorry too.  
  
\--  
  
Jun receives no message of any kind about the events of the day, and he finds that he prefers it than Sho acknowledging what happened. Without anything on his phone, he can pretend it didn’t happen. He can delude himself that Sho didn’t recognize him, and that Sakurai Sho is a different Sho from the one who purchases gifts for him from time to time.  
  
He never liked surprises.  
  
The following morning, Jun’s sorely tempted to skip the convention and do as Toma did: to go sightseeing in Hakone and visit water parks to take commemorative shots, but he knows Higashiyama would be looking for his face in the event hall so he doesn’t dare.  
  
Nino, meanwhile, refused to leave his room and gave Jun some shitty excuse like his bed doesn’t want to let him go and has taken him captive. As if that could happen for real.  
  
So Jun attends the second day on his own, changing seats and picking the cornermost seat so Sho wouldn’t see him much.  
  
The rest of Sho’s talk proceeds in the same manner as the day before, but Jun catches Sho throwing glances towards the direction of his seat more often, as if Sho’s checking if he’s there or not. How he can single out Jun in the crowd of more than a hundred, Jun doesn’t know, and there’s that irritating part of him that actually feels happy about it.  
  
The day concludes with Jun not bothering to stick around for the complimentary dinner, instead hailing a taxi to take him back to his hotel where he can begin packing. He has to leave Hakone the following morning, and while he’s not expected to show up for work on that day, he doesn’t want his pending work to pile up.  
  
He’s halfway to the hotel when he gets a message, and he’s not surprised to discover the sender. This was a bit late, but maybe Sho was being considerate and had to give himself some time to digest what had happened the day before.  
  
Perhaps Jun wasn’t the only one so affected by their unexpected meeting.  
  
_You didn’t stick around for dinner_ , is Sho’s text.  
  
_No_ , Jun types, deciding to be honest. _I have to pack._  
  
_I’m sorry_ , is the next thing Jun reads. _Had I known, I would have declined the invitation to give that talk. I thought it wasn’t possible even if the dates you had given me when I booked your room overlapped with my stay in Hakone._  
  
_Why would you decline just for my sake?_ Jun asks, not really bothering to use keigo.  
  
_I would never have wanted you to become uncomfortable. You said you never wanted to meet me, and I truly intended to honor that till the end. I’m sorry._  
  
Jun sighs. He can’t find it in him to be angry at Sho. _It’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault. We both didn’t know._  
  
_Still, for whatever it’s worth, I really am sorry._  
  
Jun makes it to his hotel room by the time he decides to reply. _You know where I’m staying._  
  
He has to wait for a few moments to get a response. _What are you asking for?_  
  
_We can’t undo what happened_ , Jun sends, followed by _and I know there are things you want to ask me on how we’d proceed from here. Since we can’t do anything about our accidental meeting, let’s just make the most of it._  
  
_I’ll ask again:_ is Sho’s next message for him, _what are you asking for?_  
  
Jun gives himself a full minute to weigh pros and cons. What else did he have to lose? _Come here and have a chat with me._  
  
_Are you sure? I don’t think that’s a good idea._  
  
Sho already knows who he is, how he looks like, even his mailing address thanks to those gifts. Sho knows he likes wine, that his most recent addition to the wishlist is an electric massager. There’s hardly anything worth hiding, now that Jun considers it.  
  
_Yes, I’m sure. You know where to go._  
  
He has to wait for nearly five minutes before his phone vibrates with a message. _Give me an hour at most._  
  
Jun doesn’t dignify that with a reply, and he shifts his attention to packing his things. He has until noon of tomorrow before he has to checkout, but since he’s not a morning person, he can’t put off packing his stuff lest he forgets something in the room as soon as he has to vacate it.  
  
He’s barely aware of the time passing until he’s interrupted by his doorbell ringing, and Jun straightens his clothes as he stands up. He’s still in his slacks with the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled to his elbows. He’s ditched the tie, put it amongst his dirty laundry in a separate bag, and he readjusts his glasses as he makes his way to the door.  
  
Opening it reveals Sho, who’s still dressed in the suit that fits him so nicely. Jun believes it’s custom-made.  
  
Jun tilts his head in question when Sho’s merely looking at him, then Sho lets out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head.  
  
“I still can’t believe it’s you; you have to forgive me,” Sho says.  
  
Jun steps aside to let him in without another word.  
  
“This really is a nice room,” Sho says as he looks around. “Is the view really good from that veranda?”  
  
“It’ll do,” Jun says, and Sho turns to him with a smile.  
  
“May I sit?” Sho asks, gesturing to the couch.  
  
Jun nods. He leans against the counter, and for a while, neither of them say anything. Sho’s looking at him, taking in his fill of Jun’s appearance, and Jun can’t deny that he’s doing the same.  
  
“We were going to talk,” Sho says as a reminder, a soft smile on his face. Jun wishes he’d stop looking like that.  
  
Maybe it was really not a good idea to have Sho in his room.  
  
“Yes.” Jun rests his weight against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. He doesn’t miss Sho’s line of sight, how Sho lingers on the bracelet around his wrist. He waits until Sho’s eyes snap back to his face. “I wasn’t lying when I said I like it.”  
  
“It’s one thing to read that in a text and another thing to see for myself, hear you say it personally,” Sho says. He has his legs crossed, hands on the armrests. Jun didn’t turn on all of the lights, and seeing Sho half-bathed in shadows really makes it difficult for Jun to find words.  
  
“I was wondering how we’d proceed from here,” Jun says, licking his lips. He looks past Sho as he says the next bit, “I said no to meetups, but due to circumstances neither of us could have foreseen, here we are.”  
  
“If you want to call it off, you’re free to do so,” Sho offers. “I would understand. But at the very least, I want you to know that I had no intentions to break whatever we had agreed on. That I’m sorry.”  
  
“I know that,” Jun tells him, and despite the distance between them, he’s glad he can see the changes in Sho’s expression. “And you don’t have to apologize. It’s not your fault.”  
  
“Still. I saw how you looked at me when we had to shake hands.” Sho inclines his head to the side, watching him. “How did you know it was me?”  
  
Jun lets out a tiny laugh at that. “Your voice gave it away.”  
  
He hears Sho sigh. “And to think, I even called you the night before, asking about this room and how it was for you. You knew it was me the moment I talked?”  
  
“The moment you cracked an old man joke confirmed it, actually,” Jun says.  
  
He is rewarded with one of Sho’s smiles, followed by a laugh. “You’re too hard to please. Without your wishlist, I’d be lost.”  
  
Jun sees Sho lean forward a little, watching him closely. “If you want to call it off, you can. You may keep whatever I gave you.”  
  
“What makes you think I asked you to come here to call it off?” Jun asks.  
  
“We’ve met,” is all Sho says, as if that should explain everything.  
  
“Yes. That was rather unfortunate,” Jun says. “But that doesn’t mean I want this to end here.”  
  
“What do you want now, Jun-san?” Sho asks, eyes narrowed. His voice has reached that baritone that Jun always looked forward to hearing each time Sho would call him. It sounds better without any microphone distorting it.  
  
“There’s something I’m curious about,” Jun begins, and when he’s positive that Sho’s listening intently, he continues, “what did Aiba-san tell you about me?”  
  
“That he has a friend he thinks I might be interested in,” Sho says. “May I know what Aiba-chan told you about me?”  
  
The suffix use is enough to confirm Sho’s long-standing association with Aiba, ticking off another item in Jun’s list of curiosities. “That I should text you if I feel like it,” Jun recalls. “Next question.”  
  
“Are we going with this systematically?”  
  
“You spent two days delivering a lecture on systematic and strategic decision-making. I may have picked up a thing or two.” Jun shrugs. Try as he might, he couldn’t help listening to Sho’s presentation, not when Sho spoke in such a compelling manner. “How come you never made any demands save for the photos?”  
  
“The photos were enough to make me happy,” Sho answers smoothly. “Now I’m no longer expecting you to send me some that would chronicle your stay in Hakone, but should you decide to do so, know that I’d still appreciate them.”  
  
“Next thing I want to know,” Jun says, quirking one of his eyebrows, “do you always speak like this? Always in keigo?”  
  
“I’m trying to be respectful,” Sho reasons.  
  
Jun decides to let that one go. “Going back to my main concern: you’re free to make demands too, you know.”  
  
“Am I?” Sho’s bottom lip juts out as he contemplates, and Jun is having a hard time looking away from it. “I don’t know, Jun-san. You never gave me the impression that you’d consider whatever I asked from you. You’re a very headstrong and stubborn person, that’s what I’ve gathered. That impression was solidified yesterday, with the way you conducted yourself after seeing that I recognized you.”  
  
“You can ask for things,” Jun tells him. “You did ask for photos, but that was all you did. I sent you photos to confirm that I got your gifts, and all you did after was to thank me for informing you, for showing you that I did get them.”  
  
“Did they make you happy?” Sho asks, looking straight at him.  
  
“What?”  
  
“My gifts. Did they make you happy?”  
  
“Yes.” Jun lifts his wrist for emphasis. “Very much so.”  
  
The corner of Sho’s lips quirks up. “Even the helicopter?”  
  
“Especially the helicopter. I’ve gotten really good at flying it.”  
  
Sho leans back on his seat. “Then that’s good enough for me.”  
  
“I just told you I have no intentions of calling it off, and you’re telling me you’re good with whatever we have going on?” Jun asks.  
  
Sho nods. “I’d never want for you to be uncomfortable, I’ve said that. I promised we’d take it slow, and so we are. Tonight is an isolated incident, a bit of a fast forward that neither of us could’ve accounted for. Regardless, as long as you’re enjoying yourself, it’s good enough for me.”  
  
“Well, what if what I want for you is to demand for things should you feel like it?” Jun asks, changing tactics.  
  
He hears Sho inhale sharply. “You don’t want that.”  
  
“I really think I do,” Jun says, matching Sho’s stubbornness with his own. “We’ve met, it’s done. Now I’m suggesting we just go with this in the same way you went with it in the past.”  
  
“There’s a reason those past arrangements have ended,” Sho tells him patiently despite Jun not hearing that for the first time. “What are you really asking for? Are you expecting me to stick to not meeting you so we can treat yesterday as an outlier?”  
  
“I’m saying we can do away with not meeting since circumstances didn’t really work in our favor,” Jun says, not looking elsewhere but Sho. “And that I really would like for you to be more open should you want something from me.”  
  
He hears Sho exhale, his bottom lip trembling as he shuts his eyes. “Don’t do this.”  
  
That surprises Jun. “Do what?”  
  
“This. You’re asking for something you don’t really know.”  
  
“I think I know what I want,” Jun says, getting impatient now. “And I just told you what.” It’s always him demanding, asking for things. He wants Sho to do the same, just to see if he can make it happen in the way Sho makes things happen for him.  
  
The next time Sho opens his eyes, there’s nothing soft in his expression or with the look he directs at Jun. “I’m honestly having a hard time right now.”  
  
That makes Jun frown. “Why?”  
  
Sho scans him from head to foot, eyes lingering on his exposed forearms before meeting his line of sight once more. “Have you seen yourself? I’m trying my best to hold back here, and right now, all I’m going to ask for is for you to cease teasing me.”  
  
That admission makes Jun feel warmth all over his body, a tingle traveling up his spine. “What do you want for tonight?” he asks, keeping his voice low and full of meaning.  
  
Sho gives him this disapproving look. “Don’t.”  
  
“What do you want for tonight?” Jun repeats, meaning every word. Whatever Sho asks for, if Sho can ask for it, he’d seriously consider. He wants to give back, and that desire is so overwhelming that he can almost taste it.  
  
He wants to see if he can affect Sho as much as Sho can affect him.  
  
“Jun-san,” Sho says in warning, and it’s Jun’s cue to make his way to where Sho is.  
  
He only stops when he’s standing right in front of the man. “Tell me what you want.”  
  
Sho looks torn, and he’s clenching his jaw like it can help him as he continues to hold himself back. “You said no to this once.”  
  
“I remember saying no to masturbating on camera for you. But there’s no camera right now.”  
  
Sho doesn’t look at him. “You said no to sex.”  
  
“No, I didn’t. You assumed I did because I said no to jacking off on Skype for you,” Jun reminds him. “Think back.”  
  
Sho remains quiet for a few beats. “You never mentioned Skype.”  
  
“Same idea. There’s no camera, is there?”  
  
Sho looks up at him, and Jun keeps his arms crossed to prevent himself from reaching out and touching Sho. He won’t be the first to give in.  
  
“What do you want?” Jun asks, voice dropping to a whisper. “Tell me what you want.”  
  
He watches Sho take a deep breath, and with his rushing exhale comes what Jun wants to hear: “Take a shower.”  
  
The corner of Jun’s mouth lifts in a small smile, and just to tease, he asks, “You won’t join me?”  
  
“No,” Sho says firmly. “Take a shower, but don’t take too long.”  
  
“All right.” Jun makes sure to remove his glasses when he’s standing in front of Sho, just to see how it’ll affect the man.  
  
He doesn’t miss how Sho unconsciously licks his lips.  
  
He leaves for the shower without looking back, feeling eyes on him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind the rating.

Jun showers quickly but thoroughly, and when he’s done, he chooses to just wrap a towel around his waist before he heads out, locking gazes with Sho as soon as he crosses the threshold despite Sho still seated on the couch.  
  
Jun knows how his body looks like, and he watches how Sho allows his eyes to roam, looking at him from head to foot as he makes way in front of Sho once more.  
  
“I took that shower as you asked,” Jun states, even if there’s no need for him to.  
  
“I noticed,” Sho says, and there, his voice is gravelly, like he’s merely seconds away from touching Jun. “You smell really good.”  
  
“And? What else do you want?” Jun asks, watching how Sho’s eyes stop at the mark beside his left nipple.  
  
“I want to know if you’re absolutely certain you want to pursue a sexual relationship from here on,” Sho says, voice flat and almost monotonous.  
  
Jun stares at him. “I can’t believe you put it like that. That sounds like it came straight from a TV shopping channel.”  
  
Sho only looks at him, eyes serious. “Are you?”  
  
“I want to know where this will take us, now that we’ve met.”  
  
“That’s not a yes or a no.” Sho’s eyes narrow at him. “I’ve been almost completely anonymous to you in the past months, save for the phone calls. I’m sure you can understand where I’m coming from—you don’t really know me. Not until yesterday.”  
  
“You haven’t known me until yesterday either,” Jun reasons. He can’t explain it, but finally having a face to attach to that person who made him feel important thrills him. “But I do know you, I think. I know you like sending me stuff when I’ve made you happy because you want me to be happy as well. I know you like it when I ask for things because you’re getting what you want out of this. And I know you’re Sakurai Sho, which totally explains why you can buy all those things for me and tell me to relax and just accept it.”  
  
Sho looks away for a moment. “You still haven’t answered the question.”  
  
Jun has to do a mental count. He’s almost naked, and yet he’s here talking technicalities with a man who also looks like he’s mere seconds away from snapping and touching Jun. “Yes. Is that all you needed to hear?”  
  
“Right now, I want your hard limits,” is what Sho says next.  
  
Jun blinks. Did he hear that correctly? “My hard limits?”  
  
Sho nods, pulling out his phone. “On second thought, I want the soft ones too. I’m not doing this unless I know them.”  
  
Jun appreciates that, but the timing is a little unexpected. Then again, Jun is starting to think Sho has a penchant for addressing things at the odd time.  
  
Jun sighs, relenting. “All right. No scat, no watersports—”  
  
“I know that. Do I look like I’m into that?” Sho interrupts, incredulous.  
  
Jun laughs. “I’m just teasing,” he admits, enjoying how Sho scrunches his nose in impatience. Perhaps he’s not so immune to Jun at present. “But that’s it. I’m never letting you spit on me. I’m not into humiliation. You can’t address me with pet names. I’m never going to be into pet play, so you can’t expect me to wear a collar for you. I will never agree to calling you master, and I’ll never be into becoming your slave even for just a few hours. Absolutely no breathplay or erotic asphyxiation—whatever you call it. I’m clean but I don’t know your history, so should that time come, no unprotected sex. And you can’t have me crossdress; I’d rather wear nothing than a pink, lacy thong.”  
  
Sho only nods like he didn’t expect anything else, fingers tapping away. “I’m clean too, just so you know. But you’re right about histories. And your soft limits?”  
  
Jun has to take a moment to think about it. “Not now, but maybe you can experiment with ropes or any kind of binds someday. I’m not really fond of being restrained, but it’s something I’ll be willing to explore in the future as long as the circumstances feel right. If we negotiate it thoroughly, that is.” Jun shrugs his shoulders, and he didn’t miss how Sho’s eyes lingered on the curves of each. “Other than that, anything goes as long as you have my consent. If I think of anything more, I’ll have you know.”  
  
Sho nods in acceptance, showing Jun his phone once more. Jun smiles at the bulleted format and nods when he finds nothing awry. Sho tucks away his phone inside his jacket pocket before looking up at him again.  
  
“I want a safeword. Your safeword,” Sho tells him, his chin now resting on his knuckles. He looks so attractive in that suit of his, his long hair falling a bit over his eyebrows and adding to his handsomeness.  
  
Jun thinks he’s never wanted something as much as he wants whatever’s about to happen now.  
  
“Hakone,” Jun says immediately—it’s the first word he can think of.  
  
“Hakone,” Sho repeats in acknowledgement. “That word holds for as long as we’re doing this.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
Their gazes meet once more, and Jun lets a couple of seconds pass for an understanding to fall between them.  
  
Then Sho tilts his chin, gesturing towards the bed. “Get on the bed.”  
  
Jun does, taking steps back until the backs of his knees hit the mattress. He takes a seat on the edge and looks at Sho, waiting.  
  
“I’m not going to touch you tonight,” Sho says, and Jun tries to ignore that pang of disappointment that he suddenly feels at that statement. “Not tonight. I just want to see you tonight.”  
  
“Ask,” Jun says, wanting it to hear it from Sho himself. If Sho ever talked dirty to him using that deep voice of his, Jun thinks he’d be so into it.  
  
“Remove the towel, then get to the middle of the bed and spread your legs. Show me,” Sho says slowly, each syllable uttered with a husk that makes warmth pool in Jun’s gut.  
  
Jun obeys, wanting to see how his actions will affect Sho, who sits unmoving on the couch with his legs crossed, chin still resting on his knuckles. The fingers of his other hand are drumming a rhythm that Jun can’t name against the armrest.  
  
When Jun gets comfortable, his head on the plush pillows, he throws Sho this questioning look.  
  
“Begin,” is all Sho says.  
  
Jun never really masturbated in front of anyone before, but his desires to see Sho so undone wins over any embarrassment he might have felt. He saw how Sho took in his form, his thighs, his calves. How Sho looked at his cock and his ass, how his eyes raked across Jun’s body in a way that’s almost as intimate had Sho opted to touch him.  
  
Jun wants to see Sho crack.  
  
Jun licks from the heel of his palm to the tip of his middle finger, ascertaining his hand is wet enough before he wraps it around himself, giving a few but firm strokes.  
  
Usually, when Jun does this, there’s porn on mute and he’s just imagining all sorts of things. Lately, he’s found himself imagining a deep, breathy voice against his ear, telling him what to do.  
  
He’s so close to that fantasy, if only Sho would get off that couch and be closer to him.  
  
Snapping his eyes open and looking at Sho’s direction, Jun flushes at discovering that he’s being watched so intently. He redoubles his efforts, touching himself more quickly now, the slick and obscene sounds ringing in his ears.  
  
Across from him, a few paces away, he can hear Sho breathing hard. When Jun stretches on the bed and hyperextends his neck, he hears Sho’s quiet “fuck”.  
  
“Do you like that?” Jun asks, ending in a gasp. “Do you like seeing me like this?”  
  
He catches Sho tilting his head to the side. “Spread your legs wider.”  
  
Jun does, planting his feet firmly on the mattress. “Like this?”  
  
“Wider,” Sho says. Jun obeys, but he has to arch his back a little to achieve the pose. “That’s it.”  
  
“You like that?” Jun manages to breathe out.  
  
“Yes,” Sho says, his voice so low that it only adds to the heat building up between Jun’s legs. “Perfect. Now use your left hand.”  
  
That gets Jun to stop, eyes searching Sho’s. “What?” he asks, breathless.  
  
“You heard me. Your left hand now.”  
  
Jun takes a few seconds before he licks his left palm and wraps it around himself. Its grip is not as experienced as his dominant hand, and sometimes his strokes are too soft for his liking that he can’t help groaning a bit in frustration.  
  
“I’m not left-handed,” he complains, shooting Sho a look.  
  
“I know. But with the rate you were going, you would have come sooner than I preferred,” Sho says, and Jun sees him smile. “Hold out a little for me.”  
  
Jun buries the side of his face against the pillows, stroking himself as fast as he can with his left hand. It doesn’t grip right, but he manages to compensate by lifting his hips off the bed and meeting his fist halfway.  
  
“Are you close?” he hears Sho ask after a few moments of nothing but the sounds of Jun jerking off.  
  
“Yes,” Jun says, biting his bottom lip.  
  
“Come, then,” Sho tells him. “Show me. Show me everything.”  
  
Jun loses himself in it, giving his cock the friction it needs, and when the insides of his thighs tingle, he lets out a satisfied groan, back lifting from the bed as he spills over himself. Warmth spreads to his abdomen, some of it landing on his forearm and fingers, but it doesn’t matter. He is yet to come down from his high.  
  
For a short while, Jun simply lies back, immobile and trying to catch his breath.  
  
It might be too soon or too late when he opens his eyes as the mattress dips, and he finds Sho sitting beside him and pressing a damp washcloth on his stomach.  
  
Jun is still catching his breath, and when Sho is done cleaning him up, Sho reaches up and tucks an errant strand of wet hair behind Jun’s ear.  
  
“What do you want?” Sho asks softly, thumb stroking the shell of Jun’s ear.  
  
“I don’t really understand,” Jun tells him, his orgasm still vivid in his mind.  
  
Sho smiles, the kind that reveals his teeth and reaches his eyes. “I feel like rewarding you for tonight with anything you want.”  
  
The words “Stay the night” spill out of Jun’s mouth before he can help it. To his defense, he’s still feeling particularly euphoric and his post-orgasm haze is yet to dissipate completely.  
  
“That’s not a good idea,” Sho says, and this close, Jun can smell his cologne. He smells so good, and Jun doesn’t really want him to go anywhere just yet.  
  
“I know,” Jun says. “Stay anyway.”  
  
“I have to return to Tokyo at 9 AM tomorrow,” Sho says, looking apologetic.  
  
“Stay,” Jun says again, watching how Sho’s beginning to crumble. “You can hail a taxi at six in the morning. But don’t go anywhere else tonight.”  
  
Sho surprises him by pressing a soft kiss to his temple. There’s a lingering warmth left by his lips when he pulls back. “Next time,” Sho promises, thumb stroking the marks surrounding Jun’s mouth. “I really can’t. Not when you’re like this.”  
  
“Like what?” Jun asks, leaving chaste kisses on Sho’s thumb.  
  
“Like you know exactly what to say to make me do what you want,” Sho says, his teeth resting on his bottom lip. “But I really can’t. There’s an overseas conference call I’m expecting to receive at two in the morning. It’s important.”  
  
“Fine,” Jun acquiesces, sitting up. This close, he can almost count the lines surrounding Sho’s eyes. “I’m holding you to that next time.”  
  
Sho smiles, grabs his wrist and the cuff bracelet Jun left on the nightstand before he took a shower. Sho holds the jewelry in his hand for a moment before slipping it around Jun’s wrist.  
  
It hits Jun then, that Sho likes seeing his gifts on him.  
  
“I have to go,” Sho says, and he sounds reluctant to leave. His thumb strokes Jun’s pulse for one last time before he stands, buttoning his suit jacket once more.  
  
“Good night,” Sho tells him, just as Jun collapses back on the bed, weight resting on his elbows. “I hope to see you in Tokyo.”  
  
“Would that make you happy?” Jun asks, watching Sho’s form halt.  
  
“Yes. But only if you want to see me as well,” Sho says, looking over his shoulder with a nod. “Expect a package sometime this week.”  
  
“What happened to you agreeing to not sending me anything until you got back your money?” Jun asks, raising his voice a little since Sho’s almost at the door.  
  
“One gift,” Sho says, facing his direction once more. “Just one gift. For tonight. Allow me that at least.”  
  
“All right, one gift,” Jun relents. “But hand it over to me in person. If you send one as Roger Federer again, you’re getting it back. I don’t care how, but you’re getting it back.”  
  
Sho laughs, his shoulders shaking. “In person, got it. Good night, Jun-san.”  
  
“Good night,” Jun says, hearing his door click shut.  
  
\--  
  
Jun wakes the following morning thanks to his doorbell, and he hastily has to put on a piece of underwear before he can open the door.  
  
It reveals a lady bringing in room service, her cheeks heating up at the state Jun welcomed her in.  
  
“Room service,” she says anyway, her eyes fixed on whatever’s behind Jun.  
  
“I didn’t order that,” Jun tells her. Whatever is on her tray smells divine, but Jun didn’t order anything.  
  
Unless…  
  
“It was placed under the name of whoever reserved this room,” she explains.  
  
Jun frowns at that. “I thought I get a complementary breakfast in one of the restaurants downstairs?”  
  
“You used to, but it was upgraded to a room service request a few hours ago.” She looks at him and tilts her head towards the room. “May I put this inside?”  
  
Jun steps aside to let her in, and he waits for her to set his table and pour him tea before he picks up his phone.  
  
He ignores Sho’s _Good morning_ message that was waiting for him and instead types _Are you intending to spoil me?_  
  
The room service personnel gives him a polite bow before departing, and Jun hears the door snap shut just as his phone vibrates with a new message.  
  
_It’s just breakfast. I figured you’d want to have it in the privacy of your room since you still have to finish packing. Tell me if the food is good._  
  
Just breakfast, right. Jun hates how perceptive Sho is sometimes, how he just knows that Jun is not very amicable in the mornings and usually takes a while before he can function like a normal human being.  
  
_Did you sleep well?_ is Sho’s followup message for him.  
  
_Yes. Did you sleep at all?_ is Jun’s reply, now that he remembered that Sho had that 2 AM call he had to take.  
  
_I can sleep on the taxi ride back, don’t worry about me._  
  
Jun wants to say he’s not worried, but it sounds untruthful even to his own ears. _You work too hard_ , is what he types instead.  
  
_Says the youngest department chief in his company. I guess he would know, huh?_  
  
_This isn’t about me. Don’t change the subject._  
  
A laughing emoji. _You’re so cute sometimes._  
  
That causes Jun to blush, the tips of his ears heating up. _I’m not cute. Is that how you describe a thirty-three year-old man?_  
  
_No_ , is Sho’s response. _Well, not all thirty-three year-olds._  
  
Jun rolls his eyes and decides to begin eating, removing the cover of the miso soup bowl. _Your flirting skills could use more work_ , he sends to Sho.  
  
_You said it yourself, I am an old man. You have to forgive an old man._  
  
That gets Jun to smile a bit, partaking in his breakfast after saying his graces with a small grin on his face. He puts up a peace sign and snaps a photo of it along with his breakfast table, then he sends it to Sho.  
  
_That looks good_ , is Sho’s next message, followed by a thumbs up emoji.  
  
_It is. Thank you. I could have shared this with you, you know._  
  
_You’re welcome. And next time, perhaps._ That message is punctuated with a smiling emoji.  
  
_I’m really holding you to that_ , Jun types, finding it easier to say after last night. Usually he’d hold himself back when it came to asking for something from Sho, but when he saw how Sho truly liked to know what he wanted, he knew he just had to say it.  
  
If he says it, it makes Sho happy. Somehow, Jun’s no longer content with being the only one constantly receiving or getting something.  
  
_Tell me when you’re back in Tokyo_ , is Sho’s subsequent message. _If you change your mind, it’s okay._  
  
_I’m not changing my mind_ , Jun affirms. _When we both have time, I’ll see you then._  
  
Jun manages to finish his miso by the time his phone vibrates with a message. _Can I have your schedule for the coming weeks?_  
  
Jun’s fingers already had a _Sure_ typed when he backtracks. To his knowledge, Sho’s company is eight or nine train stops from his. It’s not that close, but it’s also not that far. Someone might see them.  
  
He deletes the _Sure_ and instead types _I have a few conditions before I hand it over._  
  
Sho’s reply comes after a beat. _Name them._  
  
_I will only agree to meet you if it’s somewhere private. And somewhere far from our workplaces._  
  
_Done. Anything else?_  
  
_Tell me what you had in mind the moment I named my conditions._  
  
_That I know a couple of hotels. And that I better have bought something great if we meet again._  
  
That brings a smile to Jun’s face. _Hotels as fancy as the one I’m staying in?_  
  
_Fancier, maybe._ There’s a winking emoji. Jun likes that Sho doesn’t feel the need to be humble about what he can afford. With Sho’s presents for him, he knows Sho can fork quite a sum and isn’t afraid to do so. _Those are all your conditions?_  
  
_Here’s my schedule_ , is what Jun sends instead, outlining that he almost always has the weekends free, unless there’s an emergency meeting or any company-exclusive event, or if his friends have anything to celebrate that they feel like dragging Jun along.  
  
_The Sunday two weeks from now. Are you totally free on that day?_  
  
Jun has to stand and retrieve his planner from his bag to check. He could totally use a secretary, but the idea of asking a secretary to confirm his schedule so he could meet Sho sounded a little odd.  
  
_Yes_ , Jun sends, not bothering to elaborate. He supposes if something comes up on that day, he could just decline any invitations and reschedule.  
  
_Then I’ll see you on that day. I’ll text you the details when I have them finalized._  
  
Jun settles for a simple _Until then_ , and he finishes the rest of his breakfast with his phone screen dark and silent.  
  
\--  
  
The details come while Jun’s stressing out over a report that was sent to the shredder by mistake. Toma took responsibility for the intern who had done it, but Jun is already printing out another copy, which takes up another five minutes of his time.  
  
He’ll be late at the meeting at this rate.  
  
His phone beeps, and he checks it hurriedly, expecting it to be a company email from the executive board. Jun has to make a presentation today, and he already asked Toma to keep that intern out of his sight lest he frightens the poor kid with his temper.  
  
Instead of an email demanding where he is, though, he’s received a text from Sho, and opening it reveals that Sho reserved a room at Ritz-Carlton that coming Sunday. There’s a room number included, as well as an instruction that Jun should give Sho’s name to the information desk to receive his key.  
  
If Jun isn’t presently stressed out, he’d have a thing or two to say about the hotel.  
  
Jun manages to send a thumbs up emoji before he pockets his phone, gathering papers and stapling them with haste. He shrugs on his suit jacket and smooths out his hair, heading for the elevators in quick strides.  
  
He makes it to the conference room two minutes later than he should’ve, but aside from the projector requiring a few adjustments to function properly, nothing else goes out of hand. Jun is able to make his presentation without stumbling over his words. The comments he receives after consisted of recommendations and not corrections, and nearly two hours later, he returns to his office before letting out a sigh of relief.  
  
He retrieves his phone and sends a short text: _Sorry for that impersonal reply. I had to rush to a presentation._  
  
His phone doesn’t vibrate until he’s reprimanding the intern from earlier, and he tries not to pay too much attention it as Toma keeps giving him these apologetic looks, head bowing every now and then.  
  
“You’re lucky I didn’t fuck up today,” Jun tells Toma, later when he had the intern leave his office. “Had I screwed up royally today, that intern would have been transferred to the records department ASAP.”  
  
Toma claps him on the shoulder. “I’m really sorry about the shredder. One moment he was shredding the right stuff, and the moment I took my eyes off him, that happened. Congratulations on acing today’s presentation, by the way.”  
  
“Thanks,” Jun says, shoving Toma away. “But you’re not forgiven yet. I want your team’s proposal by the end of the day instead of tomorrow morning.”  
  
Toma groans, shaking his head. “This is why Nino calls you Daredevil Matsumoto, you know?”  
  
“Get to work,” Jun says, pushing his glasses up his nose.  
  
Toma shuts the door behind him, and it’s only then that Jun turns back to his phone, finding another message for him.  
  
_No matter. How did the presentation go?_  
  
_An intern accidentally shredded one of the printed outputs I needed for it._  
  
Sho’s response arrives almost immediately this time. _Oh boy. Is the poor intern now blacklisted from your company?_  
  
Jun laughs at that, feeling some of his stress disappear. _I wouldn’t go that far. But I think I made him cry._  
  
_With good reason, I suppose?_  
  
_I was late to the presentation for two minutes because I had to reprint documents. It didn’t go bad, but I was still late._  
  
_Understandable. But you sound like you’re too hard on yourself._  
  
_On myself?_ That’s not the reply Jun was expecting. He thought Sho would think he went overboard with scolding Toma’s intern despite not going into details.  
  
_Yes, on yourself. Delegation is the key to prevent future mishaps._  
  
Jun can’t help snorting at that. _I heard you say the same thing before, you know. In that convention in Hakone._  
  
_Oh good, you were listening. Still think you can’t have a secretary?_  
  
Jun groans out loud, not caring since he’s alone in his office. _Every candidate here is a single woman who thinks I just need to find the right woman. Not exactly what I want._  
  
_Then hire one._  
  
Jun blinks at Sho’s message. _I will have to train one if I hire one._  
  
_Naturally. But at least they won’t be making moony eyes at you or slipping you their numbers as they hand you your morning coffee._  
  
Jun can just imagine, and it gives him the shivers. _I’ll keep it in mind._ If he does follow Sho’s advice, he still has to bring up the idea to HR and shoot down any suggestions of getting someone from his existing staff. A new employee means an addition to the people Jun’s responsible for, but Sho’s right: he needs to delegate.  
  
_Good. Tell me when you’ve found one._ Jun wrinkles his nose at that; Sho sounds so confident that Jun would look to hire in a few days. But then again, he might seriously do it. _Are we still on this Sunday?_  
  
_Yes. I would use that day to destress myself, fair warning._  
  
_Not a problem. I look forward to seeing you._  
  
_And you_ , Jun sends.  
  
The next message startles Jun, and not because of its arrival but because of its content. _Can I ask you for something?_  
  
This is the first time Sho asked so openly via text. Jun is curious, but he’s also a meticulous and cautious person by nature. _Depends on what it is._  
  
He receives a laughing emoji. _Benign stuff, remember? Anyway, can you wear the bracelet on Sunday?_  
  
Just to be a bit annoying, Jun types _Which one? I have a lot in my collection. Would you like a photo for you to take your pick?_  
  
It only takes a beat for Sho’s message to pop up. _Tease. The one I gave you._  
  
_Oh that one._ Jun gives said bracelet a glance since he always comes to work with it adorning his wrist. _Sure._  
  
_Good. I’ll see you on Sunday._  
  
\--  
  
The clerk at the information desk sports a happy smile as she slips the keycard across the counter. Jun accepts it discreetly, heading for the elevators with the brim of his hat covering most of his face. He opted to wear contacts today and even has a face mask on, and his appearance almost makes him laugh when he sees his reflection against the elevator doors.  
  
Sho’s instruction for him aside from getting his keycard from the information desk was to bring a set of clothes for tomorrow’s work day. Jun saw it fit to just bring his briefcase to work and stash his work clothes in a paper bag, items which he’s carrying as he makes his way to the reserved room.  
  
Swiping the keycard and hearing the door unlock makes Jun look to his sides, ascertaining that there’s no one else on the corridor before he steps inside.  
  
The view that greets him is Sho on the phone, facing the window with a hand on his hip. He’s in a dress shirt with a tie on, his slacks showing off the curve of his ass.  
  
It’s something Jun noticed before, back when Sho had a stage to himself and was delivering a talk. But this is the first time he gets to see it up close, that Sho has the kind of ass that he likes on a person.  
  
“Make it happen,” is what he hears Sho say before seeing him put his phone down and running a hand through his hair.  
  
“Did I interrupt anything?” Jun asks, smiling at Sho jumping in place and getting startled at his voice.  
  
Sho has a hand over his heart now, shaking his head at him. “Don’t scare me like that.”  
  
Jun only tilts his head. Sho’s hair is longer than the last time, and he appears to have lost weight. “Why are you dressed for work?” is what Jun chooses to say instead; it’s not up to him to be worried on whether Sho takes care of himself or not.  
  
“I’m not. I came here straight from the airport,” Sho explains, hands loosening his tie. “I had to accompany one of the big bosses to Okinawa, you see.”  
  
“For work?”  
  
“For leisure, can you believe?” Sho is folding his tie neatly now, and Jun contents himself with watching Sho unbutton the cuffs of his dress shirt. “He said I seem to be well-traveled enough to know where to go, so I became his unofficial tour guide.”  
  
Jun removes his mask and hat, shoving them inside his paper bag. “Is that what people in your position do? Act as tour guides when you’re done bossing around everybody else?”  
  
“If you wanted to talk about my work, you should have just stuck around after that convention,” Sho says, taking a seat on the nearest couch. He points to a paper bag on the dresser. “That one’s for you.”  
  
“A present?” Jun asks, walking towards it and depositing his stuff at the foot of the dresser.  
  
“One of the two,” Sho clarifies.  
  
Jun blinks. “Two?”  
  
“That one’s from Okinawa. I thought we could share it. The other one will follow, later tonight, perhaps.”  
  
Jun peeks inside the paper bag and lifts the cake box to set it on the table. “How did you know I’m not a sake kind of person?” The cake before him is only sake-flavored, and Jun prefers that kind instead of an expensive sake that he can never drink.  
  
“A hunch,” Sho says. At Jun’s scowl, he laughs. “You loved the wine I gave you. I thought that meant you love Western drinks in general.”  
  
Jun doesn’t respond, instead standing to retrieve plates and some utensils. He cuts a slice for Sho and for himself, and he sits across Sho as they begin eating.  
  
“Is this the most expensive cake out there?” Jun asks, licking his lips to savor the taste.  
  
“No,” Sho says. “But it’s the one recommended by my sister. I know nothing about awamori cakes so I went with her advice. Is it good?”  
  
“For a person who rarely drinks sake, I can eat this,” Jun says.  
  
“That’s good to know,” Sho says, nodding. “Take it home with you.”  
  
“What about you?” Jun asks, pursing his lips around the fork. “You look like it’s the best cake you’ve had in ages. Or do you always just eat that way?”  
  
“It’s really good; my face has to show it’s really good,” Sho tells him. “And don’t worry about me; I bought a few more to give to people.”  
  
Jun finishes his slice without another word, licking up crumbs that clung to the fork. He lifts his gaze and finds Sho looking at him, his plate empty and untouched.  
  
“If you tell me to come there,” Jun says, lowering his voice on purpose, “I would.” He sucks on the fork one last time, letting the silver rest on his bottom lip.  
  
He sees Sho checking his expensive watch for the time. “It’s only four in the afternoon.”  
  
Jun tilts his head at the information. “So?”  
  
“It’s a little bit early. I thought you’d want to watch a complementary movie or something first.”  
  
Jun casts Sho this pointed look. “If I wanted to watch a movie with you, I’d have told you to meet me in Gotenba, not here.”  
  
“Come here,” Sho almost whispers, but Jun hears it.  
  
He’s on his feet in moments, discarding the fork and hearing it clink against the porcelain. He climbs on the couch, situating himself on top of Sho with his knees on Sho’s sides, hands firm on the couch’s backrest.  
  
“You smell good,” Sho says, his hands still on the armrests. They’re both still clothed, but this is the closest Jun has been to Sho since meeting him.  
  
“May I?” Sho asks, his breath tickling Jun’s neck.  
  
“Go ahead,” Jun whispers, breath catching when he feels Sho’s mouth press against his pulse. Sho scatters soft kisses, and Jun bares his neck further to feel the warmth of his lips somewhere else.  
  
“Mind if we take off your shirt?” Sho asks, and Jun smiles at the feel of Sho’s tongue against his throat.  
  
“Only four in the afternoon, huh?” he teases, but he lifts his arms as an answer, and Sho pushes his shirt over his head. Sho’s about to throw it to the side when Jun catches his wrist.  
  
“That’s Saint Laurent, one of my favorites,” he says. “Be careful with it.”  
  
“Shall I fold it for you?” Sho asks with a grin.  
  
“Give it here,” Jun says, folding his shirt with deft fingers and tossing the material on the table behind him.  
  
“Should have known you’d be particular with your clothes,” Sho comments, amusement evident on his face. “How come you never added any clothes to the wishlist?”  
  
“You can’t buy the stuff I like on Amazon,” Jun says.  
  
Sho laughs, the hearty one that rumbles deep from his belly. “Such a snob.”  
  
“Do you hate snobs?”  
  
“On the contrary, I find you unpredictable and interesting.” Sho’s mouth reaches his ear and Jun tries not to squirm at the feel of it. “Have you been working out since we last saw each other?”  
  
“Just some bench presses,” Jun admits. “Why?”  
  
“You appear to be...more muscular since I saw you. I don’t hate it, by the way.”  
  
“Are you going to do something about it?”  
  
He can feel Sho’s smile against the curve of his jaw. “We have a lot of time. I do want to take my time with you.”  
  
Jun draws back a bit, enough for him to be able to look at Sho in the eye. “The last time, you just watched me from the couch.”  
  
“I did. And?”  
  
Jun leans in Sho’s space, his lips mere centimeters from Sho’s. “Are you still holding back now? You said it yourself, we have a lot of time.”  
  
“You’re very hard to resist,” Sho whispers.  
  
“Then stop resisting,” Jun husks, “and touch me.”  
  
Jun gasps at the feel of Sho’s hand cupping his neck and pulling him close. Sho kisses him slow, just a firm press of his mouth against Jun’s until Jun finds enough sense into him to part his lips. His hands clutch at Sho’s shoulders, responding to the kiss eagerly, meeting Sho halfway.  
  
Sho breaks the kiss, facing the side. “Things are going faster than how I planned them.”  
  
“Did you have timetable?” Jun asks, fingers unbuttoning Sho’s dress shirt. “How does it go? ‘4:00 - I meet Jun. 4:30 - we eat the cake. 5:00 - we watch a movie. 6:00 - we kiss’?” He slips his hands under Sho’s shirt to find Sho’s nipple, running his fingers over it and feeling it harden. “And then what, ‘10:00 - we fuck, maybe’?”  
  
“Very funny,” Sho says, and Jun hisses when he feels Sho bite lightly on his collarbone. “But just so it’s out there, you’re two hours late with your own schedule of fucking.”  
  
“That’s okay,” Jun says, biting his bottom lip as Sho proceeds to kiss the column of his neck. “At least we’re on the same page.”  
  
“Get off me,” Sho tells him, delivering a pinch to his side. “And lose the jeans.”  
  
Jun obeys, but he lowers the jeans slowly, knowing that Sho’s watching his every move.  
  
“Lose the boxers too,” Sho says, looking up at him. “And sit—” Sho spreads his legs, taps on the space between his thighs, “—right here.”  
  
Jun lets his boxers join the rest of his clothes before he takes a seat, his back to Sho’s chest, feeling the insides of Sho’s slacks brush against his hips. Sho loops an arm around his middle and yanks him closer, Sho’s breath ghosting his neck.  
  
“You asked me to touch you,” Sho husks, teeth tugging on his earlobe.  
  
“I did,” Jun breathes.  
  
“Like how you touched yourself back then? When I was watching you?”  
  
Jun manages to grin, and he feels Sho slightly tense behind him. “Be my guest.”  
  
He turns his head to the side just in time to meet Sho’s mouth in another kiss, one that’s hungrier compared to the previous. Sho’s fingers find each of his nipples and circle them before pinching, making Jun arch a bit.  
  
Jun reaches up to cup the back of Sho’s head and have him closer, his sighs muffled by Sho’s mouth. He feels Sho’s hands roam, mapping out his torso, his sides. Jun squirms when Sho brushes a ticklish spot, and Sho laughs against his mouth.  
  
“Sorry,” Sho says, but he sounds like he doesn’t mean it.  
  
“Stop laughing,” Jun complains, initiating the kiss this time—hard, to make Sho shut up.  
  
They makeout for a while, Sho with his hands staking claim over Jun’s body, his mouth swallowing Jun’s appreciative sighs and gasps. Sho’s hands eventually reach the inside of Jun’s thighs, stroking but avoiding where Jun wants to feel him the most.  
  
“Hold on to my thighs,” Sho orders when they break the kiss, and Jun does, squeezing for emphasis. “Keep your hands there.”  
  
They kiss again, until Sho breaks it off to focus on Jun’s neck. Jun can feel him rain kisses from the angle of his jaw to the curve of his shoulder, Sho’s tongue leaving a wet trail. Sho brushes his lips on Jun’s nape, inhaling deep, and when he exhales, he lifts his hand over Jun’s mouth.  
  
“Lick,” Sho tells him, and Jun flattens his tongue against Sho’s palm before sucking each of his fingers. He sucks up to the knuckle and licks even the webs between Sho’s fingers, wanting to be thorough.  
  
Then Sho extracts his hand away and reaches down, leaving Jun to rest his head on Sho’s shoulder as he leans back. Sho’s strokes are slow but forceful—his intent clear that he wants to leave Jun gasping in moments. Jun’s grip on Sho’s thighs tighten when Sho starts stroking him in the pace he prefers, his feet firmly planted on the carpeted floor so he’d at least have an anchor.  
  
They’re both startled by the sound of Sho’s phone ringing. Jun tenses in between Sho’s legs, and Sho’s hand halts around his shaft before continuing back down and giving Jun another stroke.  
  
“Shh,” Sho whispers against his ear. “This is why I said we were going faster than I expected—I knew I’d have this call coming around five in the afternoon.”  
  
Jun watches Sho’s arm let go of his middle to reach for his phone, and just before Sho puts the phone against his ear, Jun hisses, “You’re answering it?!”  
  
“Yes,” Sho says, hiding his smile against Jun’s shoulder. “Now do be quiet. This is important.”  
  
There’s a glint in Sho’s eye when Jun looks at him, and Jun shivers at the unexpected kinky side that he’s witnessing.  
  
A beat, and Sho squeezes the head of his cock at the same time Jun hears him say, voice serious and composed, “Hello? This is Sakurai.”  
  
Sho’s hand between his legs continues giving friction, leaving Jun biting on his bottom lip to prevent himself from making any noises. Behind him, he can hear Sho switching to a rather cordial conversation, his laughter sounding genuine at times.  
  
“Is that so? I’m glad you got them,” Sho says, his thumb smearing precome around the tip of Jun’s cock. “I actually ate a slice this afternoon, and it seems Mai knew what she was talking about.”  
  
None of the things Sho’s saying is making sense to Jun, not when he’s admittedly affected by what’s happening. The idea of them possibly getting caught by whoever Sho’s speaking to turns him on in a way that has him lifting his hips off the couch to meet Sho’s fist, his fingers nearly clenching around Sho’s thighs.  
  
He turns his head when it gets too much, meeting Sho’s eyes. Sho’s hand withdraws from his cock to reach for his balls, fondling them and leaving Jun panting, head thrown back in a breathless, wordless moan.  
  
“Ah, I’m afraid I can’t, Ralph-san,” Sho says. He sounds so collected, so composed, like he’s not presently undoing another man with his touch. “I’m rather preoccupied tonight. I’d love to join you, but I made prior commitments. I’m sorry.”  
  
That gets Jun to face Sho again, his body trembling with the effort of sticking to silence. Sho traps the phone between his ear and shoulder and reaches for Jun’s face, planting a quick kiss on Jun’s mouth. Jun watches Sho in a daze as Sho holds the phone again properly, laughing suddenly at whatever this Ralph just told him.  
  
“I’ll see if I can make it next time,” Sho says. The hand between Jun’s legs has shifted to stroking Jun once more, and Sho’s no longer holding back. He’s jerking Jun off quickly and messily, and Jun’s certain he’s got his teeth caught on to bottom lip so hard he might bleed.  
  
In his periphery, Jun catches Sho stretching out his arm with the phone on hand, away so the phone mic can’t pick up what he’s about to say.  
  
“Come,” Sho whispers. “Come now, right here, with me on the phone and with the risk of scandalizing the good Ralph-san.” Sho flattens his tongue on his earlobe, licking up. “Come, Jun.”  
  
Then Sho places the phone back against his ear. “I’m sorry, Ralph-san, what was that again? You lost me at the Maldives story.”  
  
Jun can’t help meeting Sho’s movements halfway, thrusting into Sho’s fist with his hold on Sho’s thighs serving as leverage. He pushes himself up, throws his head back to have it rest on Sho’s shoulder, and he loses himself to the idea of Sho asking him to come even if there’s a chance of them getting caught.  
  
Jun comes when Sho’s hand gives him this squeeze followed by a talented flick of a wrist, and he feels Sho let go of his cock to clamp a hand over his mouth just as he gives in, cock twitching between his legs as hot spurts hit his thighs, his abs, and the carpeted floor. He makes a mess but he can’t find it in him to care—he’s just had one of the most intense orgasms in his life.  
  
He collapses against Sho, his sweaty back resting on Sho’s firm chest. The hand over his mouth falls, only to loop around his torso once more and hold him close, give his abdomen a couple of reassuring strokes.  
  
“I’ll forward the rest of the souvenirs to your home address then,” Sho says genially. He’s still on the phone, and Jun doesn’t really mind keeping quiet, not when he’s still panting from exhaustion and exhilaration. “Until next time, Ralph-san. Thank you for your hard work.”  
  
Sho ends the call with a decisive tap on the red button, and Jun watches him lean slightly forward, one arm tightening around Jun’s form, to place his phone back on the table.  
  
Then Sho reaches up, smooths Jun’s hair and combs it back, planting a kiss on his cheek.  
  
Dazed, Jun turns to face Sho, and Sho beams.  
  
“What would you like for dinner?”  
  
\--  
  
They settle for room service, scheduled at seven in the evening, and Jun leaves Sho on the couch to take a shower. He didn’t bring any change of clothes save for his work clothes for the following morning, but he doesn’t think it’ll be an issue. With the way his Sunday seems to be going, he’d probably find himself not needing clothes at all, until it’s time for him to leave tomorrow.  
  
He returns from his shower to find Sho tinkering with the TV, the remote in his hands as he frowns at the screen.  
  
“Modern technology a mystery for you, old man?” Jun teases. He’s wrapped in one of the hotel’s bathrobes, and he tries his best not to let his hair drip to the carpeted floor.  
  
“This is very different from the TV I have at home,” Sho reasons. Jun catches him looking at the exposed part of his chest before turning back to the TV. “And look, I’m just trying to find which button will take me to the movies section.”  
  
“So we’re still watching a movie?” Jun asks, running a towel through his hair. “I just took out my contacts, so you better not pick a subtitled one.”  
  
“I like subtitled movies,” Sho says. “And don’t you have your glasses?”  
  
Jun crosses to where Sho is and swipes the remote from his hands. “I’ll pick the movie. You go have a shower.”  
  
“Is the water temperature easy to tinker with?” Sho asks, but he makes his way to the bathroom. “I hate it when hot and cold becomes hard to figure out.”  
  
“I like my baths hot, so I left it on hot,” Jun informs him, scanning movie titles already. There are over fifty complimentary movies on the list, and Jun knows that only comes with a luxury room such as this. “Hurry up. I’m picking that Academy Award-winning thing.”  
  
“You can start it without me,” Sho says, disappearing to the bathroom. Jun smiles when Sho doesn’t close the door, perhaps to hear the surround sound system of the speakers as Jun starts the movie.  
  
Jun removes the bathrobe and hangs it inside the closet before settling himself comfortably on the bed, lifting the duvet to keep himself warm since he opted to not wear a thing. He chose the movie on a whim, but he finds himself a little immersed into the story by the time Sho steps out of the shower.  
  
Unlike Jun earlier, Sho’s just wearing that towel around his waist, showing off that enticing curve of his backside that Jun noticed the moment he’d stepped foot inside this room.  
  
“Ah, wasn’t this movie the Japanese entry for the Oscars?” Sho asks. Jun sees that his hair is only partially moist—he must have blow-dried it. Jun likes the fluffy, post-hair dryer appearance it has.  
  
He can’t wait to get his fingers tangled in it.  
  
“I heard it didn’t make it in, though,” Jun replies. He watches Sho remove the towel and leave it draped on a nearby stool before he walks towards the bed and joins Jun.  
  
“Why did you pick this one?” Sho asks, body facing Jun’s, head resting on his folded arm.  
  
Jun follows the cut of Sho’s bicep before he answers the question. “The main actor looks like Nino.”  
  
One of Sho’s unruly eyebrows quirks. “Nino?”  
  
“One of my colleagues at work.”  
  
“I see,” Sho says, turning his attention back to the TV. “This is the part where the mother sees her son’s ghost.”  
  
Jun flicks Sho on the forehead, ignoring the way Sho rubs at the spot. “Don’t spoil it.”  
  
“What? You read the title,” Sho complains, but he’s not really angry. “She’s going to see her son’s ghost, then they’d talk a bit, talk some more, then some vendor comes and offers her black market stuff but not illegal stuff, then—”  
  
Jun shuffles forward to kiss Sho, shutting him up. He feels Sho smile against his mouth, hands worming around his waist to pull him on top as Sho collapses back on the sheets.  
  
They only break apart when they have to breathe, and Sho has this shit-eating grin on his face.  
  
Wary, Jun asks, “What?”  
  
“I forgot to tell you that the vendor has the hots for the mom,” Sho says.  
  
“Shut up,” Jun says, leaning down for another kiss, but he laughs against Sho’s mouth too.  
  
They engage in a lazier version of their makeout session from earlier, just their mouths meeting briefly but repeatedly. The short, repeated kisses that Jun likes, and he lifts his hand to have his fingers bury in Sho’s hair. The strands are soft to the touch, and Jun may have enjoyed playing with them a little too much.  
  
Sho pulls back when they hear the doorbell. “That’s dinner,” Sho says, kissing Jun’s pout away with one noisy peck. “I’ll be right back.”  
  
Jun rests back on the sheets, ogling Sho’s plump ass that moves with each step. Sho retrieves the towel and wraps it around himself once more before disappearing, presumably to get the dinner trolley he insisted on ordering.  
  
By the time Jun sees the corner of the trolley, the vendor Sho was talking about earlier appears onscreen and makes him laugh.  
  
“You weren’t kidding about him having the hots for the mom,” Jun says, sitting up.  
  
“It was a subplot I could’ve done without, honestly,” Sho says, placing the trolley beside the bed. He removes the towel once more and rejoins Jun on the bed before he peruses the dishes they ordered.  
  
“They have the sushi you requested,” Sho says, looking proud as he shows it to Jun. “I haven’t tried this, but anything from a place with a Michelin star ought to be good, yes?”  
  
“Don’t you think you ordered too much?” Jun asks, eyeing the three layers of the trolley.  
  
“I’m hungry,” Sho says. “I haven’t eaten since the shitty lunch I had in the airplane.”  
  
“Well, let’s do something about that hunger, shall we?” Jun offers Sho this set of fancy chopsticks and a bowl. “We really shouldn’t be eating here.”  
  
“You’re saying that now?” Sho laughs, elbowing Jun’s side a little as he reaches for a piece of abalone. “We won’t make a mess. And if we do, then that just means we have to change the sheets.”  
  
Jun rolls his eyes, not missing the innuendo. “Stop saying those things with your mouth full. It’s unbecoming,” he says, but Sho only laughs, pressing his forehead against Jun’s shoulder.  
  
It’s a mostly quiet meal, save for Sho’s occasional praises on how good the food is. He looks genuinely pleased with each bite he takes, his eyes lighting up as he gobbles up most of the shellfish they have ordered.  
  
“Oh, that’s right. I had them stock the bar with wine since I know you prefer wine,” Sho says, a hand over his mouth as he chews.  
  
“I’ll get us some. Swallow before talking,” Jun says, patting on Sho’s bloated cheek playfully.  
  
He returns after pouring this wine with a fancy French name into two glasses, handing one to Sho who accepts it with a nod of thanks.  
  
“Jun-san?” Sho asks after a while, when they’re mostly done with dinner and are just finishing their wine.  
  
Jun hums in question.  
  
“I did say I got you something else, right?”  
  
That makes Jun look at Sho. He didn’t expect to receive it this early. “You did.”  
  
“Now I’m not sure if you’ll really like this or if you have any means of playing it, but…” Sho trails off, setting his wine glass on the trolley before he reaches behind him and hands Jun this square package. “You said you’re a fan of him.”  
  
Jun hurriedly puts his wine glass on the trolley, hands fumbling as he unwraps Sho’s present. His breath gets stuck in his throat when he sees what it is.  
  
“You remembered that I like Dudamel,” Jun mutters, not quite believing it. In his hands is a limited edition of Dudamel’s Mendelssohn on vinyl, and while it’s not the most expensive record out there, for Sho to get it and give it to him still overwhelms him.  
  
“He has yearly concerts every September,” Sho says, and Jun realizes that Sho must have really looked it up. “I almost got you tickets, but I realized I didn’t know your schedule and it might be too much since the concert’s in Venezuela.”  
  
Sho lets out this tiny, almost shy chuckle. “So I got you that instead. Should I have gotten a player with it?”  
  
“There’s a player at my mom’s house,” Jun recalls, hand still stroking the cover. “Thank you, seriously. It’s beautiful. I can’t wait to listen to it.”  
  
“Oh. I’m glad you like it,” Sho says with a smile, and Jun can only take so much.  
  
He tilts his head for a kiss, finding that the wine tastes better on Sho’s mouth. He breaks off the kiss to place Sho’s gift carefully on the nightstand, then he pushes Sho back so he can have him lie on the bed.  
  
“Let me,” Jun says, planting his hands on either sides of Sho’s head.  
  
“Let you what?” Sho asks, looking up at him in anticipation.  
  
“Return the favor,” Jun clarifies.  
  
“It’s a present. You don’t have to,” Sho says with a smile.  
  
“But I want to,” Jun insists, determined. “Let me.”  
  
“Okay,” Sho agrees. “But can we turn off the dramatic movie first? It’s putting me off.”  
  
Jun laughs, reaching for the remote to shut the TV off. He returns to kiss Sho once more, feeling Sho’s hand cup his nape. Jun withdraws eventually to leave kisses on Sho’s throat, tongue flicking at the prominent neck vein he feels under his lips when Sho faces the side.  
  
He proceeds to suck one of Sho’s nipples into his mouth, fingers playing with the other, enjoying the way Sho shivers when he swirls his tongue over the hardened bud.  
  
Sho’s phone goes off again, and Jun settles himself between Sho’s legs. “Dare you to answer that while I suck you off,” he says, resting his weight on his ankles as he watches Sho retrieve the phone from the nightstand.  
  
“Fuck no,” Sho says, putting his phone on silent. “That one goes to voicemail.”  
  
Jun laughs and leans down, finds the comfortable position for him to do this to Sho for hours. He’s been told he’s good at giving head, and he wants to see how much teasing Sho can take before he starts begging.  
  
Jun starts with short, almost demure licks around the head of Sho’s cock. He only moves lower when it begins to harden a bit, Sho’s cock lengthening in response to his efforts. He licks from base to tip and sees Sho throwing his head back and taking a deep breath.  
  
It’s a reaction, but it’s not the reaction Jun wants.  
  
He wraps his hand around the base to keep it steady as he wraps his lips around the tip, giving this forceful suck that leaves Sho’s thighs quivering around him. Jun repeats the motion again, only allowing himself to go deeper when he hears Sho’s breaths get heavier.  
  
Soon Jun’s head is steadily bobbing between Sho’s legs, the filthy sounds of the act the only thing he can hear aside from Sho’s exhales. He pulls away to stroke Sho and to relax his jaw, planting kisses on Sho’s hipbone before flicking his tongue over the slit of Sho’s cock once more.  
  
Jun tastes precome and wets his lips with it, feeling Sho’s eyes on him.  
  
He looks up, lets the head of Sho’s cock rest over his mouth, and he maintains eye contact as he gives the head a loud suck, one that echoes in the silence of the room.  
  
He smiles when Sho curses, a breathless “fuck” followed by Jun’s name.  
  
Jun gets back to taking as much of Sho as he can, only withdrawing when he has the tip grazing his uvula. He doesn’t gag, but a glistening thread of saliva clings from Sho’s cock to his lip, and licks it away before going down on Sho again.  
  
When his jaw starts to ache again, he pulls away, rests his cheek against the inside of Sho’s thigh. With his hand, he touches Sho in the way he’s been touched before, not going slow but not providing enough friction to make Sho come.  
  
Jun tilts his head and plants wet kisses on the shaft, hearing Sho whisper his name above him. It only spurs him on, ducking further to have his tongue around Sho’s balls, and he opens his mouth wide enough for him to suck one without difficulty.  
  
“Jun,” he hears, seeing Sho’s hips lift off the bed. Taking that as a good sign, Jun repeats the motion with the other before licking up, from Sho’s balls to the head of his cock. He laps up the precome there, seeing Sho gripping the sheets on his sides tightly.  
  
Jun repeatedly kisses the swollen tip before taking it into his mouth and humming, which sends Sho’s hips forward. Jun, having anticipated it, pulls back smoothly, not choking even if he almost has the entirety of Sho’s length inside his mouth.  
  
He pulls off with an obscene pop, looking up at Sho.  
  
“How is it that you’re so good at this?” Sho asks breathlessly, mouth hanging open when Jun swirls his tongue around the head once more.  
  
Jun only smiles, makes sure he does it over the sensitive skin before he descends again, this time intent on bringing Sho to the brink. He hums around Sho’s cock when he feels Sho’s fingers on his hair, going faster when he feels Sho push his head down with a smidgen of pressure on his scalp.  
  
He pulls back to swallow some of his saliva, hand around Sho’s cock and giving wet strokes. “It’s okay,” Jun says, resting his mouth on the tip once more. “It’s okay.”  
  
Then Jun continues where he left off, going fast and not holding back, humming as he allows Sho’s cock to reach as far as it can inside his mouth. Above him, he can hear Sho uttering his name repeatedly, and he sounds so deliriously lost in pleasure that Jun wants to make this really good for him.  
  
Redoubling his efforts, Jun wraps his hand around the base to stroke the part his mouth can’t reach. He feels Sho’s hand rest on his head again, pushing his face forward, and he allows it, moans at the feeling of being guided on how to please Sho.  
  
When Jun feels Sho’s cock twitch, he shuts his eyes and pulls back, just in time for warmth to flood his mouth. He feels Sho shudder above him, thighs quivering as he gives in, lets out this deep, almost rumbling groan of Jun’s name.  
  
Jun milks it, still giving Sho tiny sucks as Sho descends from his high, his body glistening with sweat. When Jun finally lets Sho go and rests his weight on his ankles, he settles for just watching Sho and memorizing the way Sho’s body looks like, until he zeroes on Sho’s navel.  
  
“Why,” Jun begins, licking his swollen and sore lips, “is there a hole above your bellybutton?”  
  
Sho is still catching his breath, wiping his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand. “Piercing.”  
  
Jun certainly didn’t expect that response. “Why did you take it out?”  
  
“I’m thirty-five,” Sho retorts breathlessly, looking at him. “I’m too old for that.”  
  
Jun pouts, and he sees Sho’s eyes lingering on his mouth. “I would have wanted to see it.”  
  
“I used to be skinny, you know.” Sho beckons him closer and he follows, settling his hands on Sho’s sides as he aligns their bodies. “It will only look good with that kind of body, which I don’t have anymore.”  
  
“If I ask you to put it back,” Jun starts.  
  
“Don’t,” Sho warns.  
  
Jun ignores him. “If I ask you to put it back, would you do it?”  
  
“It would hurt,” Sho says, but Jun only smiles meaningfully at him. Sho groans. “Fine. I’ll think about it.”  
  
Jun playfully bites on Sho’s chin, hiding his pleased smile there.  
  
Sho moves to kiss him, but Jun draws back, placing his hand on Sho’s chest.  
  
Confused, Sho looks at him with a frown.  
  
“I taste like come,” Jun says. He’s used to his past partners not really open to kissing him after a blowjob. No matter how well Jun did, none of them were open to making out after the act.  
  
To his surprise, Sho laughs. “And? Why would that stop me? Why would I let you do what you just did if I don’t get to kiss you after?”  
  
“It tastes bitter,” Jun tries, still not believing that Sho would be willing. “And tangy.”  
  
Sho’s hands rest on his hips and Jun allows himself to get pushed to his side. “I know how come tastes like,” Sho says, mouth close to his. “Now can I kiss you?”  
  
Jun moistens his lips and meets Sho halfway, moaning when Sho’s tongue easily finds his. Running his tongue over Sho’s teeth makes Jun realize that Sho doesn’t really have a perfect set, that the bottom ones are crooked and jagged but are unnoticeable because of how plump his bottom lip is. It’s an imperfection, but one that Jun finds himself liking, hands wrapping around Sho’s neck to have the man closer.  
  
By the time they pull away, Jun’s mouth feels really overused.  
  
“I can’t believe you have no qualms about swallowing but has something to say about kissing after,” Sho says with a laugh, resting his head back on the pillows.  
  
“In my defense, there were only a few of those I’ve given head to that were welcome with the idea of making out with me after,” Jun explains.  
  
Sho snorts at that. “That’s stupid. Why did they ask you to swallow when they find the idea of tasting it from your mouth disgusting?” Sho gives him this disapproving look. “Tell me you haven’t slept with anyone like that recently.”  
  
Jun chuckles. “Since I got promoted, I had no time for anything else. It’s been a while since I gave someone head, though. Usually it’s the other way around.”  
  
“And? Did you kiss them after?” Sho asks. He doesn’t sound envious, merely curious.  
  
Jun nods. “Mm. You see, I’m not really against it. I’m just used to most people not wanting to do it.”  
  
“Well, count me out then. Because I knew I had to kiss you after that amazing head,” Sho says.  
  
Jun turns on his side so he can curl his body beside Sho. “That good, Sakurai-san?”  
  
Sho hums in consideration. “Oh I don’t know. I think one incident isn’t enough to give a fair judgment.”  
  
Jun laughs and punches Sho’s arm lightly.  
  
\--  
  
They spend the rest of that Sunday eating room service dessert, and Jun learns that Sho loves cheesecake. Jun turned out to be correct in his suspicions—he really didn’t need clothes save for the suit that he brought with him.  
  
The following morning, Sho has to leave first since his workplace is farther, waking Jun up with a kiss on his temple.  
  
Jun is able to wrap his hand around Sho’s tie and tug Sho back to the bed.  
  
“Don’t go yet,” he murmurs groggily, eyes sliding shut. He doesn’t have to wake up at least for an hour more, but he doesn’t want to wake up to a cold spot beside him.  
  
“I have to,” Sho says, ruffling his hair. They didn’t fuck the night before, just made out and gave each other handjobs after the cheesecake, and yet Jun feels that their time together still wasn’t enough. “Did you at least manage to destress? Get recharged for whatever this week has in store for you?”  
  
“Yes,” Jun mumbles. Despite being mostly sleepy, that one isn’t a lie. He feels better than he has in a long time. “Don’t go yet. Stay here. Stay until I have to go too.”  
  
“I can’t. I have to pick up some documents. Much as I want to stay, I really have to go now.” Sho pulls his hand away from his tie and strokes Jun’s knuckles. “Let’s meet again if you want to.”  
  
“Of course I want to,” Jun says, cracking one eye open. “Your tie’s crooked.”  
  
“Your fault,” Sho says, leaving the bed and standing in front of the mirror to redo his tie. He folds his suit jacket over his arm, checking his reflection once more.  
  
Jun yawns and stretches on the bed, sighing when his joints popped. “Your ass looks great in those slacks.”  
  
Sho laughs, making his way to the door. “Charmer. Tell me about your day?”  
  
Jun nods. “Will do.”  
  
“Then I’ll get going. Don’t be late for work, Matsumoto-san,” Sho teases, and Jun would have rolled his eyes, except he’s not awake enough to accomplish it.  
  
So instead Jun says, “Take care,” and goes back to sleep when he hears the door shut.  
  



	4. Chapter 4

II.

  
  
Jun shows up to work being less irritable, not even minding Nino’s teasing question of “Did you put on a beauty mask for the entire weekend or did you finally give yourself the amount of sleep you deserve?” when they run into each other in the elevator.  
  
“Neither,” Jun says. It’s the truth, but nobody needs to know that he spent hours with Sho and is feeling better because of it. “I have awamori cake.”  
  
Nino eyes him suspiciously. “A visiting relative?” His eyes narrow. “Did you swing by Okinawa during the weekend?”  
  
“No,” Jun says, not bothering to elaborate. “I only had a few slices of it, but it’s really good. Maybe we can share it with all the team leaders later after the meeting.” Jun meets Nino’s gaze and ignores the look in Nino’s eyes. “Remind them not to be late.”  
  
“Of course,” Nino says, handing him a folder. “HR approved of the secretary request. They’re asking if you have any more qualifications you’d like to be added before they put up the position in the company webpage.”  
  
Jun takes the folder gratefully and exchanges it with the paper bag having the cake. “Refrigerate that and serve it later. Have your intern do it.”  
  
Nino shoots him his trademark salute and heads for the company kitchen. Jun opens the folder as he makes his way to his office, eyes quickly scanning the details. A few omissions here, a word change there. By the time he reaches his table, he grabs his stack of post-its and adds his corrections along with his personal requirements for a secretary.  
  
There’s a knock on his door and he doesn’t even look up when he says, “Enter.”  
  
A mug of coffee is shoved in front of Jun, and he looks up to find Toma frowning at him.  
  
“What?” he prompts.  
  
“Nino wasn’t kidding,” Toma says, eyeing him skeptically. “He said you’re looking less like death, and I said that wasn’t possible, so now I owe him lunch.”  
  
“Instead of wasting your time with what,” Jun says, picking up the HR folder and handing it over, “have your intern deliver this to HR. If he shreds it again, he’s getting transferred.”  
  
“Don’t be ridiculous. Nobody shreds a folder,” Toma points out, but he takes the folder and makes his way out. “Are we still on with the meeting?”  
  
“I’m drafting the email, now if you’d be so kind to be on your way so I can finish it?”  
  
Toma raises his hands in surrender and shuts the door. Jun continues working, reading proposals sent to him for comments and corrections. He reviews the half-completed Excel file regarding allocations, adding comments on bits he’d like to have clarification on.  
  
His phone alarm goes off when it’s time for his meeting, and Jun is pleased to find slices of the awamori cake arranged neatly on the table when he enters the conference room. He takes his designated seat at the head of the table and gestures for Nino to begin his presentation.  
  
Jun makes his comments after Nino finishes talking, but he notices the change in the way Nino’s looking at him as he gives his recommendations. He resolves to brace himself for any comment Nino might make later, if he manages to corner Jun sometime during the day.  
  
“I’ll have this in my office,” Jun says, picking up the slice of cake for him as the department meeting concludes. “Good work, everyone. Keep it up, and keep me posted.”  
  
A chorus of affirmatives ring inside the room, and Jun excuses himself with a bow. He makes a short trip to the department kitchen to grab a mug of coffee, and when he reaches his office, he snaps a photo of the cake and sends it to Sho.  
  
 _It goes well with coffee_ , he adds, not wanting to send just the picture.  
  
Not expecting a reply, Jun proceeds to eat the cake and swivels his chair to address more uncompleted work as soon as he finishes all of it.  
  
\--  
  
The rest of the work week is as unforgiving as the previous, but Jun manages his way around it by texting Sho about any mishaps and getting replies that are always appropriate and sometimes amusing. He finds another paperback novel from his wishlist inside his mailbox (the sender being Roger Federer again), and it somehow makes his Thursday better despite one of the photocopying machines breaking down and requiring repair at a crucial period.  
  
On Friday, he finally receives the text he’s honestly been waiting for.  
  
 _When are you free?_  
  
 _Got no plans this Saturday_ , Jun sends. _Unless you have some?_  
  
It takes a while before Sho texts him again, almost an hour. _I was clarifying my schedule. Anyway, I was thinking we could go shopping._  
  
Jun freezes at that, then his phone beeps with a followup message. _Not in Tokyo, by the way. I know what you said. I remember it. Which is why I want us to go to Osaka._  
  
 _Just shopping?_ Jun sends as a reply. He doubts it.  
  
 _I’m having a room reserved in Intercontinental as we text._  
  
Osaka. Jun doesn’t mind taking the train to meet Sho; it was him who didn’t want to be seen by any colleague or a friend. _Do I meet you on Osaka or do we go together?_  
  
 _We’ll go with whichever you prefer. What shall it be?_  
  
Definitely the former. _I’ll see you in Osaka. Under the Glico man._  
  
 _All right. I’ll see you under the Glico man at noon. And wear the bracelet._  
  
Noon of the following day has Jun finding Sho in a trench coat, a scarf around his neck and a face mask obscuring the curve of his jaw up to his nasal bridge. Jun opted for a simple white long sleeves and a hat, not bothering to shave some of his stubble since he’s wearing glasses and not contacts.  
  
“Are you here for work?” Jun asks, later when Sho is able to hail a taxi for them.  
  
Sho only nods.  
  
“Why did you say we could go together if you were already here? You’d have had to go back and forth.”  
  
“I don’t mind,” Sho says simply. Jun wishes he can take off the face mask that Sho had on, because he’s certain there’s a smile underneath it. It hasn’t even been a week, but he wants to see Sho smile again. It’s a dangerous thought, but he entertains it regardless. “I like seeing how fast the Shinkansen is.”  
  
Jun hardly finds that to be believable, but he keeps quiet, not wanting to alert the taxi driver that he and Sho are not really friends.  
  
They reach the outlet mall and Jun pretends not to notice how much Sho tips the driver. Once they’re walking side-by-side, Sho starts to speak. “I wouldn’t have minded the additional thirty minutes. Or the additional fare, had you chosen for us to go together.”  
  
“Why are you here anyway? Are you acting tour guide again?” Jun asks.  
  
“Performance reviews,” Sho explains. “One of the sister companies here in Osaka is asking me to evaluate their executive board.”  
  
“Well, I’m glad you’re not really affiliated with my company,” Jun says, following Sho to the escalator. “Or else this would be so awkward.”  
  
They reach the floor for men’s wear and Sho stops, turning to face him. “Lead the way.”  
  
“What?” Jun blinks in question.  
  
“I want to see the usual clothes you go for. Tops, jeans, slacks, shoes—go wild. I just want to see.”  
  
“I shop based on feeling,” Jun says, and he hears Sho laugh for the first time today. The face mask absorbs the vibration, muffling the sound.  
  
“I didn’t expect any other way, not with you,” Sho tells him, eyes crinkling at the sides. “Lead the way.”  
  
Jun does, finding familiar shops and brands. He picks up shirts only to return them, tries on hats only to discard them and pick another one. Sho only trails behind him, looking at his picks, feeling the material in between his thumb and forefinger once in a while, but he doesn’t utter a word.  
  
Until Jun picks up a green bowtie.  
  
“Are you going to pick up your bride with that?” Sho says, shoulders shaking in lamusement.  
  
“I think it’s cute,” Jun says out of the corner of his mouth, defensive and a little annoyed.  
  
“Well if you want it, take it to the counter,” Sho says. “I’m not going to complain, but your tastes are really varied.”  
  
Jun shoots Sho an incredulous look. “You’re not serious.”  
  
“What?” Sho inclines his head in question. “I said we were going shopping.”  
  
“Yeah but...you’re not seriously going to pay for anything I feel like getting, are you?”  
  
“They’re gifts,” Sho tells him. “Treat them as gifts.”  
  
“They’re not,” Jun says, putting down the bowtie. “Why, though? Why get me something? You already sent me a novel this week.”  
  
“I like getting things for you,” Sho says simply. “Is that not reason enough? Don’t make this complicated.”  
  
Jun turns away to calm himself for a moment. He knows it makes Sho happy when he buys things for people. But the brands Jun prefer aren’t exactly cheap. “I’m not letting you dress me from head to foot.” He shakes his head at the sight of Sho looking like he wants to protest. “No. But since it makes you happy, I’ll let you get something for me today. Just one thing, and nothing more.”  
  
“Then go find what you like best and tell me,” Sho acquiesces with a slight nod.  
  
It takes them almost an hour of walking around and entering one shop after another before Jun settles for a pair of loafers with studs on the sides. He shows it to Sho, and he raises an eyebrow at Sho’s frown.  
  
“Thorned shoes, really?” Sho asks, looking at him in disbelief. Even without seeing half of his face, Jun can imagine his entire expression pretty well.  
  
“These are called studs,” Jun says pointedly.  
  
“They’re metal thorns,” Sho says.  
  
“Studs,” Jun says, not wanting to lose.  
  
Sho eventually sighs, waving his hand in defeat. “All right.” He takes the pair from Jun and heads to the counter. “Not saying I understand thorned shoes with pompoms, but if you want them…”  
  
“I do want them,” Jun says. “Stop mocking my choices.”  
  
He watches Sho pull out a credit card, handing it over to the cashier without preamble. “I said it before but I’ll say it again,” Sho says, lowering his voice so only Jun can hear him. “Without your wishlist, I’d be totally lost.” Sho pauses and reaches inside his coat pocket, and Jun’s eyes widen at the sight of what’s on Sho’s palm, of what is extended in offering.  
  
It’s a card.  
  
A fucking expense card.  
  
“What,” Jun says.  
  
“In case you wanted more of these thorns but I’m not available to accompany you,” Sho explains nonchalantly.  
  
“No,” Jun says immediately, pushing Sho’s hand away. The fucking card even has his name on it. Jun knows it’s an extension card, that whatever he buys with it will be sent to Sho’s bill, but it’s too much. “No, no way. No.”  
  
“You don’t have to use it if you don’t feel like it,” Sho tells him, not backing away. Behind Sho, Jun sees the cashier lady oblivious and punching numbers on the register. “But take it at least.”  
  
“I can’t take this,” Jun says, keeping his voice down. “I can’t. I’m happy with everything you bought for me, everything you’ve given me, but this...this is going overboard.”  
  
“Why? Why are you making such a fuss out of this?” Sho asks, frowning at him now.  
  
“Because this is only the third time!” Jun almost hisses, except he remembers that they’re in public and wants to attract as little attention as possible. “You’ve only seen me for three times, and now you’re… _giving_ a credit card to me? That’s absurd if you think about it rationally.”  
  
“Then stop being rational,” Sho says, meeting his eyes directly. “Stop overthinking. I said you can choose not to use it. But accept it, at least. I wouldn’t have offered it if I didn’t want you to have it, if I didn’t like you enough to think that you ought to have it.”  
  
Jun really hates it, but Sho always makes a good argument. Not in the rational way his mind prefers, but Sho is so visceral about what this entire arrangement is to him and Jun can’t find it in him to disrespect that.  
  
“I’m never using it,” Jun says. He looks past Sho’s shoulder and finds the cashier lady calling for their attention. Jun’s shoes are already tucked inside a paper bag, but Sho refuses to turn.  
  
“Take it,” Sho says, offering his hand once more. “Please.”  
  
Jun sighs and flattens his palm over Sho’s, feeling Sho transfer the card in his hand. Then Sho turns, inclines his head in thanks at the cashier and the rest of the store clerks before picking up his card from the counter and his paper bag purchase.  
  
He only hands the paper bag to Jun once they’re out of the store. “Are you angry over the card?”  
  
Jun looks away but accepts the paper bag. “I told you I don’t like surprises.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Sho says.  
  
Jun doesn’t say anything, just looking at his feet. He already pocketed Sho’s credit card, but it’s as if he can feel it burn inside his jeans.  
  
“Hey,” Sho says.  
  
Jun doesn’t look.  
  
“Jun-san,” Sho says patiently. “There’s a restaurant I wanted us to try here.” He hears Sho sigh when he keeps to his silence. “Are you going to resign yourself with not speaking to me after the card? I don’t regret it. I wanted you to have it.”  
  
“You didn’t have to,” Jun mumbles, still a bit angry.  
  
“I know. That’s why I said I wanted you to have it. Now if you’re going to spend the rest of this day being angry with me, so be it,” Sho says. “But let me feed you. You’re not a morning person, so I don’t think you had a proper breakfast yet. And it’s way past lunch.”  
  
“I’m not your ward,” Jun retorts, irritated.  
  
“No,” Sho says, and Jun hates how he can simply tell that Sho’s smiling behind the mask. “You’re much more than that. Shall we?”  
  
Jun has no choice but to follow, not when his stomach is betraying him. Sho was right: Jun hadn’t had proper breakfast yet. Jun really dislikes how Sho can just tell sometimes.  
  
It’s like he can’t hide a thing from him.  
  
Sho takes him to a high-class sushi parlor, one that has a private room that Sho has reserved beforehand. Without any onlookers, Jun is finally able to remove his hat and muss his hair, and Sho finally takes off the face mask.  
  
“You look older with the stubble,” Sho comments.  
  
“Your hair’s longer,” Jun says, keeping his voice neutral. He still hasn’t forgiven Sho yet. “Do they allow that in your company? That length?”  
  
“The perks of being COO,” Sho tells him, “is that no one really cares. I’ve had longer and it didn’t stop me from doing my job.”  
  
Jun doesn’t dignify that with a reply, instead waiting for the restaurant staff to bring their order in. He’s no longer surprised at the anago sushi taking up nearly half of the platter—Sho must have realized it’s his favorite the last time they were together.  
  
They eat in silence, until Sho puts down his teacup.  
  
“What do I have to do to make you stop being angry at me?” Sho asks.  
  
“I don’t know,” Jun says, shrugging. “Take back the card?”  
  
“Anything but that,” Sho says, and Jun narrows his eyes at the stubbornness he can see in Sho. “It’s a gift. I don’t reclaim gifts. You just have to accept that it’s a gift, just like anything else I’ve given you.”  
  
“It’s not the same as a toy helicopter,” Jun states, setting his plate aside. “Is there even a credit limit to that thing? Or are you giving me freedom to get anything I want, literally no matter what the cost is?”  
  
“There’s a credit limit, don’t be stupid,” Sho snaps, and it’s the first time Jun has seen him do it. “This isn’t the first time I’ve done this so I know what I’m doing. This is, however, the first time I’m seeing a different reaction from the other party.”  
  
Jun squares his jaw to rein in his temper. “What, did you expect me to be happy? To gasp in awe and look at you with eyes sparkling? To say, ‘thank you, Daddy’ and throw my arms around you?” He scoffs.  
  
Sho’s frowning now, looking insulted. “I knew you’d make such a big deal out of it, but at the very least, I was hoping you’d understand how important it is to me.”  
  
Seeing Sho then, Jun knew he hit a sore spot. He watches the myriad of emotions on Sho’s face before Sho sighs and presses the buzzer to call for the staff.  
  
“The bill, please,” Sho says as soon as the door slides open.  
  
Jun hears the staff scurry away, and he looks at Sho, finding that Sho’s looking at anywhere else but him.  
  
When their bill arrives, Sho places his card on it and waits until they’re left alone once more.  
  
“If you want to return to Tokyo, you can,” Sho says, not really looking at Jun anymore. “Since today didn’t turn out as well as I was hoping it to be, I can only imagine you’d rather not spend the rest of it with me. I’ll pay for the return fare.”  
  
Jun’s accustomed to Sho showering him with attention (and at times, affection), and to see Sho drawing away from him on purpose leaves this ugly, discomfiting feeling inside his chest. He wants to take it back, especially the last things he said, but the door slides open just before he can open his mouth.  
  
He watches Sho sign the receipt and gather his things, slipping his face mask back on. Sho pulls out a couple of bank notes and slips them discreetly across the table.  
  
“For the train ride back.”  
  
Then Sho leaves without another word, disappearing behind the door, the only things reminding Jun of his presence are the bank notes left on the table.  
  
\--  
  
Jun almost texts Nino or Aiba, but he realizes there’s no point since neither of them really knows what’s going on. Neither Nino nor Aiba even knows he’s in Osaka.  
  
So Jun weighs his options. He can head for the train station and do as Sho told him to do, use the money Sho willingly gave for the trip back. But something stops him. Maybe it’s the look on Sho’s face after he said those things—things he didn’t truly mean. Maybe it’s because he _finally_ gets it, just how monumental it was to Sho to give something like that to him.  
  
And he shunned it away as if it could poison him, yet Sho didn’t mind, even saying it was okay if Jun never found reason to use it.  
  
Jun feels insensitive and, to be a honest, a bit of a dick and he hates himself. He could’ve at least handled himself better, but no, he let his dislike for surprises get ahead of him.  
  
He looks at the bank notes Sho left on the table and makes up his mind, picking them up and pocketing them.  
  
As soon as he’s out of the restaurant, he looks around, hoping for any sign of a cream-colored trench coat and a gray scarf. Finding no one that seems to be Sho, Jun whips out his phone to call for a taxi, naming Intercontinental as his destination.  
  
Because of the traffic, it’s nighttime when Jun gets to the hotel, heading straight to the information desk and giving Sho’s name to the clerk. She picks up the receiver and contacts the room, and she offers Jun this apologetic smile after speaking through the phone for a few moments.  
  
“The guest you’re looking for doesn’t want to be disturbed at this time,” she tells him, bowing. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Tell him it’s Matsumoto,” Jun says, not wanting to give up. If Sho’s stubborn, then he is, too. “And that it’s urgent.”  
  
She nods, relaying his message. Jun overhears her asking, “Sir?” before she straightens and says, “I understand,” to the receiver.  
  
She puts the phone down before she addresses Jun. “The guest has asked me to provide you with a key, but it’s hotel policy that we see any ID that proves your identity.”  
  
Jun whips out his driver’s license, not really liking the theatrics but having to bear with it. Soon the desk clerk slips him the keycard along with his license, and Jun nearly runs to the elevators in his haste.  
  
He’s inside the elevator when he realizes he doesn’t know which floor to go. He examines the keycard, but there’s no room number.  
  
 _I don’t know what floor you’re in_ , Jun sends, frowning at the elevator console.  
  
 _Take a guess_ , is Sho’s reply.  
  
Jun groans in frustration. Of course Sho chooses to make things difficult for him. Jun can just go back to the front desk and ask, but he doesn’t want the clerk to remember his face.  
  
So he thinks about it and Googles the best view of the hotel, tries to calculate the probability of Sho wanting to show off, and decides to punch the topmost floor.  
  
According to Jun’s hasty web search, the corner view of the hotel is the best view, and Sho really seems like the type to get such. The minutes feel like hours as Jun waits for the elevator to reach the floor, and when the lift gets stopped on the way as customers try to get to some of the restaurants, Jun’s already bordering on impatient.  
  
He reaches the floor he chose and heads first for the left. There are only four corner rooms in this floor, so Jun only has three chances of getting the room wrong. He hopes it doesn’t make him too suspicious for the safety cameras on the corridor though.  
  
He spins on his heel and walks the other direction when he sees that the first corner room he’s set his eyes on is being cleaned by room service personnel. He heads to the other direction, and once he stands behind the door, he tries to swipe the key against the lock.  
  
He’s greeted by a tiny red light, indicating that he’s got the wrong one.  
  
Not deterred, Jun heads for the third one. He holds his breath when he presses the keycard against the sensor, smiling in relief when it clicks open and the light turns green.  
  
Sho’s room is bathed in darkness, the TV attached to the wall acting as the only light source. Jun barely pays any mind to whatever program Sho’s watching, turning the corner and stopping in his tracks when he finds Sho on the bed.  
  
Sho looks ominous given the mostly blue lighting, but Jun’s just glad he found him.  
  
“Not enough for the trip back?” Sho asks after the silence between them seems to drag on.  
  
Jun wills himself not to react at that. Instead he drops his paper bag to the carpeted floor, removes his hat and glasses to set them on the nightstand, and just climbs on the bed, close to where Sho is.  
  
Jun wants to reach out, but he’s not sure if it would be welcome so he keeps his distance, sitting on the bed with his legs crossed under him.  
  
“I didn’t mean it,” Jun hears himself say, his voice not sounding like his own and so small. “Everything I said in the restaurant. I didn’t mean any word of it.” He reaches inside his jeans and pulls out Sho’s money, returning it. “I don’t want to go back. Not yet. But if you really want me to leave, just tell me. I’ll take the next train as soon as you tell me to get out.”  
  
“Why would I tell you to get out?” Sho asks, and Jun can’t decipher his tone.  
  
“Because I said the wrong things. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t.” Jun shakes his head. “I was just...shocked. I still don’t like it, and I probably still won’t use it, but I understand. I get you now.”  
  
“Do you?” Sho asks, still emotionless. He looks so impenetrable, and Jun wonders if Sho only chooses to be transparent in front of him but always has his guard up with other people.  
  
“I liked everything you gave me,” Jun says, lifting his wrist to make his point. His cuff bracelet glints in the dark. “Everything. The most recent one is still something I can’t process, but maybe I can learn to accept it. If not like it, I can accept it. If that’s not good enough for you, just say it. Then tell me to get out so I have a good reason why I’m boarding that Shinkansen tonight.”  
  
Sho reaches between them to take the money, depositing the bank notes on the nightstand. Then Sho resumes his position and sighs, long and suffering.  
  
“Do you remember what I told you almost a week ago?” Sho asks.  
  
Jun blinks, confused. He doesn’t. “You said many things to me last Sunday. I really have no idea what you mean.”  
  
He catches a glimpse of a smile before Sho schools his expression back to seriousness. “It’s one of the first things I told you when we met last Sunday.” Sho turns his head in Jun’s direction, giving Jun this soft look. “You’re very hard to resist, I’ve said that.”  
  
Jun tries not to look too happy at what Sho’s implying.  
  
“So I’m not telling you to get out. But I’m also not forcing you to stay. If you’d rather be anywhere else, it’s fine with—”  
  
Jun cuts him off by collapsing against him, his body pressed against Sho’s. Sho grunts under him, half out of pain and half out of surprise, but soon Jun feels Sho’s fingers tracing the stitching of his shirt tentatively, like he’s hesitating.  
  
“I didn’t mean it,” Jun says again.  
  
“Yes, you already told me,” Sho tells him, and Jun can feel one of Sho’s hands stroking his hair. Lightly, tentatively.  
  
“I didn’t mean to insult you.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“But I still did it anyway,” Jun says, the guilt eating him.  
  
“Without meaning to,” Sho says patiently, fingers playing with his hair on the back of his neck. “I know that now.”  
  
Fuck. He’s so nice to Jun, so easy to forgive, and it only makes Jun feel worse.  
  
He isn’t worthy of this.  
  
Jun looks up and searches Sho’s eyes in the dark. “Why are you so nice to me? Why when I no longer deserve it?”  
  
Sho brushes away the hair over his eyes before he draws back. “I—” Sho tries, then it ends in a shy laugh. “It’s funny, and you might laugh at me as I say this, but I think I’m incapable of resisting you. If you make your demands, automatically I want to make them happen. It’s...unbelievable. With ones before—before you—they had to earn a bit of it at least. But with you...all you need to do is ask. I don’t...I don’t get it either.”  
  
Jun surges up for a kiss, not knowing what else to say. What’s he supposed to say to that? Fuck that. That was a confession, and no part of Jun is ready for it, nor will there be any part of him that will be ready for it. He doesn’t know what to do, only that he has to stop Sho from saying anything more, out of fear of what else Sho will admit.  
  
It’s easy when they’re like this, when Sho’s just kissing him back and matching his craving with his own. When his body is reacting to the warmth he and Sho are generating together, it’s easy to forget the gravity of what Sho just told him, to just think of it as Sho getting carried away.  
  
They pull away when they both have to breathe, and Sho strokes his chin with his thumb. “Your stubble tickles.”  
  
“Do you want me to shave it off?” Jun asks.  
  
Sho smiles at him, thumbing at his cheekbone this time. “Shave. Then take a shower. I’ll wait.”  
  
Just before he cooperates, Jun goes for another kiss and presses his thumb on Sho’s lips.  
  
Then he leaves the bed and heads for the shower to do as Sho asked.  
  
\--  
  
Jun ascertains he’s thoroughly dry before he steps out, ditching the towel on the bathroom sink so he can strut towards the bed naked. He feels Sho’s eyes following him, taking in his appearance, and he snatches the remote from Sho’s hands to turn off the TV before placing his legs on either side of Sho’s body, straddling him.  
  
The room is bathed in darkness, but the huge windows have their curtains opened, giving a view of the cityscape, bustling with nightlife.  
  
“You’re so pale,” Sho says, hands skimming at his sides and making him squirm. “How come you’re so pale? It makes you blush more, a deeper kind of red, you see.”  
  
“You like it,” Jun says with confidence, leaning closer. “You like that I’m so pale, when I turn red and you can see it clearly.”  
  
“Maybe I do,” Sho whispers when they’re just a breath away, and Jun kisses him, wanting to feel those lips against his own. Sho has these shapely lips and a really plump bottom one, and Jun wants to tug on it after kissing him deep.  
  
Straddling Sho has him holding on to the girth of Sho’s neck while Sho’s hands begin to roam, mapping out his back, tracing his shoulder blades and the ridges formed by his spine before descending, settling on his ass. When Sho squeezes, Jun smiles against their joined mouths.  
  
“What’s it going to be tonight?” Jun asks, busying his fingers with undoing Sho’s shirt. He pushes it off Sho’s shoulders when he’s done and discards the garment to the side. “Or are we too early in your schedule again?”  
  
A hand goes around his middle, Sho’s palm flat on the small of his back, and Jun gasps in surprise when Sho flips them in an uncharacteristic display of strength, his back now resting on the cool sheets.  
  
Sho kisses him again, albeit softly. “Don’t pout.”  
  
“You know I hate surprises,” Jun says, slightly annoyed. “If you wanted me on my back, you should have just said so.”  
  
“But I wouldn’t get to see you being pouty and cute if I just said so,” Sho tells him, smiling.  
  
“I’m not cute,” Jun retorts, hands clutching at Sho’s neck to pull him down and kiss him again. “Shut up.”  
  
With Sho on top of him, he has more access to whatever part of Sho’s body he wants to feel in his hands. Jun runs his hands on Sho’s back before reaching down, down, until he can cup Sho’s ass through his jeans and push him closer, his legs bracketing Sho’s hips.  
  
“Can I touch you?” Sho asks when they pull away, looking at him like he’s truly waiting for permission. Sho retrieves a bottle of lube from under the pillows, and Jun smiles at the sight of him clutching it in a nervous gesture. “It’s okay if you don’t want me to.”  
  
Jun takes the lube from Sho and just holds it. “Remove the jeans and your underwear, then you can touch me.”  
  
Sho gets off the bed to follow, and within moments, Jun is returning the bottle to him.  
  
“Go slowly,” Jun says, placing a pillow under his hips and getting comfortable. “It’s been a while. A really long while.”  
  
Sho lifts his leg and hooks his ankle on his shoulder, shuffling forward. Sho’s eyes scan his form, and Jun watches him lick his lips.  
  
“You’re really flexible,” Sho says, sounding amazed.  
  
“There’s a reason why there’s a balance ball in my wishlist,” Jun says.  
  
Sho smiles, and he turns his head to press kisses on Jun’s leg, around the bony prominences of his ankle. He’s so patient with Jun, so accommodating, like he truly wants Jun to feel good every time they find time for each other like this.  
  
Sho’s kisses eventually reach his knee, and Sho bends his leg further so he can kiss the back of Jun’s knee. That tickles Jun, leg extending on reflex and making Sho laugh.  
  
“You’re so ticklish,” Sho says, and Jun only scowls.  
  
He stops scowling when he hears Sho opening the bottle, squirting lube on his fingers.  
  
The first brush of Sho’s finger against his hole has him tensing, but he eventually relaxes when all Sho does is to circle the tight ring of muscle, not pressing or prodding.  
  
When Jun thinks he’s ready, he gives Sho this nod. “It’s okay. You can move a bit faster.”  
  
Sho slips his finger in slowly, making Jun sigh. At first Sho only gives him the shallowest of thrusts, but when Jun adjusts to the intrusion, he increases his pace, now able to bury his finger up to the knuckle.  
  
Jun jolts when Sho starts twisting his finger inside, sighing when it begins to feel good, his body warming because of it. Sho pulls out to add more lube to his fingers, and when he returns, he adds another one, making Jun’s teeth catch on to his bottom lip.  
  
Sho is watching his reactions, readjusting his tempo according to Jun’s sighs and soft groans. He sometimes moves too slowly for Jun’s liking, but he loves the extra attention Sho’s giving him. He wants to bask in the feeling of Sho taking care of him, tending to his needs in such a considerate, gentle way.  
  
Jun arches from the bed when Sho curls his fingers inside, clearly searching for something. When Sho finds it, he gives it this circular rub that makes Jun throw his head back in a low moan, toes curling as a reaction.  
  
There’s a hand that grips Jun’s thigh to bend his leg further, and Sho inches closer, perhaps to see his reactions better. Jun’s aware that he’s flushing, and he hopes that the darkness of the room doesn’t show how much. His breaths are turning labored, getting caught in his throat when Sho grazes his prostate, strokes it in tiny circles that make fire coil in Jun’s belly.  
  
Soon he’s loose enough for Sho to be able to insert another finger, and with three comes a stretch that Jun hasn’t felt in too long, hips bucking on their own to meet Sho’s movements halfway.  
  
“Say,” Sho begins, and it takes Jun a lot of effort to be able to focus on him and not on what he’s doing, “did you ever come without anyone touching your cock?”  
  
“I—” Jun tries, but it ends in a gasp when Sho twists his fingers just right, “I—no. No, never.”  
  
Snapping his eyes back to Sho’s face reveals a grin, one that shows Sho’s teeth.  
  
The fingers inside Jun crook, sending him shuddering and moaning, and amidst his thundering heartbeat, Jun hears Sho say: “ _Try._ ”  
  
Sho moves his fingers with purpose then, fucking Jun in a steady pace that sends Jun to a series of gasps and quiet moans. When Sho begins scissoring, Jun puts the back of his hand over his mouth, unable to keep himself from pushing back, to feel more. His cock stirs between his legs, growing heavier despite receiving no friction, and Jun resists the urge to touch it.  
  
A hand grips his wrist and pushes his hand away, and Jun finds Sho looking at him.  
  
“Let me see your face,” Sho says, punctuating it with another crook of his fingers that leaves Jun groaning, “let me see how this affects you.”  
  
Sho pulls out to coat his fingers in more lube, and he’s able to plunge them right back in since Jun’s loose enough. Sho shifts, sending his fingers deeper, and starts scissoring again when he can lean down and take one of Jun’s nipples into his mouth.  
  
Desperate for something to hold on to, Jun’s hand flies to Sho’s hair, pushing his face closer. Sho alternates between sucking and licking, fingers still moving in and out of Jun. The insides of Jun’s thighs begin to tingle, and he’s close, body chasing after its need by bucking back and arching against Sho’s ministrations.  
  
“Close?” Sho asks, breath ghosting his nipple.  
  
“Yes,” Jun admits, his mind almost a haze. “Yes, yes.”  
  
Sho straightens his body and doesn’t hold back, fingers fucking Jun quickly. He begins riding Sho’s fingers, as much as he can given their position, and when his cock twitches, his hips rise from the bed as it washes all over him.  
  
Jun’s not aware if he’s moaning so loudly or not—all he knows is that he’s coming, the spurts of his release covering his stomach. He can’t stop shaking; he’s never come untouched before, and he’s so pleasantly floating in euphoria that he only vaguely feels Sho pull out, hands now caressing the insides of his thighs to help him come back down.  
  
Sho’s knuckles are running on the side of his face by the time he manages to open his eyes. Jun, albeit feeling a little lethargic, still reaches up to wrap his arms around Sho’s nape and to pull Sho down for a kiss. They kiss slowly and softly, just lips meeting, until Jun’s orgasmic rush begins to dissipate.  
  
“What do you need?” he asks against Sho’s mouth. “Tell me what you need.”  
  
Instead of replying, Sho pulls away, removing the pillow under Jun’s hips to have Jun lie completely flat on the bed. Then Sho shuffles forward, kneels on either sides of his arms, cock nearly resting on Jun’s chest.  
  
“Jun,” is all Sho says.  
  
There’s always something that hums in pleasure inside Jun whenever he hears his name—just his name without any honorifics—out of Sho’s mouth. Jun directs his gaze to Sho’s cock, erect and leaking a bit of precome, and finally understands. He straightens his trunk to make his chest more prominent before grabbing the lube and lathering some on his chest. His breastbone creates this dip, and Jun places his hands over it, lifting his fingers just a little to make a tiny hole for Sho to thrust in.  
  
Then he looks at Sho and waits.  
  
He hears Sho curse, positioning himself properly, and the first snap of his hips has his cock leaving a wet trail on Jun’s chest. For all the patience Sho exhibited earlier, he’s beginning to move his hips in abandon, like he’s been holding back and can no longer do so.  
  
Jun watches Sho move, keeping his hands where they are and his shoulders adducted to provide the friction Sho needs. He knows how his body looks like, that his bench presses are only contributing to the bulk of his pecs, and he’s thrilled to discover that what Sho’s doing at present might be some fantasy Sho always had since he saw Jun’s body.  
  
“Have you always wanted to do this?” Jun asks, truly wanting to know. “Fuck my chest like this?”  
  
He catches Sho nodding, already lost in pleasure, and Jun makes the hole he created with his hands a little smaller, just to make it a bit tighter for Sho.  
  
It sends Sho groaning, cock sliding against Jun’s sternum repeatedly. He’s close, and Jun can tell because whenever Sho’s about to come, all he seems to have enough sense to say is Jun’s name, a litany that Jun never gets tired of hearing.  
  
Sho suddenly withdraws, circling a hand on the base of his cock, his chest heaving. He looks at Jun with eyes so dark, and Jun licks his lips.  
  
“It’s okay,” he says sincerely. He’d just turn his face away so most of Sho’s come doesn’t end up on his eyes or nose. “It’s okay. You can come on me.”  
  
Sho only gives him this questioning look, and Jun nods again, grabbing Sho’s cock to have it press against his chest again. “It’s okay. Come on me.”  
  
He hears Sho utter his name, then Sho begins thrusting again, picking up his pace from earlier. When Sho does that rumbling groan, Jun faces the side and shuts his eyes, just in time for streaks of warm come to paint his cheeks, jaw, and neck. Some of it clings to his hair, and he can feel a drop of it landing on the shell of his ear.  
  
Above him, Sho is still panting, eyes squeezed shut. When Sho opens his eyes and looks down at him, Jun can only wonder what Sho thinks.  
  
His own come has began to dry and cake on his abdomen, his chest is still slick and glistening with lube, and he has most of Sho’s come on his face. He’s still loose, and he feels his hole twitch every now and then. He’s filthier than any porn in his collection, and he already begins to feel sticky and disgusting.  
  
He reaches up to wipe his face, but Sho catches his wrist and stops him halfway.  
  
“What,” Jun starts, feeling some of Sho’s come that’s on his cheek slide down to the angle of his mouth because he chose to speak, “at least let me wipe my face.”  
  
“Not with your hand,” Sho says, moving off him. “Just...stay there. I’ll be back.”  
  
Jun settles for not moving, not wanting Sho’s come to create more mess, and Sho finally returns with a damp washcloth that he presses on parts of Jun’s face.  
  
Jun waits until his face feels like his face again and not a sticky mess that was Sho’s creation before he speaks. “I feel like an AV star.”  
  
Sho laughs as he proceeds to wipe Jun’s chest and abdomen, and he’s considerate enough to even wipe off the lube cooling between Jun’s legs. “Sorry. But you said it was okay, so…”  
  
“Well I didn’t think you’d come so much,” Jun says, watching Sho deposit the washcloth to the side. “I didn’t think the idea of fucking my chest would turn you on so bad.”  
  
“Have you seen your body?” Sho asks, shaking his head. “There are many things I want to do with your body.”  
  
Jun pulls Sho back to him, hands around his nape to share another kiss with him.  
  
“Shower with me?” he offers when Sho breaks the kiss.  
  
“That’s not a good idea,” Sho says.  
  
Jun can already imagine them going for another round of making each other come the moment they attempt to shower together. “I know,” he acknowledges. “Let’s do it anyway.”  
  
Sho kisses him once, then again, before finally pulling back and offering his hand.  
  
Jun takes it and allows himself to be pulled from the bed.  
  
\--  
  
They had a very late, almost midnight dinner because of a prolonged shower session which only ended after Sho had wringed out Jun’s second orgasm by giving him head and fucking him with his fingers as he dropped to his knees.  
  
They order in room service and eat on the bed, naked but satisfied. Jun’s certain they’d go for another round again once they’re done, perhaps him going down on Sho, but for now, he’s content to eat salad while his back is resting against Sho’s chest.  
  
“Do you really like those thorned shoes we got today?” Sho asks, stealing a forkful of Jun’s salad.  
  
“And I told you they’re not thorns,” Jun says, only mildly annoyed. “Yes, I do like them.”  
  
“I thought you were a fashionable guy, but there are fashionable stuff and things that simply don’t make sense,” Sho says, already smirking at him. “Your shoes fall on the latter, by the way.”  
  
“And yet you paid for them,” Jun reminds him, grabbing the fork back. “Stop complaining and just eat.”  
  
Sho thankfully does, and they finish most of what they ordered in by the time he talks again. “What time do you have to return to Tokyo?”  
  
“I have to meet a friend at a kabuki theater tomorrow afternoon,” Jun says. “So noon, at the latest.”  
  
“That still gives us a bit of time,” Sho says, turning his head to check the digital clock on the nightstand.  
  
Jun laughs, pushes Sho a bit so he can situate himself on Sho’s lap. “If you wanted a round two, just say it.”  
  
“I already went for round two,” Sho reminds him, smiling meaningfully. “And it’s only been an hour since that shower.”  
  
Jun doesn’t respond, instead tilts Sho’s head back so he can kiss Sho’s neck, his sloping shoulder. He reaches up to tweak at one of Sho’s nipples, twisting it between his fingers while his mouth continues to explore, tongue tasting Sho’s skin and leaving gooseflesh on its wake.  
  
“I want to try something,” Jun says, smoothing out the furrow formed by Sho’s eyebrows.  
  
Sho lets out this breathless laugh. “Do you ever get tired from having too much sex?”  
  
“No,” Jun says, rolling his eyes. “A palm reader once told me my sexual drive is uncontainable.”  
  
Sho laughs so loud it’s almost annoying. Almost. “Take me to that palm reader next time. They know what they’re talking about.” Sho thumbs at his hipbones. “Okay. Do whatever you want.”  
  
Jun goes for one last kiss before he pushes Sho back, flat on the bed. He twists and maneuvers his body so he can have his legs on Sho’s sides while his mouth is close to Sho’s cock.  
  
“Are you just trying to show off your flexibility?” Sho asks from behind him, skeptical. But his hands are already caressing the back of Jun’s thighs, and Jun knows it’ll only take a while before he hears Sho uncapping the lube again.  
  
“The last time I did 69,” Jun recalls, “it ended pretty badly, so I want to write over that memory with a better one.”  
  
“Tell me what happened,” Sho prompts, hands caressing the curve of Jun’s ass. His fingers tickle, and Jun focuses on the memory so as not to react.  
  
“Well,” Jun begins, hand reaching for Sho’s cock to give it a few strokes, enough to get started, “the guy I had done it with got too excited; he was either using too much tongue or wasn't exerting effort in sucking me off. He was just alternating between that. Then he came on my face without warning and some of his jizz ended in my nose—”  
  
Sho’s totally laughing now, his body shaking under Jun’s. “Oh god, no wonder you were so touchy earlier when I came on your face despite having your permission.”  
  
“—and in my eye,” Jun continues, like Sho didn’t interrupt him. “So you see, I’m trying to do away with that memory. You have my thanks for not coming inside my nostril, but don’t you dare do it later.”  
  
“I’ll try my best,” Sho says, giving one of his buttocks a squeeze. “I’ll warn you when I’m close, how’s that?”  
  
“Very considerate of you,” Jun says before pressing his tongue on Sho’s cock, his first lick turning to a swirl around the head. The last time he did this told him all he needed to know: the right amount of pressure that will leave Sho gasping, when to hum and have the vibrations travel through Sho’s shaft, where to lick slowly to have Sho saying his name. While he knows that bringing Sho his second orgasm for tonight will take more effort, he’s really confident about his ability to give head.  
  
So Jun gets to work, feeling Sho’s cock stiffen in response to his sucks and licks. He has his other hand braced on Sho’s knee while he attempts to take all of Sho down in his throat, breaking off with a breathless gasp and doing it again.  
  
He moans when he feels Sho’s thumbs spreading his buttocks and exposing his hole, and he braces himself for the slick fingers that penetrate him mere seconds later. Still slightly loose, Jun is able to take two, humming his satisfaction around Sho’s cock as Sho twists his fingers expertly, knowing exactly how to touch him.  
  
He feels Sho wrap a well-lubed hand on his cock, stroking him in time with his fingers entering his hole, and Jun begins bobbing his head, fingers reaching down to tickle Sho’s balls. At the rate they’re going, it’ll probably be sooner than the both of them, but Jun can’t find it in him to care much.  
  
He breaks off Sho’s cock to lick long lines on the shaft, sighing in pleasure when Sho begins massaging his prostate, timing it with a stroke on his cock. Jun feels Sho shift under him, and he moans around a mouthful of Sho when he feels Sho’s lips close over the head of his cock, Sho’s fingers still steadily fucking him.  
  
Now Jun gets to work for real, matching his pace with Sho’s while also trying to push back against Sho’s fingers. It’s strenuous and it’ll perhaps make his hips ache the morning after, but Jun’s beginning to feel so lost in pleasure that he just wants the both of them to get off at the same time.  
  
He hears Sho break off with a quiet but wet pop, Sho’s hips lifting on their own accord. “Close,” Sho breathes. “Close, close, Jun—”  
  
Jun simply settles for wrapping his mouth on the head, using his hands to stroke Sho to completion, and he hums when he feels Sho come, swallowing it all without complaint. Sho stills under him, thighs shaking, and Jun leaves wet kisses on the tip before he pulls away completely.  
  
It takes a while, but then Sho’s mouth returns, sucking him off as enthusiastically as he did in the shower earlier, his fingers relentless on Jun’s prostate. When Jun comes, he’s got his body curving to an almost reversed C, body convulsing on top of Sho’s. He clenches around Sho’s fingers as his coherency rapidly vanishes, and his knees give way, trapping Sho under his weight.  
  
“Jun,” he hears Sho grunt, but he doesn’t have enough functioning neurons to focus on it.  
  
“Jun I can’t breathe,” Sho says, making this pained noise that wills Jun to move, rolling to his back. “You’re so heavy.”  
  
Jun can’t even find it in him to be annoyed by that. He’s simply content to regulate his breathing, barely noticing Sho sitting up and bracing himself on his forearms so he can loom over Jun.  
  
“Better than your last 69 attempt?” Sho asks, giving him this boyish smile that only adds to Sho’s attractiveness. Sho is sweaty and flushed, his eyes looking happy and content.  
  
It’s the expression Jun wants to see on his face, not what he looked like in the restaurant earlier.  
  
Jun blinks innocently. “What do you mean my ‘last 69 attempt’?” He can’t remember such a thing.  
  
Sho laughs, boisterous and loud before leaning down to kiss him, and Jun just holds him close, keeps him where he is.  
  
\--  
  
Jun sleeps that night after spending almost three minutes laughing at Sho bringing a mouthpiece to quiet down his snores. With all the sex they had, it’s easy for Jun to fall asleep, waking up the following morning to the sight of Sho reading newspaper and sipping coffee beside him.  
  
“Good morning,” Sho says. Jun notices he’s not dressed yet. “It’s 10 AM.”  
  
Jun grabs a pillow and buries his face in it, rolling on his side to give Sho his back. He twitches away when he feels Sho plant soft kisses on his bicep, scratching at the area after Sho withdraws from him.  
  
“Go away,” Jun mumbles, still sleepy.  
  
He thinks he hears Sho laugh, but it’s hard to tell with his sleep addled mind. “I’ll have coffee ready for you,” Sho says, mostly muffled because Jun has the pillow covering his ears.  
  
Jun succumbs back to sleep, and when he wakes up again, Sho’s in the middle of putting jeans on.  
  
“Why are you dressed?” Jun asks, hating his voice is more like a croak.  
  
“You’re not the only one who has to go somewhere,” Sho says, smiling. “Good morning again.”  
  
Jun mumbles, “G’morning,” and stretches on the bed, glancing at the clock and discovering that he has less than an hour before he has to leave.  
  
“Did you have breakfast already?” he asks, sitting up and reaching for his glasses to put them on.  
  
“No,” Sho says, and Jun sees him carrying a breakfast tray. “I was waiting for you. But this was delivered an hour and a half ago so it has definitely gone cold.”  
  
Jun sees that the tray has two plates of English breakfast, and he looks up to find Sho already nodding at him.  
  
“I know, I know,” Sho says. “Unhealthful and the kind you hate. Eat up.”  
  
Jun doesn’t say a word of complaint when his eggs did turn out to be cold. He relishes in the remaining minutes he has left with Sho, quietly sipping black coffee and hiding his smile behind his mug as Sho fires off with one praise after another for the food.  
  
When they’re done eating, Jun heads for the shower and makes it quick, not wanting to miss the train ride back. He dresses up in yesterday’s clothes, figuring he could always change them before he heads to the theater later.  
  
He comes out of the shower to find Sho speaking to someone on the phone, and he proceeds to gather his things, checking if his hair is completely dry before he puts his hat back on.  
  
Sho puts down his phone just before it’s time for Jun to go, and Sho trails behind him when he makes his way to the door.  
  
“Can I see you again?” Sho asks when Jun turns to face him.  
  
“Yes,” Jun says. “I’ll send you my schedule for this month.”  
  
Sho nods. “Thank you. That would be appreciated.”  
  
It’s Jun who leans forward first, stealing one last kiss before he has to leave. Sho responds eagerly, an arm worming around Jun’s waist to have him closer.  
  
“Take care on the way back,” Sho says when they part. His hand lingers on Jun’s bracelet, thumb stroking the edge of the metal jewelry. “Text me.”  
  
“I will,” Jun promises. “Don’t stay here in Osaka for too long.”  
  
Sho smiles, finally letting his wrist go. “I’ll be returning to Tokyo on Tuesday, so no worries. I hope to see you soon.”  
  
Jun readjusts his hat, waving his fingers in farewell as he opens the door. Having received Sho’s acknowledging nod, he goes on his way, the decisive click of the door shutting the last thing he hears.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Pec Fucking" is still an additional tag on AO3, and clicking it will take you to a list of fics that is 90% from the Captain America/Marvel fandom. I guess that's a tag befitting doritos. I forgot to add it when I posted the fourth part, so there it is.

Whenever Jun feels ready to face the week that he thinks he can take on whatever it has in store for him, it goes ahead and proves him otherwise.  
  
He initially thought that the HR summon would be about candidates for the secretary position, but when he sees the folder, he shakes his head at it.  
  
“Why?” he asks quietly, unable to believe it. “Why our department again?”  
  
“It happens every quarter,” the HR guy tells him. He doesn’t even look apologetic. “Every quarter, we require some of the departments to submit a candidate or two for termination.”  
  
“But I have submitted a name the last time,” Jun says, tossing the folder back on the desk. “The last time, you made me fire a senpai. And now you’re asking me to pick one again?”  
  
“Not just you,” the guy says, shrugging. “It’s a massive termination. We’re pulling out employees from all the departments to make way for newly hired ones.”  
  
“My department is not hiring,” Jun almost hisses, trying to keep his temper in check.  
  
“We’re counting the secretary position as part of your department, Matsumoto-san. Whoever we choose for the position once we have the eligible applicants finalized will be affiliated with HR, but technically still part of your department since she will be your secretary,” the guy explains.  
  
“Then don’t hire one,” Jun says, not wanting to lose one more person he’s responsible for. “Forget the request I submitted. Shred it. I don’t need one anymore.”  
  
The guy is scratching the back of his head now. “We can’t do that anymore. Not when the executive board approved the request because of the end-of-the-year accreditation. They want all the department heads to have secretaries once the accreditors come, so it’d be more convenient and efficient to delegate tasks.”  
  
Jun doesn’t reply to that rather diplomatic explanation and instead takes measured breaths, hating how angry and lost he feels at the same time. He eyes the folder of his department handed to him earlier and wishes for it to disappear despite knowing how futile it is.  
  
“We’re giving you until next week, Matsumoto-san,” the guy says, bowing. “That will be all, and thank you for your time.”  
  
Jun stands and grabs said folder before stalking away, and he waits until he’s alone in his office before he flings it to the side in an act of momentary petulance.  
  
He buries his face in his hands, not knowing what to do.  
  
After Nakayama-san, who else is he going to take to the chopping block? There’s not a single name that comes to mind, and Jun feels so confused, the pressure on his shoulders feeling a bit too much.  
  
He makes sure he has the folder hidden away at the bottom of his desk drawer before he returns to work. He can’t be too affected, and he can’t give anything away that any time next week, he is bound to fire someone, perhaps even his friend.  
  
He considers sending Sho a text but decides against it, instead sending a sad faced emoji with no explanations.  
  
 _Treat yourself to some ice cream for tonight_ , is the text he receives an hour or two later, followed by a link to a blog with a list of top ten ice cream parlors.  
  
Jun considers it and makes a mental note to visit one, at least to forget his impending problem for a while.  
  
\--  
  
By the following week, Jun settles for Muro-san and tries to keep his composure as he tells him the truth. The guy is his friend, and he even attended several karaoke parties with him in the past, before he became the chief.  
  
Nakayama-san had understanding in his eyes when Jun told him the truth, but all Muro has at present is confusion and disbelief. He laughs it off, until he realizes that Jun is serious.  
  
“Is there no one else but me?” he asks Jun quietly.  
  
Jun bows until his forehead nearly touches the table’s surface. He feels so awful, so full of guilt and helpless, like he was unable to do his job and protect the employees under him despite giving his best. “I’m so sorry. I was putting it off and I already went past the deadline, then HR comes up with a proposal to terminate somebody else’s employment, someone who needs it more.”  
  
Muro sighs, and for a while, there’s nothing but silence.  
  
“How long do I have?” Muro asks him.  
  
“I negotiated with HR to not have your employment terminated until they actually have hired a secretary,” Jun explains. “To my knowledge, they’re still on the second round of interviews. If I can delay it until you find a new job, I’ll try to.”  
  
Muro is only nodding, giving Jun this weak smile. “It’s hard, isn’t it? After Nakayama-san, you have to fire me.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Jun says, not for the first time. “I’m so sorry. I was trying to push everyone to work harder so the higher ups would look at our outputs instead of the number of employees that we have. That still wasn’t enough, and I’m so sorry.”  
  
Hours later, when Jun has finally accepted that he has reached that point wherein he has to fire his own friends, he heads to Aiba’s bar and asks for the strongest drink.  
  
The good thing about Aiba is that while he’s mostly a curious guy, he knows when to back off. He doesn’t ask questions, but Jun knows he’s open to talk whenever he feels like it and Aiba would listen. Aiba gives him a glass of brandy, claiming that Jun’s first drink for the night is on the house.  
  
“You need it. I know; I can tell,” Aiba says. Then he turns to the rest of his customers, giving Jun space.  
  
Jun is perhaps on his third glass or fourth when he hears someone approaching him, and he’s not surprised to find Nino’s small hand curling around his shoulder.  
  
“I knew I’d find you here,” Nino says, taking the seat beside him. “Aiba-shi, just a can of Kirin.”  
  
“Did you hear?” Jun asks, downing the rest of his drink to signal Aiba for another.  
  
“We all did. Toma is already planning a farewell party.” Nino opens his can of beer and raises it in a toast in Aiba’s direction. “How do you feel?”  
  
“Like shit,” Jun says honestly, the alcohol having made his tongue loose. “It only makes me look like a monster, right? Firing one of my friends, what a joke.”  
  
“Nobody’s calling you a monster,” Nino tells him.  
  
“Nobody I can hear anyhow,” Jun says, unsure how a bark of laughter escapes from him. “Next quarter they’re going to do it again. They’re going to summon me again to hand me that fucking manila folder. I hate that folder. I want to burn it. It’s only my second time seeing it but I want Toma’s intern to put it on the shredder so I’ll never see it again.”  
  
“It’s not on you, Jun-kun,” Nino says, giving his shoulder a small squeeze.  
  
Jun shrugs away from Nino’s hold, finishing his drink in one go. “Of course it’s on me. That’s easy for you to say because you’re not the one who had to tell Muro-kun the truth. You weren’t the one who had to fire Nakayama-san either. And who’s next? You? Toma? I keep losing people no matter how hard I try to keep the department together. And you’re telling me it’s not on me?”  
  
“It’s your job, your baggage as a department head,” Nino says. Jun catches him casting a meaningful look at Aiba and ignores it. “But nobody is holding it against you. If you didn’t fire Muro-san today, you would’ve chosen somebody else.”  
  
“HR did choose somebody else,” Jun mumbles, unable to hide the truth. “Yamada-kun. They said he was recently hired, so he can find a job somewhere else given his skills. But I know that kid. I interviewed him. And I know what it’s like for him.”  
  
He takes a deep breath followed by another sip of the drink Aiba wordlessly slides across the counter. “I was looking to promote him to an assistant team leader, and they want me to fire him. So I made my choice. In the end, it’s still a bad one, isn’t it? Muro-kun is one of the few who can bear with my voice during karaoke.” Jun laughs sadly, remembering. “I’m tired. I’m so tired sometimes, I can’t see myself doing this for the next year or so.”  
  
“If you think of resigning, I’m not letting you,” Nino says, swinging his legs to face him. “If you resign, nobody’s going to protect the kids. We’ve hired a couple of young ones during the new year, and the people at HR are heartless bastards that they won’t hesitate to fire them just to cut back. If you resign, they’re done for.”  
  
“I know,” Jun says, shaking his head at Nino. “I know. And even if I do, it doesn’t make this any less bearable. I know what most people in the department think. Your Daredevil Matsumoto nickname has caught on, and that’s only because it’s the truth, isn’t it? I have to be that way to keep our department together.”  
  
Nino doesn’t say a thing anymore, merely watching him get drunker and ramble on. Jun’s not aware how much alcohol he has consumed, but eventually he finds himself resting his cheek against the cool, polished wood of the counter, still feeling as horrible as he first came through the doors.  
  
He can feel Nino shaking him, repeatedly saying his name, but Jun can’t lift his head and show his face out of shame. What does Nino think of him? Does Nino think Jun will someday find the courage to fire him next? Given the circumstances, Jun can’t blame him if he does.  
  
“Jun,” he hears, from someone who shouldn’t be here, and it makes him lift his head in shock.  
  
“Ow,” Jun says, cradling his skull when the alcohol suddenly rushes to his head. How many glasses did he have? His eyesight refocuses, and he blinks owlishly at Sho’s face.  
  
“Why are you here?” he asks.  
  
“Aiba-chan called me,” Sho says, tilting his head in Aiba’s direction. “They’ve been trying to make you go home, but you didn’t want to, not even hours after he closed up.” Sho checks his watch. “It’s five in the morning, Jun.”  
  
“You didn’t answer my question,” Jun slurs, looking away. He must look so pathetic.  
  
“I’m here to take you home,” Sho says, grabbing one of his arms and wrapping it around his shoulders. “Come with me.”  
  
“I don’t want to go home,” Jun mumbles, half against the collar of Sho’s shirt. Sho’s not in his suit, just a simple shirt and jeans, and he must’ve rushed to get here. “If I go home, I’ll remember.”  
  
“Then we’re not going to your home,” Sho says, hauling him away. “Thank you for looking after him, Aiba-chan, and…?”  
  
“Ninomiya,” Jun hears, and he whips his head to find Nino behind the bar counter, dressed in a worn out t-shirt and a pair of loose sweats. Doing so makes his vision swim, and he lets out a pained moan, one hand flying to his temple.  
  
“Ninomiya-san,” Sho says with a nod. “I’m sorry that you have to stay over at Aiba-chan’s because of Jun. But thank you. We’ll be going now.”  
  
Jun sees Nino nodding and Aiba waving his hand in farewell, then the next thing he knows is that he’s being shuffled inside a car with a rather strong air freshener.  
  
“It smells in here,” Jun complains weakly when Sho reaches over to fasten his seatbelt.  
  
“Apologies,” Sho says when he has his own seatbelt on and has the car on reverse. “I had to impress a big boss the other day by driving around for him, hence the citrus flavor.”  
  
“Stinks,” Jun says, resting his head against the cool leather of the passenger seat.  
  
“Bear with it for a while,” Sho says patiently. “We’ll be there in a few.”  
  
Jun drifts in and out of consciousness, barely registering where Sho’s taking him. He’s not scared nor worried; it’s Sho. His head seems intent on making things difficult for him, like it’s growing heavier with each passing second.  
  
The next time Jun comes to, he’s on an unfamiliar bed and out of his work clothes. He pushes a hand away when he feels it come too close to his face.  
  
“I’m not sleeping with you,” he murmurs.  
  
“I know,” he hears, and it takes a while before he realizes it’s Sho. “I’m trying to give you water, please cooperate.”  
  
Jun just tilts his head, allowing Sho to press a straw against his lips. He sucks and the sudden coolness floods his mouth, making him cough.  
  
“Are you going to throw up?” Sho asks, panicked. When Jun opens his eyes, there’s a basin in Sho’s hands. “Please don’t throw up on my bed. My housekeeper will never let me hear the end of it.”  
  
Jun only shakes his head in answer, choosing to collapse on his side to press his face against the soft sheets. He can feel someone watching him and he hides his face before he mutters, “I had to fire a friend today.”  
  
A hand caresses his hair, fingers entangled with the strands. “He’s a good one too,” Jun mumbles quietly, voice half-muffled and almost asleep. “He pays for the karaage during karaoke sessions and he’s always been nice to me.”  
  
He can feel fingertips lightly pressing against his scalp, massaging it, and it soothes him to sleep, the world drifting away.  
  
\--  
  
Jun wakes from a dream that has him chasing after his sister’s kid in a jelly land. It doesn’t make sense, but neither his surroundings do when he sits up on an unfamiliar bed, a bed too big to be his own and too lived in to look like a hotel’s.  
  
He finds a jar of aspirin beside a glass of water on the nightstand and downs a pill, drinking up almost half of the contents of the glass before he casts it aside in favor of looking around some more. He looks down on himself, finds that he’s wearing a faded Keio shirt and his boxers, and at his side of the bed is a pair of slippers from an overseas hotel.  
  
“You’re up,” is the next thing Jun hears, and he turns his head to the direction of the voice. Sho’s wearing a pair of striped pajamas, his body leaning against the doorframe. “Did you drink the painkiller?”  
  
Jun nods.  
  
“Good. When you can, join me for a late lunch. I know you’re used to breakfasts in bed when you’re with me, but not here,” Sho says before turning to leave.  
  
Jun can only assume he’s in Sho’s apartment, which is more luxurious than he imagined. He can see a shelf containing nothing but expensive watches, just beside a rack that housed a couple of magazines in English. Another shelf houses rows and rows of snow globes, and Jun can make out one that’s labeled Raffles Hotel.  
  
Not wanting to be totally overwhelmed by this side of Sho, he puts the slippers on and pads out of the bedroom. He easily spots Sho seated on the dining area, and he can’t help looking around, trying to make sense of where he is.  
  
It’s a 1LDK apartment, but it’s bigger than most 1LDKs Jun has seen. He wonders what Sho does with so much space. There’s a minimalist decor for the dining room and its adjacent kitchen, and when Jun faces the left, he sees contemporary artwork hanging on the walls of the living room.  
  
“I hired an interior designer,” Sho explains, like he knows exactly what’s going on in Jun’s mind. “Sit.”  
  
Jun does, a bowl of miso waiting for him. There’s also a modest serving of egg rolls and three pieces of onigiri.  
  
“It’s not as fancy as a room service, sorry about that,” Sho says, smiling. “My housekeeper can only make the simple ones.”  
  
“Did you pick me up from Aiba’s bar?” Jun asks, not wanting to talk about the food.  
  
“Yes. You were pretty drunk,” Sho recalls.  
  
“Who called you?”  
  
“Aiba-chan. He called me around four in the morning, telling me they’ve been trying to make you go home since he closed the bar and you just didn’t want to.” Sho seems amused. “He said he’d have offered you a place to sleep, but his brother was visiting with his wife and kid.”  
  
“Nino met you,” Jun says quietly.  
  
“Nino?” Sho frowns a bit. “Oh, Ninomiya-san? Yes, we met. And you were right, he does look like that guy from that mother and her son’s ghost movie.” Sho’s laughing now.  
  
“Nino…” Jun shakes his head now. “Did he recognize you?”  
  
“I beg your pardon?”  
  
“He was with me in Hakone. On the first day. He also knows that I got your number from Aiba-chan, but he doesn’t know who you are. Not until last night, that is.”  
  
Sho hums. “And? Why are you freaking out about this?”  
  
Jun wants to say he’s not, but he totally is and they both know it. “If Nino recognized you as that speaker from Hakone—and he must have, it’s Nino—”  
  
“Stop panicking,” Sho says from across him. “I picked you up, what’s wrong with that? I don’t think your colleague will rat out on you, not when Aiba-chan told me this Nino wouldn’t leave you alone even if you kept sending him away.”  
  
Just how out of sorts was Jun the night before that he can’t remember a thing? He feels embarrassed, that everyone else but him seems to remember that he needed taking care of.  
  
“Did they tell you why I chose to be totally drunk last night?”  
  
Sho’s face breaks into a soft smile. “You told me yourself, just before you dozed off on my bed.”  
  
Jun looks away, feeling the tips of his ears heating up.  
  
“Eat,” Sho says gently. “Then if you want to go home, I’ll drive you.”  
  
It’s the weekend, and while he and Sho didn’t really make plans to meet, Jun wants to make the most of it. If Sho’s here, he’ll perhaps get over the incident faster since Sho would know the right thing to say.  
  
“Do you have to go somewhere?” Jun asks, picking up the bowl of miso. Sho might have made plans or might be called to work because of overseas affairs. Jun doesn’t know the extent of Sho’s job, but he has an idea or two given their association.  
  
“Not today,” Sho says, biting on an egg roll. “Unless you want us to go somewhere?”  
  
“I don’t want to go home yet,” Jun admits. “Can I stay here for a bit? I’ll go home in the evening, I promise.”  
  
“Why are you speaking as if I’m going to send you out?” Sho asks, frowning. “You know I would never.” He sighs. “Do you need anything?”  
  
“My phone,” Jun says, wondering if there’ll be a text from Nino.  
  
“Charging on my nightstand. It was ringing a few hours ago, but I didn’t answer because you might be angry,” Sho tells him. “Leave the dishes to me.”  
  
Jun finishes the breakfast prepared for him before he goes to retrieve it, finding a couple of missed calls from Nino and a flood of messages asking if he’s all right and that he should send Nino a text once he’s awake.  
  
He does, typing a simple _I’m okay, no need to worry_ and sending it to Nino. He sits on the edge of the bed and waits, eventually hearing Sho’s footsteps approaching the bedroom.  
  
“You went to Keio?” is how Jun chooses to welcome Sho.  
  
“Yeah,” Sho says. “Sorry about the fit of that shirt. It’s loose on me, but I don't have your body, so…”  
  
Sho sits on the spot beside him and Jun resists the sudden urge to lean his weight against Sho’s.  
  
“If you want to talk about it, it’s fine,” Sho tells him. “If you don’t, that’s okay too. I’ve got ice cream, so if you’re still feeling bad, there’s a tub in the freezer that you can eat.”  
  
“I don’t know how long I can keep this up,” Jun hears himself say, and once it’s out, he can’t stop talking. “I had to fire a senpai before. Now my friend. And if I didn’t do it, they would have done it to my kouhai who really needs the job badly. So I had to choose.”  
  
Sho doesn’t say anything, but Jun knows he’s listening.  
  
“If I didn’t make my choice, they’d say I’m incompetent since I can’t even protect the members of my department. But since I did make it, they see me as someone cruel, someone who will feed his friends to the chopping block with no guilt or remorse. Either way, they’re always talking, always speculating.” Jun’s grip on his phone tightens. “They always have something to say because I’m the youngest department head.”  
  
“Who?” Sho asks quietly.  
  
“Everyone,” Jun says, knowing it’s true. “I don’t mind it. As long as I don’t hear it, it’s okay. But they’re not really helping, just adding to the stress that I feel every day, just making me feel worse every time I have to make a big decision. I tried so hard not to get anyone fired. I got hated for it because I made interns cry and I was strict with deadlines, but it was all done so nobody would get fired. And in the end, it still didn’t work.”  
  
“That’s how responsibility works, though,” Sho says softly, making Jun look at him. “You’re responsible for these people, for everyone in your department. I understand your feelings, that you want to help them grow and at the same time you also want to look out for them not just because it’s expected of you, but because you truly care.”  
  
Sho faces him. “I think that’s admirable. I think that’s something you shouldn’t let go of, that empathy that you have in abundance. You’re stressed because you care too much. But there’s nothing wrong with that, I think. You want the best for your department and for everyone in it. People talk because they only see what’s superficial.”  
  
“It’s not the talk that affects me,” Jun clarifies. “It’s how all the talk has this impact on the performance of the people under me. If they can’t believe in me, how can I lead them efficiently? If they don’t think I’m cut for it, how can I protect them from losing their jobs?” Jun sighs, shutting his eyes. “Sometimes, I feel like there’s too much on my shoulders and there are so many eyes watching me, waiting for me to make a mistake. I know I’m not Takayasu-san. I know I can’t be him. But I’m trying in my own way. I really am.”  
  
He hears Sho hum. “I’m going to assume this Takayasu-san is your former boss.”  
  
Jun nods. “He is. He moved to Prague and recommended me for the job.”  
  
To Jun’s surprise, Sho smiles at that. “Oh? Then what’s all this talk that nobody believes in you?” Sho lets out a quiet chuckle. “Your former boss did. You’re too hard on yourself. I know how overwhelming it can be sometimes, being responsible for thirty, forty people—”  
  
“Thirty-eight,” Jun says.  
  
Sho laughs. “Okay, thirty-eight. Point is, I get it. Sometimes it totally feels like you’re on your own, and that’s because no one in your department knows your problem since they’re not the boss. They don’t get it and they never will, so don’t expect them to.”  
  
Jun feels like he’s getting reprimanded. “I do know that.”  
  
“I’m just reminding you,” Sho tells him. “Now you can’t stop people from talking. Not with that face.”  
  
Jun scowls and Sho laughs again. “All my old man jokes aside,” Sho begins, “there’ll be more to come. The friend you had to fire wouldn’t be the last. That’s how it is. As long as the Westerners’ decisions continue to affect us, you’ll always have these problems sprouting every now and then.”  
  
“What did you take in Keio?” Jun suddenly asks, eyes narrowing.  
  
“Econ,” Sho says, grinning. “You can only see the merit of it once the global stock markets begin affecting each other. What I know is not enough to make a change, but hey, at least I know what’s going on.” Sho waves his hand between them. “My degree aside, I’m saying it doesn’t end there. The corporate life will find more ways to fuck you up as long as it can. But don’t let it get to you. It’ll be hard, but don’t ever let it get to you.”  
  
“I don’t know how,” Jun admits.  
  
“Start small,” Sho says. “This friend you had to fire—”  
  
“Muro-kun,” Jun supplies.  
  
“This Muro-san, does he have anywhere to go once his employment is terminated?”  
  
Jun shakes his head. “I don’t know. I only had to tell him yesterday. He’s probably job hunting already though.”  
  
“If you really feel guilty about it, help him out,” Sho suggests. “You’re the boss. You wouldn’t get to be the boss if you didn’t know one person or two from another company, perhaps from a rival company at that. You’ve got connections. If this Muro-san is unable to find a job, lend him a hand. Lessen the damage, lessen the guilt and the burden.”  
  
“I think Toma is already helping him,” Jun says. “He’s one of my subordinates too, but I’ll keep that in mind. Maybe I can call some of my former colleagues.”  
  
“See, you know what to do already,” Sho says, sounding triumphant. “So don’t say that again.”  
  
“Don’t say what?” Jun asks, meeting Sho’s line of sight directly.  
  
“That you don’t know how long you can go on. I don’t like hearing that from you. You’re one of the strongest and perhaps the most stubborn person I know; I don’t want to hear such a defeatist mindset come out from your mouth again.”  
  
Jun looks away. It sounds like Sho’s admonishing him.  
  
“I’m not saying you can’t tell me these things anymore,” Sho says, inching closer to him. “You can. But I’m never letting you look down on yourself this much again. If you don’t keep a positive mindset about yourself, then who else will?”  
  
“I will have bad days, you know,” Jun says as a warning. “Give it a few weeks or some months and I’ll feel worthless again, like I can’t do a thing right.”  
  
“That’s okay,” Sho assures him. “Everyone gets bad days. But not everyone is letting those bad days eat them and make them turn for the worse, so don’t let it happen to you. I don’t want to see you like that.” Sho smiles. “But on second thought, I don’t think you’d allow yourself to reach that stage. You’re so headstrong; you’d never let yourself be beaten down. Not even by your own emotions.” Sho chuckles.  
  
For a moment, Jun is just overwhelmed, looking at the person beside him in bewilderment. That faith, that belief in him…  
  
Sho believes in him even when he himself doesn’t. Jun feels valued, appreciated. He’s always felt that way whenever he's with Sho, but it’s so palpable right now that he doesn't know if he wants to kiss Sho senseless or settle for trying to articulate what he feels at present.  
  
“How is it that you always know what to say?” Jun asks, unable to wrap his head around it. To him, it’s as if Sho always had that uncanny ability.  
  
“What? I don’t, what are you talking about?” Sho laughs. “I’m yet to make you laugh with my old man jokes, so no, I don’t _always_ know what to say.”  
  
“I’ll laugh at them when they start being funny,” Jun says, then he gives in and shuffles closer, resting his head on Sho’s shoulder. He snorts in amusement when he feels Sho adjust a little, raising his shoulder a bit higher so Jun would be more comfortable. “Thank you,” he mumbles.  
  
“It’s nothing,” Sho says.  
  
It’s everything, Jun wants to say, but he doesn’t protest and just basks in the moment, in the comfort provided by Sho’s presence being so close.  
  
After a while, when Jun’s feeling a bit better that he knows Aiba wouldn’t be seeing him so out of sorts in his bar again, he shifts to rest his chin on Sho’s shoulder.  
  
“That tub of ice cream,” Jun starts, “what’s the flavor?”  
  
“Pistachio,” Sho says with a smile. “Want me to get it?”  
  
Jun shakes his head. “I only eat chocolate.”  
  
Sho grins. “Choosy.”  
  
Jun takes in Sho’s face, at the imperfections on his cheek—certain marks and ridges left by youth and washed by his age. He’s still handsome even with these markings. “But I’ll have some of that pistachio if you eat some of it with me.”  
  
He stands and offers Sho his hand, hauling Sho to his feet the moment Sho accepts.  
  
\--  
  
After sharing that pistachio-flavored ice cream, Jun spends the rest of the afternoon making popcorn and having a movie marathon on Sho’s living room with this curved TV and a surround sound system. Sometimes Sho has to take some calls in the privacy of his bedroom, but he always returns to dip his hand in the popcorn bowl and to make an annoying comment about the movie Jun picked.  
  
“I get the need for something to be done,” Sho says over Armageddon and Jun is already rolling his eyes, “but isn’t it easier if they just trained the astronauts to become drillers and not the drillers to become astronauts? Aren’t they pressed for time?”  
  
Jun hates that Sho totally has a point. “It’s the plot. You’re not the screenwriter.”  
  
“Had I been the screenwriter, I’d have the astronauts read a drilling manual. I mean, it’s a drill,” Sho says, an eyebrow raised at the TV. “You point on the ground and you turn it on. How hard could it be?”  
  
That makes Jun laugh, and he flings a cushion in Sho’s direction. “Why are you always making fun of my choices?”  
  
“I’m not making fun of your choices,” Sho says, hugging the cushion to his chest. “But this movie doesn’t make sense. I can’t believe they’d put the drillers into some rigorous astronaut training because this guy is supposedly the best driller in the world. How do you become the best driller in the world? Anyone can man a drill.”  
  
That’s it. Jun tackles Sho to shut him up, pinning Sho under the bulk of his body. Sho resists and they struggle for a few moments, but eventually Jun has his forearm pressed on Sho’s chest, his body lying comfortably on top of Sho’s.  
  
“Do you lift weights?” Sho asks, wind knocked out of him.  
  
“Yeah,” Jun affirms.  
  
“That’s just not fair,” Sho says. “Look, I don’t know what you want to achieve, but any more working out and you’ll be so bulky, we won’t fit into a bed unless it’s king size.”  
  
“We fit perfectly right here,” Jun points out, looking at their state on Sho’s couch.  
  
There are Sho’s hands holding him by the hips now, keeping him in place. Jun leans down, unable to resist anymore, but is stopped by Sho suddenly speaking.  
  
“I still think they should have just trained the astronauts.”  
  
“You’re so annoying,” Jun says, shutting Sho’s mouth for him. Sho’s hand move to the small of his back, and they kiss languidly, not paying any attention to the movie. Unlike most of their kisses, this one is slow and almost innocent, like they’re simply experimenting and are in no rush.  
  
By the time Jun pulls away, his lips are too warm.  
  
“What do you want for dinner?” Sho asks, looking up at him. “We can order in.”  
  
“What do you have in your fridge?” Jun asks back, moving off Sho to kneel between his legs. “I’ll make something.”  
  
“Uh,” Sho says, and it’s the first time Jun sees him uncertain, “I don’t know what’s in my fridge. I don’t stock it.”  
  
“Who does your grocery for you?” Jun asks, incredulous.  
  
“I do my own grocery,” Sho says. “But the food part, I leave that to whatever my housekeeper wants. She gives me this list every month, and I buy what’s on it.”  
  
“Do you cook?” Jun asks, skeptical now.  
  
“Eggs,” Sho says, biting on his bottom lip. “I make a mean spam and egg.”  
  
“That’s not counted,” Jun says dismissively, ignoring the sight of Sho’s face falling. “What else can you make? What’s your best dish?”  
  
“Uh, barley tea?”  
  
Jun laughs at that. “That’s not a dish.”  
  
“I don’t really cook,” Sho says. “I can whip up something when I have to, but it’s not in the levels of a high-class restaurant. I can fry stuff; I’m not totally helpless.”  
  
“Frying stuff is not cooking,” Jun says, getting off the couch and putting his slippers on. “Come. We’re going to make dinner.”  
  
“I’ll just get in your way,” Sho tells him, but he follows anyway, hovering awkwardly behind Jun as Jun opens the fridge and begins perusing what ingredients he can use.  
  
“If you don’t learn now, you’re never going to learn.” Jun points to the wall adorned with hooks. “Fetch me the apron and put the other one on.”  
  
Sho does, and Jun only realizes they’re wearing matching aprons by the time he has his on. He ignores that part of his brain that thinks this is too domestic and proceeds to wash his hands.  
  
“You have some ingredients I can use,” Jun says, drying his hands with a towel. “What are your favorite foods?”  
  
“Ark shell,” Sho answers immediately.  
  
“You don’t have shellfish,” Jun says. “What else?”  
  
“Soba.”  
  
“There’s no flour for me to use so I can’t make the noodles. What else?”  
  
“Cheesecake.”  
  
“We’re having dinner, not dessert. What else?”  
  
Sho gives him this look, and Jun just quirks an eyebrow at it. “Omurice.”  
  
Jun smiles. That, he can make. “Okay. Then go get four eggs from the fridge and break them for me.”  
  
\--  
  
Jun attempts to draw Anpanman using the catsup once he’s done with Sho’s omurice. His own, he hands to Sho, and asks Sho to draw something on it for him.  
  
“You’re going to see artistic genius,” Sho brags, cracking his knuckles for show.  
  
Five minutes later, Jun thinks he may have torn a muscle from laughing too much.  
  
“What is this?” he asks, pointing to Sho’s “artistic genius”. All he sees are two circles on top of each other surrounded by lines. There are eyes and a mouth inside the small circle, but he can’t make sense of it. “A hairy snowman?”  
  
Sho looks offended. “Aren’t you Japanese? Don’t you know Totoro?”  
  
Jun laughs so hard he thinks he might be crying. “Totoro? That’s...that’s not the Totoro I know, no. Are you sure we’ve seen the same show? And why is there a mushroom beside him?” he asks, pointing to the tiny thing Sho drew beside his masterpiece.  
  
“That’s Mei-chan,” Sho says, like it’s the most obvious thing.  
  
“There’s no resemblance!” Jun exclaims, laughing. “That’s a mushroom!”  
  
“You talk big,” Sho says, poking his shoulder. “What is your art supposed to be? Anpanman? That’s not how he looks like at all.”  
  
“Excuse you,” Jun says, putting their catsup art side-by-side. “Compared to your Totoro, my Anpanman is Anpanman. I didn’t have to tell you who it is: you _knew_. But your Totoro…” Jun loses it again and laughs, reaching to the side to grab his phone.  
  
He finds a good angle and adequate lighting before he snaps a photo and posts it on his Instagram, putting _Anpanman and “Totoro?”_ for the caption.  
  
“I can’t believe you manage to ruin my childhood with catsup art,” Jun says, still shaking his head in disbelief. “Artistic genius, my ass.”  
  
“How dare you,” Sho says, swatting at his arm. “I took oil painting classes, you know!”  
  
“Waste of tuition fee,” Jun says, carrying both plates to the dining room.  
  
“Satoshi-kun says my art is cute,” Sho tells him. “Why are you so rude to my art? You’re just an observer. Be thankful you’re being graced with my ingenuity.”  
  
“Is this Satoshi-kun your art teacher? I think he just extorted money from you,” Jun says, still snorting every now and then at the Totoro in front of him.  
  
“Nah, he runs this bakery I like frequenting on my way to work. I show him my art sometimes,” Sho says, pouring wine for them. “He thinks it’s cute, and before you say he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, he’s held art exhibitions in the past.”  
  
“This Satoshi-kun of yours might be a really good artist,” Jun acknowledges, grabbing a spoon, “but he’s not the one who’s going to eat your Totoro omurice while trying to control his laughter.”  
  
“You keep complaining but you’re going to eat it anyway,” Sho points out, stuffing a rather large spoonful of omurice inside his mouth. His face scrunches and he looks so happy that Jun settles for watching Sho eat for a few moments. “This is so good. Way, way better than the omurice from the convenience store.”  
  
“My Anpanman made it better,” Jun says before partaking. He makes sure to split Sho’s Totoro in half first before he cuts a spoonful.  
  
“If we go with that logic, then your omurice must taste so good because it has my art,” Sho tells him.  
  
“I’m still amazed you call it your art when it’s so horrible,” Jun says, shaking his head.  
  
“Made you laugh though, didn’t it?” Sho says, smiling triumphantly at him, one that has his eyes turned into slits.  
  
Seeing Sho like this, Jun knows he doesn’t want to go home yet. He wants more time, just a little bit more, to stay where he is and enjoy the moment.  
  
“Will you,” he tries, seeing Sho look at him in question. Jun puts his spoon aside and faces Sho directly. “If I ask to stay the night, will you let me?”  
  
Sho’s face breaks into this slow grin, and Jun has an inkling of what he might say.  
  
“Ask,” Sho says.  
  
“Can I stay over?”  
  
Sho nods. “Yes. Yes, of course.”  
  
\--  
  
Sho has to do a bit of work so Jun finally makes that phone call to Nino as Sho remains in the living room with his phone and laptop. Jun paces around the kitchen as he waits for Nino to pick up.  
  
“Is right now a good time?” Jun asks once he hears Nino’s “yeah?”  
  
“This better be important,” Nino says instead. “I’m trying to finish Persona 5, Jun-kun.”  
  
Jun gets straight to the point, not bothering to lower his voice since Sho’s too far to hear him. “You know who he is.”  
  
“I do. Mr. Sugar,” Nino says. He doesn’t sound like he’s mocking Jun. “I didn’t recognize him at first, you know. But then he talked, and I knew I heard it somewhere before.”  
  
“Yeah, his voice leaves that impression,” Jun acknowledges.  
  
“And? Are you calling to tell me to keep my trap shut about it?” Nino asks, so frank and straightforward as always.  
  
“No one knew,” Jun says. “Well, Aiba-chan sort of knew since he knows how Sho-san looks like, but that’s Aiba-chan. What I’m saying is, no one knew before you. And you know what I’m going to ask for.”  
  
“And who would I tell, Jun-kun?” Nino scoffs, and Jun hears the sounds of a game unpausing. Nino has always been an efficient multitasker, able to converse and play games at the same time. “I’m putting you on loudspeaker because I’m making this game wait for too long. Anyway. I have no one to tell. Aiba-shi already knows. And he already vouched for Mr. Sugar’s character.”  
  
“Stop calling him that,” Jun says.  
  
“Force of habit,” Nino says, and Jun knows Nino is going to keep calling Sho Mr. Sugar despite his protests. “Look, I have no one to tell. You’re allowed to have a private life, Matsumoto. Chill the fuck out. I accidentally knew, so what? I’m not going to tell everyone in the company that Daredevil Matsumoto actually has a soft side.”  
  
“I’m not saying you’d do that,” Jun says sincerely.  
  
“Then why are you calling me?” Nino asks.  
  
“Because Sho-san told me you asked Aiba-chan to let you stay over instead of leaving me when I didn’t want to get into a taxi,” Jun says. “Thank you.”  
  
He hears Nino laugh. “You can make interns cry, Jun-kun, but in the end, you’re still the same guy who was once my cubicle-mate, that person who always has this bag of medicines for all sorts of minor illnesses. My personal mini-pharmacy for five years. You’re welcome. Are you still there at Mr. Sugar’s?”  
  
Jun rolls his eyes despite Nino not seeing it. “I told you to quit calling him that.”  
  
“So you’re still there,” Nino concludes. “Don’t forget that Toma will ask for money on Monday for Muro-san’s farewell party next week. Now you go have fun so I can do the same.”  
  
“Nino,” Jun says just before Nino cuts the line, “thank you, seriously.”  
  
“Don’t go sappy on me now, Jun-kun,” Nino teases. “It’s bad for your image. I’m cutting, and tell Mr. Sugar if he doesn’t bring you back in one piece, I know his face and his name.”  
  
“Go back to your game,” Jun says, only slightly annoyed. The call ends, and Jun pads to the living room to find Sho frowning at his laptop screen.  
  
Sho looks up from his work and smiles. “Did you call? I’m sorry if I didn’t hear. Did you need something?”  
  
It’s a bit late, and there’s something Jun wants. “Yeah,” Jun says, lowering his voice on purpose. “Take a shower after I do.”  
  
“That’ll be in a while,” Sho says. “At least until I send this draft.”  
  
“I can wait,” Jun assures him, already making his way to Sho’s bedroom. “But not too long.”  
  
He heads for the bathroom then, knowing that it’ll only take some time.  
  
\--  
  
Sho is folding the bed sheet when Jun returns from his shower, the duvet already folded and placed on the corner of the bed. There’s only the fitted sheet left, and Jun waits for Sho to straighten up before he wraps his arms around Sho’s neck.  
  
He’s naked with his hair still slightly damp, and he smiles when Sho licks his lips.  
  
“What have you got in mind for tonight?” Sho asks huskily, the pitch of his voice sending pleasurable spikes up Jun’s spine.  
  
“Condoms?” Jun asks, pressing a teasing kiss to the corner of Sho’s mouth.  
  
“In the drawer,” Sho says.  
  
“Lube?”  
  
“In the same drawer. Are you sure?”  
  
“Yes.” He kisses Sho once, twice. “Go take a shower, and I’ll get ready.”  
  
“Fuck,” Sho says, understanding his meaning and clearly finding that hot.  
  
“That’s the idea,” Jun says, then he pushes Sho away from him. “Get going.”  
  
Jun has to laugh at the sight of Sho scurrying away, and once he hears the shower running, he rounds the bed to reach the nightstand and retrieve what he needs, tossing them on the mattress before climbing on to it himself and getting comfortable.  
  
Jun gradually works himself up, starting by imagining how sex, actual sex with Sho is going to be. He runs his hands over his torso, imagining it’s Sho who’s doing it, and when he reaches his nipples, he lets his fingertips graze over them lightly, but it’s enough to make them harden.  
  
He thinks about Sho’s face, Sho’s hands, Sho’s mouth, that enticing curve of his lips that Jun wants to feel pressed against his skin. He imagines Sho’s voice and the many things he’d be willing to do if that voice simply asked.  
  
All of that combined is enough to make Jun reach for his cock, giving it a few strokes just to help heighten the steady arousal building in him. He begins to feel heady, wondering what Sho would think if Sho finds him like this: legs spreading on their own accord, hand moving slowly between his legs. Would Sho just watch him like he did months ago? Or would Sho place kisses from his ankle and travel up, make him feel good?  
  
Jun fumbles for the bottle of lube, coating his fingers thoroughly, leaving them glistening before he reaches down, past his cock and perineum to circle his hole. It makes his breath catch but he relaxes, massaging that tight ring of muscle and imagining that it’s Sho’s finger instead.  
  
Sho already made him come with just his fingers. Jun needs more than Sho’s fingers tonight, and his desire to feel that soon makes him push one inside slowly, feeling it sink centimeter by centimeter until he’s able to bury his finger up to the knuckle.  
  
He breathes out, his other hand wrapping around his cock as he begins pulling his finger in and out. He continues until he’s loose enough to add another, and with the bigger stretch, Jun spreads his legs wider to better accommodate the rhythm he’s starting to get used to.  
  
“That,” he hears, and he snaps his eyes open to find Sho staring at him with such dark eyes, “that’s got to be one of the hottest things I’ve seen you do. Fuck.”  
  
Jun flushes at the idea of Sho watching him so intently as he prepares himself for Sho’s cock. He applies more lube on his fingers and adds another finger, and he can’t help moaning at the stretch once he’s got all three fingers buried to the hilt.  
  
“You’re so hot,” he hears Sho say. “You’re so fucking hot like this, Jun.”  
  
Jun takes that as a good sign, a proof that Sho likes what he’s seeing. He begins moving his fingers, a steady in and out that increases in pace the more he gets adjusted to the feeling. He strokes himself more quickly now, not enough to make him get off, but enough to have him worked up.  
  
Once he feels ready, he opens his eyes and finds Sho seated on the edge of the bed, already breathing hard, and Jun shoots him this lazy, confident smirk.  
  
“Come here,” is all he says, pulling his fingers out as Sho looms over him, aligning their bodies.  
  
Sho places a hand under his chin to tilt his face up before leaning down to kiss him, hard and wanting like he wants to taste all of Jun. There’s Sho’s hand cupping the back of his neck, a thumb placed on his chin and prying his mouth open, then Sho’s tongue swoops in. Jun moans, his body writhing on top of the sheets. He places his hands on Sho’s back, gripping firm muscles as Sho kisses him senseless, leaving him out of breath.  
  
Sho only pulls away to begin kissing Jun’s neck, licking the line of Jun’s collarbone and moving up to Jun’s chin when he reaches the dip. He nips and sucks at the skin, sending Jun to a series of pleased gasps, hands now buried in Sho’s thick hair.  
  
Jun guides Sho’s head as Sho descends, kissing nearly every part of his body that’s bared before Sho. Sho hooks an arm under one of his thighs, and he leans forward to press his nose against the inside, inhaling Jun’s scent before sucking at a spot there.  
  
“Wait,” Jun says when he feels Sho’s mouth descend further, and Sho stops. “Wait.”  
  
Sho lowers his leg and blinks at him. It’d be a funny sight, having Sho hard and wanting between his legs, but Jun is so turned on he wants to speed things up a bit.  
  
He pushes himself up to a sitting position and moistens his lips. “Let me suck you off first,” he says, maneuvering his body so he’d be kneeling. He adjusts, moves backwards a little, then he lowers his trunk so he can easily wrap a hand around Sho’s cock to guide it to his mouth. “Before you fuck me, I want to suck you off first.”  
  
“Jun, I’m not sure if I’ll last if you do that—” Sho says, but Jun already goes for the first lick, hearing Sho hiss. Jun doesn’t drag it out, but he takes his fill of hearing Sho’s appreciative noises, sucking Sho’s cock until it’s wet enough that he can easily slip a condom on it.  
  
It’s Sho who slicks himself up with lube once the condom is on. Jun resumes his position earlier, not really caring for spontaneity since this is their first time. He figures they can try other sex positions next time and the next, if this turns out to be really good.  
  
Sho hooks both arms under his knees as he lines up, and at Jun’s encouraging nod, he pushes in slowly. Jun watches his face as he buries himself deeper, and when Sho’s finally sheathed completely in him, Jun clenches around him.  
  
“Fuck,” Sho says, his grip on Jun’s knees tightening. “Don’t do that. If you do that, I won’t last.”  
  
“Don’t be such an old man,” Jun teases, bucking his hips to get Sho moving.  
  
Sho does, starting with slow thrusts that become faster once it gets easier to move in and out of Jun. Jun tries to meet Sho’s movements halfway, wrapping his legs around Sho’s waist once Sho lets go of him to brace himself on the sheets.  
  
The stretch is even better than Jun imagined; Sho’s cock is thick and perfect inside him. He feels full, and with Sho fucking him in force, he only needs to wrap a hand around his cock and let Sho’s momentum do the work.  
  
“You feel so good,” he hears Sho say in between the sounds of Sho’s balls smacking against his ass. “Jun, you feel so good.”  
  
“Harder,” Jun breathes, ending in a moan when Sho gives it to him. With his other hand, Jun reaches up to grab a pillow to hold on to as Sho’s movements get rougher.  
  
Jun thinks he has to be groaning with each thrust, at the sensation of Sho so deep in him it’s making him jolt whenever Sho’s cock hits his prostate. He barely registers Sho dislodging his legs from his waist by pushing them back to have them on the side.  
  
The change in position has Jun twisting his lower half, his legs now flexed to have his hole exposed, and he may have uttered Sho’s name when Sho pushes back in. With no control over his legs, just having them pressed together with Sho’s hand flat on his thigh to keep them in place, it’s as if each push goes a little deeper.  
  
Reaching for his cock puts a bit of strain on his shoulder but he doesn’t care—he’s so aroused and ready to come. His hand can barely move in the cramped space created by his legs, but Jun works with what he has, pushing his ass back so he can have a bit of friction on his cock.  
  
“Oh fuck,” Jun hears himself say, his voice coming out breathy when he feels Sho slip a finger inside him, now moving along with his cock and adding to the stretch.  
  
With that, Jun doesn’t hold back and just focuses on the feeling of being fucked so well in a long time. He’s aware that he’s making these loud and embarrassing sex noises and spewing out profanities, but for once he doesn’t mind. He wants Sho to know how he’s feeling—how their first time already makes him crave the second one.  
  
He lets all of it wash over him: the feeling of Sho’s finger twisting inside him as they move together, the lewd noises of Sho’s cock and finger pushing in and out of his hole, the groans Sho keeps making the closer they get to the brink, the jolt he feels in his body when one of Sho’s hands reaches up to pinch and twist his nipple.  
  
It’s all he needs.  
  
Jun comes with a shout, not caring if he dirties the sheets. He does this full body shudder, feeling so out of it, limbs jerking as Sho continues to fuck him through it. He’s still on his high when Sho finishes, the deep baritone of Sho’s voice making him hum in approval as Sho’s hips slow down while he rides his orgasm out.  
  
For a while, they just try to breathe. Jun feels so fucked out, but he’s also satisfied and exhausted in the best possible way. He sighs when Sho pulls out, and he watches Sho remove the condom to tie it off, flinging it towards the waste basket in the corner and actually making the shot by chance.  
  
“That,” Sho says breathlessly, collapsing on the space beside him with a grunt, “that was so good.”  
  
“Why thank you,” Jun says with a tired laugh. They’re both completely drenched in sweat and they have to air the room, but the afterglow is yet to disappear for Jun. “You’re not too bad for an old man.”  
  
Sho delivers a weak punch to his shoulder, and Jun groans when he finally untwists his lower half so he could lie flat on the bed.  
  
The room definitely smells like sex, and Jun tries to hide his elation at the realization that it’s possible for him to leave an imprint in Sho’s home.  
  
“I don’t want to move,” Sho says after a while.  
  
Jun can’t blame him. “I can’t even move,” he admits.  
  
He hears Sho chuckle followed by a groan as Sho pushes himself up so he can lean on his forearm and loom over Jun at the same time.  
  
Jun doesn’t wait for Sho to say anything; he reaches up to hold on to the back of Sho’s neck and pulls Sho down to him, the two of them sharing another kiss.  
  
Once they part, Sho presses their foreheads together. Jun inhales and smells himself on Sho, the two of them blending in each other’s bodies.  
  
“I’ll get us cleaned up,” Sho says after stealing a soft kiss.  
  
He moves to leave, but Jun is able to grab his arm and stop him. “It can wait. Stay here for a bit.”  
  
He feels Sho’s smile against his mouth when Sho kisses him again in response.  
  
\--  
  
They successfully manage to replace the sheets before going to sleep, and Jun’s fatigued enough that he’s able to sleep through Sho’s snores. He wakes the following morning with Sho spooning him and a hard cock poking him, and he decides it’s a preferable way to wake up than Sho bringing him breakfast.  
  
He rubs himself against Sho, who makes this groan that Jun wants to hear again.  
  
“Don’t you think it’s a little early?” Sho asks despite the one having this hard on that he must have been grinding against Jun’s ass until Jun woke up. Jun notes that Sho’s voice is definitely deeper in the morning, still laced with sleep but sounding hotter at the same time.  
  
“No,” Jun says. He’s still a little loose from last night, and he reaches out to swipe a condom and the lube from the nightstand. “Come on.”  
  
It takes a bit of preparation, then Jun hears Sho tearing open the condom and putting it on, slicking himself after and lining up, an arm looping around Jun’s waist to have their bodies closer.  
  
Sho slips inside him in the next moment, inching back and doing it again, and again so Jun can feel how Sho’s cock slides in him inch by inch. He gasps and moves with Sho, feeling Sho’s cock sink into his ass and loving it, the two of them grinding together as sunlight streams from the spaces between the curtains.  
  
“Jun,” Sho breathes against his ear.  
  
The digital clock reads 7:18 AM on a Sunday morning, and Jun balls the sheets in his fists as Sho fucks into him.  
  
\--  
  
After that, Jun falls back to sleep, legs feeling like jello, his lower half sore. The smell of coffee is what wakes him up some two, three hours later, and he stretches like a cat on the bed before forcing himself to sit up.  
  
He finds Sho wearing a bathrobe and reading a newspaper, still on his side of the bed.  
  
“Why are you wearing a bathrobe?” Jun asks, rolling to his side so he can face Sho.  
  
“My housekeeper arrived,” Sho explains with a grin. He’s holding a mug, and the coffee inside it smells expensive and foreign. “She’s in her fifties and I didn’t want to scandalize her.”  
  
Jun scoffs. “As if you never brought someone here before.”  
  
“Look, she already walked in on me having sex once or twice and she’s still here, working for me,” Sho explains. “That doesn’t mean she has to see the full package. And besides, I think a third time will really make her resign.”  
  
“Does she—?” Jun asks, but he stops himself. “Sorry. It’s none of my business.”  
  
“What, _know_?” Sho asks back, ignoring him. “She’s never seen me with a woman, so yeah, I think she knows. She’s one of the very few who do, actually.”  
  
Jun lets a couple of seconds pass before he changes the subject. “What’s for breakfast?”  
  
“Oh, speaking of,” Sho says with a laugh, “she’s angry that the eggs she’s saving for tamagoyaki are gone.”  
  
“I’m not the one who wanted omurice,” Jun points out.  
  
“She told me, ‘Sho-chan, if you’re thinking of bringing a cook, do your own shopping!’” Sho recalls, imitating his housekeeper by doing this high-pitched voice. “Isn’t that weird? I do my own shopping! She’s so angry over the eggs.”  
  
The story makes Jun laugh, hiding his amused smile at the back of his hand. “I guess there’s no tamagoyaki on the menu then?”  
  
“There’s cold tofu, natto, and miso soup today,” Sho tells him. “Nothing fancy, but as I told you, it’s because she had no eggs to use.”  
  
“Then we’ll have them after I shower,” Jun says, stretching for one last time before finally getting out of the bed.  
  
He’s not surprised when Sho sneaks in once he’s got the water in the temperature he prefers. They make out under the spray, at least until Sho’s hand reaches between his legs.  
  
Within minutes, Jun finds himself braced against the shower door while Sho gives him a handjob. When Jun comes, it’s all over the frosted glass, easily washed away by the spray of water. He finds it difficult to stand after his orgasm, and he’s thankful that Sho’s there to hold him by the hips and steady him as he descends from his high.  
  
After, when Sho finally seems to have had his fill of Jun, they eat breakfast on the kitchen counter, with Jun perched on it and Sho leaning against it.  
  
“What time do you have to go?” Sho asks later when they wash the dishes together.  
  
“Before nighttime,” Jun says. “If I don’t leave before nighttime, we’re going to have sex again, and I definitely can’t leave after.”  
  
Sho laughs at that, handing Jun the towel for him to wipe his hands on. “Okay. I’ll drive you.”  
  
“No need,” Jun says. “I can take the train.”  
  
“Jun, let me drive you.”  
  
“Next time,” Jun promises, distracting Sho with a kiss. Despite everything they’ve done, despite knowing where Sho lives and how Sho is in his own home, Jun doesn’t think he’s ready yet to show Sho his apartment complex.  
  
Not because of self-esteem issues; he’s not jealous of Sho’s obvious wealth and how Sho’s income is higher than his, but just because he doesn’t feel...ready.  
  
“Next time,” Sho repeats when they break apart.  
  
“Well if you’d meet me again,” Jun teases.  
  
Sho snorts unattractively. “Of course I’d meet you again. But preferably not in Aiba-chan’s bar with you being absolutely drunk.”  
  
“You have my schedule,” Jun says. “Just tell me when.”  
  
“Okay,” Sho agrees, then he stalks to his living room. “I got you something. It was delivered just this morning, actually. I’m glad it got here before you had to leave.”  
  
Jun follows him, curious what present Sho has for him this time. He smiles when he sees it’s a blanket, the same one he included in his wishlist.  
  
“Why did you want a blanket, if you don’t mind me asking?” Sho says as Jun touches it, feeling the material under his fingers.  
  
“For my car,” Jun explains. “I sleep in my car sometimes, when I’d rather use my lunch break to catch up on sleep instead of grabbing something to eat. I get cold, so I needed a blanket.”  
  
“Now you have one,” Sho says, handing it over.  
  
Before Jun takes it, he steals another kiss. “Thank you. I love it.”  
  
He packs his stuff after that, and he leaves Sho’s place after changing back to his work clothes from Friday. It’s only early afternoon by the time Jun reaches his own apartment, and his pile of uncompleted work is what welcomes him when he gets back.  
  
He faces it without much complaint, answering emails and getting ready for Monday. He starts making calls, coordinating with former colleagues to inquire about any job openings. He makes notes and doesn’t stop there, only pausing to massage a crick in his neck.  
  
If being with Sho for almost two days made him feel better, he doesn’t dwell on it, instead treats it as the usual thing that happens whenever he spends a day or more with Sho.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is delayed because I told myself I'd only post the next one the moment I finished my Nino Ex fic and I've gotten over the AYH + Arena release. Only one of those two things happened. But here it is anyway.

After Jun’s visit to Sho’s place, they only meet in hotels whenever Sho’s out of town and Jun’s willing to travel the extra mile to meet him. Jun eventually receives a key to Sho’s place because Sho rarely hears the doorbell.  
  
Like all the times before, the hours they spent together mostly revolve around sex. Jun’s been fucked in the shower, against the dresser, even against the door that one time Sho came back after going to Kumamoto and it was evident that they missed each other.  
  
Jun discovers that he likes tugging on Sho’s hair while they go at it just to hear Sho hiss, that he likes how Sho’s voice goes from gruff and needy to a higher pitch when he’s about to come. Jun has made Sho come with his hands, mouth, and his chest since Sho really seems to have this fetish over his built. A weekend with Sho becomes a part of his routine, a weekly form of destressing, and when they have to meet in another five-star hotel, he’s barely able to hide his disappointment when Sho tells him he has an upcoming trip to Hawaii.  
  
“When are you leaving?” Jun asks. Today is Friday, and it happened to be a national holiday so Jun was really looking forward to spending the three days of the long weekend with Sho. He doesn’t like what Sho’s telling him so early on.  
  
“Monday evening,” Sho says. “There’s nobody else they’d trust to have this deal signed, so they’re sending me over. I didn’t think it’d push through so I only got to tell you now. I’m sorry.”  
  
“Why are you sorry?” Jun shakes his head. “For how long will you be staying there?”  
  
“Two, three weeks at most,” Sho says. Jun stares at him. “That’s why I said sorry.”  
  
Jun tries to mask his disappointment. If Sho’s gone for that long...Sho is going to miss his birthday. Not that Sho knows when his birthday is because Jun hasn’t talked about it, but he was sort of planning to spend the night of that day with Sho even if it falls on the middle of the week.  
  
Jun barrels through whatever weird thing he’s feeling by saying, “That’s quite a long time.”  
  
Sho smiles, and he seems oblivious to the conflict Jun’s feeling inside. “I know. I might learn to speak Hawaiian fluently if I stay that long.”  
  
Jun offers a weak smile at that, not knowing what else to say.  
  
He hears Sho calling his name.  
  
“Come here,” Sho coaxes softly, patting his lap. He’s on a one person couch, and Jun only gives him a look.  
  
“We won’t fit,” he says.  
  
“Yes we will,” Sho says with confidence. “Come here.”  
  
Jun does, but he perches himself on the armrest. He doesn’t resist when he feels one of Sho’s arms wrap around his waist to hold him.  
  
“I’ll get you some souvenirs,” Sho promises. There’s nothing new to what he’s saying: he always gets Jun souvenirs whenever he travels around Japan. “Don’t be angry now.”  
  
“I’m not angry,” Jun says.  
  
“Okay, you’re not. Don’t sulk.”  
  
“I’m not sulking either.”  
  
“I’ll be back soon. It’s just two weeks.”  
  
“Or three.”  
  
“And that’s why we have this entire weekend,” Sho points out. “We’ll do anything you want. And when I get back, you can come over and I’ll speak in full Hawaiian just to impress you.”  
  
Jun flicks him on the forehead. “You’re so silly sometimes.”  
  
Sho winces, rubbing at the spot Jun hit. “I know what’ll make you feel better.”  
  
Jun resists the temptation to roll his eyes. “If you say it’s your dick, I’m leaving.”  
  
“I wasn’t going to say it’s my dick,” Sho says, laughing. “Why are you like this? I don’t have a magical healing dick. It’s not my dick.”  
  
“Then what?” Jun almost snaps. Unless Sho suddenly decides to postpone his Hawaii trip, Jun thinks he won’t stop feeling dejected for a while.  
  
Sho fishes two glossy tickets from inside his jacket. “There’s a jazz concert held in this hall just twenty-five minutes away from here. Now I don’t like jazz, but it never hurts to expand my horizons so if you know someone who does…”  
  
“Fuck you,” Jun says with a laugh, swiping the tickets from Sho. “How did you know I like jazz?”  
  
“There’s Uehara Hiromi-san’s latest CD on the wishlist,” Sho says. “You’re easy to figure out if I look at Amazon.”  
  
Jun checks the tickets, discovering that Sho booked a booth for them. He gets off the couch and picks up his jacket, readjusting his face mask back on. “I’m not waiting for you.”  
  
“Harsh,” Sho comments, but he slips a cap on and wears a face mask, following Jun to the door.  
  
\--  
  
The concert lasts for two hours, and by the time they’re on their way back to the hotel, Jun is in better spirits. He’s still bummed that Sho has to leave, but Sho will be back. It won’t be his birthday anymore when Sho returns, but Jun figures a birthday is just a date like any other.  
  
The older he gets, the easier it is to not be too mindful of the details.  
  
He has Sho pressed against the door of their hotel room minutes later, fingers fumbling at Sho’s belt. The concert was spectacular, and while it wasn’t Uehara Hiromi, Jun is still thrilled Sho booked them tickets despite not being a fan of the genre himself.  
  
“Okay, that definitely got you in a better mood,” Sho says, sighing when Jun drops to his knees.  
  
“Shut up,” Jun says, letting Sho’s jeans fall to the floor. He lowers Sho’s boxers around Sho’s thighs and goes for a long, messy lick from base to tip.  
  
He hears his name already, said so breathlessly that he goes for another lick, more thorough than the previous. They’ll start fast for now so Sho can last longer later, because Jun plans to have a weekend fuckfest with Sho now that he knows Sho will be thousands of miles away come next week.  
  
With Sho getting hard, Jun wraps his lips around the head and starts sucking, going slowly so Sho can feel each wet suction on his cock. He’s done this to Sho many times but Sho’s reaction is worth it every time: the way his knees shake when Jun begins deepthroating him, how he tries to grip for purchase, hands clutching at the door as if that would keep him afloat.  
  
Sho’s phone rings, and Jun breaks off Sho’s cock with an obscene pop. He reaches inside the pocket of Sho’s jeans and reads the caller ID.  
  
“It says Okada,” Jun says, looking up, past the wet cock right in front of his face.  
  
“Fuck, that’s an important call,” Sho says. “It’s also two hours earlier.”  
  
Jun hands Sho the phone with a wink. “Answer it then. If it’s important.”  
  
“Jun—” Sho tries, but his phone keeps ringing and Jun knows he has no choice.  
  
“Answer it,” he says, swiping his finger over the precome on the slit and sucking his glistening fingertip after.  
  
“I’m going to regret this,” Sho says, then he puts the phone against his ear. “Hello, this is Sakurai. Okada-kun. I wasn’t expecting this until later tonight.” His voice changes, going from breathless and aroused to formal and composed, and Jun wants to wreck him.  
  
Jun gets back to work, poking the slit of Sho’s cock with his tongue, his eyes on Sho’s face. Sho only shuts his eyes briefly, then he’s talking again.  
  
“Didn’t they move the deadline?” Sho’s asking, and Jun sees him biting on that plump lower lip of his when Jun resumes sucking him off. “They...they said they moved it on the twenty-eighth.”  
  
Jun abandons prolonging things, letting Sho’s cock reach as far it can inside his mouth. He pulls back to relax his jaw, stroking Sho and keeping his grip firm; not going too fast so as not to alert Sho’s colleague that something filthy is going on in the other line.  
  
“That’s...I’m saying that’s what I’ve heard, what I’ve been told,” Sho says, the last part ending in a quiet gasp since Jun moves from sucking Sho’s cock to his balls. “I’ll confirm it with Asami-chan. I—”  
  
Jun wants to laugh at the sound of Sho’s shaky voice, but he settles for flattening his tongue on the shaft to follow a vein and swirling it over and over at the tip. He meets Sho’s gaze and Sho shakes his head once, and Jun drops a kiss to the head before he leans back on his ankles and waits.  
  
“I’ll bring you some souvenirs from Hawaii,” Sho says, recollecting himself since Jun gave him reprieve. “I’ll see you next month, Okada-kun. I’ll email any changes to you. Thank you.”  
  
Sho ends the call and gives Jun this unamused look. “He’s two years older than me,” Sho explains. “I almost came while on the phone.”  
  
Jun only tilts his head to the side.  
  
Sho puts his phone inside his jacket pocket and cups the back of Jun’s head. “Come on now.”  
  
“A while ago you wanted me to quit sucking your cock,” Jun points out, smirking.  
  
“You’re such a tease,” Sho says, frustrated. “Please.”  
  
“Please what?” Jun asks, but he wraps a hand around Sho and strokes him again.  
  
“Jun,” is all Sho’s saying now. He can deny it all he wants, but Jun knows the idea of him receiving head while speaking on the phone turned him on so bad it’s hard for him to think. “Jun, please.”  
  
Jun relents, licking long lines on Sho’s cock before taking it in his mouth again. His knees are beginning to ache, and he redoubles his efforts, knowing Sho’s going to come any moment.  
  
When he hums, he feels Sho’s balls tense and shuts his eyes, taking all of it. As he finally lets Sho go, Sho sinks to the floor and blinks at him tiredly.  
  
Without any prompting, Jun opens his mouth to show Sho what’s on his tongue.  
  
“Fuck,” Sho says. “Damn it, Jun, I can’t get hard again.”  
  
Jun smiles and finally swallows down the bitter taste. Sho yanks his arm and he ends up seated on Sho’s lap, and Sho kisses him, hard and impatient.  
  
When Sho’s hand unzips his jeans and pulls his cock free from his boxers, he braces himself on the door and begins fucking Sho’s fist.  
  
“You’re too much sometimes, you know that?” Sho’s saying against his neck. “You know I can’t resist you. And you always use that against me.”  
  
Jun lets his hips do the thinking, not caring if he looks so desperate, bouncing on Sho’s lap to feel more of Sho’s touch, to get more friction, needing more, just _more_.  
  
“But maybe that’s why I’m drawn to you,” Sho says, cupping his jaw. “Because you know exactly what you can do to me, what you are to me.”  
  
Sho punctuates that statement with a squeeze, and Jun comes, Sho kissing him through it. It takes Jun a few seconds before the orgasmic haze seems to clear, and soon he’s able to kiss Sho back albeit slowly.  
  
“We’re still at the door,” Sho says. “Can we at least make it to a proper bed next time?”  
  
“I can’t make any promises,” Jun pants. He groans when he stretches his legs and stands, making his way to the mirror to check his reflection.  
  
He looks so disheveled, cheeks blooming bright red, mouth swollen, clothes in disarray. Behind him, he can see Sho pulling his pants back up, not bothering to redo his belt.  
  
Sho walks towards the fridge and picks up the room service menu.  
  
“Dining set A?” Sho asks, facing him. “Or B?”  
  
\--  
  
Hours later, after they had dinner and had their first round of actual sex for the three-day weekend, Jun combs through Sho’s hair with his fingers. They’re on the one-person couch, and Jun just spent almost an hour of riding Sho’s cock while Sho’s seated on it, discovering that they do fit.  
  
“Your hair’s really long,” Jun says. Sho never gets an actual haircut, just trims his hair whenever it got too long for his liking. To Jun, it’s like he’s always known Sho to have this long hair.  
  
“You’re the only one who always talks about its length,” Sho says with a satisfied smile.  
  
“Yeah, because nobody in your company would dare say a word,” Jun points out.  
  
“Cut it,” Sho says, and Jun gawks at him.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Cut it,” Sho repeats. “If it’s too long, cut it.”  
  
“You’re serious? You’ll let me cut your hair?”  
  
“Have you done it before?”  
  
“To a kid I once babysat, yeah,” Jun recalls. “I even did a mohawk on him.”  
  
Sho laughs. “I don’t want a mohawk. Just a trim.”  
  
Jun gets off the couch to fetch a pair of scissors, finding one in the study drawer.  
  
“We can’t do it here,” he says, gesturing to the carpeted floor. “Come with me to the bathroom.”  
  
Sho does, and Jun fetches a stool for Sho to sit on while he stands behind Sho.  
  
“You’re not backing out?” Jun asks, placing his hands on Sho’s shoulders, liking how warm they still are to the touch. Sho always sweats too much when they’re having sex.  
  
“No,” Sho says, straightening his neck, looking at their reflections in the mirror. “Cut it.”  
  
“I won’t cut it too short because I actually like it when it’s thick,” Jun admits. He combs through Sho’s hair with both fingers to get rid of the tangles, and when he’s satisfied, he picks up the scissors.  
  
“You like touching my hair whenever I fuck you,” Sho says, because of course he has to state the obvious. “You like pulling at it too.”  
  
“I do,” Jun affirms, grabbing a fistful and tugging, and he laughs at Sho wincing because of the sudden pain. “Now let me get started.”  
  
They don’t talk once Jun begins trimming. Jun focuses on cutting Sho’s hair to just the right length, not too short and not too long. For a while all he hears is the snap of the scissors, and soon they’re both surrounded by short, dark strands, most of it crowding around Jun’s bare feet.  
  
He can feel Sho watching him in the mirror, and when he reaches Sho’s left side, he stops.  
  
“You wore an earring,” Jun says, still slightly disbelieving.  
  
Sho grins. “I was wondering when you’d catch that since you noticed the bellybutton piercing early on.”  
  
Jun runs his thumb over the mark on Sho’s earlobe. “What was it like? A stud? An actual ring?”  
  
“A silver skull one,” Sho tells him, smiling bigger at Jun’s eyes growing wider in surprise. “It was a silver ring, and one side of the loop had a skull for a design.”  
  
“What kind of childhood did you have, Sakurai Sho?” Jun asks, tucking Sho’s hair behind his left ear so he’d see it better.  
  
“I liked X Japan,” Sho tells him. “So much that they inspired me to start a band of my own. But I also liked TRF, so maybe X Japan is not a defining factor in my youth.”  
  
“You sound like a rebellious kid, that’s what I’ve gathered,” Jun says, resuming his task and trimming the hair close to Sho’s forehead. “Close your eyes.”  
  
Sho does. “I used to wear different colored contacts weekly,” Sho recalls. “So maybe I was what you call a rebellious kid.”  
  
“You’re the kind of kid I’d probably hang out with, though,” Jun says, placing his fingers under Sho’s chin to tilt his head back a little. “Knowing me.”  
  
“What kind of childhood did _you_ have, Matsumoto Jun?” Sho asks with a smile, eyes still shut.  
  
“Well, kid me got all the chocolates from his classmates during kindergarten on Valentine’s day,” Jun brags. “You can open your eyes now.”  
  
Sho looks at him in disbelief. “You’re lying.”  
  
“Am not,” Jun says, offended. “I was a cute kid, you know. And all the girls in my class thought the same.”  
  
“And? Did any of them get one back on White Day?” Sho asks, sounding curious.  
  
Jun’s almost done with Sho’s hair, and he’s simply being extra meticulous since it’s Sho’s hair he’s handling. “No,” Jun says, recalling the incident. “I liked the sensei. I think my classmates were somewhat disappointed.”  
  
“So since you were a kid you had a knack for that?” Sho asks, voice turning quiet.  
  
“A knack for what?” Jun cuts a small portion of the hair poking Sho’s cheek and leans back, assessing the symmetry of his trim.  
  
“Stealing hearts,” Sho mumbles, and Jun’s eyes snap back to Sho’s face.  
  
Looking at Sho’s eyes tells him so much more, and Jun moves his gaze somewhere else.  
  
He’s not ready for this.  
  
“Don’t be absurd,” he says, laughing and brushing it off. He places the scissors on the sink and stands behind Sho, putting his hands on Sho’s shoulders. He hopes his voice comes out composed. “Well? Did I do okay or do you want to call your hair stylist now?”  
  
“I don’t have a hair stylist,” Sho says. “It’s okay, I guess. Unless you accidentally cut a part too short where I can’t see it.”  
  
Jun runs a hand through Sho’s hair. “You said it yourself, I like pulling at it. No way would I cut it too short.”  
  
He moves away from Sho to examine their surroundings, finding the bathroom floor covered with Sho’s hair.  
  
“If I ask the front desk for a broom, would it sound too weird?” Jun asks, already picking up the receiver of the phone attached to the wall.  
  
“They’d tell you they have room service,” Sho says.  
  
“We should have done this on the veranda,” Jun says, realizing his mistake.  
  
“But try,” Sho says, tilting his chin towards the phone in Jun’s hands. “Maybe they’ll give us a broom.”  
  
Jun contacts the front desk and explains what he needs. “Yes, a broom. And a dustpan too. No, not room service. I just need a broom and a dustpan.”  
  
Sho’s chuckling now, standing up to kiss him briefly. “Shower,” Sho says, and Jun just waves him off.  
  
“A broom, yes,” Jun repeats when the clerk still asks him the same question. “You know, the one used for sweeping? Yeah, that one. I don’t need a cleaning lady.”  
  
In the end, Jun gets one cleaning personnel who takes care of all the hair on the bathroom floor, and he’s thankful that the shower has a frosted glass door lest Sho be spotted taking his bath.  
  
The shower stops once they’re alone, with Sho’s head cautiously peeking out from the door.  
  
“She’s gone,” Jun says, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom. He had to wear a bathrobe to open the door for the hotel staff earlier, and he can see the disappointment in Sho.  
  
He laughs. “I’ll be naked again soon enough, don’t worry. Now get out of the shower so I can use it.”  
  
Sho does, toweling off before picking up the hair dryer. He hands it to Jun with an expectant look.  
  
“You can do these things yourself,” Jun complains, but he accepts the dryer anyway and turns it on.  
  
Sho says nothing, and Jun spends the next few minutes tending to Sho’s hair.  
  
\--  
  
After Jun’s shower, they watch a comedians’ grand prix on TV and spend more than an hour laughing at most gags. For Sho’s case, he laughs at everything, his mouth wide open and eyes crinkling as he claps his hands in glee. It never fails to make Jun stare whenever he thinks Sho won’t notice: Sho is very expressive when it comes to what delights him.  
  
“Something on my face?” Sho asks, looking over with a smile, the ghosts of his evident amusement still present on his face. He’s so handsome like this, when he’s relaxed and comfortable and they have all the time they need.  
  
“Do you really have to go to Hawaii?” Jun asks before he can help himself. It’s too late to chalk it up as an innocent question, and Jun straightens on his side of the bed when it hits him.  
  
He doesn’t want Sho to leave. Not for that long, at least.  
  
“Yes,” Sho says with a kind smile. “For work, like I told you. In case you were thinking I’m going to have a vacation there instead.”  
  
“I wasn’t going to think that,” Jun says defensively.  
  
Sho laughs, and Jun is so used to it that when Sho stops, he thinks he can still replay it so well in his head. “They don’t trust anyone else to handle this. It’s a big responsibility. Are you going to miss me?”  
  
Jun looks away, not paying any attention to that part of him that screams yes. “No,” he denies. “I just don’t want you to come back speaking full Hawaiian and forgetting Japanese entirely.”  
  
To his surprise, Sho shuffles closer to him and pokes his cheek. “You’re so cute.” Then he sits back so their eyes can meet directly. Jun can see his face. “I’m going to miss you, too. But I’ll be back. I’ll try to make it sooner than expected, but I can’t make any promises.”  
  
Jun doesn’t want his promises. Jun wants him not to go.  
  
But he can’t do a thing about it.  
  
“Don’t buy any more sandals for me,” Jun says instead. “In the time we’ve known each other, I already received three pairs of sandals from you. How many feet do you think I have?”  
  
Sho laughs, raising his hands in surrender. “Okay, no more sandals. But in my defense, those were purchased from the airport because I still wanted to get you something even when I didn’t have time to shop and have a look around. Did you hate them?”  
  
Jun shakes his head at that. “No. You’ve never given me anything I hated. It’s just that...there aren’t a lot of occasions when I opt for sandals. I prefer shoes.”  
  
“Yeah, the sparkly, thorny ones. I remember,” Sho teases.  
  
Jun swats at Sho’s thigh since Sho’s close enough. “Don’t start making fun of me now.”  
  
There are fingers suddenly tilting Jun’s chin up, and Sho’s kissing him. Just their lips pressed together, and when Jun’s about to go for more, Sho pulls back.  
  
“What do you want to do tonight? We’ll do anything you want,” Sho says, thumb stroking the beauty mark under Jun’s lip.  
  
Jun considers the offer and looks around, wanting to take advantage of their lack of clothing.  
  
Then he makes up his mind. “Let me give you a massage.”  
  
Sho’s eyes widen in a brief moment of surprise. Then his eyes narrow in understanding, one eyebrow arching. “You just want to touch my butt. I know you like my ass.”  
  
Jun is busted, but he doesn’t let that deter him. “Has anyone ever told you that you have this really perky ass?”  
  
“I know what I’ve got, Matsumoto,” Sho says, not without a hint of smugness. “And I know how much you like it.”  
  
“Then roll over,” Jun says, making his voice sultry by lowering his pitch, “and let me have what I want.”  
  
Sho gets into position, but Jun swears he catches Sho rolling his eyes while he takes his place behind Sho. “Massage,” Sho says, shaking his head. “If you just wanted to grope me, don’t get my hopes up.”  
  
Jun settles for kneeling on either sides of Sho’s legs, trying to appreciate the view. Sho’s ass is indeed perky, its plump curves enticing Jun to go for a squeeze and not stop there. He drags his eyes upwards, studying the muscles of Sho’s back, how they give him a perfect view of Sho’s spine each time Sho moves.  
  
Sho already has his head pillowed on his folded forearms, and for all his talk, he’s simply content to lie on his stomach and let Jun’s eyes have their fill.  
  
“I do know how to massage,” Jun says, rubbing his palms together to make them warmer. He places them on Sho’s shoulders and begins kneading, smiling when he hears Sho’s soft sigh. “Tell me if it hurts and where you want me to spend some time on.”  
  
“Go lower,” Sho says, and Jun does, hands moving to Sho’s shoulder blades. “Right there. Those hurt a bit, as well as the back of my neck. I think it’s from staying up for too long for the past few days.”  
  
Jun clicks his tongue in annoyance but pays attention to pressing his fingertips over the muscles in the areas Sho specified. “You should get more rest. You earned it. You work too hard.”  
  
He hears more than sees Sho’s smile. “We both do. Now don’t be angry at me.”  
  
“I’m not angry,” Jun says. “I just think you should take care of yourself better.” He makes a fist and starts pressing his knuckles on Sho’s back, hearing Sho’s appreciative sigh.  
  
“That feels so good,” Sho says, sighing in content.  
  
“You have a crick here,” Jun points out, putting force into his fists. “Hear that?”  
  
“Mm.” Sho lets out a breath, eyes already shut when Jun checks. “Will you get angry if I fall asleep?”  
  
Jun has to smile at that. “No.” Sho must have been lacking in sleep, but instead of making up for it with the long weekend, he chose to spend all of it with Jun. Jun can grant him this, and Jun thinks he won’t mind too much if Sho fell asleep longer than usual. “I’ll wake you.”  
  
Jun immerses himself to the task, wanting Sho to feel loosened up once he wakes up. He doesn’t stop until stiff muscles feel more relaxed, slowly moving his way downward. When he reaches Sho’s ass, Sho’s already sound asleep, even snoring lightly.  
  
Worried that he’ll interrupt Sho’s well-deserved nap, Jun holds himself back and decides to postpone his idea of showing appreciation for Sho’s backside. He simply settles for squeezing one buttock lightly, smiling at how full his hand felt and how plump Sho’s ass really is.  
  
Then he moves to grab the duvet and covers Sho with it, the edges resting on Sho’s lower back. He drops a few quick pecks on the line of Sho’s shoulder and finally lets Sho go, not wanting to wake him.  
  
They have the entirety of two days left, and Jun decides they can just use this time to sleep. He gets under the duvet and on his side of the bed, giving Sho his back.  
  
With that, Jun sleeps.  
  
\--  
  
Jun wakes to fingers playing with his hair, and he cracks an eye open to find Sho smiling softly at him.  
  
“You said you’ll wake me up,” Sho says.  
  
Jun rolls to his side to face him, still blinking away the traces of sleep. “Did I?” He yawns. “What time is it?”  
  
“Almost dawn. It’s Saturday now,” Sho tells him.  
  
“You don’t know what the time is?” Jun asks, finding it hard to believe.  
  
“I didn’t want to check,” Sho says. “I didn’t want to know how much time we have left.”  
  
Jun simply stares at Sho, taking in his face. He can’t count how many times he’s woken up and has seen that face first thing in the morning, but he knows he doesn’t hate the experience.  
  
It’s not everyday that he hears his own sentiments coming out of another person’s mouth.  
  
Instead of replying, Jun grabs the back of Sho’s neck and pulls Sho down to him, blinking in confusion when he feels Sho resist.  
  
“I didn’t brush my teeth yet,” Sho says. “You don’t like kissing when we both have morning breath.”  
  
That’s true, but right now, Jun can set aside that preference for a moment. “I really have to kiss you right now,” he admits, not caring if it’s uncharacteristic of him. It’s early morning, and he’s not his usual self yet. “Will you let me?”  
  
It’s Sho who leans in first, and Jun assumes that’s the answer he’s getting. This would be better without any morning breath to worry about, but Jun simply needs to feel more of Sho despite being here with him. With Sho, he often finds himself feeling that it’s not enough, that no matter how much time they spend with each other, it’ll always end with him wanting more.  
  
It’s a terrifying thought, one that hits Jun when he curls his tongue against Sho’s, and it’s what makes him pull back. He covers up for it by saying, “We really need to brush,” and his stomach feels funny when he’s rewarded with Sho’s smile.  
  
Sho leaves the bed and offers a hand to help him up. “Come.”  
  
Jun takes it and allows himself to be hauled up, trying not to panic when Sho doesn’t let go of his hand as they make their way to the bathroom. They often held hands, more so when they’re fucking and they need something to hold on to, but Jun is struck with how familiar it feels, as if his palm knows how Sho’s feels like and already treats it as something normal, something Jun has adapted to.  
  
They brush their teeth in silence, side-by-side in front of the mirror. Jun hates how his brain automatically comes up with this scenario of them doing this every morning, and he almost shakes his head at himself.  
  
He’s not yet ready to go there.  
  
When they’re done and Sho faces him expectantly, Jun places his palm flat on Sho’s chest.  
  
“Let’s go back to bed,” he offers.  
  
They do, but Jun pushes Sho back and climbs over him, tilting his face to kiss him. It’s easier to act like this, to kiss Sho with the intention of having sex with him. That, Jun can deal with, with no scary afterthoughts since he’s usually exhausted and satisfied enough to not think of anything else.  
  
“What have you got in mind?” Sho asks, hands already on Jun’s hips to steady him.  
  
“Did you order for room service?” Jun asks.  
  
“No. Why?”  
  
“Because I don’t want that doorbell to ring while I’m riding your cock,” Jun says.  
  
“Is that so?” Sho asks, pulling Jun closer, voice now huskier and sending spikes up Jun’s spine. With his other arm, Sho grabs the lube and hands it to Jun. “Then I want to watch you. Fuck yourself while you get ready for me.”  
  
Jun rarely hears Sho talk dirty to him, and right now, he can feel his cheeks heating up. With that voice, every filthy thing that comes out of Sho’s mouth is going straight to his groin.  
  
Sho cups his nape, tugging him closer still, the two of them breathing in each other’s spaces. “I want to see you dripping for me, Jun. I want to hear those fingers of yours moving in and out of your ass with no difficulty because you’re so loose and only my cock can fill you up.”  
  
Jun exhales, unable to hide how aroused he already is.  
  
“Get to it,” Sho says, giving him a slight nudge. Jun wonders if this is how Sho sounds like when he fires orders in front of his subordinates. Jun doesn’t want to disobey him. “And let me see everything.”  
  
Jun moves off Sho to lie on the bed, squirting a generous amount of lube into his palm. He sees Sho get off the bed to sit on the one person couch, and he flushes when he realizes that Sho can see everything from his place.  
  
Jun begins circling his hole with a finger, his other hand going up to brush over his nipple. He spreads his legs wide, knowing Sho prefers seeing his pale thighs so open. He slips a finger inside, hips lifting slightly off the mattress at the intrusion.  
  
When Jun checks, Sho has his head tilted to the side, legs crossed. He looks bored, and Jun knows it’s done deliberately to annoy him.  
  
Not wanting to lose, Jun ups his pace, adding another finger as soon as he can take it. He pinches his nipple and it makes him huff a breath, head tilting back. He begins scissoring, and he pulls out to add more lube, wanting Sho to hear how he fucks himself since Sho’s not making any noises.  
  
“I think you can take more now,” Sho says, cutting through Jun’s haze, and when Jun looks over, he sees Sho examining his cuticles.  
  
Fuck. Sho has the gall to check his nails while Jun’s fingering himself for him? Jun’s appalled.  
  
He will give Sho what he wants.  
  
Jun moves his fingers faster, and when he can take a third, he moves in the same pace, knowing he can just adjust quickly to the stretch. He curls his fingers and grazes his prostate, toes curling at the feeling. He can hear how slippery the lube made him, how the wet noises are the only things that echo in the room, and with that, Jun decides to go for the kill.  
  
He adds a fourth finger, knowing Sho hasn’t seen him do it before, and the stretch makes him let out a moan, hips bucking in response. He’s so lost in it, eyes welded shut as he attempts to push his fingers in and out faster, and when it gets too much, his legs close involuntarily. He trembles, hand now trapped between his thighs, but he still tries to fuck himself, chest heaving at the combined sensations.  
  
“Jun,” he hears from the edge of the bed, and it makes him open his eyes to search Sho’s. “Show me.”  
  
Jun does after releasing a shuddering breath, spreading his legs once more before slowly extracting his hand away. He reddens at how Sho’s seeing all of this, how his hole is gaping wide, the rim glistening with lube.  
  
He’s done as Sho asked—his hole is dripping for Sho’s cock, and he’s not shying or twitching away at being stared at so hungrily, letting Sho see everything.  
  
Sho joins him on the bed, and Jun tries not to smile at seeing how hard Sho is. He has to be after seeing all of that, and Jun is pleased that he has that effect on Sho despite them doing this for many times.  
  
Sho rests his back on the headboard, one hand stroking his cock. Jun kneels beside him and waits, watching how Sho slips a condom on and slicks himself.  
  
Their eyes meet, and Sho offers a hand to him. “Ride me.”  
  
Jun takes the hand, feeling so ready, positioning himself and grabbing Sho’s cock with one hand to guide it to his hole. He braces himself by planting his palm on the headboard, lowering his body to have Sho’s cock inside him.  
  
Once the entire length is in, Jun starts moving. Slow at first, but he’s more or less accustomed to how Sho feels inside him, and it takes him less time to move with more ease. Sho’s hands settle on his ass and squeeze, and when Sho bends his legs to send himself deeper, Jun throws his head back and finally groans in pleasure.  
  
“You feel so good like this,” Sho rasps against his ear, voice gravelly and deep. “Riding my cock like this. You’re still so tight despite earlier, and you feel so fucking good.”  
  
Jun has both hands on the headboard now, using it as anchor, lifting himself off Sho’s cock to have just the tip inside him before sinking back down, the two of them moaning in unison as Sho hits Jun’s prostate.  
  
“Does that feel good?” Sho huffs, and Jun feels Sho spreading his asscheeks further, their movements now frantic. “Do you like that, my cock inside you? Fucking you in the way you want?”  
  
“Yes,” Jun breathes, sighing when he feels Sho’s teeth on his pulse. They move together, and Jun wraps his arms around Sho’s neck to have him closer. “Yes, fuck, yes.”  
  
He feels Sho lick from his collarbone to his jaw, Sho’s saliva mixing with his sweat. Sho links his arms around his waist, and Jun’s breath hitches when Sho increases his pace, fucking him steadily, his orgasm undoubtedly close.  
  
“Don’t touch yourself,” Sho husks, mouth over Jun’s throat. “I want you to come just from my cock, from the feeling of being fucked. Come just from me.”  
  
Jun manages a breathless “yes”, and Sho no longer holds back, sliding inside only to pull back out and do it again. It’s so hot in this room, and Sho’s skin turns warmer the longer Jun holds him.  
  
“Harder,” Jun begs when feels the tendrils of sublime orgasm building from the inside his thighs. He gasps when Sho obliges, fucking him so hard he thinks it’ll be a wonder if he can walk straight after this.  
  
“Are you close?” Sho asks, tongue licking the shell of Jun’s ear.  
  
“Yes,” Jun pants. “Don’t stop.”  
  
Sho holds him closer, and the sudden friction to his cock is what makes him come, spurting between their bodies. He shudders, mind and vision whiting out. He eventually collapses against Sho, trying to regulate his breathing against Sho’s damp neck.  
  
He inhales in surprise when Sho flips them, his back hitting the bed sheets with a tiny gasp.  
  
Sho’s hips are moving in abandon, head buried in Jun’s neck, and Jun tangles his fingers in Sho’s thick hair and pulls while Sho’s mindlessly fucks him. Sho hisses in pain, retaliating by biting lightly on the skin under his lips.  
  
When Sho comes, Jun feels it—in the way Sho’s movements halt for a beat, how he sucks in a breath before whispering Jun’s name, how his body quakes on top of Jun. He feels it once Sho holds him close like Sho has no intention of letting go, when he inhales and smells Sho all over himself.  
  
Sho lifts his head slowly, blinking tiredly at him. Jun can’t resist kissing him, though he keeps it short.  
  
“You should talk like that to me more often,” Jun manages to say, enjoying how Sho reddens in a darker shade. “You obviously know what to say. How often do you think of dirty stuff?”  
  
He sets his legs on the bed and groans when Sho pulls out to tie off the condom and dispose of it. “A lot when I’m with you,” Sho admits after settling beside him. “I have to be able to keep up, considering how short your refractory period is and how much stamina you have.”  
  
“I don’t think I’ll be letting you fuck me anytime soon,” Jun says, sighing when he tries to move his legs. “I don’t think I can walk.”  
  
“Of course you can walk,” Sho says with a snort.  
  
Jun nudges him with his shoulder. “And how do you know, huh? You’re not the one fucked.”  
  
“Oh I know,” Sho says confidently. “Because I didn’t fuck you _that_ hard.”  
  
Jun can’t help laughing at that, knowing it to be true. While he has the stamina, Sho has the strength. It causes Sho to get tired more quickly than Jun, but it also makes him the perfect partner in bed for someone like Jun who can go on multiple rounds in one night. It’s what makes their sex so good for Jun every time—they fit. There’s no awkward fumbling; the both of them certain of what they want and how they want it, and while Sho sometimes gets these erection-killing cramps, Sho always makes up for it once he recovers.  
  
And with Sho’s body and voice, it’s not hard for Jun to find the mood again even when Sho’s untimely muscle spasms already broke him out of it.  
  
Sho rolls to his stomach, looking at him expectantly. “Room service?”  
  
“Air the room first,” Jun says, waving his hand to gesture around them. The air is thick with the scent of sex.  
  
“Or,” Sho says, pushing himself up on his forearms, “I can get us something and be right back. There are a couple of restaurants downstairs.”  
  
Jun nods in agreement, leaning to the touch when Sho runs his knuckles over his cheek. “You’re still so red,” Sho says with a chuckle. “I’ll get going. What do you want?”  
  
“Coffee,” Jun says. Their morning fuck makes him want to take another nap, but he’s afraid he’ll wake up during late afternoon and lose more hours to sleep than with Sho. “And I’m fine with a sandwich of any kind.”  
  
“Any kind meaning no mayonnaise or grilled, juicy meat since it’s early morning and it’s too much carbs, got it,” Sho says with this annoying smile. Before he can leave the bed, Jun manages to playfully swat at his buttock. “I’ll take a quick shower first.”  
  
“Don’t make me join you,” Jun says, knowing it’s what Sho will say next. “If I do, we’re getting lunch, not breakfast.”  
  
“Not my fault you find me completely irresistible, Matsumoto,” Sho teases, making his way to the bathroom.  
  
“Get out of here,” Jun says, but it lacks bite.  
  
When he hears the bathroom door getting shut, he fishes for the TV remote from under the pillows and flips through news programs and morning dramas.  
  
\--  
  
For breakfast, they end up trading sandwiches because it’s totally unfair that Sho got himself some angus beef and only a tomato and grilled cheese for Jun.  
  
“You said no juicy meat,” Sho complains, but he eats the grilled cheese anyway. Jun knows he’s all talk; he won’t actually try to take his sandwich back.  
  
“I didn’t know you’d be getting yourself this kind of meat,” Jun shoots back, taking a huge bite and sighing at how good it is. “This is so good.”  
  
Jun is not that cruel, so he presses the sandwich against Sho’s mouth, letting Sho take a bite. He smiles when Sho makes this quiet moan of satisfaction, eyes drifting shut.  
  
“I should have gotten two,” Sho says. “That’s really good.”  
  
Sho has the juice from the meat all over his mouth, his lips glistening because of it, and Jun has to look away before he gives in to the temptation. If he kisses Sho again, they’ll make out and forget about breakfast entirely.  
  
“What do you want to do?” Sho asks as he wipes his mouth with a tissue. “We’ve got all day.”  
  
With sex out of the way (for now at least), Jun can focus on certain things he’s been curious about. He looks at Sho and sees sincerity in Sho’s eyes, and Jun has this nagging feeling that right now, he can ask for anything.  
  
“Tell me something I don’t know about you,” Jun says without thinking too much on it.  
  
“Well, what do you not know about me?” Sho asks with a smile. “You know my favorite foods, the brand of the aftershave I use. You know which one of my watches is my favorite, and you know where I keep my house keys in my bag. Don’t you think you know too much already?”  
  
“I don’t know your birthday,” Jun says. His is coming in a few weeks, and he only recently realized that he has absolutely no idea when Sho’s is.  
  
“It’s not soon,” is all Sho says. “And it has passed. Anything else you want to know?”  
  
Jun takes Sho’s dismissal of his question as a no. “The ones before me,” he says carefully, not wanting to receive another casual rebuff, “the ones you’ve started this with before you met me, what were they like?”  
  
“Close to my age, educated, and knew what they wanted. Nothing too different from you,” Sho says vaguely.  
  
“The one you liked best, then. What was that person like?”  
  
“Smooth-talker,” Sho says with a soft smile, like he’s fondly remembering it. “I think it’s what drew me to him. He always spoke his mind.”  
  
“Oh,” is all Jun can say, waiting.  
  
“Aiba-chan often says I have a type. He says I like people who knew what they wanted and are independent, but also dependent in other ways. I still don’t know if that’s true, but he’s right: there is this certain pattern with the people I’ve done this with,” Sho tells him.  
  
“Did you ever have a relationship with any of them?” Jun asks. He’s asked it before, back when he and Sho were starting this, but he has to hear it from Sho himself.  
  
“Some,” Sho says, not too different from his answer the first time Jun asked the same question. “With most, though, things were...strictly professional. I provide financial support, they give back as much as they want. In the end, it wasn’t so much about what I got from the other party. Providing for other people makes me happy. As I got older and became more comfortable with that idea, I stopped thinking about the details.” Sho faces him. “Why are you suddenly so curious about this?”  
  
“Sometimes I wonder how many you’ve had before you met me,” Jun admits.  
  
“Do you want a number?” Sho asks seriously. Jun thinks Sho will give him one if he asks for it.  
  
“No,” Jun says after giving it thought. “I don’t think it matters anymore.”  
  
No matter how many Sho had before him, it’s him who’s in this room with Sho, spending the weekend with him. It’s him in Sho’s company right now.  
  
“And you?” Sho asks, eyebrows lifting meaningfully. “How many before you met me?”  
  
That makes Jun stop. He doesn’t know how to answer the question.  
  
He doesn’t know because he doesn’t know what Sho is to him.  
  
He opens his mouth only to close it again, and after a few moments, he decides on “Some,” mimicking Sho from earlier and hoping Sho doesn’t notice how he hesitated.  
  
“With your face, I was thinking you’ve had more,” Sho says.  
  
“I’m not that popular,” Jun admits. “Most people get intimidated.”  
  
“Well, I get where they’re coming from,” Sho acknowledges. “Those eyebrows are thick and terrifying.”  
  
Jun gives Sho a push. “Now you’re making fun of me.”  
  
“Your face is too strong,” Sho comments. “That’s not saying I don’t like it—I do. But really, it’s too strong. It leaves an impression.”  
  
“Did it, though?” Jun asks curiously. “When we first met? In Hakone, I mean.”  
  
“Oh it most certainly did,” Sho says with a nod. “I...don’t be offended, but I didn’t expect you to look like...well, this—” Sho gestures to him vaguely, “—when we were just texting. I didn’t think we’d ever meet, so I saw no point in trying to come up with any image of you in my head. But when I saw you, when I shook your hand and realized it was you, I had to recollect myself a bit.”  
  
“I remember,” Jun says. “Why?”  
  
“Because you’re way too much than what I prepared myself for,” Sho admits. “I...have you seen yourself? I didn’t expect you to be so...appealing.”  
  
Jun has to look away that, feeling his cheeks burning. “I’m not,” he says quietly. “Shut up.”  
  
“You can take any form of critique but are so awful at receiving compliments,” Sho says fondly. “You’ll keep getting them from me because you deserve them. I can’t compliment your work ethic because I don’t know how you work, but I can tell you how you look like to me and you just have to take it.”  
  
Jun takes a deep breath, willing his face to stop reddening. “Are you done embarrassing me?”  
  
“Why does it embarrass you?” Sho asks, peering at his face. “If I tell you I find you attractive, it embarrasses you?”  
  
“I don’t know how to react,” Jun admits, and he frowns when Sho laughs.  
  
“Oh you’re so cute,” Sho says, looking at him with amusement in his eyes. “You’re so red and you’re so cute, and if I can, I’ll shower you with compliments just to see you blush all over.”  
  
“Now you’re totally making fun of me,” Jun says, picking up a pillow and flinging it in Sho’s direction.  
  
Sho catches the pillow and places it on his lap, looking at him seriously.  
  
“What?” Jun asks, wary now that Sho’s merely looking at him.  
  
Sho leans closer, and he’s whispering when he speaks next. “When I saw you in Hakone, I thought I didn’t buy enough gifts for you, that I had to give you everything in that wishlist in one way or another. That if I spoil you, I actually wouldn’t mind it one bit. That if you ask for something, I’ll try to make it happen in any way I can. It’s stupid, but it’s true.”  
  
Jun covers for his shock by distracting Sho with a kiss, not wanting to listen to what his head is telling him. Sho inevitably responds to him, one hand cradling his cheek to have him closer. He kisses Sho to stop him from saying things that Jun doesn’t want to process, because kissing Sho has never failed for him. Sho might know that he’s using it as a distraction, but Jun knows the extent of the effect he has on Sho.  
  
When they part, Jun rests his head on Sho’s shoulder, not wanting Sho to see his face in case it’s evident that he doesn’t know what to do after Sho’s confession.  
  
“You got me another present, didn’t you?” Jun asks. “You always get me something whenever we planned to meet.”  
  
Sho hums in agreement. “But you’re only getting it on Monday, I’m afraid. I’ll give it to you before I leave.”  
  
“Thank you,” Jun says.  
  
“You don’t know what it is yet.”  
  
“You’re right. But I’m sure I’ll love it, whatever it is.” Sho is yet to get him something that he hates. One thing Jun has discovered about Sho is that he painstakingly chooses whatever he buys for Jun, even those sandals that he got from his local work trips. Sho picks the things he sincerely thinks Jun might like, and he always gets them right.  
  
“Use it,” Sho says. “I want to see you using it when I come back from Hawaii.”  
  
“Done,” Jun says, despite not knowing what it is. “It’ll be your ‘welcome home’ gift, seeing me in it.”  
  
Jun straightens and looks at Sho, waiting until Sho faces him. “So come back soon.”  
  
“I’ll try,” Sho promises, reaching for one of Jun’s hands, thumb now stroking Jun’s knuckles. “Don’t change too much while I’m gone.”  
  
Jun hates it, but he knows he’s going to miss Sho badly once Sho goes to Hawaii. He knows he’ll try to barrel through it by denying it, but here, right now, he already knows he’s going to fail spectacularly at it and will eventually accept that he does miss Sho.  
  
“Dessert?” Sho asks suddenly. The thing about Sho is that regardless of the kind of meal he’s had, he always wants dessert after. “I think I want pudding.”  
  
Jun smiles and gives this nod, appreciative of the change in topic. “I’ll have a shortcake.”  
  
\--  
  
They spend the rest of that Saturday binge-watching movies and sometimes variety shows, speculating about celebrity lives and how the media portrays them. They makeout in between movies, often during the credits, kissing for as long as they can get away with it.  
  
Their round two for that day happens with Jun on his hands and knees, facing the TV because he claimed earlier that he wanted to watch a particular crime drama. Not that he can focus on it; Sho seems intent on fucking him senseless, hands tight on his hip bones and dragging him back again and again, each loud smack of Sho’s hips against his ass sending him to a moan.  
  
Sho eventually pulls him up by the arm so he’s just kneeling on the bed while Sho continues fucking him, and with Jun straightening his back, it’s like every thrust is a little deeper, him feeling every inch of Sho’s cock as it pushes in and out of him.  
  
He feels fingers cupping his jaw and directing his face towards the TV.  
  
“Open your eyes,” Sho says, and Jun can feel him smile against his ear, “I thought you wanted to watch this drama.”  
  
“I—” Jun tries, but it ends in another groan because Sho begins snapping his hips, rhythm disappearing as his need to come intensifies. “Fuck, don’t stop.”  
  
“You’re missing the drama, Jun,” Sho teases, but he bites onto the meat of Jun’s shoulder to hold back his noises. Jun grinds against him, using his knees to prop himself up and anchor himself to the bed as he bucks back to every thrust. “See, there’s a shootout now.”  
  
Jun turns his head to the side, finding Sho’s mouth and shutting him up with a hard kiss. Sho’s arms tighten around his torso, holding him close, and when Sho’s lips begin to tremble, Jun knows he’s about to come.  
  
“Sho,” he utters breathlessly. He rarely calls Sho by his name when they’re having sex, and the effect is instantaneous: Sho’s eyes snap open, Jun seeing nothing but black there, and Sho buries himself deep before he lets go, mouth parting as he shudders.  
  
Jun doesn’t wait for him; he reaches between his legs and jerks himself off, and he’s coming with just a couple of strokes, the sensation of being fucked so thoroughly easily sending him to the brink.  
  
He falls forward, face mashed against the sheets, ass high in the air. It’s an embarrassing display, but he also can’t find it in him to care, not when Sho is yet to pull out and is simply trying to breathe behind him.  
  
He inhales in surprise when he feels a soft slap land on his ass, and finally, Sho withdraws, getting off the bed to deal with the condom.  
  
“So,” Sho says later after he returns, an arm thrown around Jun despite them being sweaty and sticky, their legs tangled together, “I guess you just missed the vital plot point.”  
  
Jun lets out a tired laugh. “I’m putting that drama’s DVD box on the wishlist once it’s available.”  
  
Sho shakes his head behind him, laughing as he presses his forehead against Jun’s back. “Should have known it’ll be on me.”  
  
“I was trying to watch it,” Jun says, close to rolling his eyes. “Whose idea was it to start fucking me while I was trying to watch it?”  
  
Sho kisses the dip formed by his shoulder blades. “You’re getting that DVD box, I promise.”  
  
Jun looks over his shoulder. “But I do know they found the girl’s ransom note in her classmate’s locker.”  
  
Sho tickles him then, Jun trying to push him off to stop him from poking his sides. “I can’t believe you multitasked while we were fucking,” Sho says, fingers on Jun’s ribs and tickling him, making Jun twitch away from him. “I don’t know if I’m offended or amused.”  
  
“Get off me,” Jun complains, batting Sho’s hands away, but he looks up just in time to let Sho capture his mouth in another kiss.  
  
When Sho breaks it off, Jun blinks at him.  
  
“Say,” Jun begins, smiling when Sho hums in question, “do you think they’ll pay the ransom or follow what the police wants them to do?”  
  
Sho laughs, clamping a hand over his mouth. “I can’t believe you sometimes.”  
  
Jun pushes Sho’s hand away, joining him in laughter.  
  
\--  
  
Their Sunday revolved around sex, from handjobs in the shower to giving each other head to fucking in the part of the room that they haven’t fucked in for the past two days. Jun tries to leave marks on Sho that’ll be easily hidden by Sho’s clothes since Sho’s leaving, scattering bite marks on Sho’s collarbones and neck, imprinting bruises shaped like his fingertips on Sho’s arms and hips.  
  
When Jun’s exhausted enough that he thinks he can’t engage in another round (not in the next few hours at least), Sho finally brings out whatever present he has for Jun.  
  
“I thought you said you’ll give it to me before you leave?” Jun asks, studying the box. It’s definitely some kind of accessory, perhaps another bracelet because Sho knows his fondness for the things. “It’s not Monday yet, is it?”  
  
“I know what I said,” Sho tells him, sitting beside him and watching him as he opens the gift. “But I won’t see it on you if I don’t hand it over now, and I do want to see how it looks on you.”  
  
Jun finally gets the box to open, and he stills when he sees a watch inside, and from the looks of it, it’s from one of Sho’s favorite brands.  
  
“This is a Panerai,” Jun murmurs, unable to wrap his head around it. It’s an old model too, popular during the late sixties or early seventies—an antique. How much do these things cost? The price of a five-month salary for Jun?  
  
“I thought it’d suit you,” Sho explains. “Try it on.”  
  
“You gave me a fucking Panerai,” Jun says, voice firmer this time, looking over to see Sho’s face.  
  
“Are you going to overreact again?” Sho asks calmly.  
  
“I’m not overreacting,” Jun says, except he might be. “It’s just...this is too expensive.”  
  
“It’s for you,” Sho says. “I wouldn’t have gotten it if I didn’t think it’d suit you. I wanted you to have it.”  
  
“Why?” Jun asks, lifting the watch from its box. It’s heavy and it definitely feels costly. If he wears it, Nino will undoubtedly notice.  
  
“You’re always like this whenever I give you something that’s not on the wishlist,” Sho says.  
  
“Because you’re blowing too much money on me sometimes,” Jun says, giving Sho a look. “I know how high-earning you are, but don’t you think this is too much?” He lifts the watch for emphasis.  
  
“No. It’s not too much, and that’s because I wanted you to have it.” Sho takes the watch from him and undoes the clasp, slipping it on Jun’s wrist and locking it. It feels foreign around Jun’s skin, but not uncomfortable. “I thought that color would suit you since you’re so pale.”  
  
Jun looks up, about to open his mouth, but Sho presses a finger over his lips. “Don’t think too much on it. I’ve given you lots of things already and you only react this much once the item you get is out of the usual price range. Allow me to splurge a little on you once in a while.”  
  
“That said,” Sho starts, removing his finger from Jun’s mouth, “do you like it?”  
  
It’s the most expensive thing Jun has received in a long while. Before this watch, the title was previously held by the shoes Sho bought for him. Both things were from Sho, but the difference is that Jun picked one while Sho chose the other for him.  
  
He likes both, either way. “Yes,” he admits. “I still think it’s too expensive, but it’s not so heavy around my wrist and the fit is just right. It’s a 1970 model, isn’t it?” He sees Sho smile. “It’s beautiful.”  
  
“I’m glad,” Sho says. “Wear it when I get back. Along with the bracelet.”  
  
“That’s too much accessories,” Jun complains, but he’ll wear them anyway, on the day he can see Sho again. “I’ll wear them, but you and I both know I’ll end up removing them anyway not too long after.”  
  
Sho grins, thumbing at Jun’s chin. “And that’s why I don’t want to get clothes for you. Aside from not figuring out your fashion sense, you hardly need them when you’re with me.”  
  
Jun rolls his eyes. “Yeah, because you don’t know how to keep your hands to yourself.” He nudges Sho’s side with his elbow. “Thank you, seriously.”  
  
“You’re welcome,” Sho says, taking the box from him and setting it on the nightstand. When he faces Jun again, he smiles. “Anything you want me to get in Hawaii?”  
  
Right now, Jun can’t think of anything he can possibly need. “Just come back soon.”  
  
“I can get you a surfboard,” Sho tries.  
  
Jun shakes his head. “Just come back.” Their time is almost over, and once they sleep, Jun knows that the morning after, he has to head for work and Sho has to drive straight to the airport.  
  
Sho laughs a bit. “You make it sound like I’m going away for a year.” Sho kisses him briefly. “It’s just a few weeks. Less than a month, perhaps. But I’ll be in Tokyo again before you know it.”  
  
Instead of replying, Jun pulls Sho for another kiss, intending for it to be longer than its predecessor. He kisses Sho until he gets tired of it, until the feel inside his mouth is no different from the feel inside Sho’s. He kisses Sho to at least have enough since he can’t do so for the upcoming weeks.  
  
He kisses Sho to miss him less.  
  
“Bath?” Sho offers once Jun pulls back.  
  
“In a moment,” Jun says, shuffling closer so he can link his arms around Sho’s neck. “In a moment.”  
  
Sho says nothing and loops an arm around him, pulling him close, and for a while Jun simply remains there, holding Sho’s body close.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy father's day, y'all. LMAO
> 
> Di, the nope movie rip-off scene is here. Consider that as your warning.

III.

  
  
Monday has Jun readjusting deadlines to make way for a new project. It causes some of his staff to panic, asking their respective team leaders for the possibility of any considerations on Jun’s part.  
  
Which brings Nino to his office, not so subtly asking him to extend the deadline.  
  
“Hirano-kun is still on leave,” Nino is telling him, “which means I have fewer people to handle the editing and stuff. Come on, Jun-kun. At least five this afternoon, not lunch time?”  
  
“At five I no longer have the time to look at it,” Jun says, checking his watch. Doing so reminds him of Sho, and for a moment, he wonders if Sho’s onboard the plane already. “I still have to personally interview the last three secretary candidates HR has for me.”  
  
When he looks up, Nino is eyeing his watch. “3 PM, then. Just not lunch time. We can’t make it if it’s lunch time.”  
  
“2:30,” Jun says. “And no extensions. That file has to be on my desk at 2:30.”  
  
“Got it,” Nino says, moving to leave. “You’ll have it by then.”  
  
Nino shuts the door behind him, and Jun tries not to be too happy about Nino noticing but choosing not to say a word. He’s never doubted Nino, but Nino is perhaps the snarkiest person Jun knows. Jun thought he’d crack a joke or two, because it’s impossible that Nino hasn’t figured out from whom the watch came from.  
  
Jun returns to his work, reading the profiles HR sent to him just this morning. He tries not to think of Sho getting on a plane that’ll take him too far from Japan, instead making post-it notes on what he can ask his future secretary.  
  
His phone beeps, and he hurriedly checks when he sees that Sho sent him a photo.  
  
Opening the message reveals an airplane window with a clear blue sky, and Sho’s subsequent message is a series of airplane emojis followed by beach ones.  
  
_You weren’t going to Hawaii for work, were you?_ Jun sends.  
  
He receives a laughing emoji. _I’m just showing you my view. In a few hours, I’ll be unreachable even with the plane wi-fi._  
  
_Take care_ , Jun sends. He already said it to Sho earlier this morning, just before they parted ways, but he needs to say it again. This morning had him waking up with his cock inside Sho’s mouth, and it was one of the best mornings Jun’s had in a long time.  
  
_Will do. Don’t let me keep you from your work._  
  
Jun chooses not to reply to that anymore, putting his phone aside before he goes back to reading.  
  
By one in the afternoon, he’s interviewing the first candidate and finds her likeable enough, but too intimidating at first. She’s eligible and seems reliable, but Jun thinks he needs a secretary who possesses an approachable demeanor since he’s intimidating enough. If he goes with her, there’d be two intimidating people in the same department.  
  
He gets the next one after the first, and she’s too slender that Jun thinks she might snap in half if she moves too much or carries too much heavy stuff. Nonetheless, she’s very pleasing: all smiles and isn’t afraid to admit that there are things she doesn’t know. She also seems enthusiastic to learn, and Jun is almost set on her.  
  
Almost.  
  
“Mizuhara-san,” he says, and her attention is on him in an instant, “I’ll be honest with you. I do like you. I think you’ll do a good job if not great. But you need to know I’m a hard man to work with. I’m strict with deadlines, and sometimes, I move up the deadlines and only notify people of the change as soon as it’s there. I’ve made interns cry, and if you cry easily—”  
  
“I do cry easily,” Mizuhara says. She insisted earlier that Jun can call her Kiko, but Jun isn’t completely set on hiring her yet. “But I also get over things easily, so if you reprimand me and I deserve it, I’ll take that like a big girl.”  
  
“I’m not going to make you cry when you don’t deserve it,” Jun clarifies. “I said I’m strict, not heartless.”  
  
“I wasn’t implying you were, Matsumoto-san,” Mizuhara says. She bows. “But I’m ready to work for you regardless. I might require a bit of time to learn my way around, but once I’m adjusted, you can expect me to work on par with your department. I’ll do my best from the beginning.”  
  
Jun leans back on his seat, fishing his phone out of his suit jacket pocket when it beeps. It’s a work email straight from HR, informing him that the third candidate can’t come because of an emergency.  
  
Jun opens Mizuhara’s folder and affixes his signature on the form attached to her profile. He hands the folder to her without hinting at anything, and she takes it nervously but still respectfully.  
  
“Bring that to HR,” Jun says, standing up to button the top button of his suit jacket, “and tell them to issue a company ID to you because I’m expecting you tomorrow morning at eight.”  
  
Her face lights up, breaking into one of her cheerful smiles. She bows repeatedly in gratitude. “Thank you, Matsumoto-san. I’ll do my best. I’ll try not to disappoint you.”  
  
Jun only gives her an acknowledging nod and excuses himself. When he returns to his office, Nino’s report is on his desk, and he picks it up to scan it as he moves to answer a call.  
  
The day passes with Jun handing over his corrections to Nino and coordinating with most of his team leaders on how thorough he wants their output to be. He sets more deadlines and moves a few meetings, and by the time he’s home, he’s exhausted enough that he’s barely able to keep an eye open.  
  
His phone rings, and he absentmindedly answers as he shuffles in bed.  
  
“Yes?” he asks sleepily.  
  
“Oh were you sleeping already?” Sho asks from the other line. “I’m sorry. I can call back tomorrow.”  
  
“No,” Jun says immediately, not wanting Sho to hang up. It must be morning in Hawaii, and that only reminds Jun of how far Sho is from him. “It’s fine. I can spare a few minutes.”  
  
Sho laughs, and Jun wishes he can see Sho do it. “You sound like you’re speaking to one of your clients. I called because I figured you’d rather tell me about your day in person. Was that assumption incorrect?”  
  
“No,” Jun says. He really wanted to hear Sho’s voice after such a long day. “I’ll only bore you, though.”  
  
“Bore me then,” Sho says.  
  
“I’m getting a secretary,” Jun informs him. “She starts working tomorrow. I made the announcement earlier and will officially introduce her tomorrow, but Nino already messaged me that we just might have acquired a new crier.”  
  
“Ah, Matsumoto ‘terror of the interns’ Jun, I see,” Sho comments with a chuckle. “I have a secretary too, and at first she was scared of me. Now it’s the other way around.”  
  
That makes Jun laugh. “She nags you, huh?”  
  
“Endlessly,” Sho says. “But she’s great. She knows what she’s doing all the time. It’s amazing. I hope your secretary can see past your stubbornness. Because you’re very stubborn.”  
  
“I didn’t hire a business partner,” Jun says.  
  
“I know. But you’re strict and you’re too hard on yourself, so I’m hoping whoever gets to work with you that close will be able to see that under all the toughness you exude, you’re just someone who’s trying to do his best for everybody else.”  
  
Jun is grateful it’s not a video call they’re having; his face is heating up. He’s touched, and now he’s absolutely struck with the reality that Sho is so far from Japan.  
  
“Jun?” Sho asks after a few beats of silence. “Have I lost you there? Are you sleeping already?”  
  
You’re so nice to me and I miss you already, Jun wants to say, but he chalks it up and says instead, “I’m here. I’m just...trying to take all of that in. What time is it there?”  
  
Sho is quiet for a few moments. “You’ll get angry if I tell you.”  
  
“What time is it there?” Jun repeats, voice firmer this time.  
  
He hears Sho sigh. “3:37 AM,” Sho says.  
  
Jun exhales. “Why won’t you sleep like a normal human being? This call could’ve waited.”  
  
“I know, but you texted me, so…”  
  
“Just because I texted you doesn’t mean you have to reply within the day. Don’t you get jet lagged? Why are you up?”  
  
“See, you’re angry. I woke up to your text, okay? I was going to reply but I fell back asleep, and now I woke up again and I felt guilty so I called you.”  
  
“Go to sleep,” Jun says. “Don’t you dare pick up a newspaper and start reading it. You don’t work until the sun is up. Get some rest.”  
  
For a few seconds, neither of them say anything.  
  
Until Sho cracks. “Are you angry? I don’t like it if you’re angry.”  
  
Jun is annoyed because Sho’s always been sleep-deprived, and yet he often chooses to do nothing about it. “If you go to sleep right now, I won’t be anymore.”  
  
“Okay,” Sho promises. “I’m sleeping as soon as I end the call, how’s that?”  
  
“ _Now_ ,” Jun says. “You can call me some other time. Go to sleep now.”  
  
He hears some noises from the other side, like Sho shuffling on his hotel bed to get comfortable.  
  
“Jun?” he hears after some time, when he’s already got his eyes shut and is about to fall asleep.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Good night,” Sho says. “From my side of the planet.”  
  
That makes Jun smile. “Good night,” he says right over his phone’s microphone, just to make their distance feel smaller. It doesn’t change a thing, but Jun thinks Sho will hear his voice louder on the other side, and they both can pretend Jun’s right there in Hawaii with him.  
  
The call ends, and Jun sleeps.  
  
\--  
  
The weeks turn stressful for Jun since he’s asked Kiko to shadow him and only gave her the amount of work he thinks she can handle. Jun has no time to train a secretary, but Toma and Nino volunteered to help out, and Jun ends taking them up on that offer.  
  
He goes to meetings and conducts performance reviews, evaluates his department before the executive board comes to evaluate them. Jun holds meetings and expresses his goals, how he wants to attain them, how much time he’s giving everyone to help him reach each one of it.  
  
And on the day he turns thirty-four, it’s Nino who greets him first since they run into each other in the elevator.  
  
“Happy birthday, Jun-kun,” Nino says after they exchange a good morning greeting. “Muro-san’s found a new job according to Toma, and we’re all going to celebrate it at Aiba-shi’s tonight.”  
  
“Thanks, but I don’t know if I can show up,” Jun admits. “Tell Muro-kun congratulations.”  
  
“No, I refuse,” Nino says, and Jun really hates it when Nino’s pushy. “You’re coming with us. It’s time you get over yourself. You may have fired Muro-san, but you also helped him find this job and he wants to thank you in person. Don’t deprive him of that.” The elevator doors open, but Nino bows at the people waiting on the other side. “Sorry. We have to get boxes of paperwork from the floor after this. Take the next one.”  
  
It’s a lie, so Jun knows Nino wants to corner him.  
  
“Unless you’ve got plans?” Nino asks in hushed tones, raising an eyebrow at him. They’re alone in the elevator, a rather cheery tune coming from the speakers above their heads. “You and Mr. Sugar going to celebrate your birthday?”  
  
“He’s in Hawaii,” Jun says before he can help it, his voice close to a whisper. “I don’t have plans. I have work.”  
  
“Which you can postpone for a while. There’s Kiko-chan now to reschedule stuff. Come with us to Aiba’s. I promised Toma I’ll bring you,” Nino says, and when he uses this tone on Jun, it’s hard to refuse him. Nino rarely asks for favors outside of work, and right now, he sounds like he’d really appreciate Jun’s cooperation.  
  
“If I finish making corrections to everyone’s output, I’ll go,” Jun says, relenting.  
  
“You will finish them,” Nino says with confidence, the two of them reaching their floor. “After all, you set the deadline yourself.”  
  
The rest of the day has Jun politely thanking the people who intermittently greet him, either in person or via email. He receives a short email from his mother, a photo of the turtles Nino gave him five years ago attached to the mail.  
  
_Your turtles have gotten a year older too_ , is her caption after her greeting.  
  
It’s the only message Jun didn’t delete after replying to. Kiko, who’s more or less accustomed to how Jun does his work, slips a tiny bag of cookies along with his coffee, a small post-it with a happy birthday greeting attached to it. She even drew a birthday cake using a highlighter, and it makes Jun smile.  
  
By evening, with work behind Jun and saved in his hard drive, Nino drags him to Aiba’s bar, insisting that they take a taxi together so Jun can’t escape.  
  
Jun just sighs and follows Nino along, loosening his tie as they enter the establishment. He jolts when he hears a loud, synchronous greeting of “Happy birthday!” welcoming him as he enters Aiba’s bar, and he looks around to see people from work, some of his high school and childhood friends gathered in one place.  
  
“Before you ask, it was Toma’s idea. We all know you hate surprises,” Nino says over the music and over the greetings Jun is still getting. The interns are present, even the ones Jun reprimanded on different occasions. He spots Kiko with a camera, taking photos of everyone. “But we couldn’t resist. Not when everyone decided to pitch in and make it special.”  
  
“You guys,” Jun says, finding it hard to believe. He sees Muro, who throws an arm around his shoulder and hands him a tub of beer. “I can’t believe I didn’t catch a whiff of this.”  
  
“You’re a workaholic,” Toma tells him, raising his drink in a toast. “Of course you wouldn’t notice. Although, I admit it was really hard to plan the entire thing while keeping you in the dark. You’re too nosy sometimes!”  
  
“Well, I’m sorry for that,” Jun says, not meaning it. He joins his friends and starts to mingle, unable to keep himself from smiling. He thought he’d have a birthday by his lonesome, but Nino and the others must have been planning this for a long time. There are people here Jun hasn’t seen since he moved out of his parents’ house.  
  
He cracks jokes and thanks people for their greetings and gifts, throws his arms around friends whom he’d thought have forgotten him. The night continues, and Aiba keeps the drinks coming, insisting that everything Jun partakes in is on the house.  
  
It’s almost midnight by the time Jun receives the special Aiba Masaki cocktail, served with one of Aiba’s usual smiles.  
  
“Happy birthday, Matsujun,” Aiba says. “Less liquor on that one because we don’t want you to end up like the last time, but also less sugar so you can enjoy it.”  
  
“Thanks,” Jun says. “I’m thirty-four now, and this has to be one of the most unexpected birthdays I’ve had.”  
  
Aiba brandishes his phone in between them. “Would you mind if I take a photo? I always take photos of my customers who celebrate their birthdays here. Just to remind myself that there’s a point in doing this sometimes.”  
  
Jun smiles and nods. “Sure. Take as many as you want.”  
  
“Ah, you might be drunk already. Usually you’d yell at me,” Aiba jokes, but he snaps a picture and shows it to Jun. “You’re looking great for a thirty-four year-old guy.”  
  
“You talk as if you’re way older than I am,” Jun says with a laugh.  
  
Aiba leans closer, elbow on the counter so nobody else can hear them. “And Sho-chan? He didn’t mind that you had to go somewhere else for tonight?”  
  
Jun blinks and shakes his head. “He’s in Hawaii, Aiba-chan,” is all he says.  
  
“Oh,” Aiba says. “That was what Nino was worrying about these past few weeks, you know. That what if you and Sho-chan made plans and it turned out that you couldn’t come? He kept whining about it here.”  
  
“Well I’m here now so all his fears turned out to be unfounded. Avoided Murphy’s Law, huh?” Jun says, taking a sip of his drink.  
  
“You bet. He wouldn’t shut up about it because he claimed only I can understand him.” Aiba laughs. “Well that might be true, now that I think on it.”  
  
“Thanks for the cocktail,” Jun says, carrying his drink to where Toma, Muro, and Nino are seated.  
  
“Come back for more,” Aiba says, trying to wink and making Jun laugh.  
  
\--  
  
It’s way past midnight by the time people start to leave, and it’s Nino who shuffles Jun to a taxi while claiming, “I can actually make you ride a taxi unlike the last time, now get inside and text me when you’re back.”  
  
“Yes,” Jun says, smiling at Nino’s reddened face. Nino can never hold too much liquor. “I’ll see you at work later.”  
  
“Yes you will. Happy birthday again, Jun-kun. Drink lots of water, okay?” Nino waves through the window and gives the roof of the car a pat or two.  
  
Jun just waves him off, relaxing in the backseat. He’s a little tipsy, but he can get home. He checks his phone and finds emails of forwarded photos to him, photos taken tonight by people who love him and with people he loves. He even has a photo with Aiba, Nino, and Toma, the four of them with their arms around each other like teenage boys posing for a monthly idol magazine.  
  
Jun scrolls through each of the photos and makes a folder once he manages to save them all, wanting to cherish everything that happened tonight. He still has to show up for today’s working day, but he’s considerably feeling better than he has in the past week.  
  
He’s at home and in pajamas when he remembers to send Nino a message, and scrolling through his messages shows him Sho’s name along with the usual request of _Tell me about your day?_ that he has failed to reply to.  
  
He’s a little sleepy thanks to all the alcohol he drank, but he manages to type something in the text box before he blacks out, the sheets too soft and claiming him instantly.  
  
\--  
  
Jun wakes up to his alarm only a couple of hours later, stretching his arms and neck before he grabs his phone to check for messages. He scrolls through the usual work emails, Kiko’s daily reminder of his schedule (for the day and for the entire week), a couple of unread birthday greetings, and he’s interrupted when his phone starts to vibrate because of an incoming call.  
  
It’s Sho.  
  
Jun picks up, a hoarse croak of a “Hello?” coming out his mouth.  
  
“What date is it there?” Sho asks. He sounds awake and alert, a far cry from Jun’s current state.  
  
“Uh.” Jun turns to his digital clock on the nightstand and squints at it in the dark. “August 31st.”  
  
“Fuck,” Sho says, and that wakes Jun up more than his alarm did. Sho never cusses in front of him unless they’re having sex. He hears Sho sigh. “Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”  
  
Now Jun is totally awake. How did Sho know?  
  
“It’s just a date,” Jun says. “I don’t think it’s that important.”  
  
“Not that important?” Sho asks. “I could’ve gotten you something. Anything before I had to go, had it delivered there and not...fuck, even my greeting’s late too.” Sho lets out a laugh, but he doesn’t seem amused. “Belated happy birthday.”  
  
“Thank you,” Jun says, unable to keep himself from smiling. It might be late, but it’s from Sho, coming right out of Sho’s mouth. Just hearing it is enough for Jun. “Who told you, by the way?”  
  
Sho exhales. “Aiba-chan. He sent me a photo of you in his bar with a caption ‘Matsujun @ 34’. You can imagine my surprise.”  
  
“It’s not a big deal. I understand. You’re in Hawaii right now,” Jun says. “It’s okay. I never told you because it just didn’t come up in any of our conversations. Besides, you didn’t tell me your birthday either, back when I asked.”  
  
“January 25th,” Sho says. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to feel obliged to get me something, in case we’re still associated with one another by the time my birthday comes.”  
  
“Then it’s the same for me,” Jun tells him. “You don’t have to get me something. You’ve already gotten me lots.”  
  
“Use the card,” Sho says anyway. “Buy something with it. Get yourself a gift.”  
  
“No,” Jun says quickly. “No, thank you. I’m okay with what I have at present. Your greeting is enough, thank you. Now I have to go and get ready for work.”  
  
“I see,” Sho says. “I’m sorry I missed your birthday.”  
  
“Don’t be; you had work,” Jun tells him. “You still have work. And I have mine, so I have to go now.”  
  
“Jun?” he hears Sho ask, just before he cuts the line. He presses the phone against his ear and waits. “I’ll be back soon, okay? Then I’ll come and meet you.”  
  
Jun hasn’t had his first coffee yet so his defenses are down. He finds himself nodding despite Sho not seeing it. “Okay.”  
  
“Work hard today,” Sho says.  
  
“You too,” Jun returns, and he ends the call.  
  
Jun gets back to reading and filtering his messages, except now he’s sporting a soft smile as he does, having started his day with getting a birthday greeting from Sho. It didn’t matter that it was late; Sho still found a way to know (thanks to Aiba) and he sounded really frustrated that he’d missed it.  
  
That warms Jun more than he can possibly admit.  
  
He checks his messages and stops when he discovers the one he sent to Sho only a few hours ago, just before he went to bed.  
  
He can’t remember typing it.  
  
But it’s there.  
  
_Hurry up and come home._  
  
There’s no reply from Sho, but it must have been why he called, why he felt he had to call. More than Aiba’s photo, Jun knows it’s his message that would make Sho do things—it’s _him_ who can make Sho do things. Jun stares at the unguarded version of himself, the one who had the courage to type what was on his mind the moment he left Aiba’s bar.  
  
It clicks now, why Sho had to tell him that he’ll be back soon, that they’re going to meet soon enough. It’s possible that Sho misses him, too, but Sho rarely gives him assurances unless he implies that he needs it.  
  
Jun can’t delete the message he sent (he can, but he doesn’t see the point of doing it), so he heads for the shower to think about what to do, if he should just brush it off and proceed with things like it didn’t happen.  
  
\--  
  
Jun proceeds with things like the message he sent didn’t happen.  
  
A week after his birthday, he receives a message from Sho telling him that Sho’s back in Japan and would like to have his schedule as soon as he can give it. Jun has to dig through his inbox for that particular email from Kiko, and he forwards it to Sho after deciding that two hours after Sho’s message is a reasonable time allotted—he wouldn’t look too excited and he wouldn’t seem too neglectful of his phone either.  
  
He tries not to think too much on it, turning his attention to the work at hand. He has a new set of interns to brief, and with the Daredevil Matsumoto nickname catching on pretty quickly, he’s positive he’d end up intimidating them no matter what he does.  
  
It takes them three more days, but Sho finally asks to meet him on a Saturday, telling him it took a while to readjust his schedule to make time for Jun. Jun is touched, but he’s quick to interpret it as an understandable reaction given the length of time that has passed without them seeing each other.  
  
Saturday comes, and Jun arrives in the reserved hotel room earlier than Sho. He receives a message five minutes later that says _I’ll be late, but I’ll be there. Something came up for a bit._  
  
That makes Jun curious and slightly anxious, but he sends a simple _Okay_ for a reply instead.  
  
He opts for a bath, figuring it’d be a good way to pass the time. From Sho’s message, Jun assumes he won’t be long, so he chooses the shower instead of the luxurious jacuzzi tub that their suite has.  
  
But there’s no water.  
  
Jun attempts to turn the shower on again, frowning at the shower head when not even a drop of water is coming out. Sho booked such an expensive room for them, and it has no water?  
  
Jun moves to the jacuzzi tub and turns on the faucet, and like the shower, there’s nothing. It annoys him, but he puts his clothes back on and dials the front desk.  
  
“There’s no water,” Jun says the moment the clerk picks up. “And before you say I try it again, I left all the faucets on including the shower, and I still hear no water running.”  
  
“There’s a pipeline problem, sir,” she explains to him patiently. Jun pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “There’s a nearby construction going on, and one of their drillers accidentally hit the pipeline, causing a leak. They’re fixing it, and they tell us they’ll turn the water supply back on once it’s fixed.”  
  
“How long will that take?” Jun asks, trying to be patient.  
  
“We’ve been receiving hourly updates, and they told us it’ll be in less than ten minutes. Our sincerest apologies for the inconvenience.”  
  
“I’ll call again if there’s still nothing in ten minutes,” Jun promises, putting down the receiver. He hopes Sho won’t arrive in that time; Sho hates faulty services more than anything. Sho is the one who complains about orders taking too long, about queues that are unmanaged properly that it gets longer and longer, about how his groceries are bagged. If Sho arrives and finds out about the water problem, he’d be bombarding the front desk with calls and Jun would have to sit through most of his complaints.  
  
He didn’t want to listen to Sho complaining tonight. If anything, all he wants to hear are stories from Hawaii, perhaps an old man joke or two, and Sho’s laughs.  
  
He misses hearing Sho laugh.  
  
Jun stands under the shower with his hands on his hips, not bothering to discard his clothes because he’s seriously doubting the water will be available in ten minutes. The clerk from earlier sounded like she’s been telling the same thing over and over to all the customers complaining. Too rehearsed and too calm, like she’d been expecting the call.  
  
He starts tapping his foot in impatience after five minutes of standing under the shower and getting nothing, already imagining himself picking up that receiver to demand that they give him an accurate time. He decides to turn off the other faucets and just leaves the shower on, and he puts his phone beside the sink after setting up a five-minute timer, watching minutes gradually turn to seconds.  
  
Sho ought to arrive soon, and Jun reenters the shower again to glare at it for disrupting his plans. He doesn’t want tonight to be filled with complaints; why can’t the universe cooperate?  
  
He waits. Impatiently. Five minutes easily turn into four, three.  
  
Then he nearly jumps in place, the water too cold and drenching him because he tweaked with the shower controls earlier and put it on the highest setting. The water’s back, raining around Jun, and he hastily jams the heel of his palm against the knob to turn the shower off, but it’s too late. He’s completely soaked, shirt and jeans included.  
  
He shivers, trying to get his hair out of his eyes. He senses movement, and he looks up quickly, finding Sho standing at the bathroom doorway.  
  
“I was checking the shower,” Jun explains lamely. He must look so stupid and laughable, shirt sticking to him uncomfortably, hair dripping.  
  
Sho would be laughing any moment now. Sho crosses the distance between them, and Jun tries to at least look presentable despite being drenched from head to foot. “It wasn’t working earlier and the front desk said—”  
  
Sho’s hands grab his face and whatever Jun has to say is lost against Sho’s mouth, pressing insistently against his. Jun makes a noise of surprise, then he stops thinking altogether—hands finding Sho’s back to have Sho closer, not caring if his hands are wet and would leave marks on Sho’s dress shirt. He makes a noise when Sho kisses him hard, almost possessive, their bodies pressed together. He’s soaking Sho’s clothes, but neither of them seems to care.  
  
All Jun can think of is how to have more now that Sho is right here with him once more.  
  
Sho’s hands hold him in place, their mouths joined and hardly separating. Sho backs him against the shower wall, and Jun’s elbow accidentally hits the knob and turns the shower back on, water raining over them.  
  
Jun keeps his eyes shut then, hands roaming around Sho’s back until he finds Sho’s ass, cupping it and pulling Sho closer to him. There’s water everywhere, leaving Jun’s skin cold, but he feels warmer than ever because of how Sho’s kissing him, leaving him breathless and senseless like they’d been separated for a year instead of just a month.  
  
Like Sho missed him, too.  
  
It’s Sho who breaks the kiss, leaving short ones all over Jun’s face. Sho kisses his chin, jaw, cheekbones, even his nose. His mouth travels up, scattering heat on Jun’s skin, and Jun feels Sho’s lips brush against his eyelashes before moving to the other set.  
  
Jun opens his eyes slowly, seeing Sho’s fluffy hair drenched, the strands framing his face. Sho lost weight; his cheeks aren’t what Jun remembers.  
  
He feels Sho’s thumbs wiping away tracks of water from his face and he looks up, meeting Sho’s eyes.  
  
“Now you’re completely soaked too,” Jun says in the end; he can’t think of anything else.  
  
Sho smiles, a slow curling of his full lips. Jun can’t resist, and it’s him who leans in for more, finding Sho’s mouth with ease. Sho parts his lips at the first prod of Jun’s tongue, and Jun kisses him deep, not wanting to let go just yet. He kisses Sho until he can’t anymore, until his lungs feel like they’re begging him to breathe.  
  
He pulls back, and he feels Sho’s arms slipping around him and holding him close. Jun can’t help himself, sinking into Sho’s embrace, letting the sensations of finally having Sho with him overwhelm him. He missed it all—Sho’s touch, the sounds of Sho’s steady breaths against his ear, the feel of Sho’s lips against his skin.  
  
Jun wants to preserve everything right now, and if Sho proposes that they stay like this for the rest of the night, he thinks it wouldn’t be so bad.  
  
It’d be cold, but they’d manage. Maybe.  
  
“I’m home,” Sho whispers.  
  
Jun hides his smile against Sho’s shoulder and simply presses closer. “Welcome back.”  
  
He inhales and smells Sho, the scent heightened because of the water. Jun tightens his arms around Sho’s form, feeling Sho do the same, and for a while they just remain standing under the spray, trying to be as close as possible.  
  
“We’ll catch a cold,” Sho says against his ear, each syllable sending vibrations that make Jun shiver more than the water running around him.  
  
Jun reaches behind him and turns the shower off. Sho draws back, fingers brushing away the wet strands that streaked Jun’s face, and Jun waits for what he has to say.  
  
Sho runs his thumb over Jun’s lips. “What were you saying about the shower?”  
  
Jun smiles and kisses Sho’s fingertip. “It doesn’t matter anymore.” He looks down and takes note of the state their clothes are in—sticking to them and showing nearly everything underneath. Sho’s in a dress shirt and slacks, yet he doesn’t seem to mind how everything is sticking to him at present.  
  
“Do you want to move to the tub?” Jun asks.  
  
Sho smiles, and Jun’s stomach feels funny at the sight of it. “Sure.”  
  
They leave the shower together, Sho not letting go of his hand as they make their way to the jacuzzi tub. It’s big enough to fit two, and Sho turns on the faucet and adjusts its temperature before sitting on the edge of it.  
  
Jun reaches out to begin unbuttoning Sho’s shirt. The buttons are a little slippery and the holes are tiny, so Jun takes longer than usual since he’s not wearing his glasses or contacts. He manages to open Sho’s shirt when the tub is almost half full, and he helps Sho discard it since the fabric is sticking to Sho’s skin.  
  
Once Sho’s half naked, Jun stops resisting and leans in for a kiss, hands roaming over Sho’s wet torso. Sho’s fingers slip under his shirt, pushing the material up, and Jun breaks the kiss to remove it, throwing it in a wet pile at his feet.  
  
“You gained more muscle,” Sho says in awe, hands tracing his chest. “How is that possible?”  
  
“You were gone for quite a while,” Jun points out. He steps back and unzips his jeans, lowering them around his ankles with difficulty. He steps out of them to remove his boxers, looking up to find Sho already naked and entering the tub.  
  
“You’re so fast in stripping,” Jun comments, accepting Sho’s proffered hand and joining Sho in the tub. There’s a lot of room, but Jun chooses to have his body aligned with Sho’s, hands flat on Sho’s chest.  
  
“I try to be,” Sho says, cupping the back of his neck to kiss him again. Jun allows it, and their kiss starts slow, almost sensual with the way they move in sync. He kisses Sho back and receives the same softness, like they’re in no hurry despite their shower encounter earlier.  
  
There’s something addicting about Sho’s mouth, that no matter how many times Jun kisses him, Jun finds himself wanting more the moment he pulls back. Maybe it’s because of how shapely Sho’s lips look, plump and swollen after Jun claimed them so thoroughly. Maybe it’s how soft and warm they are when pressed firmly against Jun’s, like all of Sho’s body heat congregates in one place to reach Jun and leave him wanting, craving.  
  
Jun’s not certain, but whatever it is that makes him feel like this, it also makes it impossible for him to stop. He’s content with passing the time like this, sharing kisses like it’s the only thing they can do for now. He lets Sho’s mouth drift lower, scattering heat across his skin. He buries his fingers in Sho’s hair as Sho’s kisses move to his neck, his collarbone, his chest.  
  
“How many of these do you have?” Sho asks right over the skin of his heart, and Jun wonders if Sho can feel it thumping madly now that they’re together.  
  
“How many of what?” Jun asks back.  
  
“These marks,” Sho says, kissing one that’s close to Jun’s nipple. “I’m trying to find them all, but there really are so many.”  
  
“There’s one on my shoulder,” Jun says, and Sho immediately tilts his head to press a kiss on the bony process of Jun’s shoulder blade. “Another one close to my right underarm.”  
  
Sho lifts said arm, and Jun’s eyes widen when Sho also kisses the part he mentioned.  
  
“Where else?” Sho asks, blinking up at him.  
  
“Are you really going to find all of them?” Jun asks in slight disbelief. He’s blushing; he can feel heat steadily climbing up his cheeks.  
  
“I’m going to find them and kiss them all,” Sho says, extending his neck to drop a kiss to Jun’s chin. “I don’t know why it took me this long to do so, but right now, that’s all I want to do.”  
  
Jun stills, trying to gauge Sho’s sincerity by studying Sho’s face. “There are two or three on my fingers,” Jun says once he recovers.  
  
He wants to give Sho what Sho wants.  
  
Sho lifts his hand to his mouth, kissing the joints of his fingers and his knuckles. He does the same for Jun’s other hand, and to Jun, this feels more intimate than them actually having sex.  
  
“Where else?” Sho asks, looking up at him expectantly.  
  
“One on my belly, close to my left side,” Jun says.  
  
“Stand up,” Sho tells him and he does, inhaling sharply when Sho leans in to kiss his abdomen. Usually, when Sho’s mouth reaches this part, he’s headed for Jun’s cock and they’re going to fuck in a matter of minutes, but right now, Sho lingers, repeatedly kissing that patch of Jun’s skin. Sho’s hands clutch at his hips, and they don’t tighten or squeeze suggestively. It’s just Sho holding him in place.  
  
When Sho seems satisfied, he looks up again. “Where else?”  
  
“My side, here,” Jun says, twisting his trunk to show Sho that part of his left flank that has one. Sho has to surge upwards to reach it with his mouth, thumbs now brushing over his hip bones.  
  
“Where else?” Sho asks, mouth moving towards Jun’s nipple.  
  
“My—” Jun tries, but it ends in a quiet gasp when Sho sucks on his nipple before kissing the mark beside it again. “My back has some, I think.”  
  
“Show me,” Sho says, giving Jun respite by leaning back. “Turn around.”  
  
Jun obeys, baring his back. He holds his breath and waits, sighing when Sho finds what he’s looking for, lips leaving his skin heated.  
  
“Where else?” Sho asks, breathing against his spine.  
  
“My forearm,” Jun says. He turns around and flexes his left forearm, showing Sho the beauty mark.  
  
“Sit,” Sho says, and Jun does, ending right on Sho’s lap. Sho cups his elbow and flexes his arm again, kissing the mark Jun pointed out to him. Sho’s lips travel up, eventually reaching Jun’s hand, and one by one, he sucks Jun’s fingers into his mouth, allowing his teeth to lightly graze the skin.  
  
When Sho pulls away, Jun traces the outline of Sho’s mouth with his fingers. He hasn’t touched them for so long, and right now he wants to remember how soft they are thanks to the lip creams Sho continuously uses. He skims his fingers over Sho’s face, taking his time to touch and feel, trying to make up for the times he wasn’t able to.  
  
There’s no need to rush now—Sho’s right here.  
  
“Let me wash your hair,” Jun says, fingers combing through thick and wet strands.  
  
Sho nods, and Jun reaches behind Sho for the hotel-issued shampoo and conditioner. He lifts the bottles between them, silently asking if Sho’s okay with using them or would prefer his own.  
  
“Either way’s fine,” Sho says. “Here, I’ll hold them for you.”  
  
Jun passes the items to Sho and cups his hands to scoop up water, letting it rain on top of Sho’s head. When he’s satisfied, he opens the shampoo bottle and squirts a dollop on his palm, lathering Sho’s hair with it.  
  
Considering how luxurious their suite is, Jun’s not surprised that the shampoo produces bubbles quickly. Thick white foams are now coating Sho’s hair, and Jun readjusts his grip so he can massage Sho’s scalp, including the back of Sho’s ears.  
  
Sho hums in content, eyes now shut as he allows Jun to do what he wants. With the way Sho’s sighing, his bottom lip trembles and Jun wants to kiss him.  
  
So he does, leaning in and startling Sho to a kiss, hands still buried in combined shampoo and hair. Sho kisses back quickly, arms settling around Jun’s waist. They kiss until Sho abruptly pulls away, a hand going up between them.  
  
“My eye,” Sho complains, wiping away a trail of shampoo foam that traveled on the side of his face.  
  
Jun quickly rinses his hands, applying water to wash off the shampoo. He can’t help laughing when he sees Sho pout, running his wet thumbs over Sho’s eyes to make sure there are no suds left to irritate Sho’s eyes.  
  
“Sorry,” Jun says belatedly. “I didn’t notice.”  
  
He grabs the handheld shower attached to the side of the tub, turning it on so he can rinse Sho’s hair. It takes them a bit of time, but eventually they’re both surrounded by shampoo suds, the water rising up to Jun’s chest.  
  
“If we turn on the jacuzzi right now, do you think it’ll make more bubbles?” Sho asks after Jun combs his wet mane back to reveal his face. Like this, Jun can see Sho’s huge forehead, and it makes him smile because when he can’t see it, Sho actually looks younger.  
  
“It’ll definitely make more bubbles,” Jun says. He grabs the hotel soap and holds it between them, giving Sho this nod.  
  
Sho turns on the jacuzzi, and Jun squirms when one of the jets hits his side, tickling him.  
  
Sho’s laugh rings in his ears, and he wants to hear it again. “You’re so ticklish.”  
  
“Why are there water jets everywhere?” Jun complains, looking around angrily. “This isn’t a pool.”  
  
“Shh,” Sho says, taking the soap from him. “You’ll get used to it. Now lean back and let me wash your chest.”  
  
Jun quirks an eyebrow at him. “You just want to touch my chest.”  
  
“Well, you did put more muscle in that chest while I was gone, so I thought the least I could do was to appreciate how hard you worked to impress me,” Sho teases.  
  
“I didn’t do it to impress you,” Jun denies, except that Sho’s right on the mark.  
  
Sho laughs, leaning in his space so their noses touch. “You’re so cute. Lean back.”  
  
Jun does anyway, keeping his hands locked around Sho’s nape so he wouldn’t topple back. Sho coats his hands with soap and starts lathering it around Jun’s shoulders, moving to his neck, and lingering on his chest. The soap makes Sho’s touch slippery, but each time his palms rub over Jun’s nipples, Jun has to suppress a sigh from escaping past his lips.  
  
“You’re so broad,” Sho says, hands moving down and back up. “Your shirt from earlier didn’t hide it too.”  
  
“Is that why you just barged in the shower and kissed me? Because of how my body looked under that white shirt?” Jun asks curiously.  
  
Sho gives him an incredulous look. “You know why I did that.”  
  
Jun thinks he doesn’t. “Indulge me.”  
  
“Spoiled,” Sho says with a laugh. “How many times do I have to tell you that you’re very hard to resist in order for you to be satisfied?”  
  
Jun flushes, and he looks away to hide it despite being so close to Sho at present.  
  
“Don’t get shy now,” Sho says, and Jun scowls at him. It only makes Sho laugh. “I feel like I haven’t seen you do that in so long.”  
  
Because you haven’t, Jun wants to say. Because you’ve been gone for too long.  
  
Instead he shrugs and grabs the soap from Sho and begins soaping up Sho’s arms, his shoulders, neck, and trunk. Jun does want them to get clean, but he can feel his fingers beginning to prune, and he’s not sure how long he’ll last in this tub before it bothers him.  
  
There are soap bubbles everywhere now, the jacuzzi tub looking like they filled it with foam before they entered it. There’s white in whichever way Jun looks, and while he normally enjoys long bubble baths, it annoys him now because he can no longer see the rest of Sho’s body despite still being seated on Sho’s lap.  
  
“Don’t pout,” Sho says, which makes Jun realize that he’s doing it unconsciously. “Why are you pouting?”  
  
“My fingers are pruning,” Jun says, which is half-true.  
  
“Then let’s get out of here,” Sho says. He grabs the handheld shower and begins rinsing them both off, and Jun reaches behind him to drain the tub. It takes some time because sometimes Sho sneaks to grope a part of Jun, but soon the tub is empty and they’re both leaving it to dry off.  
  
“Stay here,” Sho says, and Jun watches his grab a towel.  
  
Sho makes a move to help him dry off, but Jun stops him with a hand on his chest.  
  
“I can do it myself,” Jun says.  
  
“I know you can,” Sho acknowledges. “Let me anyway.”  
  
Jun can only stare at Sho, and he eventually nods in agreement. Sho dries him off quickly but thoroughly, even crouching down to reach his legs.  
  
Sho dries himself off next, running the towel through his hair after. He stares at Jun, and Jun can’t help staring back—it seems he’s forgotten how handsome Sho can be. He looks so fresh, and Jun is thrilled with the idea that only he can see Sho like this.  
  
“What do you want to do tonight?” Sho asks, later when they relocate to the bedroom and have the door shut for privacy. Sho’s on his back, looking at Jun, and Jun thinks it’s unfair that Sho’s unaware of how attractive he can be without exerting a modicum of effort.  
  
Jun tugs Sho on top of him, and Sho braces himself on his forearms as he waits.  
  
“Remind me,” Jun says. It earns him Sho’s frown. “It’s been a while, so remind me.”  
  
Remind me how it feels to be with you.  
  
Sho seems to understand, ducking down to begin kissing Jun’s neck. Jun stretches on the bed, trying to be comfortable while laying himself bare. He’ll let Sho do whatever he wants tonight. Tonight, he’ll just lie back and enjoy his time with Sho, savor every moment of it.  
  
Jun raises both arms above his head, sighing as Sho rains kisses all over his body. He doesn’t miss that Sho lingers on where his beauty marks are, as if Sho has memorized their exact location already.  
  
“What was Hawaii like?” Jun asks, eyes shut. He’s not really expecting an answer; he just wants to talk to keep himself from making any noises as Sho showers him with attention. “Was it the dry kind of hot or the humid kind? Did you go surfing? Sightseeing? You must have.”  
  
Sho doesn’t reply, lips now brushing over Jun’s nipples. Sho sucks one and plays with the other using his fingers, making Jun writhe on the bed.  
  
“Did you go kayak-ing?” Jun manages to say, throwing his head back when Sho starts licking the hardened nub. “Did you go to that spot where they filmed Jurassic Park?”  
  
Jun lets out a breath when Sho moves to his other nipple. “What were the nights like? Were they cold or still hot? Did you go swimming?”  
  
Sho doesn’t respond, seemingly distracted with how he’s teasing Jun’s nipples into full sensitivity. Jun hisses when he feels Sho’s teeth tug on one nub, nerve endings feeling like they’re on fire.  
  
“What did you do when you weren’t working? What did you eat? How many hours did you allow yourself to sleep?” Jun asks, and he swears Sho’s smiling right over his abs.  
  
Sho still says nothing, choosing to kiss around Jun’s navel instead. Jun squirms a bit, feeling ticklish with the fleeting kisses Sho leaves, but soon Sho starts sucking at nipping at his skin, and it sends him arching on top of the sheets.  
  
“When you weren’t working, did you wish I was there with you?” Jun asks, unable to help himself. “Did you think of me on any other day apart from my birthday?”  
  
Sho withdraws and Jun opens his eyes to find Sho sliding up, just as he blurts out what he really wants to know.  
  
“Did you miss me?”  
  
He meets Sho’s eyes, and he’s sure Sho can see the uncertainty in him.  
  
Sho’s fingers slip under the back of his neck, tilting his face upwards. Sho claims his mouth, and Jun wraps his arms around Sho’s neck, parting his mouth immediately for Sho’s tongue. It’s not so different from the kiss they shared in the shower earlier, only that this is projects more intent on Sho’s part.  
  
Sho wants him tonight.  
  
“Jun,” Sho says when they part, and he sounds so needy that Jun burns for him. “Jun, can I touch you?”  
  
“Yes,” Jun says, kissing Sho again. “Yes.”  
  
They have to reposition themselves on the bed once Sho pulls back to retrieve lube and condoms. Jun places a pillow under his hips and settles back to what’s most comfortable, delighted that this is finally happening. He’s waited so long for Sho to be back, chalked up his impatience and focused on his work, and now he’s so close to having Sho again.  
  
When Sho returns, he has the lube and the condoms, but also a box that surprises Jun.  
  
Jun sits up but still keeps his legs spread so Sho can kneel between them.  
  
“I missed your birthday,” Sho says, holding the box in his hands. “But I still got you something. It’s a very belated birthday present.”  
  
“And it couldn’t have waited?” Jun asks, allowing some of his impatience to seep through.  
  
Sho’s biting on his bottom lip in a nervous gesture, and Jun wonders what could be inside that box that makes Sho nervous. Can whatever’s inside it be as nerve-wracking as that time Sho gave a credit card to him?  
  
“No, it can’t wait,” Sho says, meeting his eyes seriously. “Because I want to see you wearing it as soon as you receive it.”  
  
Sho opens the box then, and Jun stares. Inside is a necklace, but not just any necklace. It’s one that Jun once mentioned to Sho in passing, back when they were talking about things they’ve lost. He used to have one, but he misplaced it in one of his friend’s birthday parties.  
  
“You remembered,” Jun says, not quite believing what he’s seeing.  
  
“I couldn’t even pronounce it at first,” Sho admits with a laugh, taking the necklace out from the box and undoing its clasp. “I had to ask Siri to say it for me. Ni’ihau shells.”  
  
“You bought a necklace for me,” Jun says. Sho remembered. He remembered and he got one for Jun, and to Jun’s knowledge, an earring made out of these shells already costs more than ten thousand yen.  
  
How much was this necklace?  
  
“To replace the one you lost,” Sho says simply. “Now I don’t know if this is anything close to how that one looks like, but I hope you like it.”  
  
Jun touches the craft, marvelling at how it feels. It must be so intricately crafted, and Sho must’ve spent time looking for a shop that sells the items, painstakingly picking one that he thought would suit Jun.  
  
“Can I put it on you?” Sho asks, and Jun leans forward before lowering his head a little, allowing Sho to slip the necklace on him.  
  
When he straightens, it feels quite heavy and foreign on his skin. He can’t help touching it now that it’s on him, and when he reaches the center, he stops and looks at Sho for an explanation.  
  
“I’ve been told those are sapphires,” Sho says, and Jun lifts the pendant close to his eyes so he can see for himself. The gemstones look genuine, glinting under the light. “You have a strong face, so I went with what I thought your face wouldn’t overshadow.” Sho laughs.  
  
Jun is speechless and overwhelmed, and he thinks it’s justified that his next action is to grab Sho’s face and kiss that shy smile off him. Sho makes this startled squeak, but he does reciprocate, hands firm on Jun’s back.  
  
“Happy birthday,” Sho says when they have to break apart for air. “It’s so late, but I hope you had a good one.”  
  
“I had a good one, and will have a better one if we proceed with our plans from earlier,” Jun says, settling back on the sheets. He no longer feels completely naked; Sho’s gift is around his neck, the tiny ball of studded sapphires resting right on the dip between his collarbones.  
  
There’s a smile on Sho’s face as he kneels, weight resting on his ankles, as he waits for Jun to be comfortable. When Jun gives him this nod, Sho lifts one of his legs to his shoulder and starts kissing his ankle.  
  
It’s good, but they’re moving too slow for Jun’s liking.  
  
“Hurry up a bit,” he says.  
  
“Impatient?” Sho asks, mouth resting on Jun’s knee.  
  
“I want you,” Jun admits, belatedly realizing the gravity of what he just said. He looks at Sho and moistens his lips. “Don’t keep me waiting anymore.”  
  
He hears Sho suck in a breath, then Sho reaches for the lube and coats his fingers with it. “Okay,” Sho says, dropping a kiss to his thigh. “Okay.”  
  
Jun spreads his legs wider the moment he feels Sho’s fingers circling his hole. As Sho promised, he ups the pace a little, slipping a finger inside Jun once he feels Jun relax.  
  
When Jun’s loose enough for two, he tries to tell Sho by clenching around Sho’s finger. Sho’s response is to add another, and Jun gasps when Sho leans forward to suck his cock, timing it with the movement of his fingers.  
  
Jun decides to let Sho know how much this is affecting him, letting go of his inhibitions and making noises when the stimulation gets a bit too much. Two fingers soon turn three, then four, and Jun can feel his balls tensing as Sho continues to give him head.  
  
“Sho,” he gasps, hoping it’s enough. “Sho.”  
  
Sho breaks off his cock and pulls his fingers out, looking up at him. “What is it?”  
  
“Hurry up,” Jun says, writhing on the mattress. He feels so loose, and he really wants Sho in him. He bucks back, hoping Sho will get the hint, and he groans when he feels Sho wrap a hand around his cock, giving him a few strokes.  
  
“You have to say it,” Sho says. “You have to tell me.”  
  
Jun moans, more so when Sho wraps his lips around him again, and when he’s close, he cants his hips up, mouth parting in a breathless gasp.  
  
But Sho pulls away, depriving him, fingers tight around the base of Jun’s cock, preventing him to come.  
  
“Fuck,” Jun curses in frustration, toes curling. “Please.”  
  
“Tell me,” Sho says, and he’s doing that baritone, perhaps to drive Jun mad with lust. It’s working, and Jun’s barely keeping it together. “Tell me what you want.”  
  
“You know what,” Jun snaps, glaring at Sho.  
  
“Then how about this,” Sho says with a smile, “I’ll make you come here right now, and if you do, I won’t have to fuck you anymore. But if you don’t come right now and hold it, I’ll make you come while fucking you in the way we both know you want.” Sho meets his eyes. “What would it be?”  
  
Jun attempts to steady his breathing, and he looks at Sho with determination, one finger hooking on his necklace and pulling at it lightly. “Give me all you’ve got,” Jun challenges. “We both know you want to fuck me while wearing only this.”  
  
Sho’s eyes change then, turning darker, and Jun bites his bottom lip to reel in his moan once Sho sucks him off again. Sho’s got a mouth made for sucking cock, and his lips look prettier and more tempting when they’re tight around Jun’s cock.  
  
If Jun looks down, he knows it’ll be over. Sho swallowing and humming around him has become one of his favorite fantasies when he’s masturbating at home, and right now, experiencing it once more makes it harder for him to stave off the orgasm.  
  
But he will, because he wants to see how much Sho desires him.  
  
Eventually Jun has to shove a fist into his mouth, teeth leaving indentations on his knuckles as he holds back despite Sho deepthroating him and doing it again. When Sho finally lets him go, he’s flushed and sweating, heartbeat thundering in his chest.  
  
He hears Sho tearing open the condom and he brings his hand down, grasping the sheets instead. Sho slicks himself and settles between Jun’s legs, and Jun sees him lick his lips before he pushes in one smooth move, sending Jun to a startled gasp, body arching in response.  
  
“Jun,” he hears Sho say, “Jun, you feel so good.”  
  
“Fuck me,” Jun hears himself saying, clenching and bucking back. “I’m ready, I’m so ready.”  
  
“You are,” Sho husks, inching back and slamming inside him again.  
  
They start slow but hard, with Sho pulling out till only the tip is inside before thrusting in, burying himself deep that his balls are in contact with Jun’s ass. When it becomes easier to move, Sho increases the pace but maintains the force, sending Jun to a series of grunts.  
  
Jun thinks he must be crying out with each time their bodies collide, but he’s deliriously lost in pleasure that he can’t find it in him to care. He wants Sho to know how this is affecting him, how much he needs Sho at this moment. He locks his ankles around Sho’s waist and draws him in further, and Sho falls forward, bracing himself on his forearms beside Jun’s head.  
  
“I missed you,” Sho whispers, and it makes Jun open his eyes because of the raw emotion he can detect in Sho’s voice. “I missed you every day.” Sho punctuates that with a sharp thrust that sends Jun to another loud moan, nails now embedded on Sho’s skin.  
  
“Touch yourself,” Sho says, teeth catching on his earlobe and tugging. “Touch yourself and make yourself come, like this with me inside you.”  
  
Jun reaches down and jerks himself off. Their timing is a bit off—Jun’s orgasm is nearing the surface and his hand moves faster because of it, causing Sho’s hips to fall a little out of sync with his.  
  
When Jun comes, it’s between them, his satisfied groans silenced by Sho’s mouth closing over his. He veers off somewhere, euphoria claiming him momentarily. He’s exhausted, hips aching in places, but he can still feel Sho moving in and out of him, Sho chasing after his own orgasm now that Jun’s lying spent on the bed.  
  
“Do you like seeing me like this?” Jun asks, licking his lips once Sho’s eyes snap to his. He can see himself reflected in Sho’s eyes, him lying on his back and taking it. “Wearing your gift and letting you fuck me? Would you want to dress me up and fuck me in it, see everything you bought for me around my body while you fuck my ass again and again?”  
  
“Jun,” Sho groans, and he hisses, his rhythm disappearing and movements now frantic, erratic.  
  
“I’d let you,” Jun breathes in between moans. “I’d let you dress me up and fuck me hard after.”  
  
Sho’s eyes zero on him, and Jun holds Sho’s face in his hands.  
  
“And honestly,” Jun says right over Sho’s mouth, their lips brushing, “I’d probably love it, too.”  
  
The effect of Jun’s words is evident in Sho, and everything unfolds in front of Jun as if in slow motion. Sho pushes into him one last time before he shudders, a quiet, breathless groan fanning Jun’s cheek as Sho comes, hips stuttering while he rides his orgasm out. Jun finally lowers his legs, grunting in pain when his hips seem to protest. He doesn’t let go of Sho’s face, liking the way Sho’s cheeks are turning his palms warm. Sho is so flushed and sweaty—he always perspires more than Jun, and given their current position, Jun’s positive that he smells exactly like Sho.  
  
It’s Jun who moves them both carefully, pushing Sho off him and sighing when it causes Sho’s cock to slip out of him. Sho’s simply panting on the bed, eyes still shut, and Jun clicks his tongue before reaching down to remove the condom.  
  
“Sorry,” Sho says, still breathless. “Sorry, sorry.”  
  
Jun snorts in amusement. “If anything, I’m flattered that I’m such a good fuck for you that you can’t be bothered to move. But this is the last time I’m going to deal with the condom in your stead. Unless you’ve really become that old.”  
  
Jun ties off the condom and discards it, returning back to bed to curl against Sho. He allows Sho to bask in the afterglow for at least a few more seconds, watching how Sho’s eyes slowly flutter open, staring at him in combined satisfaction and wonder.  
  
“You’d ruin me,” Sho says, making Jun stop. Sho reaches out with shaky fingers, touching a part of the necklace. “I always had a feeling, but now I truly know. And the funny thing is, if you do, I think I’d still be happy that it was you.”  
  
Jun freezes, the weight of Sho’s words sinking in. Did Sho mean that? Or was it said on the spur of the moment, the kind of stuff Jun often heard when he used to engage in one night stands?  
  
He doesn’t know what to do.  
  
He tenses in Sho’s hold, and he feels Sho pull him close, Sho’s lips on his eyebrow.  
  
“You don’t have to say anything,” Sho murmurs. “I’m not looking for a response. Right now, I just want to enjoy my time with you.” Sho peers at his face. “Is that doable?”  
  
Jun finds himself nodding, and Sho tucks a lock of Jun’s hair behind his ear.  
  
“Do you like it?” Sho asks. “The necklace, I mean.”  
  
“Yes,” Jun mutters, hiding his face in the crook of Sho’s neck. “Thank you.”  
  
“Not too flashy? Or is it actually too plain for you and your thorned shoes?”  
  
That makes Jun smile, and he’s somehow grateful that Sho can’t see it. “It’s perfect. Like everything else you’ve given me.”  
  
“Belated happy birthday again,” Sho greets tiredly, and it ends in a yawn.  
  
“We have to take a shower,” Jun says, but he’s gradually getting drowsier as well.  
  
“Later,” Sho says. Jun watches him reach out, grabbing the edge of the duvet and throwing it over their bodies. “Later, I promise.”  
  
“Liar,” Jun says, barely able to suppress his yawn. He’s exhausted too, and right now, he can’t even worry about sweat cooling off their bodies when he’s so comfortable where he is. It’s been a while since Jun can smell him this close.  
  
It makes him want to cling a little longer.  
  
Sho raises his arm, and Jun lifts his head from the pillows so Sho can slip an arm under his head. It’s more relaxing like this, with Sho holding him close. Jun gives in, throwing an arm around Sho’s torso and shutting his eyes.  
  
“I’ll regret this,” Jun says, already imagining his thighs sticking together the following morning.  
  
“We’ll regret it together,” Sho whispers. Somehow, Jun finds the idea of that more acceptable. “Good night.”  
  
Jun isn’t able to return it, succumbing to the vestiges of sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

They have until Sunday evening since Sho has another overseas meeting he had to be at home and on Skype for. It’s that knowledge that makes Jun wake up earlier than he should, and for a couple of moments, he contents himself with watching Sho sleep.  
  
Sho commonly snores, but he’s simply breathing deep at present. Jun was correct in his assessment the night before: Sho did lose weight. Knowing how much of a big eater Sho is, Jun thinks it may be the work stress that caused it and not necessarily a decrease in appetite.  
  
Jun can only hold back for so long, eventually reaching out to skim his fingers over the angle of Sho’s jaw, finding it rough to the touch, the hints of a stubble present. Sho sighs and Jun ceases movement, but Sho simply buries his face further in the pillow and continues sleeping.  
  
It must be close to dawn but the sun isn’t completely out yet—their room is still mostly bathed in darkness. Despite that, Jun leans in to plant soft kisses on Sho’s jaw, his neck, his shoulder. Jun kisses everything he can reach without moving much, only stopping when Sho turns his face away.  
  
“Tickles,” Sho mumbles, voice gruff and thick with sleep.  
  
Jun smiles and continues where he left off, kissing Sho’s cheek, the corner of his mouth. Ideally, Jun would brush his teeth before he’d do such a thing, but the hour is too early for him and there’s nowhere else he’d rather be except linger in bed.  
  
Sho sighs, and Jun pulls back to see him crack an eye open.  
  
“Isn’t it too early?” Sho asks, unable to stifle a yawn.  
  
“Mm. You don’t have to do anything though.”  
  
Sho directs a questioning look at him despite his eyes barely able to stay open.  
  
Jun smiles. “Just lie back.”  
  
“You’re eventually going to complain if I’m not participating for what you had in mind.”  
  
“Well,” Jun says, hand straying downwards to find Sho’s cock, “I’m not really asking for much.”  
  
Sho lets out a laugh, almost like a rushing exhale. “Fine. Do what you want.”  
  
Jun maneuvers himself, pulling the duvet aside before situating himself on top of Sho’s thighs, knees on either side. He reaches for the lube and squirts some on his palm before he brings his hand to Sho’s cock, starting with slow strokes that gradually increase in pace as he feels Sho respond.  
  
Jun’s grip isn’t firm, but he likes watching his fingers moving up and down the shaft. Soon Sho’s readjusting himself on the bed and watching him with eyes that slowly turn alert.  
  
When precome streaks Jun’s thumb, he uses it as lube to move faster, abandoning the lazy way he was touching Sho earlier. He hears Sho’s breaths turn labored, and Jun wraps both hands around Sho to provide the perfect friction.  
  
He doesn’t tease and settles for simply observing the shifts in Sho’s expression—how he bites his lip as a reaction when Jun goes for a squeeze, how he lets out a breathless gasp when Jun smears precome around the tip using his thumb. Jun tries to catalogue all of it, contents himself with watching Sho as Sho approaches his orgasm.  
  
“Jun,” Sho warns, bottom lip trembling and hips bucking despite Jun’s weight on his thighs. “Jun, I’m close.”  
  
Jun removes one hand on Sho’s cock and runs his fingers on Sho’s balls before cupping them, and Sho finally lets out a moan, the high-pitched kind that he only reaches when he’s about to come. It makes Jun smile and redouble his efforts, jerking Sho off quickly with the intent of tipping him over the edge.  
  
“Jun—” Sho gasps, breath hitching, then his neck extends, baring those veins that Jun often sees when Sho’s so worked up. Most of Sho’s release ends up on Jun’s hands, and Jun uses it as lube and doesn’t stop.  
  
When Jun squeezes Sho’s cock, he feels Sho resist, trying to twitch away from his grip but unable to because Jun’s weight is pinning him down and he’s still descending from his orgasmic high.  
  
Jun smiles, the kind that shows off his teeth, and does it again.  
  
It sends Sho hissing, eyes wild when they meet Jun’s. “Jun—”  
  
“What?” Jun asks innocently. “You said I could do what I wanted.”  
  
“Fuck,” Sho groans, throwing an arm over his eyes. He’s still attempting to break free from Jun’s hold, but Jun’s not letting him go nor loosening his grip. “Fuck, I can’t come again.”  
  
Jun only twitches his lips in response, resuming with his slow strokes and featherlight touches on Sho’s balls. Sho’s thighs are shaking under him, and every now and then Sho does this jerk of his hips, as if he’s trying to get away.  
  
Jun resumes with his soft touches, and it takes him a while of continuing in this fashion before he feels Sho’s cock respond once more. It twitches in his grip, and Jun takes that a cue to begin touching Sho with more enthusiasm now, his eyes flicking to Sho’s face.  
  
Jun makes sure he has an eyebrow quirked before he speaks. “Can’t come again, huh?”  
  
“Shut up,” Sho says, but it lacks bite. “I’m trying to make you happy here.”  
  
Jun laughs. “Sure, you are. It’s totally because of your desires to see me happy, not because you find my hands amazing enough that it messes with your refractory period.”  
  
“Stop talking,” Sho complains, hips lifting off the bed.  
  
“But you like it when I talk,” Jun points out. “If I tell you to imagine that you’re fucking me right now instead of just my hand, you’re going to love it.”  
  
Sho’s cock twitches in response, and Jun laughs.  
  
“You’re the worst sometimes,” Sho says, but it ends in a hiss because Jun strokes him more quickly, Sho’s precome making it easier for his hands to move.  
  
“Or maybe you want to imagine fucking my chest,” Jun suggests, unable to hold back a grin when Sho moans as a reaction. “You love fucking my chest. Not as much as you love fucking my ass, but you love it all the same.”  
  
“If it were up to me—fuck—”  
  
Jun clicks his tongue. “Language.”  
  
“If it were up to me, I’d fuck your mouth,” Sho manages to say, eyes so dark when they meet Jun’s. “So you’d shut up.”  
  
“You’d like that,” Jun says, unsurprised. He licks his lips slowly and smirks when Sho releases a shuddering breath at the sight of it. “Do you think of doing that when you’re at work and running some photocopies? Do you imagine it sometimes: shoving me to my knees and unzipping your slacks to feed me your cock, knowing I’d take it, that I can take it?”  
  
The blush from Sho’s chest has traveled to his cheeks, and Jun loves everything that he’s seeing—Sho panting, his skin glistening with sweat, his eyes shut tight, and his teeth caught on that plump bottom lip of his. He’s so fun to tease like this, when he’s holding back for Jun’s sake and trying his best without Jun explicitly asking for it.  
  
“Do you?” Jun punctuates his question with a squeeze, and it sends Sho’s back arching.  
  
“Yes,” Sho breathes, so lost in pleasure now. “Yes, fuck, I do.”  
  
“And?”  
  
“Sometimes,” Sho husks, muscles tensing, “I think of bending you over that photocopying machine and fucking you there.”  
  
“Just there?”  
  
“My desk at work too.”  
  
“Naughty,” Jun says, and he clamps one hand around the base and begins stroking with the other, not bothering to hold back. “Did you think of the same things while you were in Hawaii?”  
  
Sho’s eyes snap open, searching his. “No,” Sho mutters shakily.  
  
“What did you think of when you were in Hawaii? Fucking me in a pool, maybe? Or maybe at the veranda where everyone can see? Or perhaps during a room service request wherein we have to be quiet?”  
  
Sho shakes his head, and he’s so close. Jun can tell from the way his body is so rigid under Jun’s touch.  
  
“I just,” Sho says through clenched teeth, “I just wanted to go home when I was in Hawaii.”  
  
Jun’s eyes widen at that, hands stilling around Sho’s cock.  
  
“What?” he asks quietly.  
  
The cessation of stimulation has Sho blinking repeatedly, perhaps to bring himself back to coherency. “I just wanted to go home,” Sho repeats in between rushed breaths.  
  
“Why?” Jun asks, despite having a feeling he knows the answer.  
  
“I missed you,” Sho admits. “I wanted to see you so bad. Hearing your voice when I called you just made it worse, and—”  
  
Jun surges forward, not caring about their mutual morning breath. He grabs Sho’s face and kisses Sho, hard and wanting. He kisses Sho instead of saying the words back, trying to let Sho know that it was the same for him, that he repeatedly had to hold himself back from initiating a video call with Sho just to see his face.  
  
Jun missed him. His honesty, his way of knowing what to say that always leaves Jun speechless and overwhelmed. Jun wants him, and Jun’s glad they started early because that means he can savor whatever time they have left.  
  
Without breaking apart, Jun reaches down and starts stroking Sho again, feeling Sho’s every groan against his lips and taking all of Sho’s breathy noises for himself.  
  
“Jun,” Sho’s repeating over and over against his mouth, hips meeting Jun’s fist halfway. It becomes a mantra, one that Jun often hears but won’t get tired of, not with the way Sho’s saying it. Sho utters his name like it can bring him absolution, like it’s gospel for him and it’s all he has. “Jun, I’m—”  
  
“Go,” Jun whispers, licking Sho’s reddened lips before nipping at the bottom one and tugging on it. “Go ahead. It’s okay.”  
  
Sho tenses, then he does a full body shudder, trembling under Jun’s body as he climaxes for the second time. Hot spurts hit Jun’s stomach, Sho’s cock pulsing in his grip but he doesn’t let go, watching Sho’s face as his orgasm washes over him.  
  
The way Sho’s lips tremble appear as if they’re tempting him for a taste, and Jun doesn’t resist, kissing Sho through his orgasm. Soon Sho kisses back albeit lazily, but Jun doesn’t mind navigating things for now, humming when he feels Sho’s hand slip through his hair and hold him close.  
  
When they break apart, Sho brushes some of Jun’s hair that fell over his eyes.  
  
“Can I touch you?” Sho asks, eyes hopeful. “Again?”  
  
Jun nods, moving off Sho to settle back on the sheets. “Whatever you want.”  
  
Sho grabs the lube, but he only has a small smile for Jun. “You don’t mean that.”  
  
“I do,” Jun assures him. He’s still affected by earlier, still at a loss on how to properly react.  
  
“I’m just going to touch you,” Sho says. Jun can’t help feeling warm at the way Sho always asks for permission despite the number of times they’ve done this. Sho knows how to touch him and make him feel good, but Sho never fails to ask first.  
  
Sho hooks an arm under his leg to raise it, and Jun simply lies back, waiting. The slick fingers that circle his hole do nothing but tease, and at his encouraging nod, Sho slips a finger inside.  
  
The intrusion feels awkward at first, but Jun adjusts to it soon enough—he’s so used to the feeling of Sho’s fingers inside him that they only feel foreign at the start. He relaxes and angles his hips upwards, sighing when Sho inserts another in him before he begins scissoring.  
  
Jun’s cock is heavy on his stomach, precome pearling at the tip but remaining untouched. When Sho wraps his fingers around it, Jun lets out a breath, out of arousal and relief.  
  
If he teased Sho mercilessly earlier, Sho doesn’t seem concerned about a payback. His touches are languid, like he can spend hours fingering Jun like this, hands moving with purpose but in no hurry.  
  
Jun’s breathing gets heavier when there are three fingers inside him, and he’s unable to suppress a quiet moan when Sho crooks his fingers and grazes his prostate.  
  
“You’re so beautiful like this,” Sho says, and Jun opens his eyes to look at him, finding Sho in a somewhat similar daze. “You’re so beautiful.”  
  
“Liar,” Jun says with a sigh, pushing back a little against Sho’s fingers.  
  
“You are,” Sho tells him, and Jun gasps when Sho begins moving his fingers faster, a steady in and out of his hole synchronous with a stroke on his cock. “Right now you’re so red and you’re taking my fingers so well, and I’m looking at you while thinking I’ve never wanted you as much as I do now.”  
  
“Flatterer,” Jun says, breath hitching.  
  
“How come you don’t believe me?” Sho asks, fingers moving easily inside Jun. “You’ve seen how you look. You see your face in the mirror every day.”  
  
“Scary,” Jun husks, toes curling. “Strong. Intimidating. Like a wooden carving. That’s what people often tell me about my face.”  
  
“They don’t see you like I do,” Sho says simply, and Jun hates how responsive he is when Sho’s voices drops to a certain pitch. It’s so fucking hot, like Sho’s not so far from growling except he isn’t, still managing to form syllables and coherent words in a voice that deep. It makes fire coil in Jun’s belly, spreading fast in his body. “They’re not the ones doing this to you. They’re not the ones seeing this—every reaction, every inhale.”  
  
Sho ups his pace, jerking him off in fast, sure strokes, his fingers crooking inside Jun’s ass. “Only I get to see this. Tell me that.”  
  
By now, Jun’s already lost in the haze, the insides of his thighs already tingling. He’s riding Sho’s fingers and fucking Sho’s fist, chasing after his release without shame. “Yes. Only you.”  
  
“Again.”  
  
“You—just you.”  
  
“Come for me,” Sho orders, voice almost a groan. “I want to see everything.”  
  
Jun lets go of his inhibitions and allows his hips to move accordingly, and just a stroke on his cock is enough to send him shivering, head thrown back and mouth parted open, a breathless moan escaping from him. He dirties his stomach and perhaps Sho’s hands, but he can’t think straight, his mind a clear of white and satisfaction.  
  
When he comes to, Sho’s hands are nowhere on his person, and Sho is watching him with a look he can’t decipher.  
  
Jun blinks in question, the rush yet to leave him.  
  
Sho’s hand flies out, fingers landing on Jun’s mouth and stroking slowly, Sho’s eyes never straying from his. Jun doesn’t understand but he doesn’t move, allowing Sho to slip his thumb through his parted lips, a fingertip catching on his bottom teeth.  
  
Then Sho abruptly withdraws, mumbling something about getting a towel to clean them up.  
  
Jun can only watch him disappear into the direction of the bathroom, wondering what transpired just now.  
  
\--  
  
They go back to sleep after cleaning up, waking up in the late afternoon and missing lunch. Sho orders room service but refrains from ordering heavy meals, and when Jun asks for an explanation (since he has a pretty accurate estimate of Sho’s appetite), Sho finishes chewing his sandwich before he speaks.  
  
“I made a reservation tonight.”  
  
“Where?” Jun asks, slightly surprised. He was expecting another room service.  
  
“A restaurant. After we checkout, I was thinking we can eat there.”  
  
Jun’s grateful he has a piece of tissue to hide half of his face behind. Because fuck, that sounds like a date. Like Sho’s indirectly asking him out, but this is Sho, and Jun knows, if Sho wants something, he asks for it outright.  
  
But it feels like a fucking date.  
  
“Why?” Jun manages to ask, keeping his voice calm and neutral even when it’s far from what he’s feeling.  
  
“As a birthday gift. A belated birthday dinner of sorts,” Sho says, not quite looking at him. “If you don’t want to, it’s okay. I’ll just drop you off at the train station after we checkout.”  
  
Jun still hasn’t allowed Sho to drive him home, and Sho never brought it up again save for the first time Jun had been in Sho’s apartment. Despite Jun’s promise of next time, he never felt ready to take that step.  
  
Much like how he’s feeling now; his immediate response is to decline.  
  
But something’s changed in Sho since this morning. Normally he’d be teasing Jun or trying to tickle Jun while they’re eating, but right now, there’s this distance between them and Sho’s barely looking at him despite asking that they have dinner somewhere else.  
  
Jun can’t figure out why, and it’s annoying him.  
  
“Where’s this restaurant?” Jun asks, merely picking at whatever’s left of his sandwich.  
  
“Not around here. Somewhere in Roppongi Hills.” Sho looks at him then. “You can say no.”  
  
“Do you want me to?”  
  
Sho looks away. “You can do anything you want.”  
  
What’s up with him? Sho’s normally easy to read, but now it’s as if he’s being vague on purpose.  
  
“What do you want?” Jun demands.  
  
Sho frowns. “What?”  
  
“What do you want? Do you want us to eat there? Or are you leaving it entirely up to me?”  
  
“It’s always been entirely up to you. You say no and I pull back; that’s how it is.”  
  
Somehow, this reminds Jun of that time in Hakone, back when he was trying to convince Sho to give in. “I’m asking what you want.”  
  
“I want to have dinner,” Sho says firmly. “With you. But like always, only if you want to.”  
  
“Fine,” Jun says. He’s not convinced, and to him it’s as if Sho’s deliberately hiding something, but he doesn’t push. “Let’s have that dinner.”  
  
Sho only gives an acknowledging nod, and Jun proceeds to watch whatever’s on the TV to focus on something else.  
  
Their checkout time eventually arrives, and Sho doesn’t offer to join him in the bath. Instead he waits for Jun to get dressed and ready, sitting on the edge of the bed. He’s thrown a cream-colored jacket on his shirt, and it’s obvious that he chose to dress down to be less noticeable.  
  
Jun can say he looks the same, throwing a hat over his head since he forgot his face mask. He follows Sho wordlessly and waits for Sho in the parking lot, wondering what the hell happened that could’ve caused such a change in Sho. Usually they’d try to make the most out of the time they have together, barely able to keep their hands to themselves.  
  
Their trip is mostly silent, save for Sho asking a few questions, if he’s been to the restaurant or not. Even their walk towards the establishment is quiet, though Jun knows it’s done deliberately so as not to attract attention since they’re not as far from their workplaces as Jun normally prefers.  
  
Sho has reserved a private room for them, and Jun waits until they’ve placed their orders before he looks at Sho seriously and waits for their eyes to meet.  
  
“What’s up with you?” he asks.  
  
Sho only frowns in answer.  
  
“Something changed this morning. I don’t know what, I don’t know how. But something did. And to me, it’s like you’re closing off for no reason at all.” Jun exhales. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Are you having dinner with me because you wanted to? Or because you wanted to ask that question?”  
  
It’s Jun’s turn to frown at that. “You’re the one who made this reservation.”  
  
“You’re not answering the question.”  
  
“Because you haven’t answered mine,” Jun shoots back. “What’s up with you?”  
  
Sho sighs, and he runs a hand through his hair. He suddenly looks years older. “Are you here because you wanted to have dinner? Or did you want to have it with me?”  
  
“What kind of a question is that?” Jun asks, annoyed. He doesn’t know what Sho wants to know, and it’s beginning to irk him, temper rising on the surface.  
  
“An answerable one,” Sho says. “Tell me.”  
  
“I’m here because you said you wanted to have dinner,” Jun says, anger replacing confusion when he sees Sho look away and down. “What? What kind of an answer did you want?”  
  
“It’s…” Sho shakes his head before looking up. “Never mind. They offer a special kind of soba in here. I’ve seen it on TV, recommended by this comedian—”  
  
“Did I do something wrong?” Jun suddenly demands. “Why are you acting like this? I can’t understand why you’re being...distant. You—” Jun had to pause to reel in his irritation. “You just came back. And now you’re being...like this—” he gestures vaguely, “—like I don’t know you, like I haven’t known you at all.”  
  
It hits Jun then, that he’s scared of what he’s seeing. He’s terrified of the reality that Sho can close off towards him, be unreadable and unapproachable. That in all the months they’ve known each other, he only knew Sho because Sho allowed himself to be known, opened himself that much to Jun.  
  
“Jun,” Sho says, reaching across the table for his hand. Jun wants to pull back but doesn’t, instead closes his hand to a fist. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean that.”  
  
“What was that?” Jun asks; he’s yet to calm down.  
  
“There was just something in my mind,” Sho says, which really doesn’t explain anything. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it’d upset you.”  
  
Jun takes measured breaths, and Sho abruptly pulls away when they hear a knock on the door, signaling the arrival of their order. As the waitress sets their table, Jun uses that time to calm himself, to sort out his emotions.  
  
Sho exchanges a few words with the waitress, listening to her introductions about the food. Jun only watches Sho’s face, and it suddenly clicks, hitting Jun like a speeding truck and turning his blood cold.  
  
That fear he felt and still feeling, it only means one thing. And it’s the one thing he’s always been terrified of experiencing, but it’s too late: it’s there and has taken hold.  
  
He needs Sho too much already. It’s fucking terrifying, that his first reaction is barely concealed panic when he realizes that Sho can act like Jun’s a complete stranger to him. But it all makes sense now, that Sho’s change of behavior has affected him so much because Jun needs him to be the Sho he knows, the Sho who buys him gifts, comforts him, says the right words to him, makes him happy.  
  
Jun needs the Sho that’s his, the one only he knows and is allowed to see. Sho only opens that much when they’re together, and just a glimpse of him ceasing to do so is enough to upset Jun.  
  
Without him realizing it, Sho already has that hold on him.  
  
Sho thanks the waitress and she leaves them after a polite bow, shutting the door quietly behind her. Jun looks at their table and takes in everything before directing his gaze back at Sho.  
  
“I really want you to try this,” Sho says, smiling tentatively at him. “I know you love soba, but I really wanted to know what you think of these.”  
  
He sounds like Sho, the Sho Jun knows and was looking forward to be with.  
  
Jun samples the soba, finding the taste rich and savory. “This is good,” he says sincerely. He looks up and finds Sho staring right at him. “This is really good.”  
  
Sho flashes him a smile, this time showing his teeth. “I’m glad. Belated happy 34th birthday.”  
  
“That’s too many adjectives,” Jun says, trying to hide his smile behind his chopsticks.  
  
“I’m sorry for earlier,” Sho tells him suddenly. “I don’t know what got into me. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”  
  
Jun shakes his head in dismissal. “Let’s just forget about it and start over.” He leans across the table to steal a piece of Sho’s side dish, popping it in his mouth. “This is good.”  
  
“Ah, I told you to get the same,” Sho complains, pouting at him. “Now you’re eating mine!”  
  
“You can’t finish all of these,” Jun points out, gesturing to everything on their table.  
  
“Try me.”  
  
“Okay. Impress me.”  
  
Of course Sho takes that as a challenge, trying to eat all of his share. Jun only watches in amusement, not bothering to keep up and taking it slow. Sho does manage to finish everything eventually, but he looks so stuffed and has this look on his face that screams of indigestion, and Jun laughs at him.  
  
“You ate too much,” Jun says, shaking his head. “Didn’t you order dessert? How are you supposed to eat that now?”  
  
“That’s my problem,” Sho retorts, frowning at his cheesecake when it arrives. “I can’t eat all of this,” he whispers.  
  
“Your problem, you said,” Jun says, unable to hold back his grin.  
  
Sho uses the fork to cut the cheesecake in half, finishing one half before handing the remaining to Jun.  
  
“You’re sharing it? Your beloved cheesecake?” Jun teases, accepting the plate.  
  
“I can’t finish all of it,” Sho grumbles. “Also, it’s very good so I wanted you to have a taste.”  
  
Jun almost rolls his eyes. “You’re just too full.”  
  
“You’re going to eat it anyway.”  
  
“Because I pity you. Now let me enjoy this.” Jun cuts a piece and partakes, smiling when it’s not too sweet and just perfect for his palate. “You’re right. This is good.”  
  
He finishes eating and rests for a bit, but soon Sho asks for the bill after checking the time. They move to leave, Jun walking a few paces ahead and keeping his head down. He feels like a national idol trying to be discreet and avoiding tabloid paparazzi, waiting for a few minutes to pass before he climbs inside Sho’s car.  
  
He waits until he’s got his seatbelt fastened and they’re back in the highway.  
  
“Don’t drop me off at the station,” he says, keeping his eyes on the road. In his periphery, he sees Sho glancing briefly at him. “You...you can drive me home.”  
  
Sho is quiet for a few moments, and Jun doesn’t look at him. But eventually Sho says, “Enter your address on my phone so I can navigate,” and Jun can detect how Sho’s trying to hold back a smile.  
  
Choosing not to comment on Sho’s apparent happiness, Jun picks up Sho’s phone from the cupholders near the gear shift, pressing unlock. “I don’t know your passcode.”  
  
“1-2-5-8-3-0,” Sho says without pause.  
  
Jun keys in half of it before he pauses, holding Sho’s phone in his hands. “Since when did this become your passcode?” The phone unlocks, and Jun enters his address in the app.  
  
“Since I knew your birthday,” Sho says. He takes the phone from Jun and sets it on the dashboard. “So I won’t forget.”  
  
Jun looks out the window to hide his smile, and there’s that weird feeling in his stomach again. It always happens when Sho doesn’t exert effort and is simply being himself.  
  
“I like your neighborhood,” Sho says when they reach the area. “I like it when I see playgrounds where children can have fun.”  
  
“It’s busy around here every Sunday because of families having picnics,” Jun says. They turn right, and Jun can already see his apartment building. It marks the end of their weekend, and Jun waits until Sho pulls into a somewhat secluded spot, an area not touched by the streetlamps.  
  
“I’m sorry again,” Sho says, turning the car off. “For earlier.”  
  
Jun unfastens his seatbelt and leans in, one hand on the side of Sho’s face to turn it towards him. Sho responds, fumbling at the catch of his seatbelt before he manages to press it, hands finding the back of Jun’s neck after to keep him in place.  
  
Sho tastes like soba and cheesecake, but he’s kissing Jun like their weekend wasn’t enough, like he’s pouring his apology into it. For a while Jun lets himself get lost in it, wishing they had more time and are in somewhere else private.  
  
It’s Sho who manages to pull back, thumbs stroking his cheekbones. “Can I see you again?”  
  
Jun nods. “Yes. You always ask, but the answer’s always the same.”  
  
“Next week?” Sho asks, hope evident in his voice.  
  
“Whenever you want,” Jun says sincerely. “You know where I live now.”  
  
“I guess I do.” Sho smiles, the kind that lights up his whole face and makes him look young, and Jun kisses him one last time.  
  
Jun withdraws, licking his lips that feel too warm and taste too much like Sho. “I’ll see you then. Good night.”  
  
“Good night,” Sho says, unlocking the doors for him.  
  
Jun leaves without another word, keeping his head down, but he can feel eyes on him as he enters his apartment building.  
  
\--  
  
Monday has Jun with his hands tight around his coffee mug as he tries to process what Toma is saying. They’re in front of the only coffee maker in the department floor, and Jun’s glad nobody’s around to hear them.  
  
“I was going to call you, but you were with someone,” Toma tells him. “You’re such a big-time, dining in a place like that. In a private room too!”  
  
“What,” Jun says, dread creeping up on him.  
  
“I was with Shun and the others, you remember? We were inviting you to dine out with us, but you said you had plans. Who would’ve thought it’d be in the same restaurant?” Toma is all smiles now, clapping Jun on the shoulder. “It was Shun who saw you, and just as I was about to yell your name, you disappeared with the guy you’re with. He looks familiar though.”  
  
“You were there last night?” Jun asks quietly, unable to believe it.  
  
Toma laughs, oblivious to Jun’s distress. “A lot of us were there. I was assigned to text you about it, but I forgot since we all went to karaoke after and you were gone by the time we decided to leave. Who was with you? I had a feeling I saw him before.”  
  
“A friend,” Jun says quickly, defensively.  
  
Toma is giving him that look, and Jun wants to tell him to quit it, except he’s trying to maintain his composure. “Come on, Jun-kun. If you’ve got a date, it’s totally cool.”  
  
“It was no one,” Jun says, voice firmer this time. “Did you tell anyone about this?” He pulls Toma aside, where they’d be concealed behind a post. “That you’ve seen me?”  
  
“Shun and the others know, of course,” Toma says, now frowning at him. “What? Were you with someone you weren’t supposed to be with?”  
  
Jun looks around cautiously and shakes his head. “It’s not like that.”  
  
“Are you having an affair?” Toma asks, eyes wide. “Is he married? Are you the third party?”  
  
“Shh! I’m not! It’s not like that!” Jun hisses.  
  
“Then why are you being so paranoid over this?” Toma asks, his frown returning to his face.  
  
Toma knows of Jun’s preferences, so it’s not that part that Jun’s worried about. Rather, it’s Toma remembering who Sho is that he’s scared of—in Jun’s company, nobody knows of his association with Sho aside from Nino.  
  
“It was a friend,” Jun says, ignoring Toma’s frown deepening. “If Shun and the others ask you, tell them the same.”  
  
He moves to leave, but Toma grabs his sleeve. “What are you hiding from me?”  
  
“Nothing,” Jun says dismissively. “Get back to your work.”  
  
“Don’t play that card,” Toma tells him. “You’re hiding something. Why are you so worked up over this? This isn’t the first time I’ve seen you out and about with someone but this is the only time you’re acting like you’re going to be on Friday like the next big-time idol in a scandal. What’s eating you? Why are you being paranoid?”  
  
Because nobody was supposed to know, Jun thinks. Not when he was beginning to get comfortable with the idea that he actually likes Sho more than he cares to admit.  
  
If Toma finds out who Sho is…  
  
He can’t see Sho again.  
  
Word gets out fast, and while Jun knows Toma won’t tell everyone about it and actually keep his mouth shut if Jun asked, Jun’s not certain how much his other friends saw. If they tease him about it and other people hear it—  
  
There’s too much at stake here. Jun’s not an ordinary salaryman; he’s a department head. And Sho’s part of a renowned company. Not affiliated with Jun’s except for external affairs, but still. And since Sho is COO, Jun can only imagine how it’ll impact both of them.  
  
He can’t meet Sho again.  
  
“You’re full of it,” Jun says, shrugging Toma’s hold off him. “I want your team’s output on my desk at 9:00.”  
  
“All right, suit yourself,” Toma says, backing off with hands raised in surrender, but he looks unconvinced. He shrugs. “You’re getting our report by then.”  
  
Jun leaves for his office, keeping his strides evenly paced despite his hands gripping the mug tight so he doesn’t spill his coffee. He merely nods at Kiko as she hands him another folder, presumably the final output for the project he’d been trying to rush a week ago.  
  
Jun sets down his mug and the folder on his table, grabbing his phone. Something gnaws at him once he reads Sho’s message of _Good morning. Tell me about your day?_  
  
He can’t do that anymore.  
  
_We need to talk_ , is what he sends. _ASAP_ , he adds.  
  
To his surprise, a set of ellipsis appear. _What is it?_ is what he receives from Sho, only seconds after his latest message.  
  
Jun doesn’t want to do this through text. He’s afraid he can’t convey his concerns if he has to type them. _Is it okay for you to call? Or can I call you? Just not text._  
  
_Give me two minutes._  
  
Jun stands and opens the door, meeting Kiko’s expectant gaze.  
  
“I’m about to receive an important call. Don’t let anyone into my office until I say you can.”  
  
She nods at him, flashing him her charming smile.  
  
Jun paces inside his office as he waits, and when his phone vibrates with an incoming call, he barely sees Sho as the caller ID in his haste to answer it.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Sho asks, concern palpable in his voice. “What happened?”  
  
“Are you somewhere private?” Jun asks just to be sure.  
  
“Yes. I’m in my office. What’s going on?”  
  
“Last night,” Jun begins, keeping his voice down so as not to alert Kiko into anything, “my friends were there. In the restaurant.”  
  
“Oh? I didn’t hear anyone call you. And?”  
  
“They saw me. With you. One of them was with me in Hakone, and just moments ago he told me you looked familiar to him but he couldn’t remember where he’d seen your face.” Jun lets out a breath, continuing to pace. “They saw.”  
  
“We were in a private room, Jun,” Sho says, and he sounds so frustratingly calm about it. “Are you sure they really saw us? Maybe just you and only my back, and that doesn’t give them much, does it?”  
  
“They saw you,” Jun repeats. “Toma did. And he asked me who you were.”  
  
“And what did you tell him?”  
  
“That you’re a friend,” Jun answers immediately. “What was I supposed to say?”  
  
“I don’t know, what am I to you, Jun?” Sho asks, and there’s something in his tone that Jun doesn’t like.  
  
“You know perfectly well what you are to me,” Jun almost snaps. “What do you think people will say when they found out?  
  
“That what?” Sho asks, voice eerily calm. “That you like men? That I like men?”  
  
“Not that,” Jun says, losing his patience now. “Toma knows. And it’s not an issue to him. Or to any of my friends for that matter. It’s not that.”  
  
“Ah,” Sho says from the other line. “You don’t want them to find out about your sugar daddy?”  
  
Jun wonders if Sho said that just to rile him up. “What do you think they’ll say?”  
  
“Why do you care so much about what they have to say?” Sho asks, and he doesn’t seem to share Jun’s concerns about this. “They don’t have to know.”  
  
“But they will!” Jun insists, and he doesn’t know how a laugh escapes from him. “Because that’s what you are to me. That’s what you are, that’s who you are.”  
  
“Am I all just that to you?”  
  
Jun shuts his eyes. “Don’t go there. How come you don’t understand?”  
  
“I don’t know why you’re freaking out over this,” Sho tells him. “You’re overreacting, don’t you think? They saw us, so what? They don’t know who I am.”  
  
“Not yet, but soon enough, maybe.”  
  
“And? Why do you care so much?”  
  
“Because it’ll damage me, that’s why!” Jun blurts out, unable to reel it in.  
  
He hears Sho scoff. “Damage you? In what way? I bought you gifts, Jun. I didn’t buy my way into your pants. I didn’t buy you a fucking villa and had you live there while I pampered you with anything you wanted.”  
  
Sho doesn’t get it. How come he doesn’t get it? Jun always thought Sho’s the smarter one. “It’s not like I can’t buy whatever it is you’ve given me. Do you understand? The impression that leaves on people...they’ll think I’m using you or the other way around.”  
  
“So that’s what you think? That I’ll destroy whatever reputation you have, whatever image you’ve made for yourself?” He hears Sho laugh, and it sounds mocking to Jun’s ears. “You’re selfish, aren’t you? You’re only thinking about yourself.”  
  
“I’m not the only one who has something at stake here,” Jun says, refusing to back down.  
  
“No,” Sho acknowledges. “But you’re the one who only cares about himself.” A beat, and Sho’s voice changes, his tone hard and almost scathing. “I don’t know what I expected.” He sounds disappointed. “I thought you knew what you were getting out of this. I thought you knew what you wanted.”  
  
“I thought I did, too,” Jun finds himself saying.  
  
“I thought you knew me,” Sho says, and his voice cracks, giving Jun a hint on how he truly feels. Jun’s chest constricts at hearing it, at the knowledge he caused it. “I actually thought it all meant more than just…” Sho trails off, and Jun waits, unable to say a thing.  
  
There’s silence, and Jun’s own voice sounds alien to his own ears when he says, “I can’t see you anymore.”  
  
Sho doesn’t say anything on the other line, and Jun just continues, “We can’t meet anymore. If you want, I can return everything you’ve sent to me, everything you’ve given me.”  
  
He hears a quiet exhale. “Those were gifts, Jun.” Another rush of breath. “Keep them. They’re yours.”  
  
Jun’s eyes inevitably fall on his wrist, the one that has the watch on. He’s wearing almost everything Sho gave to him except for the shoes. His other wrist has the bracelet, and underneath his dress shirt is the necklace.  
  
He can’t find the right words. He knows that once this call is over, he’ll never hear from Sho again. It was his own decision, but he feels as if he’s breaking himself in half with what he set his mind on.  
  
“Thank you for everything until now,” Sho says, voice formal, like he’s speaking to a colleague or an associate. He sounds like a stranger to Jun. “Rest assured, I won’t contact you again. It was nice to have met you.”  
  
The call ends then, but instead of feeling like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, Jun feels worse, like he’s done something wrong and has no idea how to fix it, if he can fix it.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he says, despite Sho not hearing it and being too late.  
  
He doesn’t know what else to do.  
  
\--  
  
Jun tries to function like a normal human being after that, focusing on his work and becoming harsher with his criticisms as a result. He snaps at Kiko for forgetting to attach a paper clip to the documents he’s supposed to sign, and he hates himself for it.  
  
He brings his work home with him, getting less than four hours of sleep as a result but completing his revisions for the other teams to act on. By the time Wednesday arrives, Jun has made three interns cry, has reprimanded Toma and his team at least twice, and has scared off Kiko more than five times.  
  
“I asked for a schematic diagram,” Jun says, pointing to the printout before him. Standing in front of his desk is Nino’s intern, with Nino a few paces behind. “Does this look like a schematic diagram to you?”  
  
“It’s my fault, Matsumoto-san,” Nino says, immediately jumping to the rescue. “I didn’t check what he’d chucked in there and just had it printed out and delivered to your office.”  
  
“If you want me to do things by myself, say it,” Jun says. He doesn’t miss how Nino clenches his jaw. “If you can’t do what I asked for, tell me so I’ll do it myself.”  
  
“My apologies,” Nino says with a slight bow. He’s looking at Jun like he wants to sock Jun in the face, and Jun wishes he would. “It won’t happen again.”  
  
“Of course not, because I’m not that stupid to assign the same task to you when I already know you can’t do it,” Jun says, though it’s directed mostly to Nino’s intern. Yoshida? Akita? He forgot the name. “Forget about the diagram; I’ll do it myself. Send a softcopy of whatever you have to my email.”  
  
“Will do,” Nino says on the intern’s behalf, and Jun doesn’t have to look to know that Nino’s intern is barely holding his tears back. “Please excuse us, Matsumoto-san. We’re trying to make it to your other deadline.”  
  
Just to annoy Nino, Jun meets his gaze. “That one’s getting moved to the next hour. Since you no longer have to deal with the diagram, that means you have more time, no? So I expect that output in the following hour.”  
  
Nino exhales, and Jun sees his nostrils flaring. “Understood. We’ll be heading off then.”  
  
They depart his office, and Jun lets out a breath at the thought of claiming another work, another addition to the amount of work he has. He can hear a bit of a commotion outside, perhaps Nino’s intern breaking down and being comforted by his friends and fellow interns, and he’s a bit tempted to open the door and head to the coffee maker just to silence them.  
  
But he has more work to do.  
  
His meeting for that day ends with him disagreeing with the majority and ordering for a complete overhaul of whatever collective output there is. He’s unsatisfied more than ever, repeatedly asking for meticulous revisions until he’s got every detail sorted out and addressed. It adds to his stress and results to further insomnia, and he manages two weeks and a half of continuing in this manner before Nino corners him on a Friday night, just after work.  
  
“Come with me to Aiba’s,” Nino says, and his tone leaves no room for argument.  
  
Still, Jun resists. “I’m not as free as you.”  
  
“Which is your own doing,” Nino tells him, not backing down. He flags a taxi and opens the door for Jun. “Get in.”  
  
They don’t talk on the way to Aiba’s. Aiba merely greets them with a nod and a small smile, and it’s Nino who orders for them: a shot of whiskey for Jun and a glass of beer for himself.  
  
Jun has half of the whiskey down his throat when Nino swings his legs to face him. They’re on the bar counter, and Nino is already giving him that look.  
  
“So. You’ve been quite a terror for the last two weeks, being a major asshole,” Nino says.  
  
Jun appreciates him for being blunt. “It’s how I should operate things, don’t you think?”  
  
“No, because what are you doing?” Nino asks frankly, getting straight to the point. “You’re not mean. You’re not a dick either. But these past two weeks are really something else, with you gunning for the asshole of the year award. So you have to be doing it on purpose.”  
  
Nino sounds like he knows better, and maybe he does. He’s known Jun for so long.  
  
“Nothing’s happened,” Jun says, in a way that won’t convince anyone especially Nino.  
  
“Nothing, sure,” Nino says, rolling his eyes. He’s only this daring once they’re here in Aiba’s bar. “Is this about Toma?”  
  
Jun frowns at that, swirling what’s left of his drink inside the glass by twisting his wrist. “Toma? Don’t tell me one of his interns shredded a file by mistake again. I’m getting that intern transferred, I swear it.”  
  
“Calm the fuck down, nobody shredded anything,” Nino tells him. “I’ve been rather remiss on updating myself, but Toma recently told me that this all started after he confronted you about something.”  
  
Jun orders another round from Aiba, and he scowls when Aiba doesn’t leave after handing him his drink.  
  
“I know all about it from Nino,” Aiba says. “But I don’t believe it because you’re too nice, Matsujun.”  
  
“He’s a dick,” Nino tells Aiba. “You haven’t seen him. You’d feel sorry for all the interns he made cry, you’d feel sorry for Kiko-chan who has to deal with his crazy temper all day.” To Jun, Nino says, “So? Did the rest of your friends find out who’s Mr. Sugar?”  
  
“Fuck you, don’t call him that,” Jun says, taking a sip of his drink. Something inside him aches at the mere mention of Sho. He tried his best not to think of Sho, and he’s still trying. “And no, they didn’t. Did Toma ask you who he is?”  
  
“He asked if I knew a thing or two,” Nino confirms. “But I said I didn’t because I hardly leave my house. That was more than enough to convince him.” Nino fixes him with a look. “What happened with Mr. Sugar?”  
  
Jun really wishes Nino would stop with that nickname. “That one’s over,” he finds himself admitting.  
  
“Huh,” Nino says, straightening in his seat. In front of Jun, Aiba has this questioning frown.  
  
Jun looks at Aiba. “Did he come by? These past two weeks, have you seen him?”  
  
“No,” Aiba says, shaking his head. “The last time I saw him was when he picked you up.”  
  
Jun doesn’t want to remember. That night and the days that followed it felt like they happened a long time ago, and that they’re memories that belonged to another person, to another Jun who’s more honest with himself than Jun will ever be.  
  
He can feel Nino looking at him, and he tries to ignore it until it annoys him that he gives Nino a glare that’s enough to terrify all the interns in their department. “What?”  
  
“Do you like him?” Nino asks. “Mr. Sugar, I mean.”  
  
“What kind of a stupid question is that?” Jun snaps, gesturing at Aiba for another round.  
  
“So you do,” Nino concludes.  
  
“Stop acting like you know everything about me,” Jun says, immediately downing half of what Aiba refilled for him.  
  
“Okay, he’s really an asshole,” Aiba says to Nino, who just snorts.  
  
“Told you,” Nino says, crossing his arms in front of him. “If you like him, why did you let him go? I’ve seen the effect he has on you, Jun-kun. You’ve become a better person when he was around. Sure, you’re still meticulous and sometimes anal to the point I want to wring your neck, but I say that with a lot of affection so you get the point. Why did you end it?”  
  
“Why are you automatically assuming that it was me who ended things?” Jun asks out of curiosity, despite Nino being right on the mark.  
  
“Because Aiba-shi and I have seen how he looked at you that night,” Nino says simply, like that should explain everything. “So what happened? Did you guys fight over who gets to keep the dog?”  
  
Jun clicks his tongue in annoyance but otherwise maintains his silence.  
  
“Look, I’m trying to help you,” Nino tells him, a hand resting on Jun’s elbow. “Any more of ‘major dick Matsumoto’ and you might get reprimanded by the higher ups because of the increasing incidence of interns crying. It disrupts the cafeteria peace, seeing all these kids having to comfort one another during lunch time.”  
  
“I had to end it,” Jun says, hoping that will be enough for Nino.  
  
But of course it isn’t.  
  
“Why?” Nino asks with a frown. Aiba’s listening in, pretending to wipe some bottles and glasses, but he’s not leaving his spot across Jun.  
  
“We were seen together. Toma had a feeling he’d seen Sho-san somewhere before. I didn’t want Toma to remember Hakone,” Jun explains. “If word gets out who we really are to each other, what he really is to me—”  
  
Nino arches one eyebrow. “And what is that?”  
  
“You’re the one who gave him that fucking nickname; you know what he is to me,” Jun snaps. “Or was.”  
  
“You and I both know that I’m mostly full of shit,” Nino says, which is true. “So? What is he to you, really? Aside from the guy who buys you expensive stuff. I don’t even want to know what he got for you on your birthday—I’m sure it costs as much as a gaming console or more.”  
  
“He’s—” Jun starts, but he can’t seem to continue. For all intents and purposes, Sho _was_ his sugar daddy. But Jun stopped thinking about it like that long ago. Sho bought him things that made him happy, but those weren’t all that he got. Sho was his emotional support, the one person he could bare himself in front of and not feel embarrassed or ashamed.  
  
“You look like you’re about to say he’s not your boyfriend,” Nino says, beating him right to it.  
  
“Because he isn’t,” Jun says. “Wasn’t,” he amends. It’s difficult to reconcile with the idea that it’s over now, that Sho is a thing of a past.  
  
Nino’s frowning at him, and when Jun lifts his head, Aiba is doing the same.  
  
“He wasn’t,” Jun clarifies. “We’d see each other every weekend and have sex—that was all we did. He sometimes gave me gifts, but we’ve never done something a couple would.”  
  
“Aside from sleeping together?” Nino has this perfectly arched eyebrow now. “Why did he pick you up that night, Jun-kun, if he wasn’t your boyfriend?”  
  
“Because Aiba-chan called him,” Jun says accusingly, giving Aiba this look.  
  
“But he didn’t have to come,” Nino insists, and he’s definitely onto something. Jun’s a bit scared of what it might be. “It was four in the morning, Jun-kun.”  
  
“He was sleeping when I woke him up with my call,” Aiba adds unhelpfully. Jun glares at him but he only looks the other way. “And when I was done talking, he told me he’d be here in twenty minutes or so.”  
  
“You can’t make me get up at four in the morning just to pick up someone who chose to get drunk the night before,” Nino says. “But that’s exactly what he did. And after that, what? He brought you home, allowed you to stay over, and probably comforted you in ways I’d rather not know.” Nino frowns at him. “Point is, he’s not just Mr. Sugar to you, is he? You’ve realized that yourself.”  
  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jun says, stubbornness taking over.  
  
Nino scoffs. “Quit that. If you were just in it for the gifts, it wouldn’t last this long. You can buy whatever he’s given you. Maybe not immediately, but in a few months, you can.”  
  
“Don’t you find that weird?” Jun asks seriously. “That I can buy these things on my own and yet I love it when he gives them to me? Doesn’t that make me a despicable person to you, that I’m using him for sex and his money?”  
  
Nino’s frown deepens, and now he looks a bit angry. “What are you talking about? Are you serious with that?”  
  
“That’s how it looks though, doesn’t it?” Jun asks, finishing his drink and asking Aiba for another.  
  
“I don’t care how it looks—I’m asking if that’s really all who he is to you,” Nino says. “If you say yes right now, then I will need time to connect that with the Jun-kun that I know. Because I think you’re just being cruel on purpose. That you’re saying these things because you’ve hurt yourself and you’ve hurt him, and that’s what’s making you feel like shit.”  
  
Jun shuts his eyes and lets out a shuddering exhale. “Don’t tell me you’re not disgusted. Both of you at that.”  
  
“Why would I be?” Nino asks, incredulous. He points to Aiba. “Did you think this guy would have recommended you to each other if he was disgusted by the thought of it? Do you even hear yourself right now?”  
  
“You should be,” Jun says, and now that it’s out, he can’t stop. All the self-loathing he’s been bottling up for weeks—they’re spilling out and he can’t control them. “I’m a grown man. I have a steady income. I can support myself. I live on my own. And yet, I depend on him to dote on me. No matter how you look at it, it screams of me taking advantage of him.”  
  
“Except you weren’t,” Nino snaps. “Stop undermining the things he’s done for you. I don’t know them, but I’m assuming Mr. Sugar has been a good person to you that you’re putting all the blame on yourself.”  
  
Jun laughs at that, but it doesn’t sound happy in any way. “Because it’s all my fault.” He looks at Nino and Aiba seriously now. “I didn’t want to be seen with him. It was me who insisted that we meet in hotels that are far from here. We had to meet in Osaka once. The other time, it was Nagoya.” At Aiba’s frown, Jun nods. “I went that far. And he still played along. Whatever I wanted was good enough for him. The only time he asked me for something, I turned it down.”  
  
“And that was?” Aiba asks, arms crossed on his chest. He rarely asks, but Jun figured Sho must be Aiba’s friend too, and Aiba wants to understand the full picture before he draws his own conclusions.  
  
“He asked to drive me home,” Jun admits. “I didn’t want him to know where I lived. I knew where he lived, what his place was like, but I didn’t want him to know mine.”  
  
“Is this a self-esteem issue, Jun-kun?” Nino asks. “I didn’t take you for one who’d be jealous over an apartment or over an extra zero in the check.”  
  
Jun shakes his head. “It’s not that. I didn’t want him to know at that time because I didn’t feel ready. I can be myself when I’m with him, but at that time, I wasn’t ready to open up that much. I was scared it’d destroy the illusion and he’d stop being there for me.”  
  
Nino and Aiba look more confused than ever. “What illusion?” Aiba asks.  
  
“That I need someone to look after me from time to time,” Jun admits, voice quiet. It took him this long to say it, but that’s how it really is, how it’s always been. “I was afraid that if he saw where I lived, if he saw that I can support myself, he’d stop being there and leave me on my own.” He shuts his eyes. “I didn’t want him to do that. I didn’t want him to stop.”  
  
“You said ‘at that time’,” Nino says, and of course he’d catch on to something like that. He’s that sharp. “Did you let him drive you home eventually?”  
  
Jun nods, smiling at the memory. It made Sho so happy. “The last weekend that we spent together. After we dined out. I figured I’d give it a shot, see how it’d go.”  
  
“And how did it go?” Aiba asks, refilling Jun’s drink without another word.  
  
Jun can’t help a sad smile from crossing his features. “He asked to see me again.”  
  
He hears Nino sigh, the exasperated kind that Nino makes when he thinks Jun is stupid. “If that was the case, then why did you end it?” Nino asks. “If he meant that much to you, if he means this much to you, why did you end it?”  
  
“If people found out who we were to each other, it’s going to destroy him,” Jun says. “And me.”  
  
“But you know Toma. And whoever’s in your clique that saw you that night,” Nino says, eyes narrowing. “You didn’t really do it for you, did you? You did it for him. But you told him it’s all about you to push him away.”  
  
Something heavy feels lodged in Jun’s chest, making it difficult for him to breathe. “People can’t know. What will they think of him? You’ve seen him, both of you. You know how respected he is. What will people say if they find out what he does for me?” Jun shakes his head. “That’s why I did it. He’ll be the one most affected by this. I thought that if I could, I’d spare him from that. He doesn’t deserve that. Not after everything.”  
  
It hurts to think about, but to Jun, Sho’s better off without him. Sho can find someone who’ll treat him better, someone who’s not difficult and gives him what he deserves. He’s been so good to Jun, and Jun never gave back as much.  
  
Except two weeks ago, when he let Sho go. Sho deserves to live his life with his reputation intact, not with someone like Jun attached to it.  
  
“And what better way than make it all about you, huh?” Nino asks knowingly. “Nothing else can effectively push a person away when the other party makes it all about himself.”  
  
Jun doesn’t even care about being so transparent at present. He’s feeling miserable for days, and this is his only chance to address it. He simply nods.  
  
“Aiba-shi, another beer for me,” Nino says, running a hand through his hair. “And get yourself one too. I’m paying.”  
  
Aiba grabs a glass for himself and pops open two cans, him and Nino clinking their glasses together before partaking.  
  
“Shit,” Nino says after downing nearly half of his beer. “I always knew you’re a selfless guy, but this is the first time I’ve seen you be selfless and stupid at the same time.”  
  
Jun asks for another round, but what he receives is beer.  
  
“We don’t want you drunk,” Aiba says. “Not after what you told us.”  
  
“I think you can get more truths from me if you got me drunk,” Jun says, but he drinks the beer anyway.  
  
“No, we want this with you sober,” Nino says. “You love him, don’t you? It’s not just like, because I don’t think it’ll fuck you up this much if it is.”  
  
Jun doesn’t know how to formulate a response to that. He stares at his drink, at the condensation sticking to the glass, and doesn’t say a word.  
  
Nino sighs, then he slams his hand down on the bar counter. “This is all on you now, Aiba-shi. The grilling is done. This is as far as I can take you.”  
  
Jun frowns at that, utterly confused. He looks up to find Aiba rolling up his sleeves and flexing his arm.  
  
“I’ll take it from here, Nino. Thanks,” Aiba says, then he directs a patient smile at Jun. “I lied. Sho-chan did swing by. Once. A week ago, I think.”  
  
Jun’s eyes widen at that. He didn’t think Aiba was capable of lying.  
  
“And he told me stuff,” Aiba says. “That’s why I was just being a passive listener a while ago. Because I knew a bit of it and I wanted to know how it really was.” At the look on Jun’s face, Aiba gives this brief nod. “You both look awful. He asked me how I knew you, but that was after he asked if you were doing well.”  
  
Fuck, Jun can’t listen to this. Just hearing it from Aiba makes him imagine it: Sho seated on the same seat perhaps, leaning on the same bar counter. He’d have bags in his eyes and he’d have lost more weight, but nobody tells him about it. He probably looks worse than Jun, and it’s suddenly too much for Jun, knowing that Sho’s first question was if Aiba knew if he was doing well.  
  
“How was he?” Jun finds himself asking, unable to hide how he wanted information about Sho now that they can no longer see each other.  
  
“Still Sho-chan,” Aiba says, being purposefully vague. He’s good at avoiding the question, Jun will give him that. “He told me things. Not all of it, but it gave me an idea or two.” Aiba points to Nino. “So I asked this guy, and he said everyone in your department thinks a demon possessed your body because you suddenly became so scary.”  
  
Jun turns to Nino, who only shrugs.  
  
“I wanted to know how it was like because from the way Sho-chan put it, you pushed him away,” Aiba tells him. “But now I get why, and I can’t even be angry at you for it. So just answer this for me: was Nino right?”  
  
“Was Nino right in what?” Jun asks. Nino was right in many things. Which one did Aiba meant?  
  
“That you love him,” Aiba says simply. “Because if you do, then you have to do something. Don’t let it turn out like this.”  
  
“He told you himself, didn’t he?” Jun asks, hiding half of his face behind his glass of beer. “That I pushed him away. There’s nothing more to do.”  
  
“But he doesn’t understand why,” Aiba says, and unlike Nino who just shells out one hard truth after another with a hint of snark, Aiba uses this patient tone and looks at him with such sad eyes. It’s like he’s pleading with Jun, and Jun’s not used to seeing Aiba like this. “Can you live with yourself like that? Without him knowing?”  
  
“Does it matter? I already let him go,” Jun says.  
  
“It matters,” Aiba says, and now he seems determined. “Of course it matters. You haven’t let him go completely, Matsujun. If you have, you wouldn’t be like this. He has to know. You owe him that much, if Sho-chan’s really that important to you. Is he?”  
  
Jun lowers his head and mutters out a quiet “Yes.”  
  
“Then don’t leave things like this. You’ll regret it,” Aiba tells him. “You’re already regretting it. Don’t add more to that ugly feeling.”  
  
“What am I supposed to do? I told him we can’t meet each other anymore,” Jun says, frustration evident in his voice. “I told him I can’t see him anymore, and he told he’d never contact me again. What else can I do? Isn’t it too late?”  
  
“You know, for the asshole whose favorite phrase is ‘make it happen’ despite an impossible deadline, you sound like a total stranger right now,” Nino says after keeping silent for quite a while.  
  
Jun only looks away, finding that comment unhelpful.  
  
“You made him come to you once, Matsujun,” Aiba says.  
  
“Are you saying I should get drunk again after firing a colleague?” Jun asks.  
  
“Please, I don’t want to babysit you again,” Nino tells him. “Not that. Think. There has to be some way for you to make him come to you again.”  
  
“You seem totally convinced it will work,” Jun says.  
  
“You didn’t see him that night when he picked you up,” Nino tells him. “We did. We know what we’re talking about, all right?”  
  
Jun gives it a thought, and Aiba and Nino leave him to it, chatting about the latest Shounen Jump issue. Jun can feel them throwing glances at him every now and then, but they don’t disturb him, instead letting him process things on his own.  
  
How does he get Sho’s attention? It normally only takes one text, but Jun’s positive that won’t work anymore. And a text feels insufficient for what Jun wants to convey, for what he wants to let Sho know.  
  
It takes him a while, almost until Aiba has to close the bar.  
  
Then it clicks.  
  
He fishes for his wallet from the back pocket of his slacks, opening it to find what he’s looking for.  
  
He knows what to do now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags were updated so give it a look.
> 
> I'm posting this earlier than I intended despite a couple of rewrites because I signed up for a weekend getaway and Idk when I'll be back. To Di and everyone who followed this, I hope you enjoy.

It takes a bit of careful planning and some consultation with Nino and Aiba, the two of them humming in consideration as Jun tells them what he has in mind. Aiba only cheers him on, not saying much except for giving him an encouraging smile.  
  
“I think it will work,” Aiba says when Jun’s done talking, but he’s always been an optimist. Jun wishes he can have some of that positivity for himself. “I know Sho-chan. I know the type he goes for and the type he’s weak to.” He attempts to wink.  
  
“You’re feeding his ego,” Nino admonishes. “Not to rain on your parade, Jun-kun, but if this all goes downhill, what have you got in mind?”  
  
“Why do you always think it will go bad?” Aiba asks, frowning at Nino.  
  
“Someone has to be a realist here,” Nino tells him. “You’re obviously not cut for it, Aiba-shi, so here I am.” He looks at Jun expectantly.  
  
Jun shrugs. “I don’t know.” There’s that hope inside him that Aiba might be correct, that maybe he’s got a chance, that perhaps it will work. He’s clinging to that hope.  
  
“Well, I’m sure he’s important to you or this wouldn’t screw you up this badly in the first place, but if it makes you feel better, I think you can live your life without him should the worst happen,” Nino says.  
  
Jun appreciates that hard truth. He needed to hear it. If Nino called it out, it has to be true.  
  
“I know,” Jun says in acceptance. The idea of it is hurting him, but Nino’s right. Nino’s always right.  
  
Still, he asks, “You think it’ll work?” and shows Nino what he’s got in his hands, and Nino stares at it. He only told them the plan so far, but now Nino’s seeing the ace up his sleeve.  
  
Aiba, when Jun looks over to check, looks surprised for a moment but a grin soon takes over his face.  
  
It takes a few seconds before Nino recovers from the sight of it, and when he does, he almost hollers, “I can’t believe he gave you that. Holy shit. Make sure you get him back, Jun-kun.” Then his expression softens when he sees Jun’s uncertainty. “If you still don’t no matter how hard you tried, drink’s on me.”  
  
Jun takes that as their approval and proceeds with what he has in mind.  
  
He chooses the following weekend to set things in motion. He goes for a drive on a Saturday night, to a place not far from work and closer to where he lives. He picks a bar that’s not Aiba’s, sits in front of the counter and orders a round of drinks for anyone who chooses to sit beside him. He exchanges only a few pleasantries with the people he’s treated to a drink, never hinting at something more, and when that’s done, he pays for everything using Sho’s card.  
  
He checks his watch—the same one Sho gave to him—for the time, making sure it’s late enough, and he heads to Family Mart to buy himself two packs of TicTac, chewing gum, and a pack of band-aids to add to his mini first aid kit.  
  
Then he gets on his car and drives to the closest high-class hotel and books a room for one night. He doesn’t choose an executive suite, but he still picks one that has a king size bed, and waits.  
  
This is the hardest part of the plan for Jun, because he doesn’t know how to not be paranoid. He waits for a while, he uses that time to address any leftover work that’s accessible on the laptop he brought with him. He uses work as a distraction, approving one document after another.  
  
He’s interrupted when his phone vibrates with an incoming call, and he tries not to be too thrilled at seeing Sho’s name as the caller ID. He lets a few seconds pass before he taps on the screen to pick up.  
  
“Did you have fun?” Sho asks, his voice devoid of any emotion, speaking before Jun has any chance to say hello.  
  
Better that than Sho not calling at all and actually keeping his word of not contacting Jun anymore.  
  
“Are you tracking my expenses?” Jun asks, trying to compose himself to not give away too much. He missed Sho’s voice, and he presses the phone closer to his ear.  
  
“It’s my card,” Sho says. “I didn’t think you’d use it so I had it on alert. I was just asking if you enjoyed yourself before I sign these off and pay for them.”  
  
Sho sounds...indifferent. Like Jun is just one item he has to tick off his checklist for the day in order to proceed with the rest. It hurts, hearing him so distant and apathetic, but Jun doesn’t let it deter him. “I’m buying something else after this.”  
  
“I see,” Sho says calmly. “That good huh?”  
  
The tone of Sho’s voice is even, and it would have fooled anybody else. But Jun’s been with him for so long, and Jun knows it’s almost rehearsed, that it’s probably taking all of Sho’s concentration to sound that composed.  
  
Just admit it, Jun thinks. Say you’re jealous.  
  
“Is that what you think I did tonight?” Jun asks.  
  
“I don’t know, you tell me,” Sho says. “You went to a bar, had a couple of drinks, went to a convenience store after, and booked a hotel room in Ginza. What am I supposed to think? Am I supposed to think otherwise?”  
  
“You know where I am,” Jun says. This is it, this is the make or break, and he feels as if his heart is in his throat. “Room 804. Come and find out.”  
  
For a moment, there’s silence. Then Sho asks, “Are you brandishing the fact that you slept with someone else?”  
  
“Come and find out,” Jun repeats, refusing to back down.  
  
He hears Sho snort. “What for? You already have company.”  
  
Jun has to steady his breathing before he speaks, trying to calm himself. “Come here.”  
  
“Why? You said we can’t meet each other anymore.”  
  
“I know what I said. Come anyway.”  
  
“No need to rub it in my face that I’m easy to replace. But then again, I wasn't really anything to you, was I?”  
  
“Idiot, I’m alone,” Jun says through gritted teeth, patience disappearing. “I’m here waiting for you. Will you come?”  
  
The other line is silent for a couple of seconds.  
  
“Come here,” Jun repeats.  
  
“Don’t do this,” Sho mutters, and now he sounds like Sho, the one Jun missed so much.  
  
Jun’s not giving up now. If Sho didn’t want to hear him, he would’ve ended the call already.  
  
“Please,” Jun says, not caring how he sounds.  
  
There’s nothing on the other line save for Sho’s breathing.  
  
“Sho-san,” Jun tries.  
  
Still nothing, and Jun finally says it, the one thing Nino told him to say in case he finds himself in a bind because things aren’t working in his favor.  
  
“Please, Daddy.”  
  
He hears Sho’s breath hitch, and a few beats pass.  
  
Then the call abruptly ends, with Sho cutting the line.  
  
Jun can only stare at the screen in disbelief and shock. He ends up sitting on the bed, knees giving way, panic gripping him. It didn’t work.  
  
He had no backup plans. He was under the impression that whatever effect he had on Sho still holds up to now, and he used that to his advantage.  
  
Except it didn’t work. The optimism he built in the past few days meant nothing. Had Sho gotten over him? Did Sho have someone else? Fuck, he screwed up.  
  
Jun throws his phone across the bed, burying his face in his hands. He’s too late. He waited too long, and now it’s too late. Sho’s gone and he isn’t coming back—he’s gone because Jun pushed him away.  
  
He didn’t even know. Jun didn’t have the chance to tell him.  
  
It all went wrong. Jun remains on the bed, unsure of what to do. Does he go back home? If he does he’s going to see everything Sho gave to him. Should he stay here and wait for nothing? He’s embarrassed himself enough, and it didn’t work. This bed is too big for him, the pillows are too soft for his liking. He feels lonelier than ever, being alone in an unfamiliar place.  
  
I’m sorry, he wants to say. To Sho, to Nino and Aiba, to everyone at work that suffered because of his own actions. But the one person who needed to hear it the most has decided not to.  
  
Jun doesn’t know how many minutes pass until he hears the doorbell ring, and it confuses him. He didn’t ask for any room service. He pads to the door slowly, peeking cautiously at the peephole and frowning when he sees nothing but darkness.  
  
Whoever’s ringing his doorbell is blocking his view.  
  
Jun decides to open the door to find out, breath stopping when he sees that it’s Sho, who doesn’t quite meet his eyes.  
  
“Well,” Sho says, looking at him from head to foot before turning away. Jun’s just in a bathrobe, still blinking stupidly at Sho as if he’s an apparition. “Not sure I believe it now, that you were alone. Did you at least air the room?”  
  
Jun doesn’t let that affect him. He steps aside and allows Sho to enter before shutting the door. “I told you there’s no one.”  
  
“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” Sho says. Jun heads inside, hearing Sho follow him, but unlike the other times they’ve been in hotels, Sho maintains their distance. Jun sits on the bed but Sho chooses to lean against the nearest table, far from him. He doesn’t even remove his cap or jacket, looking at anywhere else but Jun.  
  
“And?” Sho prompts. “Did you ask me to come to tell me the same thing you told me on the phone a few weeks ago?”  
  
Jun shakes his head. “I lied to you once. I’m not doing it again.”  
  
“Why did you ask me to come here? To settle things? I think we understood each other perfectly the last time.” Sho readjusts his cap but he doesn’t remove it, and with the visor concealing half of his face and his arms crossed over his chest, he seems so closed off that Jun hurts from just looking at him.  
  
Sho’s holding himself like he’s bracing for a fight, like Jun is someone he needs to protect himself from.  
  
“Because you have to know,” Jun says simply. He’s not giving up, not when Sho’s here. Even if it feels like he can’t reach Sho at the moment, Sho’s here. “I didn’t mean it. When I said I thought I knew what I wanted. That was a lie; I did know.”  
  
“And what did you want? What do you want?”  
  
“You,” Jun admits. “I did want you. I wanted to be with you. I still do. You have to know that, at least.”  
  
“If that’s how it is, why did you say those things? You’re the one so concerned about your image. Doesn’t this tarnish whatever name you’ve made for yourself?” Sho turns away from him, his back to Jun, and to Jun, this is Sho shunning him and creating a wall between them that he has no idea how to break. “I fell for this once. I’m not falling for it again. I’m not even supposed to be here.”  
  
Jun blinks at that. “What...what’s that supposed to mean?” he asks quietly, fear gripping him.  
  
“I’m not supposed to be here,” Sho repeats, but he doesn’t explain further.  
  
Jun’s throat suddenly feels too dry. “Do you—” he tries, feeling like he can’t breathe all of a sudden, chest constricting, “do you have someone else? Someone who doesn’t know you’re here? Is there someone else?”  
  
Sho faces him slowly, and Jun can’t see his eyes under that cap. “Why do you look like that?”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“Like you don’t want what you just said to happen,” Sho tells him. “Like you don’t want me to find someone else. Isn’t that too selfish of you? That you can have your fun and yet you find it unthinkable if I do the same?”  
  
“I didn’t sleep with anyone else,” Jun says, the tendrils of anger creeping up in him. He shuts his eyes, wondering if it can be seen on his face how much he’s hurting. The mere thought of Sho having someone else feels like tiny blades slicing through his heart. “But if you have someone...someone you might hurt by being here, then—”  
  
“Why do you look like you’re hurting just by thinking of it?” Sho asks, his voice hard.  
  
Jun doesn’t look at him. “Because I am.”  
  
“Why? You don’t want me to be happy?”  
  
Jun exhales, bottom lip trembling. “Do they make you happy?” he asks, truly wanting to know. “Do they treat you in the way you deserve?”  
  
“Better than you did, you mean?”  
  
His chest feels too tight. He’s not sure how much more of this can he take. “If that’s how it is, then you’re right: you’re not supposed to be here. If there’s someone you’re happy with, I’m not going to stop you. You deserve that. After everything you’ve done for me, you deserve that.”  
  
“Are you letting me go?”  
  
“I’m too late,” Jun says, smiling sadly. “I guess right now, I’m just glad I got to see you one last time and hear it from yourself.”  
  
“Why are you happy about that? You said you didn’t want to meet me again.”  
  
“I said many things,” Jun acknowledges. “Things I didn’t mean.”  
  
“You said you wanted me,” Sho tells him. “That you want me. Is that also part of those things you didn’t mean?”  
  
Sho’s being cruel with his words right now, and Jun aches. “No. I meant that. I mean it,” Jun admits quietly.  
  
“Then why did you say those things?” Sho asks, lifting his head the slightest bit for Jun to see the confusion marring his features. “If you feel that way, why did you tell me those things? Why did you hurt me?”  
  
If Jun could, he’d run to Sho now and hold him, tell him otherwise without any distance between them. But he can’t. “I was trying to protect you.”  
  
“In what way?” Sho removes his cap, tossing it on the table and running a hand through his hair. When he lifts his head, the bags under his eyes are evident, and he looks exhausted.  
  
Jun can feel guilt beginning to eat him. “Don’t you see? If people found out, it’d have more impact on you. You’re so respected, so well-liked by your colleagues. You’re an amazing person; I’ve never met anyone who embodies enthusiasm as much as you do. And I could have destroyed all of that if anyone found out.”  
  
“Oh, so now this is about me?” Sho asks, eyes narrowing. “Bullshit. That’s not what you said on the phone.”  
  
“I know what I said on the phone.”  
  
“And which one is true? Are you telling me you actually did it because of me? Without thinking about yourself?”  
  
“Yes,” Jun says quietly, unsure why Sho doesn’t understand. He’s laying it all.  
  
“Why?” Sho demands, and he’s frustrated and confused, looking at Jun like he can’t believe Jun at all. “Why would you do that?”  
  
“Can’t you tell?”  
  
That makes Sho look away from him abruptly. “Don’t. Don’t look at me like that.”  
  
Jun doesn’t understand. “Like what?”  
  
“Like you mean it,” Sho says through clenched teeth, his jaw set.  
  
“But I do,” Jun tells him. He’s trying so hard right now, why can’t it come across? How come Sho doesn’t believe him?  
  
“You don’t,” Sho snaps, shaking his head fiercely. “You _don’t_.”  
  
“What makes you say that?” Jun asks, unable to mask the hurt in his voice. Sho’s never dismissed him like this before.  
  
“You don’t mean it,” Sho says with confidence. “In all the times I tried to tell you how I feel, you brushed me off, laughed about it. I had to accept that you’d never feel the same, that you’d never want me as much as I wanted you. And now you’re telling me this?” Sho shakes his head. “In those times, you didn’t have to say anything. I saw it in you, that you weren’t ready. And that you’ll never be.”  
  
Jun suddenly remembers that night, that dinner in the restaurant. “Is that why you acted distant and cold the last time we’ve been together? Because you thought I was simply indulging you? That I don’t feel the same?”  
  
“I didn’t think,” Sho clarifies. “I _knew_ you’d never feel the same. You don’t. You’re just telling me these things right now because...I don’t know, maybe you still want something from me even after if I’ve given you everything.” Sho sighs, shoulders slumping. He looks as if he’s given up. “What do you want this time? Is it the money? The gifts? If I get you something right now, will you finally be satisfied and let me be?”  
  
Is that what Sho thinks? That Jun only wants him for his gifts? For his money? For the sex?  
  
He means so much more to Jun than any of those things.  
  
“I already told you what I want,” Jun says disbelievingly. How come Sho doesn’t believe him? “I told you.”  
  
Sho shakes his head in dismissal. “You don’t mean that.”  
  
“But I do,” Jun says, standing up. Sho instinctively draws back, but he’s got nowhere to go. Sho stretches out his arm as if to shield himself from Jun, and it hurts Jun that Sho now needs this distance between them. It wasn’t like this before.  
  
But Jun refuses to give up. Sho has to know. This might be the last time. “I do mean it.” Jun crosses to where Sho is, standing in front of him. “Look at me and tell me what you see.”  
  
Sho doesn’t. He closes his eyes and repeatedly shakes his head. “Don’t,” he says quietly. “Please don’t.”  
  
“If there’s someone else, tell me now and I’ll back off,” Jun promises.  
  
Sho laughs, and it’s so sad. “There’s no one.”  
  
Hope blooms in Jun’s heart. “Look at me,” Jun demands. “If you don’t believe me, look at me and see for yourself.”  
  
“I can’t,” Sho whispers between them, and Jun’s heart breaks for him. He sounds fatigued—vulnerable. “I can’t do it again. If something happens again and you tell me that you can’t be with me anymore, I don’t think I can take that a second time.” Sho finally looks at him, eyes begging. “Don’t do this. We both know you don’t mean it. If the past months meant to you more than just the gifts, if at one point you truly saw me for who I am, then give me this small mercy. I’m tired. I’ve had enough.”  
  
Jun does what his instinct tells him, wrapping his arms around Sho’s form and holding him tight. Sho freezes in his hold, then he resists, hands on Jun’s shoulders and pushing back. They struggle, but Jun doesn’t give.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Jun whispers, meaning every word. He’s hurt Sho so much. If he can, he wants to pick up all the broken pieces and put them back together, just for Sho to be the one he knows, the Sho who always said yes with a smile. “I’m so sorry.”  
  
“I can’t do it,” Sho tells him, hands falling to his sides. He’s caged in Jun’s arms, but he remains unmoving, unresponsive. “If you say you can’t see me anymore, if I hear that from you again—”  
  
“You won’t,” Jun assures him. “I won’t say that again.”  
  
Sho lets out a laugh, and it sounds weak even to Jun’s ears. “You will. You know how it was for me, what everything meant to me. And you will say those words again because that’s what all this is about to you. A mere indulgence. Once this stops being convenient, like it did a few weeks ago, you’ll tell me that again.” Jun can hear the defeat and resignation in his voice. “And you’ll do that because I’m not worth a risk to you.”  
  
“I need you,” Jun admits, and Sho tenses in his arms. If he wasn’t moving earlier, now he’s holding himself very still. “It’s fucking scary how much I do, but I only realized that after I let you go. Nino told me I can probably live without you. But I don’t want to. So if you give us another chance, I won’t let you go again. Unless you ask for it.”  
  
“You’re so selfish,” Sho says. “You tell me these things and you know how I feel about you. And we both know you’ll never feel the same.”  
  
“But I do feel the same,” Jun insists.  
  
He feels Sho push back. “Enough. No matter how many times I tried to tell you how I felt, you never believed me. No matter how many implications, you brushed it all off and treated everything as a joke. I thought that if I can, I’m not letting you do that to me again.” Sho sighs. “But you see, I’m still here. I still came. I don’t know why I’m here; all I know is that you’re just going to hurt me again.”  
  
“I love you,” Jun finally admits, shutting his eyes. Sho stills, and Jun barrels through the rest of what he needs Sho to hear. “It’s so hard right now because I do, and I know you don’t believe me. That even if I say it again, you won’t believe me. And I can’t even blame you because it’s all my fault. But I do. I need you to know that I do.”  
  
Sho stands motionless, and Jun keeps his arms locked tight. He’s afraid of what will happen if he lets go. This is the only time he held Sho like this, inside his walls and defenses.  
  
“Fuck,” he hears Sho say, and he feels Sho’s weight sag a little against him. Jun holds them both up. “I said it once: you’d ruin me. And you have. You actually have.”  
  
“Please,” Jun whispers, begs. “Let me fix this. We can work this out.”  
  
For a moment, Sho doesn’t move in his arms. Then slowly, Jun feels Sho reciprocating, arms coming up behind him to hold him close, to have him closer. They remain like that for a long time, and Jun relishes in having Sho again. His scent, the texture of his hair, the sensation of Sho’s breaths tickling his neck.  
  
“You’re the worst,” Sho says, half-muffled against his shoulder.  
  
“I know,” Jun acknowledges.  
  
“I came here, thinking you wanted to gloat, but instead you used my weaknesses against me and told me these things, probably knowing how badly I wanted to hear them. You’re so spoiled and selfish.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
Then Sho withdraws a bit, a hand coming up to brush away Jun’s hair from his face. They stare at each other, and Jun can see hope in Sho’s eyes.  
  
“I know this doesn’t fix things,” Jun says. “This doesn’t undo what I’ve done to you. But I want to start right, to try again if you want to as well. If you want me back, then give me a chance. Try again with me.”  
  
“It’s not that easy,” Sho tells him. “You make it sound easy. But it’s not. I told you before you’re the most difficult one I’ve had. And right now I’m so tired. I know I shouldn’t believe you, but you told me you love me, and that might be the one thing I’ve always wanted to hear.” His hand falls away, and he no longer looks at Jun. “Since when?”  
  
“Since your ugly, unfathomable Totoro.” Sho’s face breaks into a small, almost hesitant smile, and Jun has to tell him. “But probably even before that, to be honest.”  
  
Sho purses his lips, like he’s willing himself not to get emotional. He’s failing at it, almost beautifully so, with the way he doesn’t look at Jun, his lips pursed.  
  
Jun takes the initiative, wanting to let Sho know how much he meant everything.  
  
“Say,” Jun begins, swallowing the lump in his throat, “the others before me. The last relationship you had with one of them. How did that work out?”  
  
There are hints of a smile on Sho’s face when he answers, “Pretty good, actually.”  
  
“Why did you break up?”  
  
“He had to permanently relocate to Canada. The long distance thing only worked for a while, so eventually we went our separate ways.”  
  
Jun hums in consideration, then he meets Sho’s eyes. “I’m not moving to Canada.”  
  
That makes Sho smile as he turns away. “Jun…”  
  
“I’m not,” Jun says again. “So no need for long distance.”  
  
“You have to mean this,” Sho tells him seriously. “You can’t change your mind halfway.”  
  
“I won’t,” Jun assures him. “I mean it.”  
  
Sho worries his bottom lip, and Jun wants to kiss him. “You’ll go out with me?” he asks uncertainly, as if he still doesn’t believe it’s possible.  
  
“That’s the idea, yeah,” Jun says, trying to play it cool. “I want to, but only if you want me to.”  
  
“What if people see? What if they say something?”  
  
“I’m willing to risk it if you are,” Jun says with determination. “I know what they’ll say. What they might say. I don’t care anymore.”  
  
Sho quirks an eyebrow at him. “You do care. You always care.”  
  
Jun tilts his head in acceptance. “Okay, point. You always see through me. But I get it now. Not everybody has to know.”  
  
“This changes our relationship,” Sho says. “Surely you know that?”  
  
“Yes.” Jun nods. “I want it anyway. I want to be the one who gets to nag you for not sleeping well, for not eating right, for working too hard.”  
  
“You already do that even before this,” Sho points out.  
  
“But I want to do it on a regular basis.” He leans closer, resting his forehead on Sho’s. “I want something more permanent. With you. Always with you. Do you want me? Do you want me enough that you’re willing to try again?”  
  
“I’ve always wanted you,” Sho says between them. “I wanted everything you were willing to give me.”  
  
“This is all of me now,” Jun says. “I tell myself good night before I go to bed.” He senses Sho’s confusion, but he continues, “I talk to my appliances. I have a bonsai at home, and I talk to it too. I’m awful at mornings and I’m paranoid, and I always hog all the blankets.”  
  
“I already know half of those things,” Sho says. “Are you trying to scare me away?”  
  
“I’m trying to tell you what you’re signing up for. I know I’m not easy to be with. I’m demanding, I pay too much attention to details, and I can be very annoying. I try to be a better person, but I often get bad days.”  
  
“I’ve already seen you in one of those bad days.”  
  
“And you’ll see more,” Jun tells him. “But there’s no one else I’m willing to share everything with, my bad side included.”  
  
“I’ve seen worse and I’m still here.” Sho pulls back a bit, eyes searching his. “If you think I’ll be weirded out by you talking to a plant, I’ll have you know that I have jars at home that contain my wisdom teeth.”  
  
Jun can’t help laughing a bit at that. That’s definitely weird, but it’s also the Sho kind of weird and he finds himself helplessly charmed. He likes Sho, wisdom teeth collection included.  
  
Sho seems hesitant when he speaks next. “Can I still buy you gifts? Or is that unconventional already?”  
  
The word choice makes Jun smile. “I don’t think it’s unconventional.” If that’s what makes Sho happy, so be it. It’s all what Jun wants for him. “Besides, you promised me a DVD box of a drama.”  
  
“Ah, that I did,” Sho says, remembering. “So what does that make me now? Am I your sugar daddy or am I the guy you’re dating?”  
  
“Both,” Jun says, inching closer to Sho’s mouth. “I want both. I want all of you.”  
  
It’s Sho who kisses him in the end, and he makes a noise of relief, hands grabbing the sides of Sho’s face. They start slow and soft, sweet and languidly exploring, but soon the heat Jun’s used to builds up in him and he draws Sho closer, feeling Sho’s hands fumble for the knot that holds his robe.  
  
“Jun,” Sho whispers, like he needs permission, like he wants Jun so much and has to touch Jun.  
  
“Yes,” Jun tells him, gasping in shock when Sho turns them so Jun’s the one’s pressed against the table.  
  
“Get on it,” Sho says, and Jun hastily obeys. Sho’s hands slip inside his robe and he spreads his legs so Sho can stand between them. They act simultaneously, hands moving with purpose. Jun divests Sho of his jacket, tossing it behind Sho once it’s off before he moves to Sho’s shirt.  
  
Sho raises his arms in cooperation, and once the shirt’s on the floor, they kiss again, hard, with Jun meeting Sho’s tongue eagerly, moving his limbs accordingly when Sho pushes his robe off him. Cold hits Jun’s skin, but soon Sho’s hands roam around his torso and scatter warmth, and Jun reaches for Sho’s belt.  
  
“Off,” Jun complains against Sho’s mouth. “Have everything off.”  
  
He’s able to unbuckle Sho’s belt, but he doesn’t bother to pull it off the loops. Instead he unbuttons Sho’s jeans and slips a hand inside, finding Sho hard already, like he can’t wait.  
  
In hindsight, both of them can’t.  
  
There are hands on the garter of his boxers and he lifts his hips to help Sho tug them off him, kicking the material away when Sho lowers it to his legs. Sho has his jeans pooled around his ankles, and he steps out of them before kissing Jun briefly.  
  
“Where?” is all Sho asks.  
  
“My bag,” Jun says, pointing to where he placed it, which is on the nearest chair to them. “Hurry.”  
  
Sho grabs the bag and scatters its contents on the dresser behind him, hurriedly grabbing the lube and condoms. He returns to kiss Jun again, a short but hard one, then Sho ducks to kiss his neck, one hand on his thigh to spread his legs further.  
  
The bed is only a few paces away, but Jun doesn’t want to move. When he hears Sho uncapping the lube and applying some on his fingers, he wraps a leg around Sho’s waist to draw him closer and extends his back to have Sho’s fingers where he wants them.  
  
They don’t stop kissing even as Sho slips a finger inside him and adds another as soon as Jun can take it. Jun’s certain this will be some kind of a hurried, makeup sex, but he finds that he doesn’t prefer any other way. This is the first time they’re seeing each other differently. The Sho before him is the one person he wants to do this with, the only one that matters. Sho watches his face but his eyes have changed—Sho is seeing all of him for the first time too. His wants, his feelings, his needs.  
  
There’s nothing between them anymore, now that Jun made his feelings clear.  
  
He relaxes against the intrusion, gasping in pleasure when Sho sucks at his earlobe.  
  
“Want you,” Sho husks, and Jun feels the press of Sho’s hard cock against his knee.  
  
“Then hurry up,” Jun says, reaching down to slip his hands past the garter of Sho’s boxers. He cups Sho’s ass, enjoying the way each cheek fills his palm before he goes for a firm squeeze, loving how perky they are.  
  
He pushes Sho’s boxers down, as far as he can reach, which is only up to Sho’s thighs. Sho already has three fingers in him, stretching him open, and Jun clenches around them to tell Sho he’s ready.  
  
Sho hands him the condom and he tears it open with his teeth, one hand grabbing Sho’s cock to put it on him. Sho wraps a well-lubed hand around himself, slicking his cock, and Jun holds his breath when Sho’s hands grab his hips to have his ass rest on the edge of the table.  
  
At his encouraging nod, Sho pushes. Not all the way in, but Sho’s always been bigger than his fingers, and given their haste, Jun is still feeling a bit of a stretch. But he adapts quickly, ankles locking around Sho’s waist to have him deeper, and when Sho’s fully sheathed inside him, he rains kisses all over Sho’s face.  
  
“Move,” Jun whispers, and Sho does. He starts slow, like he’s testing if the table’s balanced enough to support their combined weights. Sho eventually moves faster, and Jun can hear the table’s edge hitting the wall repeatedly.  
  
He wraps his arms around Sho’s nape, pressing closer, and given their position, Jun really can’t do much save for taking it. He lets out a moan, purposefully right over Sho’s ear, and he can’t help smiling when it causes Sho to fuck him harder, a hand braced on the table to support them both.  
  
He gasps when Sho pushes him backwards, one hand cupping the back of his head so he wouldn’t hurt himself. Jun lies spread on the table’s surface, groaning when Sho lifts one of his legs to rest it on his shoulder. It sends Sho’s cock deeper in him, the tip just shy of his prostate, and Jun doesn’t hold back anymore, crying out with each push of Sho’s cock in him.  
  
He feels the table shift beneath him, and it creaks each time their bodies collide. Jun thinks they might break the furniture and end up paying a fine, but he can’t find it in him to care, hand reaching out to claw at Sho’s abs.  
  
It makes Sho hiss, retaliating by snapping his hips, and Jun can barely hold back his cries. It’s so good; he’s never been fucked on a table before, and he knows he’s going to have burns on his back and on his hips but it might actually be worth it.  
  
Sho bends forward, and Jun’s knee almost touches his ear because of it. “Fuck, you’re so flexible,” Sho grunts, one hand cupping Jun’s other thigh to push and raise it. Jun can already predict that this will make his legs feel like jello again, but all he does is bury his hands in Sho’s hair and pull hard.  
  
Jun takes all of Sho’s colorful swears for himself, finding his mouth and kissing him as they move together. Sho breaks away to press his mouth at the pulse point of his neck, and with the way he’s nipping and sucking, Jun’s certain he’d leave a mark.  
  
Sho stops holding back, taking what he needs. He lets go of Jun’s legs to readjust and try for a new angle, and Jun’s hooks his legs around Sho’s hips as they move in unison once more, a synchronized rhythm that Jun can feel in his bones. Every breath he exhales is answered with one of Sho’s own, a chorus of lust and desire that they always shared.  
  
He scratches to leave his own marks on Sho’s skin, long scarlet lines that now adorn Sho’s biceps. He leaves serpentine patterns on Sho’s back as well, so lost in pleasure as Sho fucks into him over and over. He’s all skin and he feels as if he’s burning, need taking over his body. His cock is trapped between them, but with every thrust Jun gets friction, and he can feel precome transferring to his skin.  
  
Sho grabs one of his hands, raises it above them with Jun’s knuckles flat against the polished wood, their fingers entwining. Jun feels joined, like they’re two halves of a whole, one body succumbing to passion, to pleasure and baser need.  
  
“I love you,” Sho whispers, but somehow loud against Jun’s ear amidst the noises of skin slapping against skin. Sho's fingers tighten in their grip, and Jun squeezes back as he’s unable to hold back a noise. “I always have.”  
  
Jun cries out in relief and out of happiness, not letting go of his hold on Sho. He feels like he’s floating, like his body is no longer his and is acting on its own. Sho’s confession triggers his orgasm, cock pulsing between their sweaty bodies. He’s so out of it, euphoria enveloping him, and he barely registers Sho still moving in him, Sho chasing after his own release.  
  
It takes a lot of effort on his part to get his other hand to move with his mind still a haze of white, but he manages to pull Sho’s hair and kiss Sho’s swollen mouth. It’s messy and they’ve resorted to biting at each other’s lips, but he’s never wanted Sho like this before, his desire raw and taking over, now that Sho’s his to keep.  
  
“Come,” Jun pants, feeling Sho’s hips shallowing in their erratic movement. He pushes himself up a bit despite their hands still clasped tight, body curving as far as it could so his lips rest over Sho’s ear.  
  
“Come for me, _Daddy_.”  
  
Sho’s breath stills, his pupils dilated, and he gives a final hard thrust, his entire body trembling in Jun’s hold with each wave of his release. He’s so warm, and Jun kisses him as he climaxes, until his hips cease stuttering between Jun’s legs and all he can do is to collapse against Jun.  
  
Jun lowers both of his legs with a groan, limbs hanging on the edge of the table. The oak is hard against his back, and the discomfort increases the longer Sho remains draped over him.  
  
But he doesn’t want to move. Not yet. He just got Sho back, and a few wood burns on his back and hips are negligible.  
  
“You have a daddy kink,” Jun mutters to break the silence.  
  
He laughs when Sho bites onto his collarbone playfully. “Shut up,” Sho says, half-muffled against his flesh.  
  
“I don’t know why it never crossed my mind before.”  
  
“Are you going to laugh about it?”  
  
“No.” Jun thinks he might get a lasting backache if he doesn’t move soon enough, but Sho’s here to massage it for him anyway. He gets a hand tangled in Sho’s hair and starts playing with the sweaty strands. They both need a bath. “But it all makes sense now.”  
  
Another beat of silence passes, and Sho eventually regains enough mental faculties to move off Jun. He deals with the condom and pulls his boxers back up before helping Jun sit up, rubbing a soothing hand over Jun’s shoulder blades, at the spots where he’ll likely be sore.  
  
Sho’s deliberately avoiding his gaze as he tries to massage Jun’s legs and back, a tinge of pink still coloring his cheeks. He could use more fat on those cheeks, but Jun’s certain Sho will easily regain back his weight now that he’s around. Sho loved his omurice, and Jun thinks he can make as many as Sho wants.  
  
Or as many as Sho’s stock of eggs will allow without angering his housekeeper, in the event he stays over at Sho’s place.  
  
“Do you want to move to the bed?” Sho offers.  
  
Jun laughs; he can’t help it. “Isn’t that too late?” He knocks on the table’s surface for emphasis. “After all we did to this poor table.”  
  
Sho lifts both of his legs and locks them around his waist, looking at Jun and waiting.  
  
“You’re serious?” Jun asks, studying Sho’s face. “I’m heavy.”  
  
“Bed’s not far,” Sho says.  
  
Jun acquiesces, linking his arms behind Sho’s nape. Sho holds his waist in one arm, the other firm on Jun’s thigh to stabilize him. Jun can see the strain in Sho’s arms and face as he moves them, but he manages to deposit Jun on the mattress.  
  
Jun tugs Sho with him, not minding when Sho ends up draped on him once more.  
  
“What will you tell them?” Sho asks after a while, an arm resting comfortably on Jun’s stomach. He’s become a familiar weight that his touch already feels like second skin. “When someone asks about us?”  
  
“The truth,” Jun says. “But not all of it.”  
  
“Like?”  
  
“That we’re going out. And trying again. How does that sound?”  
  
He can feel Sho grin on top of his breastbone.  
  
“Sounds good to me.”  
  
They remain quiet for a while, with Jun playing with the strands of Sho’s hair and Sho breathing him in, their bodies still pressed so close. Sho’s heavy, but Jun doesn’t want him anywhere else. Not after everything.  
  
“How long do we get to stay here?” Sho suddenly asks, lips tickling Jun’s skin.  
  
“I only reserved the room for twelve hours.” Jun wishes he had the foresight to extend their stay. “I didn’t want you to pay for so much.”  
  
“I see.”  
  
Jun waits until the subsequent silence has taken hold before he breaks it, clearing his throat. “Do you want to come home with me?” He tries not to sound too hopeful, but he’s likely failing.  
  
Sho lifts his head, and he looks at Jun as if he’s trying to gauge how serious Jun is.  
  
Jun purses his lips in uncertainty—the wait is making him anxious. “I was thinking I can show you where I put all the things you’ve given me. I separate them from the rest of my stuff. My room’s messy and I tend to have a lot of clutter because I’m a slob at home, but everything you gave to me is kept somewhere else.”  
  
Sho remains quiet, and Jun lies there, blinking and waiting.  
  
Then Sho’s stomach rumbles in hunger, surprising him.  
  
Laughing at how Sho reddens even more, Jun tries again, “I can make us a very late dinner if you like.” If there’s one thing that can get Sho to say yes, Jun knows it’s the offer of food. “And this is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, but if you come home with me, I can finally pour you a glass of wine.”  
  
When Sho smiles, he does it slowly that Jun can't help smiling back.  
  
“Yeah,” Sho says with a nod. “Yeah, I’d like that.”  
  
\--  
  
**Nearly a year later:**  
  
The delivery guy hands a tablet to Jun for him to affix his signature on, and Jun does without asking too many questions. This courier is new to him, but whatever this guy has, it has to be from Sho.  
  
He hands the tablet back, frowning when he gets nothing.  
  
“He’s a little excited,” the guy explains, which only confuses Jun more. “I have to go back.”  
  
“Oh,” Jun says anyway, nodding. “All right.”  
  
What is Sho up to? The last time a delivery guy had to return to his truck, he came back with a full kitchen set along with a DVD box of a drama. It made Jun laugh, the idea that Sho decided to cut shipping costs by combining two unlikely presents in one delivery. There are things only Sho would do.  
  
The guy returns, and Jun stares at what he’s carrying, unable to believe what he’s seeing. The guy lowers the cage, opens it, and out comes Sho’s latest gift which the guy scoops up in his arms.  
  
“The requester explicitly stated that we handle it with care,” the guy tells him. “He said this one’s fragile.” The guy is struggling to handle it, but what’s in his arms is already trying to reach Jun, like it’s so happy to see him.  
  
“I’m sure he is,” Jun says, recovering and extending his arms. “It’s fine, you can leave him with me.”  
  
“The requester also said to give you this,” the guy says, pulling out an envelope from his pocket which Jun tucks in his underarm. The guy then hands him Sho’s present, and with his hands full, Jun only manages to bow in gratitude as the delivery guy closes his door for him. He sits on his genkan as soon as he’s alone, unable to keep himself from smiling.  
  
He’s beautiful. Pure white, fluffy, and friendly, already licking Jun’s fingers in greeting when Jun lets his hand hover over its face. It makes Jun giggle; he’s always been ticklish. Jun sets him on his lap, prying the envelope open.  
  
_I got you a cloud_ , is all what the note says.  
  
It makes him smile wider, setting the note aside to play with his new friend. Sho’s “cloud” is a Samoyed puppy, an adorable creature who surprisingly doesn’t hate Jun as much as most animals do. If anything, it’s already rolling over its back on Jun’s lap, its paws reaching out for Jun’s fingers. The dog shifts and jumps on Jun, and Jun laughs, burying his fingers in its thick fur.  
  
He fishes for his phone in his pocket and takes a selfie with his new pet, sending it to Sho with a followup message of _Thank you._ He loves it already, just like everything Sho has given him. He loves it, loves them, loves _him_.  
  
Sho’s reply is a _?_ , which Jun receives in seconds.  
  
If Sho were here right now, Jun thinks he can kiss him.  
  
Instead Jun just texts back a _?_ of his own.  
  
He gets another _?_ for a reply.  
  
Jun sends one back just to be annoying.  
  
_Don’t play coy, you know what I want to read._  
  
_Come over tonight and maybe you’ll hear it. ;)_  
  
_You’re so good at acting spoiled because you have an elder sister._  
  
_And your point is?_  
  
_I guess that’s how it was. You got me just like how you got others. Number one spoiled._  
  
Jun rolls his eyes. Whose fault is that? Things hardly changed since they started going out. Sho continued to dote on him, spoiled him with gifts and wooed him with his old man jokes. Nino threatened to puke in front of them that one time Jun decided to update him and Aiba, that he and Sho are in a relationship.  
  
“Stop looking at him like you want to go straight to a hotel after this,” Nino told Jun, and Jun simply rolled his eyes. “I’m going to vomit.”  
  
“Don’t throw up in here,” was what Aiba said at that time. “I’m the one who has to deal with the cleanup. I’m the only one working in this bar.”  
  
“And you, Sugar-chan, you spoil him too much,” was Nino’s reply, but he directed it to Sho who had a tiny frown at the nickname.  
  
“Sugar-chan?” Sho repeated, just as Jun threatened, “I am going to kill you.”  
  
“Oh,” Sho said, catching on and smiling. Jun gave him a look. “I guess I do.”  
  
Nino smiled then, turning to Jun. “For what it’s worth, I always knew you’d make an excellent sugar baby.”  
  
“You’re dead,” Jun decided, ignoring Sho’s and Aiba’s roaring laughter and reaching for Nino.  
  
After Nino and Aiba, Jun decided to tell Toma followed by the rest of his friends, but he didn’t disclose things in complete detail. Just what they needed to know, that Jun has someone in his life that he’s serious with.  
  
Eventually Jun also met Sho’s Satoshi-kun, and while Jun liked him and his baked sweets, they agreed to disagree regarding their honest opinion on the existence of Sho’s artistic skills.  
  
Jun’s relationship with Sho required constant work, involving compromises and negotiations. It took some time before Sho got comfortable with the idea of Jun buying things for him from time to time; Sho was so used to being the one who doted on someone that he couldn’t believe when Jun got a pair of sneakers and a cap for him on his birthday.  
  
“What, I can’t get you a present?” was what Jun had asked after seeing the look on Sho’s face.  
  
“It’s...it’s not that. I’m just—”  
  
“Unaccustomed to it,” Jun finished for him. He tugged Sho closer to him, lips brushing against Sho’s plump ones. “You’re not the only one who likes seeing the other in things they bought for them.”  
  
Sho hummed in fake wonder. “I wonder what that means.”  
  
“It means you’re mine,” Jun told him, kissing him sweet. “And the other way around.”  
  
That rest of that night resulted to one of the most intense marathon sex sessions in Jun’s life. To date.  
  
At present, Jun remains mostly on the receiving end of the gift-giving, save for special occasions. He doesn’t mind, though; he likes the idea of being doted on—being spoiled—as long as it’s Sho who does it.  
  
He chooses not to reply to Sho’s message and waits, smiling when another text flashes on his phone screen.  
  
_All right, I’m coming over tonight._  
  
Jun is not the slightest bit surprised at how things are unfolding, and he’s so happy that he’s able to ignore Sho’s fake resigned tone with that text.  
  
_And Jun?_  
  
_Yes?_  
  
_Happy birthday._  
  
Fuck it, Jun thinks, swallowing his pride. Sho always gets him the best gifts. This may be the best one yet, a fluffy companion that’ll keep him less lonely whenever Sho has to go somewhere else.  
  
He remembers Sho’s description of it earlier—a cloud—and thinks that Sho will likely approve if he names it Kintoun.  
  
The puppy licks his cheek as he types his reply, and Jun punctuates it with a heart emoji that he knows will make Sho happy.  
  
_Thank you Daddy._  
  
He can’t wait for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, there are RL references in this story and this is the short list:
> 
>   * The 1983 wine was Sho’s gift to Jun on Jun’s 20th birthday during How’s It Going? concert in 2003. A fancam of it exists. To my knowledge, the wine remained unopened even in 2005, something Jun mentioned in his old radio show, Jun Style.
>   * The helicopter was Sho’s 2011 gift to Jun, back when Iseya Yusuke introduced the things in Shiyagare and Jun said he wanted one. Sho talked about said gift in the subsequent magazines, even wondering if Jun played with it. Jun later confirmed receiving it in the 2013/08/15 Bet De Arashi Special.
>   * The blanket was one of Sho’s gifts to Jun in 2012, back when Jun was filming Lucky Seven. [Here](https://twitter.com/Banbi0125Rap/status/877857915108859904)’s the receipt.
>   * Sho booked a hotel room for Jun and he talked about doing so in Music Station, aired on 2014/04/18, back when Arashi was promoting Dare mo Shiranai.
>   * Nino gave Jun turtles as a birthday present, and on Jun’s 24th birthday, he received a happy birthday message from his mother along with photos of his turtles and the message: Your turtles have gotten a year older too.
>   * Toma and Jun often overlapped with their choices of clothing and accessories. Toma uses the same perfume as Jun’s and has the same cuff bracelet (240k yen last time I checked LOL)
>   * The electric massager was Sho’s gift to Jun for his 18th birthday.
>   * The necklace from Hawaii is the iconic $4k necklace Jun bought for himself.
>   * The matching aprons was inspired by the April issue of Monthly the Television. You can find the photos here: ([1](https://twitter.com/supaiii_silver/status/844827077438169089), [2](https://twitter.com/supaiii_silver/status/844827113223962625), [3](https://twitter.com/supaiii_silver/status/844829411664773120), [4](https://twitter.com/m_television/status/845138461661192193)).
>   * The line about Sho embodying enthusiasm is from Jun’s interview in Scene Dome.
>   * “We’re two halves of a whole,” is a quote by Sho in his June 2013 MORE interview. You can read a translation of it [here](http://say-it-again.livejournal.com/106728.html).
>   * “He’s good at acting spoiled because he has an elder sister, so he got me just like how he got others,” is another Sho quote about Jun.
>   * Sho called Jun “number one spoiled” in the 2011/10/15 Ousama no Brunch, shot in the height of Mannequin Five promotions.
>   * The cap and sneakers were things Jun bought for Sho as a birthday present when he and Ohno went to Las Vegas for Shiyagare.
> 

> 
> Chapter 6 of this thing has its own theme song, which is Of Monsters and Men’s Love Love Love, aka the song I put on loop to get into Jun’s headspace at that point in the story. [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beiPP_MGz6I)’s the lyric video.
> 
> The title of this story is from Snow Patrol’s Engines which summarizes the entire fic for me. The part that has the title is what I call "the Jun inspo".
> 
> Lastly, to the concept artist of the I’ll be there PV, thanks for the imagery. To Di who’s been wonderful to torture in DMs, I hope you enjoyed this almost 90k story. To everyone who followed this—whether you commented here or on LJ or simply pressed that kudos button—y’all are great. I’m always on twitter if you feel like chatting me up.
> 
> ETA: This story got a lovely graphic post from sandralovesyou on tumblr, which you can check out [here](http://sandralovesyou.tumblr.com/post/162655901310/fanfic-meme64907-silvered-gold-of-dying-days-he).
> 
> ETA (12/14/2017): Twitter user eggrater made a graphic for this story, which you can check out right [here](http://twitter.com/eggrater/status/941118874954612736)! Thank you!!
> 
> ETA (01/04/2018): Twitter user kerrrrupuk created [this awesome video](https://twitter.com/kerrrrupuk/status/948770519943434240) which was somewhat inspired by this fic! This truly made my day, thank you!


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